Really struggling - could use some advice

katimari

Hi everyone,
I've been here before, but I'm starting again after a long absence. I'm at the point where I feel like my weight is physically holding me back or soon will be if I continue to gain. It's also holding me back socially - I have gained so much weight that I am avoiding friends who I haven't seen in a long time. I have to change. I know this, I just don't know how.

So, I am here asking for advice - any that you can give. What has worked for you in your weight loss journey? I'm trying to come up with a real plan not just wing it this time.

Thanks in advance!

Kate

MinnieInMaine

Oh honey, I can relate!! Part of what got me going once and for all is that I started to have those same feelings about seeing my friends - I'd always been heavy but I had gained about 20-30 pounds more and just felt embarrassed about my appearance.

A few things that have helped me this time:

No deprivation. I still eat my favorite recipes and have pizza and wings once a week, I just learned how to eat the proper portions and make some small changes. Like reducing the amount of meat and pasta/rice in dishes and using more veggies, using leaner meats (turkey meatballs, turkey pepperoni, 90% ground beef), finding the lowest calorie side dishes, etc. And that pizza no longer has meat on it, just green pepper and mushroom.

Planning. Temptation is vastly reduced when you know what you're having for the week/day. When I pack my lunch, I don't head down to the cafeteria and face the temptation of cheesy melted sandwiches and chips and cookies. I have my sandwich and fruit and I'm happy. Same for dinner - if those meals are all planned, there's no temptation to just order take out or make a box of mac & cheese. You still have to watch portions but at least you can control your meals calories when you cook the food.

Exercise. If you're active, you earn extra calories. I wouldn't have been able to do as well as I have if I wasn't as active as I am. Plus, I feel great because I've developed some strength and better balance.

A little self examination can help too. No one really likes to do it but if you think about what has and what hasn't worked in the past, that may help you with journey going forward. That's how I figured out I couldn't deal with deprivation. When I can't have foods I love, I just crave and crave and then say "screw it" and quit the diet. I also know that exercise not only helps me physically but it motivates me to eat better in order to properly fuel those workouts.

Good luck to you!!

ashmitatua

Kate, you are in the right track. You have started back in MFP and soon you will be on your way to a healthy weight. Stick to it, record every little thing you put in your mouth. Make sure you eat atleast 1200 calories , otherwise your body will go into starvation mode and you wont lose any weight. Also start some cardio exercises. I try to work out 4 days a week, just do the treadmill for 30-35 mins at 15 incline and 3.2 - 3.5 speed. One more thing, when I first started in MFP couple of months ago, I was eating a lot of protein and less or recommended amount of fiber. I did not lose any weight. Then for the last few weeks I started loading up on fiber and I saw some weight loss.
Hope this helps, my name is Ash. Will add you as a friend...

Ash

rescueangel

Ya...what she said!! LOL.

Seriously...I look at calories as money. If you have a goal for a vacation or a new tv you find a way to save that money and make it count. You weight loss is the same way. Put your self on a budget (your calories) and decide each morning what is really meaningful for you to spend them on. If you want a little extra treat (and it has to be a small treat) you exercise for it. Start out going for a walk and the more you walk, the faster and farther you will get.
My husband likes to jog. He started out at about 200lbs at 5'5" (yep, that's a short round!) At first he just simply walked the dog. After a while he didn't feel like he could just walk the dog....he needed more. Now he jogs 15 minutes each day. It may not seem like much, but with just that he's down to 183lbs (now...he is bad with his diet, but that's another story).

The point is.....I plan my diet like I pay my bills. I sit down each morning and tell my self "THIS IS WHAT I CAN HAVE!" And I stick to it. Be creative...and ask others on here for ideas for food...but stay on budget. The vacation you're taking is a new free'r body!!

kacarter1017

Oh honey, I can relate!! Part of what got me going once and for all is that I started to have those same feelings about seeing my friends - I'd always been heavy but I had gained about 20-30 pounds more and just felt embarrassed about my appearance.

