second wedding advice question

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  • AnneElise
    AnneElise Posts: 4,221 Member
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    Hi, I just got married in November and his parents paid for the alchohal and rehersal dinner and gave us 300$. My parents gave us 500 after paying for a lot of the wedding... either way it was a gift that we loved! Just do what you feel is right... another option would be to have them pick out something for there house (a dining room table, a coffee table, lights, a tv) and buy that for them!
  • JessicaT2007
    JessicaT2007 Posts: 553 Member
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    That letter to your future DIL made ME cry, I can only imagine how she will react! LOL

    Both sets of our parents (all of them are divorced and re-married) helped out with a big part in our wedding and then his mom and my mom gave us a gift/money as well. My dad was very hard up for money, so him helping out was all I could ever want. I was not going to even let him do that, but he said it would hurt his feelings if he could not contribute.

    It really does depend on your money situation. You say money is tight and you want to give $500, that is very generous.
  • jdelisle
    jdelisle Posts: 1,050 Member
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    For my wedding, my Dad gave us $500 plus a patio set and he paid for my flowers ($2,000).

    My mom gave us a really nice fully loaded BBQ (probably in the $500-750 range) & paid for my wedding dress ($2,500) and dinner & reception rental ($2,500).

    My mother in law bought is some solar outdoor lights.

    My father in law gave us $1,000 and his old truck ($7,000)

    So really... depends on your situation. To me it didn't really matter what I got! The whole gift opening experience was kind of uncomfortable for me to be honest. I hate it when people make a fuss. I think the whole wedding gift thing is hugely over rated.
  • beagle595
    beagle595 Posts: 226
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    Brenda you did great for Christmas! What a lovely note your wrote your Daughter-in-law to be.. And giving up something so personal that was from your son's childhood. And you are doing your part/ Etiquette paying for the rehearsal dinner. And they should be happy with the $200.00. I told you before I'd swap you in a heartbeat to be my Mother-in-law. LOL! You have been doing great!!!:wink:
    I was raised in giving monetary gifts for weddings. Household items are to be given at the Bridal Shower, that used to be the golden rule of Etiquette. But times have changed so much. And I was also raised to at least cover your plates at a wedding and additional $ towards making the monetary gift. Also I always increase the gift amount with inflation. A nice dinner and open bar with top-shelf liquor isn't cheap. So I always tell friends who ask how much to give as a gift... to look at it that way.. What would a nice Filet Mignon dinner cost with dessert and 3-5 coctails, tax and tip per person? Quite a heafty amount.. My Parents taught me to give from the heart, use common sense and don't ever be cheap. Salute! :drinker:
    (*quinnybear... your husband and my husband must be brother's... LOL! My Father' and Mother's family raised thru the depression, middle class workers.. We got anywhere from $100.00-400 per couple. In-laws even though it said "Adult Reception" they included their 3-5 kids on the response card. We paid $40/plate back in 1995.. so needless to say I had to make several phone calls to clarify what "Adult Reception" meant. I'm not a snob.. just raised with class, etiquette, morals, common sense. . And yes Aunt & Uncles still came with kids, family of 4-5 people and gave a $20 gift. So we got to save $ when we returned the honor of attending their weddings... :wink: )
  • BrenNew
    BrenNew Posts: 3,420 Member
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    Brenda you did great for Christmas! What a lovely note your wrote your Daughter-in-law to be.. And giving up something so personal that was from your son's childhood. And you are doing your part/ Etiquette paying for the rehearsal dinner. And they should be happy with the $200.00. I told you before I'd swap you in a heartbeat to be my Mother-in-law. LOL! You have been doing great!!!:wink:
    I was raised in giving monetary gifts for weddings. Household items are to be given at the Bridal Shower, that used to be the golden rule of Etiquette. But times have changed so much. And I was also raised to at least cover your plates at a wedding and additional $ towards making the monetary gift. Also I always increase the gift amount with inflation. A nice dinner and open bar with top-shelf liquor isn't cheap. So I always tell friends who ask how much to give as a gift... to look at it that way.. What would a nice Filet Mignon dinner cost with dessert and 3-5 coctails, tax and tip per person? Quite a heafty amount.. My Parents taught me to give from the heart, use common sense and don't ever be cheap. Salute! :drinker:
    (*quinnybear... your husband and my husband must be brother's... LOL! My Father' and Mother's family raised thru the depression, middle class workers.. We got anywhere from $100.00-400 per couple. In-laws even though it said "Adult Reception" they included their 3-5 kids on the response card. We paid $40/plate back in 1995.. so needless to say I had to make several phone calls to clarify what "Adult Reception" meant. I'm not a snob.. just raised with class, etiquette, morals, common sense. . And yes Aunt & Uncles still came with kids, family of 4-5 people and gave a $20 gift. So we got to save $ when we returned the honor of attending their weddings... :wink: )


