Spouse support

petergarcia82

So does anyone actually get support from their spouse? My wife is not a small women but she is not really overweight either. She is always bringing in some type of desert and sweets. I have nicely asked her to not stop brining sweets in the house just don't bring so many at one time. She always says to me I am not going to stop and if you don't want to eat then don't. I have done well the past three months not eating it but it's pretty hard. She also would make comments about my weight before and now that I am doing everything I can to lose this weight she does not seem supportive. She get's annoyed with me that I won't go out to eat anytime she want's because I don't want to splurge on calories and go over. She get's annoyed with me that I look at every item in the grocery store to look at the label and calories. I go to the gym a lot and even added her but she will hardly go with me and when she does she want's me to only be there for a few minutes and then come home. She does not even get excited when I say hey I lost 3 pounds this week. About the only thing I have gotten from her is that I am looking better after losing 40+ pounds. Says she can notice the weight.

auctoritas

I do all the cooking in my house, so my SO didn't have a choice but to join me on my lifestyle change. There has been some griping and grousing and whining but he's lost a lot of weight. Our food plan is pretty simple, but it took him a while to get the hang of. Fortunately he was never big on sweets, and the only thing he really misses is pizza.

He still whines, of course, but he's kept me on track the few times I've wanted to stray.

I'm really sorry about your wife, and you might want to sit down and talk with her about respecting your personal goals. Marriage is a give and take situation, and she needs to remember that she's not the only person in the world. =/

pupcamper

My husband has been great! He will ask me before he sits and eats 'junk' food in front of me - thankfully I am usually feeling strong and he gets to eat it anyway but I appreciate that he cares enough to think it may bother me! He will change his schedule to let me go to the gym if it helps to make sure I get there on busy days. He complements me on how well I am doing or how I look and we will sometimes work out, go hiking etc together! He's over a foot taller so he doesn't have to be as careful about what he eats, but he's been very supportive and I really appreciate it. Just wish sometimes he would have told me that I was putting on a bit too much weight - but he's probably not that stupid!! lol


Do you think your wife may be a bit jealous of your progress? Have you been supportive of her feelings/fears?? Or do you think you have been a food and diet bore!! Maybe you can talk about it and meet in the middle and both get on the same track!

petergarcia82

I do most of the cooking as well but nights I get busy at work or just tired her thing is let's go out even though she knows I would rather stay in and something better.

leannems

This is super tough. My spouse is generally supportive, but he's also sort of "naturally thin" so he can eat pretty much anything and maintain. When I really ask him to, he will agree not to bring food in the house, but then he hides it in the car - and I feel pretty bad about that.

What we have started doing is portion controlling any junk food he brings in the house. For some reason, when it's in the little ziplock with a sad 12 chips in it - I tend not to eat it. He knows he can go and grab 5 of those things and still be fine, but it discourages me a bit.

We also go out to eat a lot, but I've found I can actually do it with MFP by planning my meal. We try to stick to healthier options (fish places, or places where I can get a reasonable salad or meat and veggies), and I do A LOT of researching restaurants which have nutritional guides online, If you check my diary, some days you'll see the whole day filled out by 11. That's because I know we're going to dinner, and I've already researched the restaurant to see what I'm going to eat, and plugged it in so I know my calorie limits the rest of the day.

It's a lot of work, and sometimes it makes me feel obsessed with food, but it's the only way I feel like I can eat out and be responsible.

petergarcia82

Wife wanted to go to Olive garden a week ago. I spent a good 12 minutes online looking at calories before we even went so I could figure out a good meal that would not throw me over. Most of the times she is fine with the places I pick because she can get anything but I can't mention to her about my meal with calories or anything she gets annoyed so I have just learned to do it and not say anything.