A few things that have helped me this time:

No deprivation. I still eat my favorite recipes and have pizza and wings once a week, I just learned how to eat the proper portions and make some small changes. Like reducing the amount of meat and pasta/rice in dishes and using more veggies, using leaner meats (turkey meatballs, turkey pepperoni, 90% ground beef), finding the lowest calorie side dishes, etc. And that pizza no longer has meat on it, just green pepper and mushroom.

Planning. Temptation is vastly reduced when you know what you're having for the week/day. When I pack my lunch, I don't head down to the cafeteria and face the temptation of cheesy melted sandwiches and chips and cookies. I have my sandwich and fruit and I'm happy. Same for dinner - if those meals are all planned, there's no temptation to just order take out or make a box of mac & cheese. You still have to watch portions but at least you can control your meals calories when you cook the food.

Exercise. If you're active, you earn extra calories. I wouldn't have been able to do as well as I have if I wasn't as active as I am. Plus, I feel great because I've developed some strength and better balance.

A little self examination can help too. No one really likes to do it but if you think about what has and what hasn't worked in the past, that may help you with journey going forward. That's how I figured out I couldn't deal with deprivation. When I can't have foods I love, I just crave and crave and then say "screw it" and quit the diet. I also know that exercise not only helps me physically but it motivates me to eat better in order to properly fuel those workouts.

Good luck to you!!

Yep. Couldn't have said it better. Have lost 45 pounds, kept it off for 7 months. I would add make sure you change up your exercise, "go to" meals every once and a while or boredom can set in.

Biologize

I just started but I did my homework. I caste aside all that I should NOT ever eat again: greasy snacks, fast food, animal fat, fried foods, and high-calorie desserts. I love a vegetarian diet. It is a joy and an adventure to see what all you can find to eat in the produce/fruit section of the supermarket. Finding healthy food is a creative joy. I eat berries, such as blueberries and strawberries, every morning. I make whole grain artisan breads and fresh pasta using semolina, rye, and oat flour. I use Zoe's Francois' book titled, Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day. You make a 7 bread batch, don't knead it, and just put it in the fridge, to use all week. When you come home, in forty minutes, you have hot bread. I add nuts and seeds to the whole-grain breads. I even make vegetarian pizza on a grill with the homemade artisan bread. For the pizza, I use the book titled, Pizza On the Grill." I juice in the afternoon when I get back from work. A juicer only costs $25.00 from Black and Decker. My favorite juice is three carrots, three celery stalks, a tomatoe, and an apple or pear. I eat soups, Tofu noodles, Cellopane noodles, bean sprouts, all fruits and vegetables, no-fat yogurt, spinach, edamame, and seafood. I make my own sushi: raw and cooked. I make a no-fat hot chocolate mix for my coffee every morning too. I enjoy hot teas and boullion. Life is good again, and I am in control of my figure. Remember, nothing tastes as good as being thin feels!

mishmash73

i wouldn't do diet & exercise at the same time to the poit your life is turned upside down. its such a lifestyle shock for most - including me - that its near impossible to maintain forever. In 2009 i decided to start exercsiing in 2010 & then be aware of what i'm eating & try to avoid crap... and then in 2011, i started 'dieting' - i hate using that word - but i became more strict with what i didn't eat - avoided wine, fried foods, bread, pasta, sugar, etc... and actually lost weight for the first time in 10 years.

meerkat70

Take it one day, and one week at a time. Break down your goals into manageable mini goals, that you can tick off reasonably quickly in the first instance. Each day, commit yourself to looking after yourself, and to finding better, healthier ways of caring for and nurturing yourself.

Above all, you have to make a decision that this is what you want for yourself. That you're not doomed to be overweight. That you can be healthy and that you *choose* to be healthy.

slay0r

I lost 128 pounds in a year. The way I started was to give myself 5 weeks of doing my own diet hardcore without cheating once and see what the results were, if they were good I'd continue..if not I could at least say I'd tried. I lost 7-8 pounds the first couple of weeks then 3-4 a week from then on. That spurred me on and I continued until I got to the point I realised I needed to exercise or I would be in trouble, I went to the gym for a couple of months, then I got asked to do a bike ride with 24 hours notice, 61 miles from Manchester to Blackpool on a girls bike way too small for me. I completed it and decided I wanted to do more charity events so recently I've done the Urbanathlon, a triathlon and the Manchester 100 mile bike ride. I also now bike 20 miles a day round trip to work to keep fit.

