Having a hard time getting back

findingfit23

Im having a hard time getting back in to the swing of things. I was doing great up until Thanksgiving, but then it all fell apart.
My grandfather had a heart attack on Thanksgiving, the next week moved to a hospital 4 hours away, the next week had quadruple bypass. He never recovered, he died on Christmas.
The insanity of the last 2 months has definitely taken a toll on me. I was barely home, away in a strange town, living on hospital food. But I really thought I would be ready to roll again on 1/1/12, also my grandfathers birthday.

He had diabetes and never watched his diet. He thought the meds would fix it all, even when he was moved from pills to insulin shots. I watched his eye sight go, kidneys fail, toes amputated, among many many other complications.
Why isnt his illness enough to scare me? Enough to get my *kitten* moving?
Maybe I am still grieving, i dont know. Ive never lost anyone before.
As much as I want to get up and get it together, I feel stuck here like a rock. I can go to the gym everyday with out a problem, I have no trouble faking it till I make it there. Its the eating that kills me.
I wish I could be one of those people that wakes up, decides this is it, and never goes back. My brain is SO tied to food, I cant find a way to break free.

Sorry for the rant, Im just trying to figure this all out. :brokenheart:

Bonita_Lynne_58

Of course you're still grieving! I am so sorry about your loss. I lost my grandfather and best buddy on Jan 8th 1994. We all grieve in our own way and in our own time.

Your grandfather was special to you. You will miss him. That's ok. I can tell you that it does get easier. It doesn't happen overnight but it will happen.

I'm here for you, I have faith that you will be able to get back on track. You grandfather would want you to take care of yourself. Allow yourself to grieve, but take care of yourself.

et57

Let's look at what is going well. You are getting to the gym and working out. That is awesome. It will help you with the grief, believe it or not. Now for the food. Maybe if it seems overwhelming, try changing one meal instead of your whole diet at once. Start with eating a healthy balanced breakfast for a week, and then if you feel like you have that under control, the next week, start working on your lunch choices and so on until you are eating healthier at all your meals and snacks. But record all of them, good bad and ugly! That way you will be able to see where you want to improve. Or come up with 7 dinners and make enough that you can have the leftovers for lunch the next day so you know you will have two healthy meals ready each day. Just some ideas. And I need to follow my own advice more! lol.

laneybird

I am so sorry for your loss! I can totally understand, you are grieving still. You are allowed to grieve, however long that it takes. The fact that you are getting to the gym is awesome! As for the food, start with baby steps if you need to. I often want to reach for food "just because" and I am not really hungry, so I have learned to walk away after I stop and really listen to my body. When you are thinking about your grandfather and you get sad...then cry. Get it out... don't hold it in. That's a lot to go through in 2 months, plus years of seeing his failing health.

Because you have seen what kind of toll his body took from living in a not-so-healthy way, I know you don't want to be...or end up.. that way. Try to start healthier food choices in honor of your grandfather...and yourself too. You don't want to have the failing health that he did, especially since you're young enough to bounce back. You CAN do this. Your MFP peeps are here for you! Sending virtual ((HUGS)) to you!! If you need to chat or anything, please let me know. We are all here for you, holding our hands out to help you get back on the wagon :flowerforyou:

abrantner

Hugs dear MFP friend.. some days you just gotta take one at a time.. even on min at a time.. Make small choices as they come up.. Apple instead of the donut... Don't think too far ahead.. Hugs.. Hugs!!

findingfit23

Thanks friends, I love you all!