Perspective and Inspiration

Stacivogue

I've spent my whole life with thin to average weight up until recently. I've definitely been neurotic about it for years, and have always tried to fit into a smaller size, belonged to multiple gyms, done a triathon, never really been satisfied. After an injury and pregnancy, i gained quite a bit of weight. Suddenly, I wasn't average weight anymore, I was in the plus sizes, and I didn't know if I'd ever get out of them. I didn't know that the plus size department was on a whole separate floor. I couldn't find clothes that fit me. I didn't know where to shop in the mall to find clothes, and the clothes i did find, ended up all covered with sparkly stuff.

It was so hard to get back to the gym. i did it once when i was on maternity leave, and made it a habit, but then gave up after going back to work and just didn't have the time. I started up again last week, and it has been a constant battle with myself to go to get on the bike. I remember how i felt going to the gym when I weighed so much more than i was used to. I would do the spin bike alone because i didn't want to be in a class looking like i did, and I didn't like the music they played. I just didn't feel like I was in my body and I was so sad.

I would just like to say that since I've been on MFP I've met people that have lost 100 lbs. I am awed and inspired by them. I know how much of a battle it was for me to get on the bike, and to have the courage to try something new. I can't imagine multiplying my struggle by 2, or 3. It's amazing to me that people even have the courage to start, and have been successful. Or, that they are still trying and hoping, and working at it. It's humbling and it puts things in perspective. I want to thank you all for being there.

Finally I found a diet that worked, and lost another 30 lbs, but I've got another 20 to go. I've definitely hit another plateau. So, I started working out again last week. I promised myself I would get a massage if I worked out 5 days in one week and I finally did it. Then we went to a New Years party and I was really proud of the progress I'd made. I bought a dress and went, and got lots of compliments. My husband has being doing P90x and really looks fantastic. At the party, everyone wanted to know what he'd done and what he was doing. I started to feel really uncomfortable. And then I got really depressed. I thought, I'll never lose the rest of the weight and look "fantastic." I'll never be able to do P90x (permanant nerve damage), I'll never look like I belong with my husband. I was definitely in the pit of despair having a major pity party yesterday.

But then I looked at my MFP friends, who have lost 30, 40. 60, 100 lbs, and thought... stop focusing on how you look in comparison with your husband. (Or at least try). Try to focus on getting on the bike another 5 days. I made an appointment for a massage next saturday, and if i get on the bike 5 days this week i'll go. Otherwise I'll cancel the appointment. I got on the bike again today and did pilates. And I wouldn't have done it without the inspiration of the people I've met on here. So, thanks.

LuneBleu85

You are inspiring too! Keep at it and hang in there

skruser99

I know that defeat. We've been partners for a while now, so I can relate to its persistence. However, I commend your persistence in following through because it will be that persistence that will carry you when you can't bear to put another foot forward. One step at a time...

CallMeCupcakeDammit

Absolutely one step at a time! Whenever you catch yourself thinking about how much further you have to go, you have to reel yourself back in and concentrate on today, or this moment right here and what choice you're going to make. Just keep logging in, no matter what. We're not here to judge you, just to help you keep moving forward. You're doing great so far! It's always easier for men, anyway, so you can't compare. Men suck like that.