Diet Sabotaging Hubby?

GypsyQueen

Maybe someone has the same problem with a family member or friend who seem to be sabotaging your effort to lose weight. My hubby came home today with two huge bags of Carmel Corn (popcorn) which I LOVE, it will be a constant battle to stay out of it. My intentions are not have one bite, one bite in my case leads to disaster. And now he is out picking up a pizza for dinner..well who does not love pizza? I told him none for me..but the left overs will be calling to me around two am tonight. He knows how serious I am about staying on track so I wonder why he is waving food under my nose?

GypsyQueen

Maybe someone has the same problem with a family member or friend who seem to be sabotaging your effort to lose weight. My hubby came home today with two huge bags of Carmel Corn (popcorn) which I LOVE, it will be a constant battle to stay out of it. My intentions are not have one bite, one bite in my case leads to disaster. And now he is out picking up a pizza for dinner..well who does not love pizza? I told him none for me..but the left overs will be calling to me around two am tonight. He knows how serious I am about staying on track so I wonder why he is waving food under my nose?

alf1163

I know what you are talking about!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Been there!!! I started on here over a year ago, Jan 08. At first my husband was "ok" with the changes I was making, I think he thought it was going to be temporary. When he saw that it was serious he started making comments about it, my changes, being on this site, not wanting to eat out as much or drinking as much, etc etc. He was clearly jealous. He too would sabotage my efforts and many times I give into the temptations, of course. It took him this long to now be more supportive and he has even made changes himself. He is more accepting of the meals I make, has been exercising every day since the beginning of this year. He is even reading nutrition labels!!!!!!!!!!!!! :laugh: Give him time. In the meantime keep reminding him that you are very serious about losing weight and becoming healthier and that you would like the same for him and your family. He will turn around...I know it will be hard for you and if you slip, not the end of the world, pick yourself up for the next meal or the next day...just be consistent!!! It will pay off!!! :flowerforyou:

MrsSorenson

My fiance is 5' 11" and weighs 150 lbs. He is very thin. I on the other hand am 5' 7" and weigh 203 lbs. He can eat whatever he wants and if I look at a cookie I gain a pound. He is also supportive, but still doesn't think that it is his job to change his eating because I need to lose weight. Working out 4 days a week is killing him. He hates that I'm gone that long away from our family. I think he is worried that if I lose the weight I'll look more attractive to other men. He needs to get over it!!!

He is starting to get better. I to know how hard it is to resist temptation becaues yummm, I used to love a late night snack. But no more. You are on here for a reason and you don't want to feel bad after you eat that pizza. You have so much more to look forward to. Stay on track, that dessert will be so much sweeter!

Jess

Istillgotit

I have the same problem here at home. But, I have to say, now that I have had to go and buy some new jeans in a smaller size someone's attitude has changed. I know my husband had to see the results because I heard him comment to a friend "that this was just a phase and it would not last more than a month." Well, well, well! two months later and one whole size smaller and toned. I now have a few new, smaller pieces of clothing in the closet and he knows that I am serious. Just stick to your guns and you will succeed. If you are like me I will succeed just to spite the rest of my family. My kids are very supportive and always comment on how well I am doing. I also have a few friends who are my salvation in times of need. I keep hoping my husband will make healthier choices but for now he is not in the right frame of mind to make those kind of changes. When you need support MFP is a great support net. Keep your chin up and you will be O.K.

jocelynnbug

i have had the same problems so during the day i started eating less while i was at work so i would have a few extra calories and i would keep down the carbs and fat during the day time because i feel like if my husband doesn't want to eat what i eat he doesn't have to thats just how i feel
so he would make something not as healthy i mean he tries not to eat what we use to and i have noticed and so that means the world to me thats why i don't say anything
but when i get home i will eat what he wants but just small proportions and i even ate pizza just not as much as i use to and making sure its not totally on the un healthy side
like just cheese pizza and for all of january and beginning of february i did horrible on my own i fell off for a little bit but now i'm back on track and lost 8 pounds this month which is great for me 5 pounds this last week and 3 the week before its all about the little changes and making the un healthy things healthy i think
and preparing it works for me

Georg

Stay strong!
Don't worry. What he's going through is natural. My hubby is overweight, too, but not so much as me. he can lose weight as soon as he thinks about it. :grumble: So that's annoying.
Just a minute ago he asked me if I had more calories left - would I please make nachos?!
It's just a matter of your man understanding how important this is to you & how you want to be healthy. We don't all evolve at the same rate of speed...he'll come around sooner or later.
Hang in there.