Anyone add me if you like, I keep my diary open if you want to steal some ideas etc. I still eat healthily I just eat more to maintain so change it to suit your requirements

meerkat70

(Oh and I do occasionally have some of whatever I want. Fried food. Sweets. Whatever. I just do it in a more sensible and controlled way than I used to. The poster who said you don't have to feel deprived was absolutely right. There's no food that you 'never' have to eat again.)

loombeav

1st thing I had to do was realize there would be no quick fix and I had to stop looking for the easy way to lose the weight. I told everyone I socialize with what my goals are to help me accountable, I joined a gym and I take it a day at a time. I follow a weight management plan that works for me, I don't restrict anything from my diet. I practice portion control, make better choices when available and tweak recipes to make them healthier. I joined a FB group called FitForLife that was started by a group of MFP members, and I now admin for the group. I make this journey an everyday part of my life.

vanillasugar

Agree with what others have already said. BUT, for me, I think the most important and best thing I did for myself going into this was to acknowledge that this would be a lifetime commitment.

To elaborate, I knew I wasn't going to go in and deprive myself and lose weight as quickly as possible and then go back to "relaxing" again. To relax is to begin to fail. I knew and know that I will have to continue to watch pretty carefully what and how I eat for the rest of my life. And this is what has gotten me through the times when I have wanted to give up. There have been at least 3-4 times when I've either gained or not lost what I should have or I've gotten bored, or had a binge, whatever and thought, "why bother? I'm tired of doing this and not getting the results I want." or "screw it, this isn't working."

But then, I realized to give up would be to gain back all that I've lost. And probably more. I have been on a plateau for nearly 3 months. Actually more than a plateau. I started slowly gaining and am actually up 12 pounds from my previous lowest. Doing everything right, working out, not getting any results. Not losing pounds. Not losing inches.

Talk about getting discouraged! There have been several times I've stepped on the scale, saw no change and thought, I"m over this. Why am I doing this when it's getting me nowhere??"

But it *has* gotten me somewhere. I am 83 lbs less than I was 2 years ago. ok, well, perhaps 72 lbs at this point. :blushing: That's why I'm continuing to do this. I just realized I had to change things up. Do different exercise. Change up my calories (in my case, I've recently increased them - figured it couldn't hurt at this point! LOL) Because to quit, to give up, is definitely not going to get me the results that are currently eluding me. Bottom line, is even if I never lose any more (and I'm still a good 30-40 lbs from my goal) I have to keep on keeping on if I don't want to gain and I'm in a better place than I was when I started this. And that is how I think it has to be looked at to be a success.

SueInAz

You've made the first and biggest step and that is you're ready to do this. That's the most important element in making this successful.

My advice?

Start slowly. Don't jump in with both feet and try to make a lot of changes at once or you'll likely get overwhelmed and quit. If you don't belong to a gym right now, don't join one yet. Start by simply logging everything you eat each day in MFP (and that means everything, no bite, taste or sip goes un-logged!) and trying to keep within your calorie goal every day. You'll eventually see what you should and shouldn't eat (those chips have a lot of calories and don't fill you up!) and learn to judge portion sizes which are appropriate. Replace one or two foods you know are unhealthy and high in calories (chips, cookies, candy) with something similar but low calorie and healthy (celery, carrots, fruit). Add in some walking, every day if you can, even if it's only 10-20 minutes. Look at the diaries of your MFP friends for new food ideas. Ask for recipes, if necessary, most of us are more than willing to share. Check the boards for more ideas, the search here is a great tool.

Over time, as you make these small changes, and they become a part of your normal routine, you can make more changes. Hit the gym, attend exercise classes, run instead of walk. Plan your meals, eat "clean", etc. Whatever you can handle and makes you happy.

I started last January by simply deciding to walk more. Since then, I've lost the weight I wanted to lose and in 11 days I will run my first half marathon. I would have never, never, never thought I would ever be a runner (especially starting at 45 years old!) but by making small changes here I am.

Jupitermermaid

I can pretty much relate to how you feel. I, too, withdrew from people because I was embarrased about how I looked. Then I decided the heck with "dieting", I was just going to do what I could to become "healthy." A change of attitude does wonders for motivation. You start eating healthier, thus less junk without feeling deprived. Logging everything helps, too. Sometimes I'm too lazy to write down what I think I want to eat, so I decide it's not worth eating after all.

Change some habits slowly. Have a sweet tooth? Grab some baby carrots or make homemade cocoa using real cocoa powder. Have a salt and crunchy craving? Rinse off some edemame beans, sprinkle some sea salt on them, and suck them out of their pods. Want comfort food? Make yourself a bowl of plain greek yogurt, slice up some berries, and top with hemp seeds or crushed nuts for a smooth "dessert." Sip herbal tea throughout the day and lots of water to keep hunger at bay.

Walk instead of drive to destinations not more than 3 miles away from home if you can. I do my shopping daily just to walk the two mile round-trip to Publix. A little bit goes a long way. I go to the library once a week and walk the 5 mile round trip. Think of things you can do to step up activity. Another thing I do is watch Dr. Oz every afternoon (when I'm home, anyway). Instead of sitting on the couch munching, I use my glider during the show, and do jumping jacks or crunches during commercials.

Hope you find something that helps. Don't beat yourself up on days you're not "perfect." It's a lifestyle change, and lifestyles are not perfect. We all have good and not-so-good days. And, we're all here to help you......just ask!

krisha36

Im so happy for the website. Knowing that i am not the only one who struggles. sometimes my family and friends dont get it. I hear all the time just loose it and stick to it. NO one knows how truly hard it is. I have been debating going back to weight watchers. but i think there is more support here. and thank you for that.

I always knew i was fat but until i saw the pics from NYE and really saw myself i am so determined to get going. I started back to the gym this week after an injury from 8 months ago and emergency surgury in august.

i am hoping by my 37th bday which is Feb 4 to have lost 5-6 pounds.

good luck all
krisha

vegasaims

The biggest thing I have noticed (in my short time being back on track) that helps me is to be prepared. I typically leave my house at 5:30pm to get to work and then I am not home until almost 9:00pm. I plan my entire day's worth of meals. I bought a bigger cooler to keep everything there. I also carry a bottle of water with me everywhere. I noticed that before I started to do that I was also grabbing a soda from the lounge. I also started making sure that I do lots of walking when I am out and about throughout the day. I'm a teacher that goes from room to room, so I walk a lot. I also started doing a DVD every night before my bedtime routine. (The DVD has become part of the routine)

Good luck and if you need anything... let me know. Us citizens of LOSERVILLE need to stick together.

rescueangel

(Oh and I do occasionally have some of whatever I want. Fried food. Sweets. Whatever. I just do it in a more sensible and controlled way than I used to. The poster who said you don't have to feel deprived was absolutely right. There's no food that you 'never' have to eat again.)

I agree....never deprive your self of the things you love. You'll only end up feeling depressed and doomed to live life in this body. I decide each day from the start what I'm going to have that day. If I know that I'm going to be meeting my dad at the pizza place for dinner then I need to keep my day low on calories....opting for salads and plenty of water. If it's a work day (I work evenings) then I look at lunch as being my big meal and keep it light at work.
If you want a fried food or sweet...then plan it. Make it something you look forward too. Just keep the party light!!

rescueangel

(Oh and I do occasionally have some of whatever I want. Fried food. Sweets. Whatever. I just do it in a more sensible and controlled way than I used to. The poster who said you don't have to feel deprived was absolutely right. There's no food that you 'never' have to eat again.)

