Eating Disorders?

ashleygeex26

Alright I know this can get a little personal, but I was wondering if anyone out there has ever had an eating disorder. About 7-8 years ago I had a stint of anorexia while in high school. I went from 150 pounds down to 105, and looking back it was a scary experience. Once people started noticing and questioning me about my weight situation (I looked like the grim reaper) I decided to start eating normally again, which is obviously NOT the right thing to do in this situation. I blew up from 105 to 172 because my body wasn't used to all of the calories, fats etc. It's been a downward spiral since. I've turned to MFP to lose weight in a healthy way and I am looking for friends that are not afraid to be brutally honest with me when it comes to my diaries and work outs. I have the fear of going down the weigh loss route the wrong way again, so I am hoping that my new diet, tied with MFP, will help me get there.

PLEASE feel free to add me on here. I am looking for many friends so we can help each other out on here.

hsmommyofmany

i have been through all of them. i was i guess what you would call "exercise anorexic" in high school for a while, eating very little and exercising off what i did eat. i lost about 30 pounds in one month. i was also bulemic for several years using laxatives to control my weight. i was never what you would call thin though. since i graduated from high school i have been gaining weight and i guess that is another eating disorder...no one can eat so much to get as heavy as me without having one, i dont think anyway. i have never had a good relationship with food. i guess it was the one thing i always could control in my life and now it is controlling me. how sad i getting healthy this time for good though...i cant do this anymore.

ashleygeex26

i have been through all of them. i was i guess what you would call "exercise anorexic" in high school for a while, eating very little and exercising off what i did eat. i lost about 30 pounds in one month. i was also bulemic for several years using laxatives to control my weight. i was never what you would call thin though. since i graduated from high school i have been gaining weight and i guess that is another eating disorder...no one can eat so much to get as heavy as me without having one, i dont think anyway. i have never had a good relationship with food. i guess it was the one thing i always could control in my life and now it is controlling me. how sad i getting healthy this time for good though...i cant do this anymore.

Well thank you for sharing. I am glad to see I am not the only one out there that has struggled. It's a roller coaster ride and I am sick of it!!

asamuels85

I am glad to see some honest and healthy thoughts about ED's. I too struggled in high school with both anorexia and bulimia. Being a very small person (5'1") i was actually devastated when i reached 100 lbs in 8th grade. After that, i think things just started to go up and down based on what others thought of me. While short spurts of confidence did find me and brought me to a healthier place, it seems i would revert back to poor body image. The one thing that completely struck ED's from my life was getting pregnant with my first child in college, a daughter no less, and one that i promised will NEVER let feel ashamed of herself, and also one that will never see me with anything but a healthy image of what food does for us.

Thank you both for sharing and listening, and as i see a comment about your diary (looking meager) I want to say that this process is sometimes hard and slow, but we are here to help it be a HEALTY AND SUCCESSFUL journey, so don't hesitate to seek us out, those who have been there really know how tempting it can be to just give up on the healthy part.

with LOVE,
Amanda

meggy_182

I suffered from extreme depression from the age of 10 to 17 and in the time my weight was an all time low of 105lbs and im 5'6!!
I never saw the problem, well i knew i was underweight and i needed to eat more but I was depressed due to other parts of my life I ended up just not caring about anything.
I then beat depression, but started eating normally which sky rocketed my weight! I thought it was good, i looked better but it wasn't healthy!

ShellsMurphy78

My name is Shelley. I was a normal, healthy, happy, average sized athlete in HS. In college I began to bloom and bloom big. My height is 5'11. In HS i was 160lbs. After HS my life took a downward spiral as I began to let childhood issues take over my life. In college I allowed myself to bloom to an ugly and fat 250 lbs. Ten years ago I decided that fat was too much for me and I became bulimic. I lost over 100 lbs in less than a year. My lowest weight was 147 lbs and I was sickly. Over the past ten years I have started to gain my weight back, but i've also became mentally and emotionally healthier. I am currently 185 lbs and it freaks me out. While the weight range is 'ok', it is not 'ok' to me. I need to lose the weight back down. I'd prefer to be a healthy-to-me 160 lbs again. If I had it in me again i'd totally resort back to my ED, but it was too exhausting and during that time I ended up in the hospital and now have rib/cartilidge problems today. I struggle every day to not just go for it, but my mind tells me 'no'. It doesn't help at all in the ED realm of life though. Once an EDer, always an EDer i believe. This site tells me I am healthy and should be fine, but the mirror tells me different. I'm stuck and confused and no person in my immediate life understands an ED lifestyle. I want it but i don't. If anyone else out there understands what I mean, please message me. Thanks and good luck to all who are attempting to reach their goals.