Tamishumate

omg I know! My husband is a jerk when it comes to my " not eating anything good" ( meaning junk) or when I am measuring things, he makes fun of me. He hates that I spent so much time at the gym, and he never says Hey you look good. We went to see Brad Paisley last night, and he was asking me if I was flirting with the guy next to me in line, and made a comment about me dancing the whole night. Why cant they be NICE to us? dont they know this is a huge thing and we need their support? I hate it!! My only suggestion is to just stay away from the food. OR if you have enough calories left, have one slice of pizza, or get thin crust, its less calories. I know how sometimes one leads to more, but just walk away after one, maybe brush your teeth.? Good luck, I am right there with ya!

songbyrdsweet

omg I know! My husband is a jerk when it comes to my " not eating anything good" ( meaning junk) or when I am measuring things, he makes fun of me. He hates that I spent so much time at the gym, and he never says Hey you look good. We went to see Brad Paisley last night, and he was asking me if I was flirting with the guy next to me in line, and made a comment about me dancing the whole night. Why cant they be NICE to us? dont they know this is a huge thing and we need their support? I hate it!! My only suggestion is to just stay away from the food. OR if you have enough calories left, have one slice of pizza, or get thin crust, its less calories. I know how sometimes one leads to more, but just walk away after one, maybe brush your teeth.? Good luck, I am right there with ya!

:huh: They certainly can be. It sounds like yours need to learn some manners.

A s.o. can be supportive without adopting your habits. He/she doesn't need to share your every meal, but they should share your excitement and support your new lifestyle.

Dave198lbs

omg I know! My husband is a jerk when it comes to my " not eating anything good" ( meaning junk) or when I am measuring things, he makes fun of me. He hates that I spent so much time at the gym, and he never says Hey you look good. We went to see Brad Paisley last night, and he was asking me if I was flirting with the guy next to me in line, and made a comment about me dancing the whole night. Why cant they be NICE to us? dont they know this is a huge thing and we need their support? I hate it!! My only suggestion is to just stay away from the food. OR if you have enough calories left, have one slice of pizza, or get thin crust, its less calories. I know how sometimes one leads to more, but just walk away after one, maybe brush your teeth.? Good luck, I am right there with ya!

this is probably a stupid quetion but what do you do to put up with that behaviour? how do you do it? I have no patience for that....I would bi*** slap that *****

gtcalgal

Maybe someone has the same problem with a family member or friend who seem to be sabotaging your effort to lose weight. My hubby came home today with two huge bags of Carmel Corn (popcorn) which I LOVE, it will be a constant battle to stay out of it. My intentions are not have one bite, one bite in my case leads to disaster. And now he is out picking up a pizza for dinner..well who does not love pizza? I told him none for me..but the left overs will be calling to me around two am tonight. He knows how serious I am about staying on track so I wonder why he is waving food under my nose?

My husband used to do that to me too:grumble: but he has gotten better lately. So if I have the strength to say "NO" I do, but on occasion when I can't say "NO":frown: I would measure out a small portion, take my time eating it & enjoy it, then BRUSH MY TEETH immediately after so I didn't have the taste in my mouth & want more. Another thing I did was come right out and nicely ask him why.

rosered51

My solution to the pizza problem...
I LOVE pizza!!! and so does my family. It is staple food in our house...every Friday evening...it's my son's "treat" and he knows it is coming...soooo I let them eat the regular pizza and I make my own homemade version (2 or 4 mini pizzas depending upon how hungry I am and how many calories I have available).

2 Arnold Sandwich Thins (either whole wheat or the multi grain) 100 calories each
1 tablespoon of Ragu Thick and Zesty Pizza sauce per mini pizza 1/3 cup = 25 calories
1/2 cup low fat shreded mozzerella cheese = 160 calories
2.5 medium fresh mushrooms from the produce department = 10 calories

You can change up the mushrooms or add other veggies as you like, but 4 mini pizzas is a VERY filling meal and 4 pizzas as listed above i only 395 calories. So I can have GUILT FREE pizza with the boys!!!

Maybe that solution will work for you also? My solution on the popcorn is to have healthy microwave versions available.

But mostly I think you need to sit down and have a heart to heart with your spouse. Communicate your needs and that his disregard for your weight loss journey is hurtful to you. Do this in a calm manner. Maybe suggest that he doesn't have to eat like you, but could he keep his unhealthy snacks at work or eat better when he is around you and maybe go out to lunch with his co-workers? Maybe these suggestions will help him come around. And let him know that you love him, that this change is for you not some nameless, faceless guy. If he feels secure in your love, he may be more apt to support you. Let him know that he will be the one to benefit from you being healthier...you will be happier, more fit, have more energy and hopefully live a longer more fulfilled life because of these changes you are making.

