Slumped and Sad

rhichi

I'm having troubles, healthies. To wit, I hit a plateau a few months ago and now I have no self-control or motivation to continue eating right and exercising. I think I'm getting depressed over the fact that I can't eat what I want and I don't want to have to work out for the sake of working out.

I've tried everything I can think of to motivate myself. I set up a food budget for eating out that I'm not supposed to go over (but did), went back to my food diary (which I don't keep up to date), and told Eric to police me (but then I just sneak food behind his back). I've tried mental tricks like focusing on my health, making a realistic goal, trying to find a piece of clothing I want to fit in to, etc. Nothing lasts more than a week or so, and after that it just seems like a bother and I get very upset that I have to go above and beyond just to feel and look healthy.

And it keeps creeping up. I start out doing really well, and then one day I say "oh, look, it's just one cookie, so it's ok." And then one cookie becomes two cookies the next day, and then cookies and chocolate, and then cookies and chocolate and three slices of pizza, until instead of having my normal "once a week" splurge day, I'm splurging every day.

It also doesn't help that Christmas was emotionally draining and now I'm feeling exhausted and sick and just have no energy to get up and do anything physical. I feel like a bear; all I want to do is lay around and eat all day and then go to sleep. I'm hungry all the time, no matter how much good, filling food I eat, and I'm neglecting water and vitamins again.

I was going to talk to my dietitian, but I forgot her name, can't find her online, and don't have the money to go see her or the insurance to see anyone else. Not to mention the fact that the last time she got me motivated, I still gave up on it after a few weeks, because apparently I really am that self-destructive.

I just don't know what to do anymore, because I've had this problem since I was really young. I have major problems building habits and routines, and after a while of doing something, I will begin to feel enslaved to the routine and go into this depressive slump where I make excuses and just lie around like a lump.

I'm hurting and upset at myself right now. My body knows what it needs, but my mind just won't listen.

surfygirl78

I can really relate to your post, I have 30kilos to loose and know that it will benefit me when I do this but starting seems huge, it's like i'm scared, scared of exercise, can't be consisitent with anything and being on one income makes eaeting healthy hard. Do you have any good close friends that could help you?

xxoo

rhichi

I do have a bunch of good friends, and my fiance (the Eric that I mentioned above). Sadly, it seems that the only way to keep me on task is to be hawkeyed every minute of every day, and that's not physically possible, nor is it fair to expect of them. I don't understand this depressive period, especially because I already got 10 lbs. down and can see the actual benefits of being healthy. I just can't force myself to continue caring.

ladybird_

:-( reading this post is like seeing my thoughts on paper. I too am self destructive, I do not ever stay on the healthy track no matter how much I want to. If I take evn one day off it is all over and I find that I go back to square one.

I think I am not just an emotional eater, I am an advice eater. I do not gamble because I am scared too get caught up in it, I have never done any drugs but can easily imagine getting lost in them if I ever tried it just once, I have never smoked but can understand why people would love it... I fear I am naturally addictive by nature as many of my family members have struggled with addictions.

Worst of all, I am a medical professional. I know exactly what this is doing to my body and still I can not scare myself into cleaning up. What is wrong with me?

I wish I knew what to say to help because then, I would paint it across every wall in my house just to remind myself.

rhichi

I think this is why "Get slim quick" schemes work. People have trouble finding the time and motivation to stick to a healthy lifestyle so they want a fast fix solution. But those end up being even worse in the long run.