I want to talk to the MEN

Options
jhmomofmany
jhmomofmany Posts: 571 Member
in Motivation and Support
Looking for some way to motivate my man. :smile: Two-part post:

First, from a guy's perspective, what can I do- as a concerned wife- to help my husband get in better shape? Is there anything I should do?

Second, looking for success stories from men who are of similar build to my husband. Every time I find what I think is a good story he says something like "that guy is younger" or "that guy is taller" or "that guy wasn't as big as I am" or "that guy was an athlete when he was younger". On and on. About the only success story he will identify with is another 36yo white married man who is 5'7" and started out at around 250 to 260 or more with little to no athletic history. Anybody got a story (or a blog post- anything!) to share?

Thanks, guys. :flowerforyou:
«13

Replies

  • jacksonpt
    jacksonpt Posts: 10,413 Member
    Options
    Maybe he doesn't want to change? If that's the case, then all you'll end up doing is beating your head against the wall.
  • Jeff92se
    Jeff92se Posts: 3,369 Member
    Options
    Tell him to take a blood and urine test. (high BP, or choloestral counts have a tendency to open eyes and minds) Or find an article that correlates fat content to various diseases.

    Ultimately he has to decide for himself.
  • Hobb3s
    Hobb3s Posts: 119 Member
    Options
    I don't quite meet those specs, but I'm starting down this trail. Motivation for me came from having two kids and my parents health deteriorating. I'm 6' started at 226lbs and I'm aiming for 180. My job entails mostly sitting all day, and I wouldn't consider myself currently 'athletic'.
    He needs to understand that to loose weight he doesn't need to be athletic. Check out this article.. it was a motivating factor for me, it just proves you can eat 'whatever you want' and still loose weight. (just not as much as you want).

    http://edition.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/11/08/twinkie.diet.professor/index.html?hpt=T2

    I've tried many things before, but just started and then they failed weeks later... I think what has helped this time is that my wife is doing it with me every step of the way. She's on board and watching our meals and motivating me to hit the exercise by doing so herself.
  • mea9
    mea9 Posts: 561 Member
    Options
    I'm not a man but I do have a suggestion. He's not going to do anything he doesn't want to but they usually just want to be helpful. Get him to hold your feet while you do crunches... that kind of thing. Soon he may be down there with ya. The only caveat is he may take all the credit for your fitness. Whatever...
  • KyleB65
    KyleB65 Posts: 1,196 Member
    Options
    I am a 5'10" tall and 46 years old man. Last year at this time I weighed 272 lbs. By the end of Nov - Beginning of Dec I weighed 196lbs. I now weigh 198 as I ate a little too much over the holidays and my gym was closed for almost 2 weeks.

    My personal experience is that you cannot motivate someone to start living healthier. My wife tried for years to get me to eat healthier. It never worked! Just like an alcoholic I had to hit rock bottom and then decide to change by myself. For me the trigger was my Doctor telling me that I had high blood pressure and would most likely not make it to 50 years old. As I was about to turn 46, this gave me a real kick in the nuts!

    It was hard at the beginning but once I got going, it became easier and easier. Now, I workout 6 days per week and my eating is much healthier. I am not perfect as my little holiday gain will attest to but I am proud of the direction I have chosen.

    Also, for me, this is a lifestyle change. Not a diet! I have tried dieting in the past and it never worked for me. This current life of logging what I eat and keeping active will be the way I live from now on. Hopefully for a few years beyond 50!

    Hopefully as you eat better and exercise more your husband will take the initiative on his own and join you. Aside from that.....

    Best of luck on your journey and I hope that your husband joins you.
  • koosdel
    koosdel Posts: 3,317 Member
    Options
    You can lead a horse to water, but you can't eat it too.
  • piccolarj
    piccolarj Posts: 488 Member
    Options
    I pretty much agree that he has to decide when he's ready to get healthy. I tried with my husband and I finally just gave up and left him alone. After he watched me change and really get serious this past year he has now started to workout. If all else fails just offer him sex for every workout he does! He's a man sex always works!!:happy:
  • Natty0506
    Natty0506 Posts: 103 Member
    Options
    You can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do. It's taken my husband quite a few years to get on board with me. It has to be HIS idea or it's not going to work. The best you can do is start cooking healthy food and not having snacks in the house.
  • wellbert
    wellbert Posts: 3,924 Member
    Options
    Don't compare him to people he might think you consider better than him. Not everyone considers success stories motivational: Men are simple creatures with fragile egos.