kniw

Alright I know this can get a little personal, but I was wondering if anyone out there has ever had an eating disorder. About 7-8 years ago I had a stint of anorexia while in high school. I went from 150 pounds down to 105, and looking back it was a scary experience. Once people started noticing and questioning me about my weight situation (I looked like the grim reaper) I decided to start eating normally again, which is obviously NOT the right thing to do in this situation. I blew up from 105 to 172 because my body wasn't used to all of the calories, fats etc. It's been a downward spiral since. I've turned to MFP to lose weight in a healthy way and I am looking for friends that are not afraid to be brutally honest with me when it comes to my diaries and work outs. I have the fear of going down the weigh loss route the wrong way again, so I am hoping that my new diet, tied with MFP, will help me get there.

PLEASE feel free to add me on here. I am looking for many friends so we can help each other out on here.

Hi all I am a 5'3 female in my early 20s. In 5 years ago I went from 128 pounds to 99 pounds, initially thought dedicated exercise which quickly escalated into annorexia. My life line for recovery 18 months on was the insentive to leave home and go to college 116 pounds. Over my first year I would have reached an excess of 150 pounds but I never checked out of fear. I now weigh 145 pounds and am finding it impossible to loose.

theroadto100

I'm 20 and I'm dealing with anorexia right now. I'm no where near as bad as I was a few months ago, where I'd eat about 200-300 calories a day, burn off 400-500 at the gym, and throw up a few times a week. I lost a LOT of weight REALLY fast, and I'm in the same boat as you. I tried to eat normally, and I gained a lot. So now I'm back up to 148, a weight I told myself I'd NEVER get to again. I think my body is finally starting to get used to eating this much again, so I hope I start to lose weight now. I'm just really scared I'll keep gaining, and I'll fall back into my old patterns.

The scary thing is if it wasn't for the fact that 1) I don't get a period as of now and 2) I'm scared of putting weight on really quickly again, I would absolutely go back to eating 200-300 calories again. In a heartbeat. It's still near impossible for me to eat and I still have to force myself to get up to 1200 calories a day, but I'm trying to convince myself it's the right thing to do.

jellybaby84

I'm 27. I was anorexic from 16 - 21, bulimic from 21- 23 and generally disordered since. Trying to be healthy now but not really there yet.

zombi

Hi. I have struggled with ED-NOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified) for at least 10 years of my life. I will be 27 next month. You are not alone.

Currently I consider myself in recovery, but that's a living process, I think, and I accept that I may always struggle with this illness. In any case, I am not using MFP to lose weight, but as a tracker. It can be really triggering, though.

You can feel free to add me as a friend if you want. (: If you need to eat more, I promise I'll tell you.

yesiwillbeloosingit

Alright I know this can get a little personal, but I was wondering if anyone out there has ever had an eating disorder. About 7-8 years ago I had a stint of anorexia while in high school. I went from 150 pounds down to 105, and looking back it was a scary experience. Once people started noticing and questioning me about my weight situation (I looked like the grim reaper) I decided to start eating normally again, which is obviously NOT the right thing to do in this situation. I blew up from 105 to 172 because my body wasn't used to all of the calories, fats etc. It's been a downward spiral since. I've turned to MFP to lose weight in a healthy way and I am looking for friends that are not afraid to be brutally honest with me when it comes to my diaries and work outs. I have the fear of going down the weigh loss route the wrong way again, so I am hoping that my new diet, tied with MFP, will help me get there.

PLEASE feel free to add me on here. I am looking for many friends so we can help each other out on here.

Bulimia and binge eater for YEARS ... been purge free for few months now though.. hence the insane gain heh... trying to learn about the intuitive eating stuff... Long way to go..


Edit to say- that you can add me if you want to - but I am not sure how good of a "friend" i can be since my mind is still pretty messed up.. I don't think it's something you ever can get over..

theroadto100

Hi. I have struggled with ED-NOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified) for at least 10 years of my life. I will be 27 next month. You are not alone.

Currently I consider myself in recovery, but that's a living process, I think, and I accept that I may always struggle with this illness. In any case, I am not using MFP to lose weight, but as a tracker. It can be really triggering, though.

