Is there any good way to say this?

Solomonre0

I'm curious. Is there any good way to approach a friend and tell them that you're concerned about their health and weight?

mrk34

I had similar concerns. Please take a look at the advice I received.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/301791-help-or-not-to-help

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/303899-help-and-encouragement-or-unwanted-advice-and-implied-judgme

grapenutSF

I think no.

SparkleShine

Unfortunatly no.

Laces_0ut

of course there is. real friends let their friends know when they are messing up.

yesiamaduck

It varies from person to person, some people are simply unaware they have a problem and will appreciate the honesty whereas some people may be perfectly happy or insecure and will react badly.

bethvandenberg

Nope....but there's a way to talk about how special they are to you and why you're thinking they might want to make some changes

chuckyp

I think if you are diplomatic and express it as genuine concern and not criticism, you might be OK. However the person should legitimately be to a point where his/her health is at stake. If you bring it up because of a bit of a beer gut or muffin top, he/she might get offended.

CourtneyA1

My thoughts....
I don't think you really can.
If the person is overweight, they know they need to do something about it, and its not good for their health.
You're not telling them new news. Unfortunately everyone has to do it at their own pace.

fragilegift

I don't know. I do know however, that I, personally, would have appreciated someone saying something to me years ago that I was getting a bit...pudgy. I don't live with anyone, so no one is 'used' to me and can't see that I was slowly expanding over the years. YMMV

Thena81

def over lots and lots of drinks lol :flowerforyou: :drinker: :bigsmile: :laugh:

KristinLeAnn252

I think it depends on the friend. Do they know they're overweight (or underweight if that's the issue). All my life I have known I needed to lose weight so when friends/family mentioned to me that maybe I'd gained a few pounds, I didn't take it as an insult. But if your friend is really sensitive, she might. It's kind of a double standard though, I think. Because slim people will complain about gaining five or ten pounds to everyone they can fishing for a compliment. So I think it's up to you as you know your friend best

sheepysaccount

Tell them of your success story. Tell them about MFP and they will decide for themselves. It's sneaky, but works.

ninerbuff

I'm curious. Is there any good way to approach a friend and tell them that you're concerned about their health and weight?

Yes. You introduce them to someone who can give a professional opinion.


A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

takehimaway

Tell them of your success story. Tell them about MFP and they will decide for themselves. It's sneaky, but works.

This!! Attraction rather promotion!

chrischinchilla

It depends on how close you are with the friend. Only the very closest of my friends would I tell them, honestly, sincerely, kindly. What's more, I'd want to be able to remind them of reasons THEY'VE ALREADY EXPRESSED about wanting to lose weight--for example, have you heard your friend say, "I'm just tired of being overweight," "I want to be able to play with my kids more"? And, as their friend, you'd better be ready to offer a solution--commit to yourself to at least be there to give them an encouraging word, or even exercise with them. For the most part, my advice is this: tell them, only when they want to be told--they've expressed their dissatisfaction, they've expressed reasons why they want to be more healthy (strong, positive reasons--as opposed to negative ones like "I want to make my ex jealous"), and they've expressed all of this TO YOU directly. At that point, all you're doing is being the nudge they've been ASKING you to be. But without all of that, the answer is: no, it's none of your concern. And honestly, if being around someone who is living such an unhealthy lifestyle that it sets you on edge, but you don't have the relationship with them you need to offer your help, then there is nothing wrong with making a healthy choice FOR YOU and backing off from people whose lifestyle makes you uneasy or sad. You do not and should not have to be someone's savior. Good luck!

sylvuz323

Wait for the right moment, I did that with my brother...heart disease is a given in our family. So at one point we were discussing our fathers current health and I turned the discussion to him, saying that he also needs to get himself at a healthy weight. Of course, I commented as I myself am still striving to do. My brother has some meals where I'm like wow that's a heart attack waiting to happen.

He understood and he is more active, plus has lost some weight. It didn't take many words just the right ones.

Picklepower

I say start the conversation somewhere along the lines of "I want to talk to you about something and I'm not sure if you'll agree/be thankful i was honest/get mad/etc but I just want you to know that I'm only bringing this up because I care and I hope you will not be offended. If you are offended then I am sorry but I want you to know that no matter how you respond I will be here to as your friend" or something like that. Basically, warn them ahead of the convo that you are not saying what you are saying to hurt their feelings but in the hopes that it will extend your friendship into the MANY years ahead.