    Help him find a fitness related hobby. Cycling, hiking, martial arts, running, soccer, badmitton, squash, foosball...
  • achief192
    achief192 Posts: 192
    Options
    I was 6'1 and 228 pounds. What motivated me was high blood pressure - doc put my on BP medication and I hated it. So I started running and eating healthy and now I'm down to 200 pounds. Still have a little more to go, but no more BP medication.

    He has to want to do it for himself - nothing you can do but encourage him and set a good example yourself.
  • ImKindOfABigDeal40
    ImKindOfABigDeal40 Posts: 807 Member
    Options
    It has been my experience that people don't change unless they want to change. He is the only one who can change his mind. Hopefully, it doesn't take a major health crisis to wake him up.
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
    Options
    Nothing. don't nag him, it will make it worse.

    Go for runs/walks and show him what you are doing. That's really the only thing you can do. you could show him how you calculate stuff on mfp. but really nothing is going to force him.
  • GorillaNJ
    GorillaNJ Posts: 4,052 Member
    Options
    Start going on lunch dates with the hot guy from down the street.....

    I am just a bit taller the he is and started off with much more weight to lose....
  • Sublimely_Self_Righteousreused
    Sublimely_Self_Righteousreused Posts: 935 Member
    Options
    If he doesn't want to do it, he's not going to.

    If you bribe him with certain progress goals (with say a beej, or anything else), he'll be more motivated.
  • chriscoates7025
    chriscoates7025 Posts: 131 Member
    Options
    Sorry but there is nothing you can do beyond being a good example for him. If you push he will resist. He need to decide for himself that he wants to make a change. If you drag him into it, he will not be successful because he will be doing it for you and not because he is truly committed to the process.
  • CaptainGordo
    CaptainGordo Posts: 4,437 Member
    Options
    Nag, nag and nag.
  • auticus
    auticus Posts: 1,051 Member
    Options
    The thing that motivated me most was constant rejection. In this instance, the man already has a spouse so rejection is not going to be an issue, but going that route will likely emotionally break him. I have no other suggestion. He either wants it or he doesn't.

    It seems he has nothing to gain that he can see by losing weight.
  • robstot
    robstot Posts: 36 Member
    Options
    Well, I am about the same height as your husband and weighed 220. Now down to 180 and pretty lean, and looking to compete in my first body building competition. Oh yeah, I am 50 years of age.

    It is hard to motivate oneself and then trying to motivate someone else is even harder. I can suggest that you say its not about him. Its about you and that you wish he would be around longer but he won't if continues to increase his chance of heart disease, diabetes, stroke, high blood pressure etc. . Be frank about the health problems he is going to incur.

    I stopped eating all fast foods, alcohol, and I weightlift 5 days a week and cardio 2-3 days. Cardio is walking or an ellipitcal.
    I also did research on the best foods for me and tried as many as I could, and yes, do not like some of them, and that is okay. The best thing, I can cheat once a week with foods and really enjoy that . Which means an extra chicken breast or bbq ribs.

    I hope all works out for you
  • bcampbell54
    bcampbell54 Posts: 932 Member
    Options
    Take out a$1M life insurance policy on him, and tell him he has to go get a physical to qualify.
    When he comes back with the high BP, Pre-diabetes (or worse), and hyperlipidemia diagnoses, tell him you're taking out a $10M policy, and he will have to pay the difference.
    Wale-up calls like that will get a fella motivated. It worked for me.
    We like to fix things.
    Sometimes, even ourselves
  • doornumber03
    doornumber03 Posts: 221 Member
    Options
    this coming from a person that had the exact attitude your husbandi does and my wife kept trying to get me to workout.
    HE'S NOT GOING TO CHANGE UNTIL HE'S READY TO CHANGE

    it doesn't matter what you say to him, it's gotta be his choice. If you'd like to do anything, just set a good example and don't nag.

    It took me over a year of seeing my wife workout and eat better until i decided to do it. I decided it because i have a daughter and wanted to set a good example like her mother was setting. It's going to take him time, but it's gotta be his decision and not yours....otherwise it won't last.

    I'm not exactly what you were looking for but I am 40, 5'7 and was weighing 230.....I'm down to 203 now in about 2-3 months. Good luck!

Categories