I Lost A Friend Tonight =(

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24

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  • yaddayaddayadda
    yaddayaddayadda Posts: 430 Member
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    Sorry about your situation...

    I am sure that deep down your friend knows that you spoke truthfully and from the heart. If she is honest with herself, she will appreciate your desire to help her and take your advice.

    She may not be able to do that, but I bet she will not hold a grudge for long. True friends are hard to find, and I bet your friendship will survive. :ohwell:
  • sars_68
    sars_68 Posts: 308 Member
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    I think you have done so well in trying to help her for so long.

    Only she can decide to make the effort to change. If she is happy as she is then fine - but she obviously isn't if she moans to you all the time. Y

    ou have said what you said out of love and concern for her wellbeing. Hopefully she will realise this in time, but if not then I don't think she's a 'friend' you need to be around.

    Don't beat yourself up over it - hard I know, but you've done your best.

    Hugs xx
  • sars_68
    sars_68 Posts: 308 Member
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    I think you have done so well in trying to help her for so long.

    Only she can decide to make the effort to change. If she is happy as she is then fine - but she obviously isn't if she moans to you all the time. Y

    ou have said what you said out of love and concern for her wellbeing. Hopefully she will realise this in time, but if not then I don't think she's a 'friend' you need to be around.

    Don't beat yourself up over it - hard I know, but you've done your best.

    Hugs xx
  • BetterWithAge
    BetterWithAge Posts: 693
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    Maybe she is just hurt right now. Let her stew for awhile. Trust ME, I KNOW she is thinking about what you said. It has happened to me. I bet she will come around. Your words may not temp her to change now, but it will at some point. Hugs to you.

    This is so true. She may be mad, hurt and upset, but I am quite certain that she is thinking about what you said. Hopefully, this will be her 'AHA!' moment that will point her in a healthier direction. Sometimes, the truth hurts and not many people are forward enough to tell people they care about what they are really thinking. You are an awesome friend for giving her the blunt truth.

    ((HUGS))
  • TinaLTaylor79
    TinaLTaylor79 Posts: 140 Member
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    You can only help a p[erson so much, but if they are not willing to help themselves, thats not your fault! You tried, you were honest and even though it was hard, told her what she needed to hear!!! Good for you, dont be to hard on yourself......maybe she will evetually clue in to all that you told her!!!!:) Kudos to you!!
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    Actually... I am so glad that your post ended with an argument because as I started to read it, I just knew it would end with her having a heart attack. Just give your friend some time. She doesn't want to face what she knows is true and you are making her. When she realizes that it is out of concern and love, she will come around. I don't know if you will be able to get her to change her ways. Maybe just try to lead by example. Ask her to take walks with you just to talk and hang out. Offer to split a salad or some other healthy food with her. Maybe you can just nudge her in the right direction.
  • seehawkmomma
    seehawkmomma Posts: 815
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    I thought you were going to say she had a heart attack :[ I hope she realizes it for herself before she really does & it's too late!

    Thats what I thought too.

    I know you were frustrated with her, but I remember one point in my life where all I could do is TALK about losing weight. I would still eat my crap while I dreamed of being skinny.

    I think what you told her was true and if you would like to mend it I would talk to her immediately. Let her know that you care for her as a friend but set up boundries.

    Tell her if you are going to stay friends than there are some things you dont want to hear until she can put actions with here words. But I wouldnt give up on her. She may be struggling more deeply than you know.
  • grobbygru
    grobbygru Posts: 295 Member
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    I thought you were going to say she had a heart attack :[ I hope she realizes it for herself before she really does & it's too late!

    Same here - exactly what I thought!!

    Is she actually a real friend if she is going to crack it over the truth??