Pebble321

No.

I doubt that there is a single person who is overweight who isn't already aware of the fact. You pointing it out isn't going to make them say "oh my god, I'm fat, why didn't anyone tell me????"

And they've probably already tried so many things and feel like **it for not being successful, so you pointing it out is not going to make them feel any better. Especially if you have already lost weight, it might look like you are boasting (even though that's not your intention).

I think the only thing you can do is to be supportive and be there, so when they make the decision for themselves that they want to lose weight, they trust you and know that you will help share what has worked for you.

I have a neice who is really overweight and I would love it if she could find a way to get healthier, I am worried about her. BUT, I just don't think me saying "I'm worried about you" is going to make her change. When she is ready, I'm hoping she'll ask me what I've done and I'll be ready to help in any way I can.

TigressStripes

I think the answer is: maybe.

It depends on your friendship with the person. Are they your best friend, or someone you're otherwise very close to? That's the kind of person who will take your words to heart and take them as you mean them, and understand that they come out of care and concern and not malice.

If it's not someone you're especially close to, I wouldn't say anything. You don't have that level of trust to be able to say something like that and not otherwise damage the relationship.

MsPinVa

They already know. And by that I mean, more than likely they know they need a healthier lifestyle. But for some reason they aren't chosing it.

Your best option is to try to engage them in working out and eating healthy when you are around them. Ask to do activites together like walking, kayaking, etc.

bcattoes

I'm curious. Is there any good way to approach a friend and tell them that you're concerned about their health and weight?

I think it depends on the relationship. I've had friends that I know would never take it well not matter how tactfully it was said. Usually I just bring up the subject of weight and health in reference to myself. If they don't expand the conversation to include their weight, then I take that as a sign that they don't want to talk about it.

Zodiacsmom

Someone told me, flat out. "Hey Beth. you need to tighten up..things are getting out of hand and we want you around for a long time...: I respected them and appreciated it, but I have pretty thick skin...

cramernh

I'm curious. Is there any good way to approach a friend and tell them that you're concerned about their health and weight?

Nope..

Its up to the individual person to come to terms with their own health situations...Im pretty confident that whomever you are referring is already aware, but only they can get the reality check activated....

Ive got a friend right now who is about 200lbs overweight... and they damn well know they are also. Its NOT my place to tell them they should take this seriously.

That is a job best left up to their DOCTORS...

Elizabeth_C34

No. It's up to them.

Believe me, they know that they're overweight/obese. It's up to them to care enough to do something about it. Just be supportive, don't judge them, and lead by example.

Carfoodel

I had to say something to my husband - we are both overweight, but luckily I havn't got any major health problems. I had to point out that I understood that he was unhappy with his size but I was worried that the weight plus health problems meant that whilst I was trying to improve my health and life, I was really scared that the way he was going it would mean me spending a healthy life on my own.

It was really difficult to tell him, and I do love him no matter what size he is, but I knew I had to say it. In saying that this is me telling the person I have been with for 24 years and there has never been anything we couldn't talk about. So I guess it depends on who it is? The weight was a big factor, but it was because of the knock on effect of his health problems which were shortening his life expectancy. If my husband had the same concerns I would expect him to say to me.

In saying that I take exception to anyone else telling me I need to lose weight, it's noone elses business.

coppercurlz

I'm curious. Is there any good way to approach a friend and tell them that you're concerned about their health and weight?

Only if that person brings it up. Otherwise it's not your business to butt in.

luv_lea

I don't believe so. My belief is to lead by example, and hope people in that situation notice, and might possibly want to follow your lead.

rml_16

of course there is. real friends let their friends know when they are messing up.

Because someone who's overweight doesn't know?

erxkeel

Jeez with guys its so much easier...

guy #1. dood your fat.

guy #2. Ya?

next topic.

sailorsiren13

no there isn't my daughter just had this happen her friend got mad because he was complaining that he has gained a ton of weight she told him to get off his butt and do something about it or shut up he didn't like it they are no longer friends after 4 years