New Year, Devastating Life Change & Alone

Cherishanne

Well, it's New Year's Eve. I have no plans except to just try to stay sane. My life feels over. I trusted and loved someone and they violated that trust and love in the most criminal of ways. I want to go out with friends but because of him I alienated myself over the last several years so now friends are few and far between. I feel so alone and worse yet, I should be consoling my child whose the one that was victimized, but she is with her grandparents and her friends that live on their street and seems to be doing okay. How do I stop the pain, be strong and just suck it up? All I've been doing is chowing down on cheez-itz and egg nog and now tonight I just want to go out and have a good time for the night and begin dealing with the real world again tomorrow. Yet I sit here with a bag of Lay's potato chips and the few friends left to talk to have no babysitters to go play pretend with me for the night. My Mom doesn't want me to stay home alone either, but each time I look at my beautiful daughters face I want to cry. I keep praying to be stronger but God it's not feeling like the strength is coming. I know this isn't much about food and my weight loss journey but how can I even begin to worry about all that with the rest of the worries bombarding my brain?

Bahet

(((HUG))) I am sooo sorry! I wish I could say some magic words to make it all better for you. I even checked your profile to see if you lived close enough to invite over but we're in VA so that would be a no. Try to get in contact with some of your friends. If they don't have a sitter maybe you could go over there even to just sit on the couch and watch the ball drop with 2 or 3 other people. I hope 2012 is a much better year for you.

mjc65

Bahet's post sounds a very, very good plan......

mjc65

Tried to write a post which came out all wrong, so all I will say is that people are highly resilient and do come out on the other side and lead their lives.

That is kind of in a sentence what I think, but I will say no more as I don't want to blunder in with size 74 boots...

grapenutSF

Yes, since you have the flexibility, go to their house. Social support is so important. Go grab it. And then build more of it next year (tomorrow!)

quietlywinning

I'm so sorry. I agree, see if there is someone you can visit, at least for a few hours. Even to just play board games or watch movies, it sounds like you need to be with friends or family.

rthompson81

Hang in there chica! When I feel like the world is falling down around me I go for a long walk or a run... For whatever reason it lets me release those emotions, whether it's by sweating, or crying and sweating at the same time, and I feel better afterwards. And I agree with the above posters - get out, even if it is to sit on the couch with a friend's family to watch the ball drop. Or take yourself out to a movie or a show. You can do this. Here's to a better 2012!

crudd12

Do you have any family you could go visit for the night? I was a single mom for 7 years with 2 daughters and it was the worst nightmare I'd ever lived through getting my divorce but my family especially my mom and dad surrounded me with so much love. I started going to church and even a bible study and met my husband there! He is a wonderful man and I even prayed what characteristics I wanted to the Lord and my husband has them all! It does get easier with time but just hang in there! A singles group at a church is a great way to meet people! Good luck to you and God bless! Just know you are not alone! There are alot of single people out there and I bet God has someone really special for you like he did for me!

CocoaBeautiful78

Hey,
I just wanted to let you know I read your post and I can sympathize with your feelings. It's hard to feel like you can focus on yourself and your weight loss when everything feels so out of control. I had a really tough year and ended up re-gaining some of the weight I lost. 30lbs to be exact. It was so hard to find the strength to exercise and eat right. But I want to tell you that it would have been much easier to take it day by day and struggle through not using food as a comfort then to deal with getting these 30lbs back off. I would have been able to deal with all of the emotional ups and downs better if I had been taking care of my body. Please try to keep this in mind as you deal with whatever is going on in your life right now. Your daughter will be happier if mommy is taking care of herself too. Feel free to add me. ((hugs)) and hope your day gets better

moran1917

Your daughter needs you to be strong. She needs to you stop crying when you look at her picture. She needs you to see her as a happy and healthy youngster- a normal child. She may have difficulties arise and you will need to be there, but you can't cause any of the difficulties. You can only be strong and be there for her. Especially if she "seems ok". I suspect that i went through something similar to your daughter and my mother and i had a long road to get through it all and the problems that arose. What was important was that i knew that she loved me, when she cried about it it made it worse for me. Of course this is advice from my experience and it may not be what you need, it is offered in friendship.

I agree that you should maybe call up a friend even tho they have children and go over for a visit. Sometimes it is just best to not be alone even if you dont' want to talk about it or can't cause their children are about. If you can't go out find a good movie or book to distract you. Try to lose your thoughts as best you can. Go for a long walk with a loud ipod, whatever you can. If you would like to talk you can add me as a friend.

MummyHungry

*big hugs for you and your daughter*

Who needs friends to go out and have fun? Maybe a nice comedy at the movie theatre, followed by bar food at a sports bar where they have one of those little trivia game things? Or maybe an evening in seeing what sort of freaks you can meet on Omegle? There will be tons of other people hanging out online tonight....I think if I were all by myself tonight I'd hop into an MMORPG or find a flash-based gaming site where I could play against other people, like a pictionary or wheel of fortune type game. I find that games and random internet chatting are great distractions when you need them. ^_^

Good luck, and I hope the new year is kinder to you and your family!

karenhs2

Your daughter needs you to be strong. She needs to you stop crying when you look at her picture. She needs you to see her as a happy and healthy youngster- a normal child. She may have difficulties arise and you will need to be there, but you can't cause any of the difficulties. You can only be strong and be there for her. Especially if she "seems ok". I suspect that i went through something similar to your daughter and my mother and i had a long road to get through it all and the problems that arose. What was important was that i knew that she loved me, when she cried about it it made it worse for me. Of course this is advice from my experience and it may not be what you need, it is offered in friendship.