Then again that may not change his attitude at all. Ultimately you are responsible for the choices you make in life (including food). Either he will or won't support you. You have to decide 1) can you do the weight loss journey without his support and 2) Are you willing to be with someone who is unwilling to support you in something so important.

Either way the MFP family will be here to support you and cheer you on! GOOD LUCK!!!

Mickie17

Hey there! I go through it too! BUT, I've been trying to share my feelings about it more with him. From what I'm getting...he just figured he was being nice by offering me whatever he was grubbing out on, because it wasn't all that long ago that I WAS eating all the junk he is continuing to eat. It's taking some time, but he really is starting to take me more seriously and trying to be more supportive.

Then today, you should have seen his face...around 10am, after I treated myself to a Skinny Mocha for breakfaast, he said he was going to go make pancakes and asked how many I wanted...I just looked at him, as I was working out on my Spin Cycle, and said "I can't have pancakes...." (Of course my boys were chiming in that they wanted some). But his face sort of fell after my reply, like a true "DUH moment." I figured they had pancakes etc....bacuase everyone sort of dissappeared while I finished my morning workout.

Well, later I overheard one of my kids ask him why he did NOT make the pancakes...and he commented something like "we didn't need to be eating those..." So, he IS tryiing...so there's hope!!!!!!!!!!! (This may not sound like much, but I LOVE PANCAKES & WAFFLES...so this was a HUGE gesture on his part).

If your husband is anything like mine...maybe it just isn't sinking in how dedicated you are, and that right now is a fragile time for you as you transition into a healthy person! I'm learning that just because I decided to make this transistion, doesn't mean he has...so my husband has to make his own transition to be supportive...and that's hard when you are use to one thing. ..supporting one behavior and now he has to switch to something completely new!

Mickie17

Stay strong!
Don't worry. What he's going through is natural. My hubby is overweight, too, but not so much as me. he can lose weight as soon as he thinks about it. :grumble: So that's annoying.
Just a minute ago he asked me if I had more calories left - would I please make nachos?!
It's just a matter of your man understanding how important this is to you & how you want to be healthy. We don't all evolve at the same rate of speed...he'll come around sooner or later.
Hang in there.

Georg---Are we married ot the same guy??????????????? :laugh: LOL!!!!!!!!!!!

MOMOFTWO29

My hubby doesn't need to lose weight but he respects me for doing this and he doesn't bring home things like this, he eats them at work. I have pretty strong willpower though if he did bring them home I think I would just ignore the food and go on about my business. I am glad that he is so supportive. Now on the other hand my mom is the one that isn't so supportive of my lifestyle change, she and my dad wanted me to go and eat breakfast with them so I went and I ordered a bowl of oatmeal and a piece of whole wheat toast, well my mom got bacon, and holds up a piece and asks me did I want some bacon:explode: , I love bacon, but I told her no and she goes are you sure? I said yes. So I think if I can resist bacon that I love so much and used to eat 6 or 7 pieces of before I started this, I can do all things.

AmyLou9903

My hubby does the same thing. He refuses to eat healthy (and I refuse to be his "mommy" and force him to eat well), so when I'm dieting, it's a real struggle. He has a naturally fast metabolism and works on his feet all day long, whereas I work at a desk and have always been "chubby."

I have no advice, but I definitely feel your pain! :flowerforyou:

gggivens

My husband is actually fairly supportive. My mother, on the other hand, is much the same way. After I lost 65 pounds a few years ago, my mother, who had not seen me at all during the losing phase, did not say a thing during her entire 2 week visit...until the last day. Then, when I was wearing a pair of jeans that were a bit big on me, she grabbed the leg and said "Well, I never thought I would see the day when a pair of jeans would be baggy on you." That was the extent of her 'praise'. We all have to deal with the unsupportiveness of others at times. Just stick to your guns.

And as for the pizza- when everyone is done eating, and there is pizza left, look at your husband and ask him if he is done, and when he says he is, then shove the remaining pizza in the garbage, while he is watching. Then walk away. He is bound to ask you why you did that- and then you can tell him that it is better for you to not have the temptation lying around.


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stahlight

ok so i have never been married, engaged or anything except dating.

I go to church, blah blah, lots of talk about marriage and how to be successful at it.