You can feel free to add me as a friend if you want. (: If you need to eat more, I promise I'll tell you.

I know what you mean about the recovery thing. I feel like I'm loads better, but I think that if anyone ever lived a day in my life, they'd still think I'm effed up. And I also use this place for the opposite of most people. I use it to make sure I eat enough calories. Never thought I'd hear myself say that ,haha.

Fitfaery

I was bulimic from the age of 14 to mid twenties. Taking laxatives, eating only when I had to (ie when my mum/ friends cooked for me and I couldn't get out of it) and exercising anything I ate right back off again.

Once I lost this control I really lost it and became an over eater and now I am 4 stone above my lowest ever weight and am trying to get to the healthy middle ground.

MFP has helped loads with keeping my calories level and I have discovered Zumba which is great fun and nothing like the arduous hours in the gym I used to spend when I was younger. I still think I am a lot fatter than I am and sometimes toy with the idea of laxatives but always manage to talk myself out of it. You never get completely 'better' but MFP helps keep you in line and people are so supportive here xx

Natihilator

Hi. Like most of you, I also struggled with (ED-NOS) in my late teens, and still do with compulsive eating/overeating.

During my ED days I used FitDay in the past to calorie count, and found myself obsessing over it, always obsessing over numbers, trying to make my caloric deficit as big as I could get it with restricting and exercise. That was a good 7 years ago, and I slowly got to the point of not being mindful of anything I ate and binging quite frequently. Of course I gained quite a lot of weight and am now trying to lose it in a healthy, balanced way, instead of approaching food with an 'ALL or NOTHING' mentality. It's tough to even do that, as B+Ping really messed up my metabolism and digestion (it got to the point where half a cup of water would bloat me up like a innertube) so there's always a struggle somewhere. Oh, and i'm 25 now.

I know that there's a chance that I'll fall back into my old ways with MFP, but I've realized that tracking what I eat is absolutely essential to my weight loss.

I'm also looking for friends and support, and I'll return the same

kessalove

Yep me too,,,trying to not let that ***** back into my head and it's hard even though it's been 20 years since I was anorexic...I looked good but boy I felt like crap and was constantly catching every cold under the sun...I'm trying hard to not let her win with the over exercising...and it's hard, but I'm succeeding so far.

littlemili

There are 3 groups on MFP for eating disorder sufferers/recoverers where you will find a big community of people in your situation.

Ro0kins_Wedding

I'm 35 and i've had an eating disorder all my life. It is easier to tell people what I do eat rather than what I don't, but basically I don't eat;

Meat
Fruit
Vegetables

My food diary is shocking.

mzellmann

I'm 39 and have been fighting EDNOS on and off for the Iast 10 years. I always feel that I can get a handle on it, but you never really do. It's a control thing. When you can't control the life around you, that always one thing you can.

ShellsMurphy78

I'm 39 and have been fighting EDNOS on and off for the Iast 10 years. I always feel that I can get a handle on it, but you never really do. It's a control thing. When you can't control the life around you, that always one thing you can.

you are so right. all of the time i spent absorbed in my ED, that was the one thing that never let me down. i now consider my ED my dark passenger... along with alcoholism. trying to get over both together has been a struggle. i find myself eating less calories so i can drink them later in the night. while both issues continue to destroy me. i think i'm going to like this program. i've decided i will not eat or drink anything i can not put in or scan in.

Fitter925

hey guys,
i'm glad to see i'm not the only one on MFP with these kinds of problems. although i've come to learn it is so common now. i've been suffering for as long as i can remember with eating problems, and have been diagnosed with EDNOS (characteristics include those of bulimia, binge eating disorder and anorexia). its a dark time and nothing makes me feel more depressed - but since working with a psychotherapist and nutritionist i have been more positive. although of course this is only the beginning of my recovery i really feel like i can do this and leave these problems behind. all of us deserve to have a normal, healthy relationship with food and to live happily a team working with you definitely helps a ton, as i have my family and therapist supporting me, but also i have to keep reminding even myself that its the effort that i put in which matters the most.

Galletakek

Alright I know this can get a little personal, but I was wondering if anyone out there has ever had an eating disorder. About 7-8 years ago I had a stint of anorexia while in high school. I went from 150 pounds down to 105, and looking back it was a scary experience. Once people started noticing and questioning me about my weight situation (I looked like the grim reaper) I decided to start eating normally again, which is obviously NOT the right thing to do in this situation. I blew up from 105 to 172 because my body wasn't used to all of the calories, fats etc. It's been a downward spiral since. I've turned to MFP to lose weight in a healthy way and I am looking for friends that are not afraid to be brutally honest with me when it comes to my diaries and work outs. I have the fear of going down the weigh loss route the wrong way again, so I am hoping that my new diet, tied with MFP, will help me get there.

