struggling with being more attractive

suztheq

Hahaha, I don't have a problem of women hitting on me - wish I did though Even the creepy one would be nice - at least it would somewhat boost my ego As long as the creepy ones dont invade your space and place their hands on you, take it as somewhat as a compliment that people are finding you attractive.

Haha! This is great!

fteale

Apparently men find women who have lost weight more attractive than those who have always been thinner.

I don't know. I don't get hit on, but I admit when I started losing weight I worried about the same thing. Not that I think I am attractive, but I used to get hit on a lot when I was in my 20s, and it seems to me that men have got more aggressive in their flirting in the last decade. Maybe I just notice it more now I have children to look out for.

I'm not sure what you mean by the men finding women who have lost weight more attractive than those who have always been thinner thing... I don't think that's true.... hmm.

All I'm saying is, being looked at as an attractive woman is a new experience for me, and it's uncomfortable, and I'm trying to find ways to get used to it. I'm not trying to say that I think I'm hot stuff,. But losing 73 pounds is going to make a person hotTER stuff than they used to be.

It was in a New Scientist my husband had kicking around about a year ago, but I can't find a link to it on their website.

What? Dang... well that's just crazy. Good to know!

I have to eat a little crow here and admit that I thought you were trying to make some kind of snarky remark, I didn't realize you meant it as fact.

Ha ha! See why I keep people at arms length!? I don't generally make snarky remarks without provocation. It really is true. Though sadly in the same article they claimed that women don't like other women who have lost weight. Probably for the same reason. Competition!

erxkeel

Guys always hitting on me too... OW.. stop hitting on mEH!

jellyfishbones

Apparently men find women who have lost weight more attractive than those who have always been thinner.

I don't know. I don't get hit on, but I admit when I started losing weight I worried about the same thing. Not that I think I am attractive, but I used to get hit on a lot when I was in my 20s, and it seems to me that men have got more aggressive in their flirting in the last decade. Maybe I just notice it more now I have children to look out for.

I'm not sure what you mean by the men finding women who have lost weight more attractive than those who have always been thinner thing... I don't think that's true.... hmm.

All I'm saying is, being looked at as an attractive woman is a new experience for me, and it's uncomfortable, and I'm trying to find ways to get used to it. I'm not trying to say that I think I'm hot stuff,. But losing 73 pounds is going to make a person hotTER stuff than they used to be.

It was in a New Scientist my husband had kicking around about a year ago, but I can't find a link to it on their website.

What? Dang... well that's just crazy. Good to know!

I have to eat a little crow here and admit that I thought you were trying to make some kind of snarky remark, I didn't realize you meant it as fact.

Ha ha! See why I keep people at arms length!? I don't generally make snarky remarks without provocation. It really is true. Though sadly in the same article they claimed that women don't like other women who have lost weight. Probably for the same reason. Competition!

Haven't read the article but it makes sense to me. Women who have successfully lost weight have confidence that those who are naturally thin may not always have. Confidence in oneself and one's abilities is attractive.

CiciPorcayo

I will say! If your gonna look good your gonna get creepers. People are weird more now then ever before... honestly choose the places you go out better. But honestly just stick up for your self and be like "BACK UP!!" or something I would have punched him but that is just me! Good luck!

onefitdiva

Yep it's normal. There are serious freaky creeps out there and some really awesome guys out there too. Take it with a grain of salt and dismiss the losers. It's just a reality that usually the ones who come out the gate first (so to speak) are the disgusting ones, or are trying to beat their friends to get to you. Smile, say "I don't think so" and walk away. I am not sure where you are meeting guys or getting noticed, but in a bar especially with alcohol in play, men often get a little pushy. Be proud of what you have accomplished with working on you.

suztheq

Thanks everyone so much for your kindness and support! Reading all these posts has really brightened my day. :flowerforyou:

Congrats on your success! You will learn how to deal with the extra attention. Like other people have mentioned, do NOT feel bad about turning attention down. Especially if the guy oversteps his boundaries. There is nothing wrong with a creeper thinking you are a bit**. Let him bother someone else. Chances are, he's hitting on anything with boobs and a pulse. Save your energy for a guy who actually has something good to say rather than trying to get right in your pants.

MaximalLife

Pretty please, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all, ok? I'm exposing some vulnerabilities here, so I'd appreciate it if everyone would try their best to be kind. Thank you.

I've lost 73 pounds total. 40 in the last year. Dudes are looking at me. It's fun and cool, for the obvious reasons. But I'm a little uneasy because it's never really happened before, and for some other reasons. I just had a really nasty experience with a guy hitting on me- he had terrible boundaries, and the way that he approached me was incredibly creepy and it really, really upset me. I'm worried that there is more of this in my future. I still have a lot to lose yet, so I'm worried that if this is what I'm experiencing already, it's going to just get nasty.

Has anyone else experienced these feelings, and what helped you to deal with it and feel more comfortable with your body?

Welcome to the new world.
Get used to it.

And remember this. We must go through the bad to get to the good.

vox23

I don't have this problem. No one ever hits on me.