Awesome that you have a supportive spouse.

cherridawnn

Yeah, I know how you feel. He's not quite my spouse, but we live together. He thinks that losing weight is easy. His advice to me was stop eating a cracker and getting a drink during morning break and the weight will fall off. That may be how he does it, but I do not get a cracker for a morning snack (nor have I ever) as a habit and I quit drinking soft drinks with sugar at least 15 years ago.
Thanks, honey. :ohwell:

Legalchica

HAHAHA sounds like my husband. No support and actually does the opposite.... then gets mad when I dont want to eat the junk he brings home.... but he eats cookies every day for breakfast.....

cryspetstalerson

My husband is VERY supportive however, one thing that really bugs me is that he would rather run to get fast food than run to the store. I have a lot of medical issues, so it is hard for me to go by myself to the store. So I am stuck with whatever he is in the mood for. Then he complains about eating out all the time lol. It makes me mad and drives me crazy. I need to put my foot down more.

snookumss

I wouldn't know what to do if my Honey weren't supportive. He has pulled me through the worst plateau tear-filled sessions ever! It took me months to lose any weight at some points. But he makes sure I know I have done well. Sometimes, its when I don't ask for the compliment that he surprises me The only part that sucks, is my Honey is MUCH larger and has no intentions on eating better because of his powerlifting goals. He has seriously pulled over in fast food parking lots so I can log my food and find something to fit my macros before we go into the drive thru, he has dealt with me not coming to bed and making protein drinks first and working extra so I could sneak off to the gym randomly. He is really supportive, even though I know sometimes my frequency talking about it has annoyed him in the past, he is still there for me no matter what. Honestly, if he weren't supportive I probably would have left him.

kacbldmm07

Mine is much like yours, but I do not let it bother me. This is my life style change not theirs so I just keep everything to myself. Sometimes I will say hey, you know I have lost a total of 85 lbs this week. He will be like good job.... but that is all I get. He never says OMG you look amazing or anything, but he never has and why should I expect it now. How I feed my ego I guess is, guys look at me. Not saying I like it, but they do. If they do that means I am doing a great job and should keep it up. EGO IS FED... If my husband wants to go out I log the items I am eating before we leave. I go online and look at their meals. He is used to it, he used to give me crap but now a year later he is used to the fact that I count calories. I wish I got more feed back from him, but I don't and its ok. I will just share my joys with my MFP friends A part of me thinks he is jealous that I have gone from a size 16 to a 6. He is not super over weight, but could stand to lose a few. I am dedicated and he isn't.

rileamoyer

Thank you God for my supportive husband. However it is really a give and take situation. I try and get him to eat healthier (he is terrible at it) and he doesn't complain much. But - I still have the temptations in the house, which is my control issue, not his. Actually I have to bag up treats separately for him and hide them in various parts of the cupboards, because he will eat an entire batch of cookies from bed time to breakfast if I don't. We tend to order a meal to split if we eat out and want something decadent (like the awesome Monte Cristos or Steak Tips at a couple eateries). It works well for us. edit: Plus he is extremely free with the complements about how great I look - what a guy!

Firebird_Rising

My wife has been quite happy with my progress and efforts to drop the weight. But, like it seems a lot of us are going through, she isn't overweight like I am. Therefore, she continues to enjoy junk food and orders what she likes at restaurants and likes to bake treats every so often. My willpower is quite strong though, so resisting at this point is not hard. She also does get quite annoyed at my tendency to grab my phone, or jump online right after a meal to make sure I enter everything I ate (before I forget something).

I have to admit, though, despite having her (and others in the real world) being supportive of my goals, it often does feel though like I am "one against the world".

beckysiz

It sounds to me like she may be jealous. Maybe she wants you to lose the weight, but now you are spending all this time on something that she isn't a part of. If a big part of your relationship was eating out/food and now that it gone she might be feeling sad. Could you suggest going on a date that doesn't involve food? Try paying more attention to her or asking her to join you at the gym?

bbbbb33333

Yes, in general my wife is very supportive. Very encouraging when I loose. She does all the cooking and frequently makes me salads to go with the meal. She is very supportive of me working out.

The only real issue is bringing in sweets. It is not to many, but stuff like a dozen doughnuts every so often. Temptation I don't need. Would you bring in a 1/5 of wiskey and leave it on the counter when there is a alcholic in the house?