The big thing for all of your husbands (and or wives, fiancees, etc.) is communication. You really have to sit down and say this is what I am doing ,and you promised to be with me and to love me through thick and thin. This is the thick and I need to get to the thin, in so many words. Speak in kindness, and just ask them for help. Love grows this way, they will come around.

mgullette

Yeah, I definitely recommend open communication. The other day I totally *LOST* it with my dad. He is the unhealthy one (diabetic, overweight, ex-smoker who just had a quadruple bypass Feb 08) and he waved a cookie in front of me and asked if I wanted it. He full well KNEW that I have been eating clean and working out hard because it's important to me. This blatant disrespect got the best of me, and let's just say, that cookie went flying:blushing: :blushing: :blushing:

Anyway, I think it's important to let your family members and close ones know your motivations behind it. For me, it's not about vanity (like husbands like to believe), but it's about giving yourself a chance to do something you may have never done before, digging deep and pushing yourself, and seeing what your made of. I guess what I'm trying to say is, we all have those bumps in the road, but if people know that it's about your health, your life, and your happiness, rather than just looking good in a swimsuit (though that is nice too ) then they'll have more respect for what you're doing.

As my friend Jim says, when you are staring adversity in the face, are you going to give up and go cry in a corner, or are you going to FIGHT THAT CURRENT!?!?!?!?

P.S. Jim went from 335+ to 198 in 1.5 years. He now has cuts all over and an 8-pack. Basically, he looks hot and he GETS what it's about. Totally inspiring.

M

GypsyQueen

WOW I have to say I am touched by your inspiring advice.. Making changes and not being my hubby's
eating partner has effected him more than I ever thought. I just cannot go on with the unhealthy eating habits that are keeping me sooo unhappy. Some of you face the same challenge with your family members but have not let it stop you, it is good to know that you stay strong and hang in there.
Having a small serving is a good idea, brushing my teeth is a great tip & I will try the Guilt Free Pizza recipe which sounds delicious!
It has also occurred to me to let his attitude inspire me to do it in spite of him as was suggested because I am angry when he seems to be so thoughtless. I will open up communication between us TODAY and ask him to hide the goodies he brings in so hopefully out of sight out of mind (I have asked him before but he has a short memory I guess).
He is a good husband after all who in his mind is probable only doing what we have always done and change is very hard to make. Your answers have opened my eyes thank you I appreciate your thoughtful help!!

jenninsocal

You also have to remember a lot of the time they don't realize how much harder they are making it for you. In the beginning I had to really tell DH to stop buying me junk food, and if he is buying something fo rhimself, to eat it not right next to me. He gets a little annoyed that our lifestyles have changed so much, so occasionally I will grab a slice of pizza and only eat half of it, or something like that.
But communication is key! For someone not struggling with this, they wouldnt know how hard it is.

mrsyac2

It doesn't phase me what my husband eats because I am stronger then food- No biggie he is trying to gain so he has to eat more anyway--

Its about self control.



As far as spouses not supporting- There is a big difference in not being supportive and also being insecure with your spouse losing weight.

jtintx

I think when others really try to get you to eat what they are eating, ie. waving the bacon in front of your face it is because if you cave in then they don't feel so guilty about eating it. My hubby's actions aren't as overt but it's funny how he wants to make dinner for me all of a sudden and all of his menu choices aren't on the healthy side. I'm not sure why he is doing it. I've asked but all he says is, "You're right. Sorry." but then he keeps on doing it. It is very frustrating.

Mickie17

WOW I have to say I am touched by your inspiring advice.. Making changes and not being my hubby's
eating partner has effected him more than I ever thought. I just cannot go on with the unhealthy eating habits that are keeping me sooo unhappy. Some of you face the same challenge with your family members but have not let it stop you, it is good to know that you stay strong and hang in there.
Having a small serving is a good idea, brushing my teeth is a great tip & I will try the Guilt Free Pizza recipe which sounds delicious!
It has also occurred to me to let his attitude inspire me to do it in spite of him as was suggested because I am angry when he seems to be so thoughtless. I will open up communication between us TODAY and ask him to hide the goodies he brings in so hopefully out of sight out of mind (I have asked him before but he has a short memory I guess).
He is a good husband after all who in his mind is probable only doing what we have always done and change is very hard to make. Your answers have opened my eyes thank you I appreciate your thoughtful help!!

GYPSYQUEEN: Who knows, maybe your open communication and dedication will INSPIRE him toward a healthier lifestyle?! :happy: