Getting Rid of the "Fat-girl" mentality

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  • Smelerz
    Smelerz Posts: 115 Member
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    love love love my body gallery! I have the same problem but my friends have been great in helping me get clothes that fit! This week I went shopping and started trying on larges and ended up walking away b/c even the smalls were too big but if my friends werent there I would have bought the larges.
  • mem50
    mem50 Posts: 1,384 Member
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    My inner fat-girl keeps taking me over to the plus size section of every store I go to. I went shopping Friday....actually My DH ordered me to go! Right away, there I go...trotting to the large size area.

    A wonderful sales girl asked me if I needed help finding something for a friend. When I told her I was shopping for me she told me quite promptly I was in the wrong section of the store. I told her I really, REALLY needed help. I told her what I was looking for so she put me in a changing room, took my measurements and proceeded to bring clothes in to me. It took a few tries but she helped me to see "me" in a new light. Size 10 bottom and medium tops to be precise.

    Yeah, the mentality is still there to an extent....but it's getting a little fainter every day. Especially when I put on the skinny jeggins and go out in public :bigsmile:
  • InnerPinup79
    InnerPinup79 Posts: 129
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    Sadly I know this all too well. I had lost 50lbs the healthy way 10 years ago and was at my goal weight. I got complimented on and hit on constantly. I really didn't know how to handle it as I still saw myself as 50lbs heavier. Like everyone else said I was still buying stuff too big and just never accepting of myself. Maybe because I was younger and so less confident in myself. Here I am now, ten yrs later and had put on 90#. I lost 20 since I've been on mfp a year ago. I'm just focusing on being nicer to me and way less harder on me. Accept the compliments! Congrats on the loss!
  • _VoV
    _VoV Posts: 1,494 Member
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    Body image is probably more flexible if you haven't carried extra weight for a long time. I was a chubby girl, an obese teen, and a slim 20- and 30-something. I was slim for over 10 years, but I never really adjusted to it. Sometimes, I would look in the mirror, and not recognize myself.

    One thing that saddened me was the way I internalized the societal hatred for my size. When I was slim, I continued to have contempt for my old self, and I wasn't very kind to people at higher weights than me. Not very understand of me, particularly because I knew the struggle so well.

    I've tried to work on that over the years, so that my 'inner fat girl' doesn't feel abandoned or rejected. I also try not to see people of size on a hierarchy of better or less than me at the moment. Afterall, my 'inner fat girl' has been known to overeat due to stress. So why do that to her?
  • juliep1974
    juliep1974 Posts: 222 Member
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    Oh man. I am SO there!! I just found this site today: www.mybodygallery.com. You can input your height, weight, size, shape and it gives you random images of women your size. I must admit, I was shocked. The girls my size are HOT! I had to look FORTY lbs heavier than I am to find girls who looked like how I think I look.

    I just checked out mybodygallery.com - what an amazing idea. Thanks for sharing the link - it really does put things into perspective!
  • Saezimmerman
    Saezimmerman Posts: 93 Member
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    My inner fat-girl keeps taking me over to the plus size section of every store I go to. I went shopping Friday....actually My DH ordered me to go! Right away, there I go...trotting to the large size area.

    A wonderful sales girl asked me if I needed help finding something for a friend. When I told her I was shopping for me she told me quite promptly I was in the wrong section of the store. I told her I really, REALLY needed help. I told her what I was looking for so she put me in a changing room, took my measurements and proceeded to bring clothes in to me. It took a few tries but she helped me to see "me" in a new light. Size 10 bottom and medium tops to be precise.

    Yeah, the mentality is still there to an extent....but it's getting a little fainter every day. Especially when I put on the skinny jeggins and go out in public :bigsmile:

    Thanks for the encouragement to rest of us. I have to admit, I am a little nervous about the day I don't fit in the Lane Bryant 14/16's. I don't know that I remember to how to shop for "skinny girl" professional clothes.
  • pupcamper
    pupcamper Posts: 415 Member
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    I know exactly what you are talking about. It takes a while for the brain to adjust apparently. When I was 336 pounds at my heaviest, I would look in the mirror and think "I don't look that big". Now I weigh 172 pounds and all I see in the mirror is every little bit of flab and think I need to lose "___" many more pounds. It is weird.

    That's me!! lol The numbers are different but the thought process the same!

    I was amazed when I saw how far I had come when I compared a pic from August to now - What was I looking at in August cos I certainly didn't see 'her' staring back at me! I went to buy a tankini last week and tried on a 12 hoping it would fit me after considering picking up the 14 instead of my usual 16, it was a little big but I believed I had no business trying on a 10. Thankfully my husband convinced me to try it, it fitted and I bought it!!

    It seems we do a number on ourselves mentally, guess that part of the journey will be longer than the weight loss part!! The best part is to realize you have the fat mentality you have to have lost weight and that is something we can all be proud of! :wink:
  • claire7090
    claire7090 Posts: 67
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    Hi - I have lost just over 20lbs and am now considered to be within the healthy weight category and I know exactly what you mean. I used to wear UK16 (US12) and now am having to buy UK12 (US8) and my brain is still partly stuck in fat mode! One of the things I have found that helps is I went through my wardrobe and tryed all my clothes on and got my husband to say whether he thought they fitted, were too big or too small. Everything that he said was too big went into a suitcase. All the things he said looked good were UK 12's (US 8). I know now that I can buy UK12 (US8) and not worry they fit for the first time in 19 years!.

    My aim for 2012 is to embrace being this size (and refill my wardrobe) and to make sure I am no bigger and hopefully a bit smaller this time next year!
  • _VoV
    _VoV Posts: 1,494 Member
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    My inner fat-girl keeps taking me over to the plus size section of every store I go to. I went shopping Friday....actually My DH ordered me to go! Right away, there I go...trotting to the large size area.

    A wonderful sales girl asked me if I needed help finding something for a friend. When I told her I was shopping for me she told me quite promptly I was in the wrong section of the store. I told her I really, REALLY needed help. I told her what I was looking for so she put me in a changing room, took my measurements and proceeded to bring clothes in to me. It took a few tries but she helped me to see "me" in a new light. Size 10 bottom and medium tops to be precise.

    Yeah, the mentality is still there to an extent....but it's getting a little fainter every day. Especially when I put on the skinny jeggins and go out in public :bigsmile:

    Thanks for the encouragement to rest of us. I have to admit, I am a little nervous about the day I don't fit in the Lane Bryant 14/16's. I don't know that I remember to how to shop for "skinny girl" professional clothes.

    This will be new territory for me, too. I read www.WardrobeOxygen.com a lot. Allie, who writes this blog, is mostly size 10/12 and I like her style.
  • vegamy
    vegamy Posts: 204 Member
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    I totally know what you're talking about!!

    I have been wearing pants like 2-3 sizes bigger than I should be and keep thinking that there's no way I can fit into medium tops or normal sized (rather than plus sized) pants! I still get emails from Torrid and Lane Bryant and I'm like... oh wait, I don't need to shop there anymore!

    I have lost many inches and increased my muscle tone, but all I see is my arms being jiggly (though I do have a bit of a developed bicep now).

    To combat this, I take measurements and compare to old measurements, try on my largest old pair of pants (size 22!), look at old pictures (next to new pictures), and just focus on how much more fit I feel, how much further I can run and how much stronger I am!
  • jw17695
    jw17695 Posts: 438 Member
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    Oh man. I am SO there!! I just found this site today: www.mybodygallery.com. You can input your height, weight, size, shape and it gives you random images of women your size. I must admit, I was shocked. The girls my size are HOT! I had to look FORTY lbs heavier than I am to find girls who looked like how I think I look.

    Checking it out now.
  • AshinAms
    AshinAms Posts: 283 Member
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    Still not figured it out (70 lb later) and get quite embarrassed by male attention etc as I can't see what they see.
  • cherbapp
    cherbapp Posts: 322
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    Oh man. I am SO there!! I just found this site today: www.mybodygallery.com. You can input your height, weight, size, shape and it gives you random images of women your size. I must admit, I was shocked. The girls my size are HOT! I had to look FORTY lbs heavier than I am to find girls who looked like how I think I look.

    This is amazing....I often look at other overweight people and guess which ones I look like...when I put in my height and weight on there, I was like...*no way do I look like that!* ...so maybe my husband IS right when he tells me I look better than I think I do. (Don't tell him I admit he is right though....LOL)
  • Scarlett_S
    Scarlett_S Posts: 467 Member
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    I don't know how to get rid of it...I've got it too. Size 20 to a 10 and even an 8 in some things....I am 5'10 and skinny as I was in high school but I just see fat thighs and fat stomach, and still feel insecure about what I wear and being in front of people....
  • Maggieq87
    Maggieq87 Posts: 400 Member
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    I have always been WAY bigger than all my friends. Like at least 100 lbs heavier. Now, I am the same clothing size as my friends. and I still thin I'm bigger. It shocked me NYE when my girls and i all swapped outfits, lol. A man at the party PICKED ME UP and spun me around, I freaked out. You can't do that, I'm SO FAT! But he didn't know me when i was heavy and told me I was insane. I will always feel the same as my fat girl self, I'm afraid...
  • moodyfeesh14
    moodyfeesh14 Posts: 811 Member
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    what have you been doing to lose so much weight? It gives me hope to see you having lost so much weight and knowing that my goal is not impossible
  • Jill_newimprovedversion
    Jill_newimprovedversion Posts: 988 Member
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    I am SO glad you brought this up....
    It really does bring to light just how *MENTAL* this has become though......and that's an even bigger battle than the pounds- in my opinion.....I've reached my goal weight, and am in maintenance now- and the mental part STILL hasn't been transformed....
    You know, I think a lot of women harbor not-so-secret resentment of "thin girls". What happens, then, when you become thin? Your brain doesn't magically change. It takes time to change your self-perception, and focusing on your HEALTH and your other great qualities that have nothing to do with the number on the tag of your jeans really does have a lot of value.

    But if you need to see it for yourself, have you taken before-and-after photos? Especially next to someone or something whose size hasn't changed? That's a good visual knock upside the head. :)

    WOW- I so appreciate your input- THIS was a *REVELATION* to me! and I gotta admit, now that I've hit maintenance and I'm experiencing this lack of satisfaction....THIS explains to me WHY now....
  • BuceesNana
    BuceesNana Posts: 302 Member
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    I know the feeling. I know that I am wearing much smaller clothes, but I just don't see myself as a thinner person, at least I didn't until this weekend. I saw my shadow. Yup...that crazy little thing that follows you everywhere. I actually had to do a double take. I was amazed at the difference. So, if you see me out on the street, looking down, I'm not sad, not depressed, I'm checking myself out in my shadow. It is a nitfy reminder of what I have accomplished right there with me all the time. :D
  • cryspetstalerson
    cryspetstalerson Posts: 147
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    I agree so much. A few months ago I had lost 15 pounds. I have put it back on since then, but the only thing that had me believing I lost weight, was my husband telling me how good I looked, and a phone call from my mom telling me that my father saw the pics I had posted and could tell I lost weight. My father is one who never comments on that stuff.
  • andforpoise
    andforpoise Posts: 185
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    what have you been doing to lose so much weight? It gives me hope to see you having lost so much weight and knowing that my goal is not impossible

    You're right! No matter what you're goal is, it isn't impossible! I honestly didn't think I was going to go anywhere when I joined this site...but I just kept at it... my biggest tips are portion control and amping the activity levels! Running, as much as I hated it, has become part of my life and is one of the greatest ways to lose weight :) That's all I've been doing!

    AND WOW! Thank you ALL for responding! I wish I could quote every awesome piece of advice you've all offered up, but I can't! I will keep re-reading it too! And I am glad that it is here for others to read too! Thank you all SOOO MUCH! <3

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