Career VS Man?

RashmiKos

Hi all,

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. He is 28 and I am 22. He is ready to settle down with me, probably within the next year or two. I, on the other hand would like to be surer of my career before I get married.

I am a trained actor and I teach Speech and Drama. It was always my dream to make it as a Bollywood actress. He does not want me to pursue it as it is a dirty business - lots of desperate actresses sleep with directors to get casted. He encourages me study further, work and to continue to do theatre and at the same time, establish myself as a flamenco dancer. He does not want to be in a long distance relationship either - bad experience with ex girlfriend.

I am starting to find that my boyfriend is more worth it than pursuing Bollywood. There are also a few ladies in my family who are hitting their 30s and 40s and wished they hadn't sacrificed the man for their careers. I do not want to end up like them.

I would like to hear from single, married, divorced, young and old women and men.

What's your take on Career VS Man?

em9371

At the end of the day only you can decide! Is there no way you can have both, surely your bf will understand that you would not 'sleep your way' into parts?
I was always going to be a vet which would have meant around 7 years at college a long way from home, i met dom when i was 15, moved in together at 18, got an office job and now 30 and happily married! I still think sometimes it would have been nice to be a vet but there is no way I would have left Dom for it and now have a good job working from home so all worked out well!

brendabuckeye

I am 38 years old, married for almost 15 years, and we have 3 terrific boys that are the center of my world, and I am a licensed Professional Engineer. I could have stayed in the big city, furthered my career, gotten a master's degree, etc., but instead I got married and worked for two years before having my first child. I was fortunate enough to have some time off with my boys around the birth of my 3rd son due to my company closing. I have been back at work full time for 7 years now, but when it comes down to it, I would walk away tomorrow if I could be with my kids more. Thankfully my current company is understanding of family first - such a blessing for me. What I have is sometimes a real struggle to balance, but while my career is nowhere near the fast track, I do get to do meaningful work, and I do get to be with my kids as much as possible while carrying a full-time job. What I have is pretty special. That doesn't mean it is what is right for you, though.

Take a look and write down where you want to be in 5 years from now, then write down where you want to be in 10 years. See if those goals match up - if the 5 year goals relate well to the 10 year goals. Do you see yourself in 10 years with this person? It sounds like he is pretty special. Is Bollywood going to fit your 10 year goals? Take a step back and look at the big picture. Can you both give a little to make both of you happy? Is he genuine person, and are you two equals? Do you make a great team? It sounds like he does consider your dancing as a part of you, so he values that - is there a balance the two of you can find?

One word of warning, though, getting married is one thing, but having a baby will change your life in ways you can't foresee. With a good partner in life, it is absolutely amazing, but with a bad one it could break your spirit - but you can't let it if you have a child. That little life you bring into the world will make you see everything a little differently and that is something you can't write down on paper. 15 years ago I had a plan of how my life would be and a great partner/husband. Now I see my career as almost a fill-in for when the kids are grown. I thought I could have a great career and the family would just happen, but now I have a great family and the career, well, it might happen. Life evolves. Good luck. I hope you find the right choice for you.

teagin2002

I am 31, have been married for 4 years now. I understand you infatuation with the Bollywood seen, but I agree with your fiance it is not a healthy environment for a married couple or to raise a family.
I actually finished college before marriage, but there is no reason why you can't after.
My bachelor's is in mathematics and my career is in HR project management. I had to leave my job a few months back to relocate with my hubby I just missed him too much

My advice, I am Arab and hubby is Indian, follow your sweetie's advice as long as you know he is reliable. You will have no regrets as long as he allows you a career you can get satisfaction and fulfillment in. Definitely pursue a career as it will help both of you achieve your financial goals, but make sure it is a conducive environment for your family and what you want for your children as well as your husband.

Even though I am at home for now, I am very happy because I have someone in my life I can rely on and trust.

Wishing you the best

cessnaholly

I would definitely pick my man over my career if it came to that. In the end, I'm married to him, committed to him and am making my life with him. While work is a big part of my time, it is just a means to an end - having enough money to eat, have a place to live, etc. So long as I can not be miserable at work, I'll do pretty much whatever to pay the bills.