    I had a friend that was whining about not being able to lose weight - I told her about here - she joined up - then the next day she was gone - then I noted over Xmas on facebook she was going on about her yummy chocolates she had got - so what it was - she didn't really want to do anything about her habits thru here or hard work - she was looking for a quick fix. I just don't bother with people like that - you can lead a horse to water...........................
  • Giraffe33991
    Giraffe33991 Posts: 434 Member
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    Don't worry, you have done what a good friend SHOULD do, just be there for her when she realises that you were just trying to save her life, she will probably be somewhere quiet licking her wounds and will be feeling hurt but she knows you told her the truth and as we all know, it hurts sometime.
    Sending you many hugs for being a good friend!:flowerforyou:

    I agree. She will probably come around and thank you when she starts losing weight. You are a good friend for saying what you said.
  • soccermum75
    soccermum75 Posts: 588 Member
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    So sorry to hear that. Sending you virtual hugs. You were trying to be a good friend but people have to be ready to change. It's like smoking, you can't make somebody quit smoking until they are ready. You can't make somebody lose weight until they are ready. Maybe you can just avoid the subject of weight loss for the moment. If you are real friends there are a thousand other things you could talk about instead.

    You are a true caring friend. She needs you.
  • karinaes
    karinaes Posts: 570 Member
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    woah.. i thought she had a heart attack.. "i lost a friend tonight :( " ..totally was going to give my condolences.
  • karinaes
    karinaes Posts: 570 Member
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    woah.. i thought she had a heart attack.. "i lost a friend tonight :( " ..totally was going to give my condolences.
  • 123fizz
    123fizz Posts: 14
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    All is not lost yet, she is more than likely just a bit upset because she heard what she knows to be the truth from somebody else. When she has thought about it she will realize that it had to be said. well done for doing the right thing for your friend, when she actually does something about her weight and manages to lose some of it you will be the first one she turns to for support and praise. Please don't worry, rather you lose her the way you have than lose her for good because her body gives in under all the strain - you did the right thing xxx
  • 12skipafew99100
    12skipafew99100 Posts: 1,669 Member
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    I'm sure she is off licking her wounts but she is thinking, thinking, thinking about what you said. She will come around and you will be friends again. Maybe nothing will change but you will still be there to sound off to. She'll know how you feel and that is honest. It may be 30 more false starts for her to REALLY do it but she will. You know she cares because she brings it up. BE patient. It will click and she will be off and running. And, you will be there to know you helped with a little tough love.:love: (((hugs )))
  • ScarletFyre
    ScarletFyre Posts: 754 Member
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    *hug* It's hard but you did what you needed to. You tried to give her all the help you possibly could...you can't do it all for her...what you said was true and right, and was, infact, tough love and it was necessary. Doesn't make possibly losing a friend easier, of course, but hopefully she'll think about what you said and it will give her the kick in the rear end she needs.

    it's a shame that she doesn't realize that you want to help her and wouldn't have gotten so upset if you didn't see that she is puttiner herself in danger

    and it's not fair for you to have to carry the burdon of her complaining about it, then she rejects your help

    I hope she comes to her senses and realizes the love with which you spoke to her
  • Usbornegal
    Usbornegal Posts: 601 Member
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    A true friend is one who can hold up a virtual mirror and show us what we really 'look' like - kind of like going to try on clothes an a dressing room and having to really look at what shape you are in! Yuck! She has a choice of either refusing to go do the 'dressing room' of hearing you tell the truth, or using it to motivate herself. THAT choice is hers alone. As a friend you gave her the options. If she is a true friend, she won't be lost to you.
  • SuperSnoopy
    SuperSnoopy Posts: 3,464 Member
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    You tried your best no friend can do anymore than that. There are only so many brick walls you can bang your head against. Well done for trying.
  • pucenavel
    pucenavel Posts: 972 Member
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    "...until you decide you want to change you won't."

    Most people don't like hearing this, but nothing is more true.
  • edaney
    edaney Posts: 4
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    You can only do so much and you need to look out for you too.Let her think about things and maybe what you said will let her know how much you care about her well being.My twin had a major heart attack and we almost lost her. All that saved her was the fact that she knew she was overweight and was working on it.She had lost 20 pounds and exercisng but hadn't yet given up smoking. Through hard work and determination she now a healthy person.
  • TriciaZ944
    TriciaZ944 Posts: 317 Member
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    I know it is hard but all you said to her was you being a good friend. Similar situation happened to me and we didn't speak for months but eventually she came around and ultimately told me she appreciated my honesty. If you were not honest with her she would going like she was... Now she knows how you feel and at the very least be more conscious of what she eats and does. She is going to want to change and when she does shell know you will be there to support her. It's tough being a good friend... I wish I had more friends like you who give out brutal honesty (typically I play that role). Good luck

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