My New Years Resolution

AtticusFinchStoleMyChocolate

Hey guys and gals

I've wanted to talk about this with someone, but realised that this forum might be an ideal place to put my thoughts on this matter.

As 2012 has rolled in with me still being obese I have, like I alway have, made a new years resolution to lose weight. However, unlike all the other time, I feel that this time I'm emotionally ready to take it on. Or, at least, more self-aware of the underlying problems I've been having and why that's lead to me being the size I am.

I have an insane family. Completely and utterly mental - and more in the negative sense of the word. All of my family know it, and we all deal with it in our own way - my way was, of course, eating myself to oblivion. However, I had a coping mechanism - it wasn't a healthy one, but it was something. My aunt, who was just in her 30s, did not. In summer 2010, she killed herself, and that's something I've just about come to terms with.

But in the process I ended up being the heaviest I have ever been. And I didn't care. I've always been a yo-yo dieter, so I've always been aware that my phases of comfort eating have come in waves, but this time I was old enough to not only understand, but feel the negative impact my actions were having on my health. By the time I had emotionally recovered from it all, I hated myself for getting to the size I did, and because of that I carried on binge-eating to comfort me. Occasionally throwing up after binging acted as a kind of damage-control by the end until it became a semi-regular thing - and that scared me. If I was resorting to actions linked to eating disorders, then there really is something wrong.

The cycle of eating for comfort is something I've heard a lot of others have been having to deal with. 2012 is the year I've decided to deal with my emotional baggage and finally stop being the victim and doing something about the state of my body. I've stopped the throwing up and hope that a healthy diet and some self reflection will mean that I'll able to claim to be healthy, both in body and in mind, this time next year.

I'd love to hear some of your reasons for being here and doing what you're doing - whether it's a new years resolution or not, let's make 2012 the year we reinvent ourselves!

(P.S. I posted this in another forum accidentally - not trying to spam, promise!)

MeliciousGibson

Thank you for having the courage to post this!

Here's my story - 5 years ago my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I was a fitness JUNKIE back then, but when he was diagnosed I had to throw all of that out the window and use ALL of my spare time to take care of him. The day he passed away (2-1/2 months after diagnosis) I was diagnosed with my own cancer and had a hysterectomy. I was never able to recapture the drive that I had before...and began my emotional weight-loss rollercoaster.

My family is also a bit nuts (bi-polar/manic-depressive). My sister is a drug addict and is bulemic. My mother's side of the family is all obese. My father's side of the family are all "eating disorder" thin. I've been pulled in two directions since birth, it seems! One grandma would point out how much weight the thought I had gained since the last time I saw her until she finally passed away. I've been OBSESSIVE about my weight my entire life, and can't seem to turn it off.

So, 5 years later and I'm cancer free! I recently had my last surgery and had to be put on Hormone Replacement Therapy - and ballooned 15 pounds in 2 months! I've decided that enough is ENOUGH! I have to live with these hormones the rest of my life, I had BETTER develop healthier eating habits as well as become more active or I will be obese and lose those years I won back from cancer!