PLEASE feel free to add me on here. I am looking for many friends so we can help each other out on here.

my story is kinda like yours happen in high school went from 160 to 105 wasn't eating anything.... but a little cup of oatmeal and milk : / ... hated myself... long story short.. i really didnt realize what i was doing untill i moved had wonderful ppl who helped me get better.. went back up to 150 - 159 and now im getting fit for me... so on and so on lol....

mzellmann

That's good. I know that you never are completely cured of ED and its the stress if our lives that make us go back to ED for the comfort. I wish people who are close to us would take time and understand the disorder and not just tell us to eat or ask if we are going to puke...Plus most of the time it the ones that are close to us are the ones that make us have a relapse by what they have done.. At least in my case it is. Feel free to contact me any time

littlelily613

I was rarely thin throughout my life, and was often HUGE, so people are surprised to learn that I've struggled with eating disorders other than binge-eating. While I did have binge-eating disorder fairly bad and went to a frightenly high weight for me at one point, I've also had other eating disorders as well. Most of my life has been lived through eating disorders. At age 19, even though I was not thin, I was diagnosed with bulimia. I would purge several times a day, every day. I had lost some weight, but still had a way to go. I was bulimic throughout high school (off and on), but was far into it when I was diagnosed. While I never could qualify as an anorexic due to my weight, I lived the life of an anorexic for months both in high school and just a year and a half ago. In high school there was a full two week period where I ate not one morsel of food. I had been starving myself before that as well. By the time I was forced to eat again, I was very weak. The year ago stint...I began really big. What NO ONE knows yet is that I was actually pro-ana for months and months, trying to force myself into anorexia. I was very active on one website in particular, and spent hours a day there trying to get "thinspiration". I spent months again starving myself, only this time with the support of many who were also doing it and who didn't care I had a lot more weight to lose than them. I do have a very addictive/obsessive personality, so sometimes when I start things, I can't stop. I started eating 1200 calories a day. When I realized that was actually healthy, I crazily went down to 1000. I lost most of my weight at a 1000 calories a day, but I was too obsessed and couldn't help dropping down even further. I went to a max of 800 a day, to a max of 500 a day. At my lowest I was eating only 200 a day, and was worried about that. I lost 60 pounds in a two month span. I also lost half of my hair. When I could no longer handle the starvation, I went back to a bit of bulimia intermixed with the anorexic tendancies. I even resorted to laxatives every day that I went over the allotted calories. Eventually it morphed back into binge-eating and I ended up weighing more than I ever weighed before. In August my gyno told me I was having hormonal health issues and pre-diabetes and I HAD to start losing weight. I had lost 6 pounds before seeing him, and then I kind of levelled out. I didn't really begin to lose anymore until the end of September or the beginning of October. Altogether (including that 6 pounds), I've lost 53 pounds so far--47 since October. The difference is, this time I am FINALLY doing it the healthy way. It is coming off quickly only because I have a lot to lose. I don't always exercise, and sometimes I go over the calories MFP tells me to eat. I've only eaten below 1200 two days since November and only because I was tired and went to bed early. I usually eat between 1300-1700, and I am losing much more sustainably now. I never purge anymore. In the beginning I was taking a few laxatives (once or twice a week), BEFORE joining MFP when I had gone over 2000, but I have not taking any since joining this website and don't intend to anymore. I'll probably always struggle to some extent with eating disordered thinking, but right now I AM healthy, feeling great, and intend to keep it that way. Even when I am losing in the middle of an anorexic or bulimic stint, I am always miserable. I never want to go back there again.

