Can you imagine yourself....

grrl77

Smaller?

Small isn't a word I'd ever equate with me. I've never been it. Ever. For as long as I can remember, I've always been "the bigger girl." The word FAT has been my shield for a lot of things, my whole life.

"Oh, he didn't call me back for that second date. Must've not been attracted to me."

"There's no way I could do that. I'm way too big."

I'm determined that 2012 is going to be a good year for me. This is my first week, and tomorrow is my weigh in. Pretty stoked. I've been a good girl. I'm very excited to get on a healthier lifestyle path, but one thing that I can't wrap my head around is being smaller.

Not actually being the bigger girl anymore. Don't get me wrong - it's going to rule on about a million levels. But it's scary, in ways. Maybe it's strange to say, "Well what if I get more attention? More people paying attention to me?" In some ways, I almost feel like more will be expected of me? I just haven't figured out how, and I wonder how I will deliver all that. If I don't have that 'fat' shield or built in excuse, it kind of opens the door for other things to be examined. This whole process is about finding myself as well, and I'm pretty sure it'll all just naturally happen and there's nothing to fear.

Just kind of wondering if any of you guys go through this too? The weight loss journey is both a very exciting, positive thing, but it can also be a little out of your comfort zone/life altering.