    Aww, thanks Beagle! You're sooo sweet to say you'd swap me for a mother in law! LOL.
    I was raised the same as you, I ONLY give money too for the weddings. The gift is for the bridal shower, money for the wedding!
    I always thought that 50.00 was a good enough amount, but then again, I haven't been to a wedding for MANY, MANY YEARS, so I guess with inflation, I can see "maybe" giving a 100.00. Course, that's NOT for my son and his future wife, they'll get more! I just have to decide if it'll be 500.00, or if it'll be 300.00, since we'll also be giving them 200.00 to use towards the flowers, the flatware set, and don't forget the rehearsal dinner.
    Anyway, thanks for your nice comments and advice! Brenda :smile:
  • BrenNew
    BrenNew Posts: 3,420 Member
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    $500 would be very generous on top of paying for the rehearsal dinner! That note to Rebecca is worth more anyhow. :) Even $300 would be good for a cash gift. She's lucky to be getting you as a mother in law.



    Aww, thanks, I AM thinkng about only doing the 300.00, since they WILL also be getting the flatware, 200.00 to use towards flowers, as well as us paying for the rehearsal dinner. I don't make a ton of money, FAR from it in fact, so I'd LOVE to just give them the 300.00. I just don't want it to look too "cheap", since after all, HER parents are paying a fortune for the wedding!
    Thanks again for your nice comment! Brenda:smile:
  • MissGorgeous
    MissGorgeous Posts: 394 Member
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    yikes rough question
    my parents said 10grand for a wedding or you can have the cash
    we opted for the cash and did a vegas wedding
  • BrenNew
    BrenNew Posts: 3,420 Member
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    That letter to your future DIL made ME cry, I can only imagine how she will react! LOL

    Both sets of our parents (all of them are divorced and re-married) helped out with a big part in our wedding and then his mom and my mom gave us a gift/money as well. My dad was very hard up for money, so him helping out was all I could ever want. I was not going to even let him do that, but he said it would hurt his feelings if he could not contribute.

    It really does depend on your money situation. You say money is tight and you want to give $500, that is very generous.


    Awww, sorry I made you cry! Hopefully Rebecca WILL like it and realize that I DO care about her!
    I'm still debating about just how much money to give them though, but, I'll figure it out one of these days I suppose! I'd BETTER anyway! :laugh:
  • JessicaT2007
    JessicaT2007 Posts: 553 Member
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    Awww, sorry I made you cry! Hopefully Rebecca WILL like it and realize that I DO care about her!
    I'm still debating about just how much money to give them though, but, I'll figure it out one of these days I suppose! I'd BETTER anyway! :laugh:

    It's ok that you made me cry, I am a big sap when it comes to those things! LOL. I'm sure you will decide on the right amount and will feel good about it soon! Don't agonize too much. :happy:
  • quinnybear
    quinnybear Posts: 243
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    Brenda you did great for Christmas! What a lovely note your wrote your Daughter-in-law to be.. And giving up something so personal that was from your son's childhood. And you are doing your part/ Etiquette paying for the rehearsal dinner. And they should be happy with the $200.00. I told you before I'd swap you in a heartbeat to be my Mother-in-law. LOL! You have been doing great!!!:wink:
    I was raised in giving monetary gifts for weddings. Household items are to be given at the Bridal Shower, that used to be the golden rule of Etiquette. But times have changed so much. And I was also raised to at least cover your plates at a wedding and additional $ towards making the monetary gift. Also I always increase the gift amount with inflation. A nice dinner and open bar with top-shelf liquor isn't cheap. So I always tell friends who ask how much to give as a gift... to look at it that way.. What would a nice Filet Mignon dinner cost with dessert and 3-5 coctails, tax and tip per person? Quite a heafty amount.. My Parents taught me to give from the heart, use common sense and don't ever be cheap. Salute! :drinker:
    (*quinnybear... your husband and my husband must be brother's... LOL! My Father' and Mother's family raised thru the depression, middle class workers.. We got anywhere from $100.00-400 per couple. In-laws even though it said "Adult Reception" they included their 3-5 kids on the response card. We paid $40/plate back in 1995.. so needless to say I had to make several phone calls to clarify what "Adult Reception" meant. I'm not a snob.. just raised with class, etiquette, morals, common sense. . And yes Aunt & Uncles still came with kids, family of 4-5 people and gave a $20 gift. So we got to save $ when we returned the honor of attending their weddings... :wink: )

    wow... our husbands must really be brothers. we too said "adult reception" and his family still brought a bunch of kids!
  • Hemis_mom
    Hemis_mom Posts: 193 Member
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    This wasn't a wedding present but the best present my parents have gotten my husband and I was a freezer! It is so nice to buy things in bulk or at discount stores and put it in the freezer ours was less than 500$ and has already saved us a ton of money! They did this for my sister too it was awesome!! I appreciated them finding a way to help us save money long term--and it wasn't something I could have afforded to buy myself (at least I don't think I would have splurged on a freezer) those are the best gifts the ones you wouldn't buy for yourself because its a splurge--

    But $ is always good ;-)

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