I agree that you should maybe call up a friend even tho they have children and go over for a visit. Sometimes it is just best to not be alone even if you dont' want to talk about it or can't cause their children are about. If you can't go out find a good movie or book to distract you. Try to lose your thoughts as best you can. Go for a long walk with a loud ipod, whatever you can. If you would like to talk you can add me as a friend.

Ditto to this post. Remember that the most important thing you can do is love and accept your daughter. It is part of her journey. Yes, a hard, terribly unfair, sucky part but it doesn't mean her life is over and believe or not, there can be silver linings. The saying about what doesn't kill us can make us stronger is oh so true. Your unconditional love can help her go on to find that silver lining and eventually be a stronger person than she may have been if her life had been perfect. My mom was great and very supportive but if I could ask her for one present that would be very hard for her to give (next to impossible), it would be to completely release all guilt she feels and has ever felt over what happened to me. It wasn't her fault. That isn't something you can do right now but please work towards it. She needs you to be the bigger person, to be strong, in order to be there for her. You can do it!! Love covers over a great multitude of horrors. It is one of the most amazing things about being human.

Hoppymom

Please seek the help of a counselor if you haven't already. I am so sorry for the pain that you and your daughter are feeling right now. I can't even imagine the depth of your pain. Children while vulnerable, are indeed resilient, but your daughter needs to know tht you are going to be ok too, I don't know how new this pain is but it will become easier to deal with just as any other pain does. Please make good choices for yourself and your daughter tonight. Toss the junk food and skip the booze as long as you are in so much pain. If you mask it now it will come back to bite you later.
Our local university sponsers a family night on New Year's Eve. Is their anything like that in your area? Take your daughter to something fun like that or a movie if you can afford it. Or let her stay up late and watch a movie and have a treat or play games with her. Try to find happy things to talk about. Being strong for you daughter means not allowing yourself to be overcome with grief, rage or guilt and indulging in the behaviors that might be associated with those feelings like overeating or drinking too much. Simply giving into depression is not ok either. You had the strength to reach out because you are hurting I hope that your strength sees you through this painful time. May you and your daughter be blest with peace in the new year. Again, I am sorry that both of you are hurting.

srp2011

I am so sorry for whatever you and your daughter went through. I know it can be tough to be alone on a holiday when lots of people are getting together, but as someone who very rarely goes out on NY Eve, I'll throw out a different perspective - I usually use the evening for quietly contemplating my goals for the upcoming year, what I want to change, how I'd like my life to look. It sounds like 2012 will be a year of rebuilding for both you and your daughter, so maybe take tonight to think about that - not what has happened in the past, but where you want to go from here, and what you can do to heal your lives, and create happiness again. Perhaps reading some inspirational blogs or books if you have them around, and maybe make some lists of how you want 2012 to take shape, things you can do to get some positive momentum going again. Hugs, and hope 2012 is a much better year for you both.

Jferg69

bump, I will post later, but thinking of you xxx

ishallnotwant

You're in Huntington Beach? That's not too far from here. If we were doing something i'd love to have you, but I have been very sick with a lung infection, so I am going to just stay home and take some Nyquil and hope I can get my kids to bed so I can get some rest. May I ask why you don't go with your daughter and her grandparents and spend the evening with them? It sounds like it might be a good, healing thing, to forge some positive holiday memories in the wake of all you both have been through. I wouldn't encourage you to go out with anyone you don't know tonight-with the stuff you are going through you are probably very vulnerable. Be very careful...you don't want to end up doing something you regret just to "escape" for the night...if you need to chat, you can message me...i'll be home all evening and i'll try to stay logged in.

Roblyssa

I agree with everything posted on here.

I would have said to go see a counsellor, reach out to God in church (not that I am very Churchy but I do believe it helps and that everything happens for a reason) and to (more importantly) reach out to a friend tonight.

Your daughter does need you, and to be honest, I think she would help you to heal quicker, and you would do the same for her. While she is not there, you are left to dwell and sulk, but if she were with you, you would be forced to move on and face the demons. Never think that she is 'doing ok', because that is a front. Every child needs their mother (or father in the event of a death)......what about counselling together?

All the best, enjoy your new year and I hope 2012 sees you taking control of your life and breaking free of the demons of your past.
Kellie

zendarah

I would recommend crying. Its important to cry. watch a sad movie and really feel your emotions. I wouldn't recommend going to a friends place because then you might feel forced to feel emotions that your are not ready for. They might have expectations for you to grieve in a certain way. So for today, while your daughter is away, cry all you need to, feel how you want. F### the diet for just one day and binge on chocolate if you want. Get drunk if you want. You need to grieve, it is SO important.

But when your daughter comes back, you need to be strong mum. You cant cry then. You have to accept that she is going through alot of pain right now but she may not have the words to communicate why and how. This is not something that takes a day to get over. It follows you around for the rest of your life. It will especially follow your daughter around her whole life. And that whole time YOU NEED to be strong. You need to build the relationship that you two have now because when she gets older and this horrible thing truely takes effect, she will be wanting to push you away. Take her you for coffee/picnic/movie etc tommorrow to show her that you want to build a stronger relationship with her. EXPECT her to act out. She will. Get her a councilor if you can and you should probably get one too.

This is not your fault.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Noone deserves this.