Namaste1983

IT WAS DEFINITELY WEIRD FOR ME AT FIRST WHEN I STARTED GETTING ATTENTION. I USED TO AVOID IT AND NOW AFTER SETTLING INTO MY BODY I JUST SAY THANK YOU, LAUGH AND WALK AWAY. I'M A BIG FAN OF THE "I AM IN A RELATIONSHIP" IF THE PERSON IS JUST PLAIN CREEPY. SMILE SAY THANK YOU AND GET THE HELL OUT. I'VE STOPPED GOING TO CLUBS BECAUSE MEN GT PRETTY GRABBY AND HONESTLY TOO PUSHY IN MY OPINION.
I WORK IN A HOSPITAL AND WHEN I WAS A TRANSPORTER I GOT HIT ON A LOT. WE PUSH PATIENTS AND I'M NOT GOING TO LIE, MY *kitten* DID LOOK PRETTY AWESOME IN MY SCRUBS BUT IT GOT AWKWARD SOMETIMES. I WOULD HAVE MALE NURSES JOKE ABOUT NEEDING TO WALK BEHIND ME TO SEE HOW IT'S DONE. ONE CREEP SAID HE WISHED HE COULD "BE BEHIND ME ALL DAY" HEY PERVERT.... I'M PUSHING YOUR ICU PATIENT, STFU. EVEN HAD A TECH PULL MY HAIR AND BRUSH THEIR HAND ON MY *kitten* WHILE I WAS PUSHING A BED AND RUN OFF LAUGHING.
IT SEEMS LIKE TODAYS GENERATION OF MEN WANT IT EASY AND QUICK. AND IF YOU GIVE A GUY YOUR NUMBER THEY TEXT YOU AND ASK FOR SEXY PICTURES. AT LEAST IT SAVES ME TIME FROM WEEDING OUT THE ONES WHO ARE SERIOUS RIGHT?
IT WILL GET EASIER AND YOU WILL LEARN WHAT WORKS BEST FOR YOU IN THOSE SITUATIONS. BE MINDFUL OF HOW YOU DRESS AND HOW YOU PRESENT YOURSELF. HOPE THAT GUY LEAVES YOU ALONE NOW THAT YOU'VE EXPRESSED YOUR FEELINGS.

thatsnumberwang

I've always hated being hit on... probably 'cause I'm awkward as heck. But as foxy ladies, we've just got to get used to it! So here's my suggestion: practice hitting on yourself. Seriously. Go into a mirror, check yourself out, and say, "damn girl, you are SMOKIN' hot! Wowzah!" And mean it. The more you do it, the more you'll start to believe it, and the less freaked out you'll feel when other people do it. And you'll start to have the confidence to blow off the creepers and get to know the ones you're actually interested in. Plus, you'll either feel awesome or you'll get a good laugh. Win-win

Elizabeth_C34

I used to get hit on all the time, and that stopped when I gained all my weight. Now that it's coming off, I've been getting hit on more often. It's awkward at first.

The truth is that men are going to be more attracted to you and more forward than you've experienced in the past. Learn to smile, accept the compliment, and walk away without leading them on. Don't be a biotch about it, but you can say "no thanks" and express disinterest. If you like him, flirt back a little. You might end up having a great relationship or friendship.

If he's a creeper, be mean.

krisvtx8777

I actually get "checked out" way less!
-probably because I have LESS self confidence. I know it makes a big difference. When I was 60 pounds heavier I focused on having fun and enjoying everything life had to offer not caring what anyone thought. Now, I feel sheltered.

Just wondering if anyone out there is on the flip side of this? I feel less attractive-not at fun as I used to. Before I used to find things I LIKED about myself. Now I only find all the things WRONG with me! I do in fact feel healthier-and that's what keeps me going!

Kimsied

Thanks everyone so much for your kindness and support! Reading all these posts has really brightened my day. :flowerforyou:

Congrats on your success! You will learn how to deal with the extra attention. Like other people have mentioned, do NOT feel bad about turning attention down. Especially if the guy oversteps his boundaries. There is nothing wrong with a creeper thinking you are a bit**. Let him bother someone else. Chances are, he's hitting on anything with boobs and a pulse. Save your energy for a guy who actually has something good to say rather than trying to get right in your pants.

I've always had that problem since my early teens. I think part of it is if you look approachable and if you seem nice when approached. If someone is being creepy or too aggressive, don't worry about being nice to them, be polite but firm and assertive. It took me a while to realize, but people who are overly creepy are doing it to whoever they think they can, so no need to spare their feelings if they are intruding on your space. They may even be singling you out with the assumption you won't know how to deal or will be flattered by the attention.

With nice guys who are just misreading the situation, do be gentle in rejections as it is hard to put yourself out there. But for them, a simple "thanks, I'm flattered but just not interested in you in that way" should suffice.

castadiva

Move to the UK? You'll have trouble finding a chap who will meet your eyes for more than a split second, let alone hitting on you in a creepy way. Sigh.