At least I can put it in the cabinet and not seeing it helps

Shoechick5

My husband is really good. We eat mostly the same things but he'll have a bigger portion and less veggies..he hates veggies. We go for long hikes on the weekends together and I go the gym at lunch times. Weekly weigh ins, he'll be interested and congratulate me, or console me whichever it is that week. He;s a grown man, I'm not going to dictate what he eats. If he still wants to bring little bags of chips in the house for his lunch, I'll live. He's not perfect though, I did ask him last night what he wanted for dinner tonight and he said pizza :devil:

EuphonyChloeH

I do the cooking for my partner, but he will want to go out at least a few nights a week. I think he does it to give me a break, but honestly I don't mind cooking most of the time. I have learned to say no when he goes to certain places or when I feel I should really just make myself dinner.

brock1978

My wife is small. Says she is 5-6, but I'd but her more in the 5-4 1/2 to 5-5 category. She weighs about 140-ish (now 155-160, still trying to lose some pregnancy weight). She supports me to the end of the earth. She is my biggest fan and cheerleader. I'm blessed.

mister_universe

The reality is that you may be alone for awhile. Part of the whole journey is figuring out whether you are strong enough to do it, and strong enough to love your spouse anyway for who they are. It may take quite some time for your lifestyle change to begin to rub off on her.

My wife and I have nearly always had competing goals. She wanted to lose, I wanted to gain. She does the shopping, so there would be almost nothing in the house to add meat/protein calories with...it was frustrating at times. But guess what? I'm a big boy, I can go to the store, too.

There will be times that you will want different things than she does. But try to stop yourself short when it comes to the things you can actually control, instead of piling the blame for that on her.

edit: beckysiz has some good advice as well. Applies not just to weight loss, but to many other things. A friend of mine once became much less religious over the period of a year or so, and it introduced some real issues into his marriage. Funny thing was that he was actually a better person, but the foundational lifestyle changes made a mess of his marriage.

USCEE77

A healthy lifestyle is a value you both must share or else you'll both become frustrated with each other. My wife and I are on the same page, however, we don't necessarily diet or exercise together. Fortunately we're not into deserts, but she will cook a balanced meal when she knows I'm trying to lose weight. Be patient with her, but stay true to your diet and exercise regimen, eventually you'll become a positive influence on her.

annabellj

oh man your wife and my husband need to get together! exactly the same! hates that i spend two hrs a day at the gym, pissed that i dont wanna eat out, hates me on the computer all the time with this hobby, brings crap in the house all the time, hates that i get hit on right in front of him now! the other day on of his co-workers said, "how in god's name did you get her to marry you?" lol he has no interest what so ever in getting healthy although heart issues run in his family and he carries around 40 lbs of extra weight in his gut! I got a gym membership last yr and then he said ok i will sign up, then proceeded to complain the entire time that he went with me for a whole two wks! 500 bucks down the drain as we pre paid the damn thing! ugh! and is constantly asking me to go get him ice cream or whatever so he doesnt have to get his *kitten* off the couch! Then as I have been losing steadily hasnt said jack about how good I look! I finally just kept up with making healthy meals, he usually goes back for 2nds although his plate is full and it should be way more than enough food for the night! I am just going about this for me, not for him and try not to worry about it any more.I never say anything about his weight because I would never want him to do that to me and it doesnt help anyone anyway.If he is ok being unhappy and miserable with back issues, low energy, very little sex drive, and a sucky attitude about life there really isnt much I can do about it! I just take care of me and make sure my kids eat healthy also.

USCEE77

Doughnuts! Are you kidding me!!! This is why there is a pandemic of obesity in the USA - fast food, sugared water and doughnuts. Your analogy is spot on, take those doughnuts straight to the trash can.

iceqieen

mine didnt like it at first - thought I was going to force him to count calories and stop eating his chocolate and pizza. Took an argument and a talk but now he's being supportive especially after the hard work started to show some results. he would still let me pig out, and wants pizza and other unhealthy foodsies - but at least he compliments me and encourages me in doing better at the gym.

i know its harder to do than say, but just ignore the trash food the SO brings. and have a good talk. if your SO still cant accept your changes then there's something more going on than you trying to loose weight.

jfcarlson713

This is YOUR journey. My husband is the origianl junk food junky. He can eat it and not gain as his job is extremely physical. I have never asked him to change his eating habits because I have a problem with self-control. He does comment on how good I'm looking (lost 45 lbs since May 15th) and he doesn't think I need to loose any more. About a year ago he started taking a medication that prohibits him from drinking alcohol. He has never asked me to stop having a beer when I want one. In fact, when I say something he has absolutely no problem with having a soft drink while I have a beer. Why should I ask him to stop having Cheetos if he hasn't asked me to stop having beer.

