Make me laugh or the ice cream gets it
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The teacher gave an assignment to her fifth grade class :
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left.
"Janie, do you have a story to share?'
''Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.
''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?
"Stay away from Mommy when she's drunk."0 -
^ LMAO0
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Damnit. Still funny but double post
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My kids at school tried to get this joke on me Thursday.
How many eggs can a rooster lay?
I told htem NONE Roosters dont lay eggs.
They are only in 3rd grade.0 -
Go back and read my poop post. lol. Or look at Memebase!0
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Last one...
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There is clearly a typo on this picture. The "yes" and "no" are obviously inverted!0 -
Lol, love it!0 -
There is clearly a typo on this picture. The "yes" and "no" are obviously inverted!
clearly0 -
My kids at school tried to get this joke on me Thursday.
How many eggs can a rooster lay?
I told htem NONE Roosters dont lay eggs.
They are only in 3rd grade.
Ha. I remember those days.0 -
So there's this frog and he needs some cash, quick. He knows he'll need collateral, so he searches his apartment. All he can find is this fancy little ornament that was left to him by his aunt.
He takes it with him and heads for the bank.
After a short wait, the frog is shown into the loans officer's office. The name plate on the desk reads, "Patrick Whack".
"Mr. Whack", the frog said, "I really need some money. Can you help me out?"
The loans officer considered and asked what he could put up as collateral, but seemed hesitant when the frog presented the ornament. The frog looked desperate, so he said he would speak to his supervisor.
The bank manager listened as the officer explained the frog's request and showed him the trinket the frog brought for collateral. "What should I do?" asked the loans officer.
The bank manager smiled and said...wait for it......
"It's a knick-knack, Paddy Whack! Give the frog a loan!"0 -
I'd appreciate if you didn't record me when I am practicing my squats.
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Recently I got them on
Say fork, fork, fork, fork, fork, fork, fork, fork,
What do you eat soup with? Fork NOPE a spoon.
Say milk, milk, milk, milk, milk,
What do cows drink. MILK Nope they drink water.
Knock, Knock.
Who's there,
Interupting cow.
Interrupting cow who (during which you start going MOOOO)0 -
The teacher gave an assignment to her fifth grade class :
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left.
"Janie, do you have a story to share?'
''Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.
''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?
"Stay away from Mommy when she's drunk."
That is awesome!!!!0 -
My parents gave my son a set of a 100 balls for Christmas. We wanted to see if there was a 100, so I sat down with a permanent marker putting each number on them. Well, there were only 98 of them, so my niece and nephew put them all on the couch to make sure I didn't miss any. (I didn't.) Then my son got up from his nap and my niece was sitting under the part where the balls were, and my son being the nothing on the couch boy he is, started throwing them off, just scooping them with his arm into the floor, she looked at him and said, "Not feeling the love!" as they kept pelting her. Then later that day, Alex was playing with them at home, while I was talking to my favorite aunt, and I say, "Alex stop hitting your balls." My aunt bust out laughing, and I said, "I guess that didn't come out sounding right....... "0
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Read this in Night Fall by Nelson DeMille. I don't take credit.
Jeffery Dahmer and his mom are eating lunch. His mom says, "Jeffery, I don't like your friends." Jeffery replies back, "Well, Mom, just eat the vegetables then."0 -
Last one...
I want this child to be mine.0 -
Ok. I'm not really going to attack the ice cream, and no one is responsible for my diet but me. But, I could use a good laugh right about now. So, whatcha got?
The title and this were hilarious to me. lol0 -
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Last one...
OMG! LMAO!0 -
pfft... who ever made this obviously doesn't know anything about mistletoe.0 -
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Ha ha!! My dad told me this one too, but he said the frogs name was Kermit Jagger.. The punch line was "Its a knick-knack Paddy Whack! Give the frog a loan! His old man was a Rolling Stone!"So there's this frog and he needs some cash, quick. He knows he'll need collateral, so he searches his apartment. All he can find is this fancy little ornament that was left to him by his aunt.
He takes it with him and heads for the bank.
After a short wait, the frog is shown into the loans officer's office. The name plate on the desk reads, "Patrick Whack".
"Mr. Whack", the frog said, "I really need some money. Can you help me out?"
The loans officer considered and asked what he could put up as collateral, but seemed hesitant when the frog presented the ornament. The frog looked desperate, so he said he would speak to his supervisor.
The bank manager listened as the officer explained the frog's request and showed him the trinket the frog brought for collateral. "What should I do?" asked the loans officer.
The bank manager smiled and said...wait for it......
"It's a knick-knack, Paddy Whack! Give the frog a loan!"0 -
Bump0
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The teacher gave an assignment to her fifth grade class :
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left.
"Janie, do you have a story to share?'
''Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.
''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?
"Stay away from Mommy when she's drunk."
HAHAHAH omg0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMltvlqEM54
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