I agree....never deprive your self of the things you love. You'll only end up feeling depressed and doomed to live life in this body. I decide each day from the start what I'm going to have that day. If I know that I'm going to be meeting my dad at the pizza place for dinner then I need to keep my day low on calories....opting for salads and plenty of water. If it's a work day (I work evenings) then I look at lunch as being my big meal and keep it light at work.
If you want a fried food or sweet...then plan it. Make it something you look forward too. Just keep the party light!!

I also wanted to say that I lost 12lbs before ever joining this sight....so in total I've lost 26lbs.
Just take the time each day to plan what you're going to eat and be excited about it. As you go you will find things that work for you and that you truly enjoy. Don't let this be a "beat my self up" time, but a journey into the slim you.

jenn_is_trouble

Ya...what she said!! LOL.

Seriously...I look at calories as money. If you have a goal for a vacation or a new tv you find a way to save that money and make it count. You weight loss is the same way. Put your self on a budget (your calories) and decide each morning what is really meaningful for you to spend them on. If you want a little extra treat (and it has to be a small treat) you exercise for it. Start out going for a walk and the more you walk, the faster and farther you will get.
My husband likes to jog. He started out at about 200lbs at 5'5" (yep, that's a short round!) At first he just simply walked the dog. After a while he didn't feel like he could just walk the dog....he needed more. Now he jogs 15 minutes each day. It may not seem like much, but with just that he's down to 183lbs (now...he is bad with his diet, but that's another story).

The point is.....I plan my diet like I pay my bills. I sit down each morning and tell my self "THIS IS WHAT I CAN HAVE!" And I stick to it. Be creative...and ask others on here for ideas for food...but stay on budget. The vacation you're taking is a new free'r body!!

As a chronic penny pincher/budgeter, this makes so much sense to me! Thanks for sharing!

angelyn8

Hi, my name is Janice. I am new to this site. I have worked for many years addressing my eating issues, and I have used many useful tools to help me get through the rough spots. I keep a journal, and write in it daily. I have learned why I eat and have been able to identify my triggers, certain foods, situations, people, places or things, especially the bewitching hours.

I have been able to take everyday unhealthy foods and make alternate healthy recipes with them. I use small amounts of organic coconut/palm sugar, available in health food stores or online ( Navitas Naturals Organics at Amazon.) I never eat soy as it causes hormones to increase body fat. I eat hormone free dairy and meats, extra hormones wreak havoc on our body! I enjoy healthy foods in moderation, and I have learned to take pride in my choice to live a healthy lifestyle. It is only in learning to care for myself that I can be comfortable in my own skin, and that filters through my food choices and behavior around food.

My suggestion would be have some healthy foods on hand, and healthy snacks so you have food available rather than just grabbing the closest thing. I keep pieces of frozen banana handy for shakes, I use unsweetened cocoa ( not dutch process ) and add a dash of peanut or nut butter for a great shake. I use So Delicious Coconut milk, ( health food stores ) it is only 50 calories and low carb. it is thick and creamy and does not taste like coconut. A healthy thick shake is great in a hurry.
I always remember nothing is "free" and there needs to be a beginning and an end to a meal.
As far as deprivation, I always remember that junk food deprives me of the chance to be happy, joyous and free from the food obsession. I am not deprived if I am giving myself the best chance for a healthy body and weight loss. I am deprived if I eat the wrong foods.

I also ask myself before making a food choice "What will this for me, and what will it do to me? If it does not do something good for me, I make a better choice.

ericapage

I TOTALLY understand how you feel about not wanting to see people that haven't seen you in a while! A few things have helped. First, I tell myself that although I'm heavy now I'm working on it. It makes me feel a little better about myself. Same thing with exercising. I may not see differences right away but I feel better immediately. Second, I remind myself that I shouldn't be embarrased to see friends or family after gaining weight. They love me and support me no matter what. If some don't, well I don't need them in my life. Finally, no matter what diet plan you go with it is sooooo important to keep track of what you eat or drink. When I first started logging daily I was shocked to see how many calories, fat & carbs the food I had been eating were! By logging what you eat, you are more aware (and cautious) what you put in your mouth. Best of luck to you!