Is this a bad idea?

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  • pupcamper
    pupcamper Posts: 415 Member
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    I do agree with the idea, why waste your time on people who don't care but I would also have to caution you - there may be a reason why some of these people can't make the effort right now, they may be going through a tough time with something you don't know about and may not be ready to share! Sometimes life can get in the way of the things we would really like to do. Just make sure you are burning the right bridges!!
  • jnite
    jnite Posts: 108 Member
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    I adopted this philosophy about 15 years ago. It's wonderful with all the drama gone. But one thing is you don't have to burn any bridges, I've found that you can just let go and move on and if they want to contact you again they will. It is especially tough when it is a close friend or family, but life moves on and people change, such is life and enjoy them while they are there and remember the good times.
  • juleseybaby
    juleseybaby Posts: 712 Member
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    I go back and forth on this issue.

    I keep being hurt by people that do not make an effort and I keep thinking I have made the decision to stop being the one to always invite, organize, reach out, etc. and then I am reminded that it is partially about expectations. I have high expecations of those I call my friends. They may not think as highly of me or expect near as much from those that they call friends.

    So - I am trying to not expect as much. At the same time - I will reach out when they cross my mind, even if it is just a quick text or FB message.
  • LeanMeanFitnessMachine
    LeanMeanFitnessMachine Posts: 659
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    A relationship is a two way street - whether its a romantic partner, a friendship, or a family member. If they can't reciprocate your efforts to stay in touch and offer you support when you need it, you have every right to cut them out of your life. If they care about you, they'll come back into your life and you can welcome them with open arms.

    I've had to learn this the hard way with many of my old high school friends.
  • MelissaE27
    MelissaE27 Posts: 682 Member
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    No I dont think it is a bad idea... You come to realize who truly are friends and who truly cares about you... I Myself have done a total *wipe out* of friends and acquaintances.. I had something traumatic happen in my life when I needed friends more than ever and guess what?? no where to be found.. I had to endure alone and guess what? when they needed me I was always there no matter what... but now ...Im not going to be that door mat anymore... its true.. what you say:

    There comes a point in your life when you realize:
    Who matters,
    Who never did,
    Who won’t anymore…
    And who always will.
    So, don’t worry about people from your past,
    there’s a reason why they didn’t make it to your future.
  • AnnaPixie
    AnnaPixie Posts: 7,439 Member
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    Personally, I think there are people that organise and people that don't! That's what I've found amongst my circle of friends. Its always the odd few that make the effort and the others will follow most of the time, or they are busy with their work, family, crisis, whatever!

    I would only draw the line if someone doesnt ever respond. Then I would think they really have no interest in me or the social group/activities/lifestyle.

    Same thing for contact. Some people are just bad at keeping in touch......doesnt mean they dont like/love you! One of my best friends would openly admit she is bad at keeping in touch, but I know she would be devastated if she never heard from her friends. I guess what happens is she can go longer without thinking about it. So it 'seems' like I am the one to always ring/text first, but really its just that my life isnt as full as hers? Its never an issue anyhow, cos I do find that I have other friends that always call ME first.....swings and roundabouts!!

    Now if someone is always causing drama/issues/arguments/hating..........then those are the people I drop quite easily. But that's a different question, I think?

    Good luck on what you decide. Perhaps you can even ask the people you're thinking of dropping why they never contact you?? :flowerforyou:
  • Misiaxcore
    Misiaxcore Posts: 659 Member
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    I've had that mindset since high school lol. If people don't make an effort with me, I don't bother.
  • ice1200s
    ice1200s Posts: 237 Member
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    Wow! So many of you have been/are going through the same thing. My plan is, to contact everyone after the holidays, and then it’s their turn to contact me. Those that do, I’ll reciprocate to the same extent they do. Those that do not, I’ll take that as an indication that it’s time to move on from them. For different reasons, I had to do this with my family about twenty years ago. It was the right thing to do, as I immediately felt better and have been at peace with that decision ever since. I did this with my son, and it took three years, but he finally came around. Unfortunately, he seems to be regressing again. Apparently, he and my daughter-in-law think a text message and a Christmas card fulfilled their obligation for the holidays. I’m sure a call will come when they realize they haven’t gotten their Christmas present from me yet. I intend to extend this line of thinking to my Facebook account as well, which I consider a disgusting excuse for not picking up the phone, sending an E-mail or whatever. Thanx for all your input, it tells me I just might be normal after all.  Ciao, Marc
  • livnlite
    livnlite Posts: 520
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    A relationship is a two way street - whether its a romantic partner, a friendship, or a family member. If they can't reciprocate your efforts to stay in touch and offer you support when you need it, you have every right to cut them out of your life. If they care about you, they'll come back into your life and you can welcome them with open arms.

    I've had to learn this the hard way with many of my old high school friends.

    To me that is a bit harsh .. If people grow apart (usually because their lives suddenly take a different direction), then friendships kind of wain...it's perfectly normal. The friends you 'hung around with' in grade school (for instance), were probably different than they were in high school, then college, and so on. After you hook up with a partner and start your life with a whole new group of friends, old 'friends' and 'aquantances' just become less part of the everyday rountine.Remember, you can still enjoy the company of casual friends .. you don't have to drop them completely and rudely give them a cold shoulder if you happen to bump into them later in life.

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