Saturday 28th February...

Jackie_W

...was the worst day for me so far
I ate everything I shouldn't, probably ate at least 4000 calories - didn't log anything all day :noway:
I didn't even enjoy what I was eating, but i felt so low, and psychologically probably thought the sugar in the foods would give me energy, but it didn't!

I'm going to try my hardest to eat sensibly and document every mouthfull of food today.
I know I shouldn't beat myself up, but even so, I really feel like an idiot this morning, I've done everything I try to warn others about and then some! :noway:

I seem to be losing clumps of hair each day too, I'm malting worse than my dog does when she sheds her winter coat!

I'm still off sick from work, been 7 weeks now with depression, work are being complete and utter so and so's! My neighbour is at her old tricks of antagonising again, and I'm desperately trying to ignore her, although, I think I'd feel better if I just went round and thumped her!

Insomnia is driving me mad, my doctor gave me some sleeping tablets, but warned me not to take them all the time as they are very addictive, but the nights I don't take them, I lay there threating all night over finances, work, and just about anything else in life! Then, during the day, I'm like a zombie wanting to go to sleep all the time :ohwell:

I didn't dare check my bloods yesterday, the result would have gone through the roof!

Anyways, enough of my self-pity, sorry guys, I just had to let it out, if I bottle it all up, I get resentful and tearful.
Thanks for reading :flowerforyou:

Jackie_W

...was the worst day for me so far
I ate everything I shouldn't, probably ate at least 4000 calories - didn't log anything all day :noway:
I didn't even enjoy what I was eating, but i felt so low, and psychologically probably thought the sugar in the foods would give me energy, but it didn't!

I'm going to try my hardest to eat sensibly and document every mouthfull of food today.
I know I shouldn't beat myself up, but even so, I really feel like an idiot this morning, I've done everything I try to warn others about and then some! :noway:

I seem to be losing clumps of hair each day too, I'm malting worse than my dog does when she sheds her winter coat!

I'm still off sick from work, been 7 weeks now with depression, work are being complete and utter so and so's! My neighbour is at her old tricks of antagonising again, and I'm desperately trying to ignore her, although, I think I'd feel better if I just went round and thumped her!

Insomnia is driving me mad, my doctor gave me some sleeping tablets, but warned me not to take them all the time as they are very addictive, but the nights I don't take them, I lay there threating all night over finances, work, and just about anything else in life! Then, during the day, I'm like a zombie wanting to go to sleep all the time :ohwell:

I didn't dare check my bloods yesterday, the result would have gone through the roof!

Anyways, enough of my self-pity, sorry guys, I just had to let it out, if I bottle it all up, I get resentful and tearful.
Thanks for reading :flowerforyou:

purrrr

but that happened last month... you should have forgotten it by now... things happen and they happen to all of us... keep your head up and look ahead! spring will come very soon and cover your path with blossom :flowerforyou:

Jackie_W

but that happened last month... you should have forgotten it by now... things happen and they happen to all of us... keep your head up and look ahead! spring will come very soon and cover your path with blossom :flowerforyou:

Easier said than done sometimes :flowerforyou:

réalta

i know its hard to get through feeling low, sometimes damn near impossible

i went through it for over a year and never thought i could 'cheer up' again

its so hard Jackie, but take it one day at a time hun

dont give out to yourself for having a bad day, we all have them, some worse than others, try to get back on track slowly, you can do it, i have faith in you

if you ever want to talk, im here :flowerforyou:

purrrr

Easier said than done sometimes :flowerforyou:

yet a food slip up is easier done than said and you told us about it... i would prefer to keep my "shame" to myself if it happened to me... so see you are stronger :flowerforyou:

Jackie_W

i know its hard to get through feeling low, sometimes damn near impossible

i went through it for over a year and never thought i could 'cheer up' again

its so hard Jackie, but take it one day at a time hun

dont give out to yourself for having a bad day, we all have them, some worse than others, try to get back on track slowly, you can do it, i have faith in you

if you ever want to talk, im here :flowerforyou:

Thanks realta:flowerforyou:

Jackie_W

[/quote]
yet a food slip up is easier done than said and you told us about it... i would prefer to keep my "shame" to myself if it happened to me... so see you are stronger :flowerforyou:
[/quote]

Been there done that :laugh: One thing I have learnt is that, if I don't tell people about it, I end up hiding that and more, so, I take the bull by the horns and admit I'd done it, just wish I could do that during the binge time, that way, I might be able to stop myself getting out of control in the first palce.

It's funny, I could never talk to anyone face to face about it, but I feel more open on this site, and feel more able to be honest without risk of being judged :flowerforyou:

thejarviclan

Jackie, your story sounds amazingly familiar - I used to be you! Everything always seemed to be spinning out of my control, especially at night. I would lie awake worrying about everything from finances to what color I should paint my living room! It seems ridiculous, but it FELT so truly anxious!

I found it helped to take control over something, just one thing at the beginning - and food and exercise can be just the thing! It was amazing how easily that self-discipline spilled into other areas of my life. After a time, I could see how logical it was to take the strengths I learned through my weighloss journey and apply them to the rest of my life.

I'm not trying to imply that it's a magic cure for all problems, just that you have that power within you. The next time you're staring down something you know you shouldn't eat, access that power to say no and walk away. You will feel so incredible the rest of the day - because you tapped that resource from inside yourself! Give yourself this reason to feel positive, not depressed! Celebrate yourself! Every day, give yourself some reason, however small, to feel proud and successful.

Here's hugs to you! You are down 41 pounds!! That's so awesome! Really - if you can do that, is there ANYthing that you can't do?!

heal4444

Jackie,

It's good you opened up and shared your struggles with us. I'm so sorry to hear you had a bad day yesterday. You're dealing with so much...diabetes, losing clumps of your hair, you're worried about your job, finances, and a non cooperative neighbour, insomnia.....I'm so sorry you're going thru so much right now. Breathe, take a deep breath. You're still here. You're still here. You're still here. And, you're trying your very best right now. Who of us on this planet is not facing with something so big that it scares us so much. I believe that all of us on this planet is dealing with some big stuff. And all we can do is try our very best for ourselves and try our very best to help others get thru it also. It's so healthy for you to open up and tell us what's happening. It's not self pity. It's having the courage to open up and admit one's vulnerability thus, finding one's way to better coping strategies. You're not alone, none of us are. I believe that what's scares us in life is that not only do we believe we're facing some big issues in our lives is that we falsely believe we are alone. When, in fact, we are not, at every moment, we are all wishing each other the very best.

So, Jackie, let me ask you:

What is one small step you can do right now to be on your way to better health?
What is one small lesson you learned from yesterday you can use for the future?
What is one small strategy you can use for the next time when you feel you need extra motivation?
What is one small step you can take to let you have more restful sleep every night?
What is one small thing you can do to let you live a more peaceful, less stressful life?
What is one small sentence you can say right now to allow motivation to encourage you again?
What?

I wish you much strength, comfort, joy, and most of all peace in your journey of health, fitness, healthy weight loss and happiness.

Take very good care. May Feb.28/09 be the best day of your life because you learned much that you would you use in your life.

Heal4444