My husband recently was diagnosed with MS and I've had to learn that family is more important than work. Family is precious. And work is secondary. It is a hard lesson to learn and it has taken me a couple of years to get that perspective. I'm going to grow old with my husband and children so I'd better put in the time and effort into them and less time into work.

Really, when I'm 90 am I going to wish that I spent more time developing my career or with my family. I'm grappling that right now. Do I want to stay where I am at a dead-end position with good health insurance and flexibility or work to develop my career and skills? It is a tough decision.

Have to do what feels right for you. Personally, I'm having trouble choosing but it looks like I'm going to choose family over work.

Ocarina

I totally can relate. Except that the only reason why I'm not working full time blowing off college and giving up is because of my husband. He works his @$$ off so I can pursue my dream of a Bachelors degree then a Masters degree! We are going so far as to living on campus! We are sincerely blessed in every way to be able to do this and do it so well. He has a phenomenal job where he feels like he's making a difference working in technology and an amazing schedule where we see each other all the time. I get to go to a wonderful school and get my butt through school with good grades. I also am working as well but work on campus and am paying off student loans or whatever else with it. You can totally do career growth and be with the love of your life. That's why they love you and they should see education as an investment towards your future and happiness. Never push away your dreams or your feelings for someone because it seems easier. Always go for the hard to do effort of working for it and accomplish your goals.

HollieDoodles

Life is short. You don't know how long you have on this earth. I say, choose what you love. If it's a career (that doesn't love you back, btw) then go for it.... if it's him, go for it with gusto!

firesoforion

Well, seems to me like you should be able to have both. I've always been of the opinion that if your SO is trying to control you in a way that forces you to make the decision (I mean he's got to trust you enough to know you wouldn't sleep w/ directors, etcetera, and if you want to do it, perhaps give a specific amount of time you'd like to devote to giving Bollywood your best shot, and then if it won't work, you'll come back and do the flamenco?). Is it a dream or just a career path you've thought about for a while? If it's a dream, seems like he should be *supporting* you in pursuing it, not dissuading you. On the other hand, you could wind up regretting not staying with him, but a relationship should be more of an equal partnership, so it doesn't seem you should have to choose. :-/

LeanMeanFitnessMachine

You have to do whats best for you - no one else can give you the answer to this question. You know in your heart what the right decision is.

dragonbait0126

I'm going to disagree with the majority here and say you should not choose your man over your career. One should not have to be sacrificed for the other. It's one thing if you CHOOSE to give one up. It's another to be forced to give up your dream career because he doesn't like it. If you wanted to be a cop would he tell you no? What if you wanted to be any other type of actress aside from Bollywood? My issue with his reasoning is that it sounds like he doesn't trust you. Yes, there may be others that sleep their way into parts but that doesn't mean that you will. If he truly trusts and loves you then he should know that you are not that type of person. This is a decision that only you can make but my advice would be to sit down with him and have a honest and open discussion. Let him know that you understand his concerns but also emphasize that marraige and a relationship are built on trust. I don't know that I could be withone who didn't support me 100% and feared that I would become another statistic in whatever path I chose instead of believing that I could acheive my goals without having to get there on my back.

BTW, I moved 2300 miles across country at 19 to be with my husband. I gave up my plan of finishing college and obtaining a law degree but that was MY choice. Not his. We've now been together got 13.5 years and married for 1.5 years. I recently finished my Bachelor's degree, have a career with a myriad of directions I can choose to go in, and love what I do. It worked out for the best but it was MY choice and one that I made for myself and not because someone else wanted me to make that particular decision.

One final thought. Look deep inside yourself. If you choose to sarifice either your man or your dream career, will you regret doing so? Would you come to hate your man for making you give up your dream or would you come to despise your career because you lost the man you love for it?

sunkisses

I don't even think there is a decision. You can still pursue your acting career while you're married. What's he going to do, divorce you over it? Just take the straight and narrow path toward your dream, keep him informed, and see how it goes. I'm failing to see the "either or" decision here.

xtinalovexo

"Your career won't wake up one morning and tell you it doesn't love you anymore." -Lady Gaga