petergarcia82

This is YOUR journey. My husband is the origianl junk food junky. He can eat it and not gain as his job is extremely physical. I have never asked him to change his eating habits because I have a problem with self-control. He does comment on how good I'm looking (lost 45 lbs since May 15th) and he doesn't think I need to loose any more. About a year ago he started taking a medication that prohibits him from drinking alcohol. He has never asked me to stop having a beer when I want one. In fact, when I say something he has absolutely no problem with having a soft drink while I have a beer. Why should I ask him to stop having Cheetos if he hasn't asked me to stop having beer.

I get what your saying. And I am doing it on my own but a little support is nice. Do you go out and stock your liquor cabinet with tons of alcohol? If so if your husband only asked for you to only keep a few would you do it? Are you annoyed if he talks about his medication or symptoms that follow it?

andezz99

My wife and I are luckily in sync, we've both lost a lot of weight together in the past but have both put on the pounds recently. We are doing this thing together again and pushing each other at the gym, when we eat and everywhere in between. I'm lucky to have a supportive partner.

It can be frustrating for both of you when your not on the same page whether it's diet, exercise, raising kids, or managing money. It would be great if she joined you, there are many benefits, improved love life, new activities,and more. Maybe you need to offer up a cheat day once a week to enjoy a splurge with her and in return she supports your weekly exercise and diet routine.

A splurge once a week won't kill you and in some ways it will keep you sane.

evonday

When I first started, my boyfriend supported me 100%. He helped me abstain from snacks, and he ended up losing about 40ish pounds himself by eating when I ate. He ate slightly bigger portions or maybe had a beer, but for the most part, he was really awesome. If I didn't feel like working out, he would push me to go to the gym, and we'd work out together.

We ended up taking a 3 month break due to family loss, birthdays, anniversaries, Halloween and Thanksgiving, but we are now 2 weeks back on track. We both gained back a little. He liked being thinner and when I said I wanted to get back on track, he was even more willing to support me. So now we're both trying to eat healthier and be more active.

I honestly don't think I could have lost as much as I have without him.

leannems

This is off topic, but evonday, i your weight-loss tracker.

VanessaMFaulkner

My husband does support me, actually he tries to watch he eats as well. We do go out & eat a lot, but its always my choice as to where so that we go somewhere I can eat I think, personally that even with losing weight one shouldn't keep his or herself "kept away." You have to learn how to be able to go out in public & make healthy decisions. I'm sorry your wife doesn't support you

jlr_12

When I first started (which was only 2 months ago), my boyfriend wasn't very supportive at all. He was supposed to join a weight loss competition with my friends and I...so he did eat whatever healthier meals I made, and tried not to bring treats home...but that didn't last long at all. After a week or 2 he was asking me to pick up treats every time I went to the grocery store (and for the holidays I obliged, but that's stopping). The thing he was least supportive of was counting calories. He would get VERY annoyed every time I went on the computer to track, and definitely didn't like talking about it. He preferred not to know what was in the food he was eating. He hasn't made much progress at all with his own weight loss, but he HAS become MUCH more supportive of mine. He gets excited for me when I tell him my loss for the week, he motivates me to work out, and he doesn't seem to complain as much about my tracking (though maybe that's because I do it less when we're spending time together..). I know he doesn't want to talk about how many calories are in everything we eat, so I don't do it as much. Like many others have said, it's a lot of give and take. I'm happy with how much he's come around, and hopefully your wife will start to as well!

petergarcia82

Wife and i were discussing some items while i was getting ready to head to the gym. she was getting kind of upset so i said i am going to go to the gym and we can talk more. Then she says go to the gym its all u do anyway. Before this she used to complain because i work from home i should get out. Now she complains because i am at the gym an hour a day if that and the gym is only a 3 min drive. Its funny because before i started losing weight she said i should and now that i do and get out of the house she is mad. I can't win. Well no matter what i will still go to the gym and lose weight this crap will just make me that much stronger.