ShellsMurphy78

That's good. I know that you never are completely cured of ED and its the stress if our lives that make us go back to ED for the comfort. I wish people who are close to us would take time and understand the disorder and not just tell us to eat or ask if we are going to puke...Plus most of the time it the ones that are close to us are the ones that make us have a relapse by what they have done.. At least in my case it is. Feel free to contact me any time

agree with the stress in our lives that make it come back up so easy. i know when everything else in my life is out of control, i always have one way of regaining control- and that is with food. i guess its just like any other trauma though, it never really goes away- either we learn to do deal with it or just push it down inside.

dancin2011

Whoever tells you that an eating disorder does not go away is lying (or misinformed!)! It IS possible to recover but you have to believe you can do it. Do not ever settle for less because somebody said or you read somewhere that full recovery isn't possible!!

bethany717

Hello,

I also have an eating disorder, anorexia, although I am in recovery. During recovery I have gained a fair amount of weight, and am looking to lose a little bit, healthily. More importantly is to get fit, as I am extremely unfit at the moment. I do not want to get to an unhealthy weight, as I don't want to go back into hospital again. I still do not eat that many calories a day, but am going to try and increase it, to help speed up my metabolism, which has slowed to a crawl. I want to eat more, but I am so scared of gaining more weight. I love food, but it's just fear that stops me eating. I'm trying to change that.

Would like to make some friends on here who are in a similar position

anmei2411

When I was 17 I gained a lot of weight. I ate more and moved less. By the time I was 18 I weighed 85kg (187lbs). I am 168cm (5'6) so that comes down to a BMI of 30. Funnily enough, I had not been aware of the fact that I was gaining weight. At some point I realised "Hey, I am big!" but during the process of gaining the weight I (apparently) was not bothered at all. I remember the very day I decided I have to lose weight. It was on a class trip to Prague. Two of my friends and I went to the Vietnamese market. Both of them were size XS-S and I was too ashamed to try on anything in front of them. I felt so stupid and there were so many things I would have liked to try on, but I was too scared they would not have it in my size, so I did not ask.

Back home, I started shedding pounds. But I was stupid and impatient. I wanted to lose weight as quickly as possible so I ate too little. As a result I began to binge once in a while. After a few months it was either one (starving myself) or the other (binging). If I had 50 calories too much, I would start binging because to me the day was ruined anyway. I lost a lot of weight but it did not seem enough and I got harder and harder on myself. I thought of ways how to punish myself for binging and it seemed that fasting for 2 days was appropiate (I know how sick that sounds). Additionally I started throwing up and taking laxatives after the binges.
I ended up weighing about 50kg (110lbs) and at some point I collapsed because I had not eaten the third day in a row and was literally too weak to walk. I realised that I have to gain some weight, but I gained too much and ended up having to lose weight again. That was in 2009 and it has not changed ever since.

I have been losing and gaining weight for the past years and I am truly sick of it! Thankfully, I managed to change my behaviour so that I am not starving myself anymore - however, I am still struggeling with binging. As soon as things do not go as planned I have this feeling "Now it does not matter anyways".
Last week I went out for dinner (after a good week) because that is pretty much the only thing I can do here to get food and picked "Sweet & Sour Cod with Rice". I hardly ever had Chinese at home so I had no idea I just ordered the dish with the highest number of calories. Back at home, when I found out it ended in a 5-day-binge.

I really want to leave all of this behind me - I still do not like my body as it is but I focus a lot more on working out now and a healthy diet.

christibam

Hmm. Looks like OP's account is deactivated. Oh well, I'm sure there are some others out there who wouldn't mind hearing this as well.

I've dealt with bulimia, binge eating without purging and then weeks of not eating or heavily restricting. Sooooo my Doctor diagnosed me with EDNOS a few years ago. The binge eating is what killed me the most as I got up to 308lbs, then down to 230, then back up to 298.

I've been seeing my therapist again the last 2 months as I've been using MFP and it works out well. It's been 4 weeks since the last time I've gone over my calories at all and, I think even longer since I've actually binged.

It's great to see the "You'd weigh ______ in 5 weeks if every day was like today" every single day because it lets me know I'm doing something right for once. No more starving myself. No more feeling guilty and no more putting my body into a place where I just don't lose weight.

As of today, I've lost 1/3 of 100lbs and I'm absolutely excited and even proud of myself. It's an amazing feeling to know that I'm not being a dumbass about this. I'm doing it right. I'm doing it safely. I'm doing it HEALTHY. I have more energy than I have in probably my entire life and I feel stronger, not weaker.

I still see my therapist twice a month but I'm glad to be able to say that I think my ED has gone into remission. I just have to work each day to keep it that way.

hyper_focus

Struggled with ED for over a decade, I was a very overweight child. Never actually "lost weight" due to binging/purging, probably destroyed my metabolism. Now I'm eating a healthy, controlled low-call diet and exercising regularly, in hopes that by actually finally losing the weight that's held me back all these years will finally end the ED.