I do understand what you're going through - it's actually one of the issues I have to deal with in making this journey. Having always perceived myself as a "big girl", and therefore not attractive to the opposite sex, dealing with increased attention from men if I lose weight is something I both fear and desire - it's a nasty, 'rock and hard-place' scenario. The only advice I can offer if you're worried about it on a day-to-day level is to cultivate a confident, brisk walk, develop a few verbal strategies for enclosed spaces and take a self-defence class if you feel that would help you (adds to your exercise calories burned as well!).

Do try not to allow these things to make you too 'intimidating' though - the nice guys seem to get scared off more easily than the creeps! The thing I wouldn't advise, from personal experience, is to put up protective 'walls' that block you from recognising good attention when it comes - I don't notice when someone's interested unless they hit me over the head with a sledgehammer (figuratively speaking!), as I don't expect interest, and have effectively trained myself not to. Trust me when I say this is not helpful - the man I now think could have been the love of my life expressed his interest fairly clearly a couple of years ago (25kg lighter), and I didn't understand until it was too late. Still kicking myself, years later, especially after spending time with him and his girlfriend... Urgh, Friday night blues. Sending my sympathies your way. Promise to be more cheerful/constructive next week!

cleoleigh

This is my "backwards" comment:

I was 5'10 skinny and a natural blonde my entire life. I was what many boys/men found "attractive" As a result, there was never a shortage of guys wanting me....either to date, to hang out with or just to get in my pants. (luckily for me I had enough self respect + fear of STDs + fear of getting pregnant...not to sleep around) But they were always sniffing around.

Frankly, it got to the point where I could never tell who REALLY liked me and who just wanted to get in my pants or have me as arm candy. After several ended relationships it was quite discouraging. Truthfully, it really messed me up and made me very scared to let anyone in.

(I know this sounds so f-ing conceded, but I was never that way, I am a introvert actually LOL)

When I got FAT....... after a divorce and lose of my Grandmother who lived with me, that all changed. Guys didn't look at me anymore. They didn't hit on me constantly. I became invisible. I liked it. I was safe from getting involved and "inevitably" getting used/hurt again.

Now that I am starting to consider loosing weight and getting back to a healthier me I wonder what it will be like. Currently I am dating someone who loves ME.. He has known me for nearly 10 years and watched me gain over the past 3years. (we have been together 6months) I am embarrassed of my body and worry that he is secretly hoping I will loose weight and he will get the skinny me that he always knew. But he says that is not the case.

I guess what I was trying to say before I got on a rant...is that I understand.

Be proud of who you are and what you have accomplished. Put yourself out there only as much as you are comfortable with.

Oh... And don't be afraid to tell as guy to take a hike back the cave he clearly crawled out of

bloodguilt

That's the problem with being HOT and SEXY. You see, guys can't help but notice your hotness, hence you're getting hit on. Lol. Anyhow, take it as a compliment and as they said, 'get used to it'.

unicornassassin

Thank you. Good food for thought.

calvert6183

Pretty please, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all, ok? I'm exposing some vulnerabilities here, so I'd appreciate it if everyone would try their best to be kind. Thank you.

I've lost 73 pounds total. 40 in the last year. Dudes are looking at me. It's fun and cool, for the obvious reasons. But I'm a little uneasy because it's never really happened before, and for some other reasons. I just had a really nasty experience with a guy hitting on me- he had terrible boundaries, and the way that he approached me was incredibly creepy and it really, really upset me. I'm worried that there is more of this in my future. I still have a lot to lose yet, so I'm worried that if this is what I'm experiencing already, it's going to just get nasty.

Has anyone else experienced these feelings, and what helped you to deal with it and feel more comfortable with your body?

No one better be mean or creepy to you or ill come over there with my shotgun. DOnt let creepy/mean idots ruin this for you. Im glad you are loving your new change, keep enjoying it. You look stunning. Just know, there are so many good guys out there wising they could run into you. You are a very attractive woman and you are going to break some hearts.

delipidation

Take a self defense class! That way when you're rockin' that hot new bod and a guy steps into your comfort zone, you know exactly what to do to protect yourself. They're very empowering!

+1. And martial arts are good exercise!

But the key thing is that engaging in a strenuous activity that forces you to train your responses to stressful situations in the dojo will build your confidence when you encounter stressful situations elsewhere in your life (and it should be noted that most of them do not involve punching and kicking! ). Predators look for what they perceive to be easy targets, and confident people don't act like prey.

fiberartist219

Congratulations on your weight loss, it sounds like you're doing really well. I have these feelings too, especially when I was lighter and closer to a UK size 12 (US 8). A couple of people have mentioned boundaries and letting people know whats appropriate but what does this mean in practice? How you let men know they've overstepped without seeming rude or arrogant? What happens when its a creepy boss or co-worker that you don't want to be rude too?

Don't worry about being rude. If they hit on you and can't take a hint, they are the ones being rude.

I don't know about the UK, but here in the US we have laws against sexual harassment in the workplace. If a guy doesn't take no for an answer, you can just ask him if he needs to be reported, and that settles it usually.