Why does my boyfriend make me so mad?

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  • happyhiram
    happyhiram Posts: 89
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    My boyfriend is a lovely guy. But he is a guy and things dont always come out the way he means them lol!

    I....I just don't understand this. It's like it's this unwritten rule that all men are these babbling and socially awkward creatures that don't know how to words things correctly.

    Is this a prominent attribute that most men have or have I completely missed something? o_O
  • clare1510
    clare1510 Posts: 30
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    I....I just don't understand this. It's like it's this unwritten rule that all men are these babbling and socially awkward creatures that don't know how to words things correctly.

    Is this a prominent attribute that most men have or have I completely missed something? o_O

    Ok I apologise for including all men in this. In my experience the men I know say things and they never mean it the way it sounds. I just meant it that men are more matter of fact than women so it can come across the wrong way sometimes.
  • happyhiram
    happyhiram Posts: 89
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    I....I just don't understand this. It's like it's this unwritten rule that all men are these babbling and socially awkward creatures that don't know how to words things correctly.

    Is this a prominent attribute that most men have or have I completely missed something? o_O

    Ok I apologise for including all men in this. In my experience the men I know say things and they never mean it the way it sounds. I just meant it that men are more matter of fact than women so it can come across the wrong way sometimes.

    Ah, okay. No need to apologize! :) I was just rather confused because you were about the fifth woman or so to bring this up! haha I was just thinking to myself, "...wait. What if I DON'T know how to say things correctly!?"
  • TimWilkinson101
    TimWilkinson101 Posts: 163 Member
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    I'm not overweight (trying to gain weight) but I am a bloke and I am engaged to someone who is trying to lose weight. I was told in no uncertain terms that I'm not as supportive as I could be this morning as it happens. That hurt a lot to be honest as although I dont show it in the ways my fiancee wants me to, I show it in lots of other ways (DIY, housework, flowers, gifts, giogn to bed at the same time, laying a fire).

    Thing is, as has been said, we're not mind readers. We can also become comfortable with the status quo and imagine that you're content too. Things like your other half wanting to change how they are can upset your view of how the world is. One minute you think your partner is happy with themself and you, the next you discover they think they are overweight and (in this case) they probably think you are too.

    Doesnt take a genius to realise that if you keep to your diet and gym routine then your boyfriend will realise that he is now potentially a bit of a fat slob in yours or other peoples eyes and that he will need to do something about it. If he doesnt then you will quite possibly get sick of him or you will think less of him for not wanting to change. So, from his perspective, the woman he was happy being with is on her way to changing herself... and who knows what it will mean for his future.

    I know men tend to be much more matter of fact and less sensitive and we also tend to "problem solve" rather than empathising. I've got to work on that... but then contrairywise, my fiancee also needs to work on seeing thigns from a male perspective and understand that because I dont say gushing stuff it isnt because I dotn care, its because I'm a man and we dont "tend" to work like that.

    Anyway, rambling now. Best shut up and eat something. :)
  • Iamkim73
    Iamkim73 Posts: 924 Member
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    I can't believe I'm going to say this but...... MEN GET A BAD RAP! Wow my fingers tingle a little after typing that.

    We women expect them to know how we want them to respond and then get upset when we don't get the response we were looking for. I have done it myself. The sad part is, most of the time they they are being sincere and have no clue they have upset us. I realize there are exceptions to this, and some men are perfect and some are idiots.... But on average this is the case.

    A couple things I have learned as I have aged...... First, I don't look for others to fix my insecurities. At the end of the day it's how I feel that's important. And second, If I do need something, I try not to drop hints, I try to be more direct so I get the result I'm looking for. It's all about good communication.... On both parts.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
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    People have to lose weight for their own reason - you have to hit your own rock bottom for something to change. You've hit yours, and he hasn't yet. When he does, he will be there right with you!!
  • the_journeyman
    the_journeyman Posts: 1,877 Member
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    I can't believe I'm going to say this but...... MEN GET A BAD RAP! Wow my fingers tingle a little after typing that.

    We women expect them to know how we want them to respond and then get upset when we don't get the response we were looking for. I have done it myself. The sad part is, most of the time they they are being sincere and have no clue they have upset us. I realize there are exceptions to this, and some men are perfect and some are idiots.... But on average this is the case.

    Where's the like button!

    If you need/want whatever just tell me. Do you want to vent? Let me know you're venting and I'll respond different that if you let me know you're looking for a solution to something. Overall by nature us guys tend to be fixers rather than empathizers/sympathizers. Sometimes our attempt at offering a fix does more harm than good when someone just wants to vent about something. Every man has a little dumb in them too, so sometimes things just slip past that women pick up on. We tend to pick up details in other things that are of little or no concern to women.

    JM
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    I can't believe I'm going to say this but...... MEN GET A BAD RAP! Wow my fingers tingle a little after typing that.

    We women expect them to know how we want them to respond and then get upset when we don't get the response we were looking for. I have done it myself. The sad part is, most of the time they they are being sincere and have no clue they have upset us. I realize there are exceptions to this, and some men are perfect and some are idiots.... But on average this is the case.

    A couple things I have learned as I have aged...... First, I don't look for others to fix my insecurities. At the end of the day it's how I feel that's important. And second, If I do need something, I try not to drop hints, I try to be more direct so I get the result I'm looking for. It's all about good communication.... On both parts.

    I agree completely. There are some jerks in the world, but I find that men in general are incredibly easy to get along with. All you have to do is be honest about what you need, want, and expect from them. If you give a man an objective, he will try like hell to achieve it. It's what they do.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    :huh: He told me "well I have no place to talk" while he patted his belly. :mad:

    That just wasn't good enough. I was looking for him to offer to workout together or something.

    In other words, you wanted him to read your mind and tell you what you wanted to hear.

    Skip being vague and dropping hints. If you want him to support you more, tell him, and tell him in what ways he can do it. If you want to go to the gym with him, tell him. If you want him to push you to lose weight, tell him.
  • jnthwaite
    jnthwaite Posts: 111
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    He's my first boyfriend after my divorce, so I have my baggage, and he understands that. He's a great guy and is great with my little girl also.

    I love the comment about not having to fix insecurities and also hitting your own rock bottom. I'll be working on those along with my other to-do list of stuff to work on. :)

    Thanks everyone for your input. I'm usually a pretty calm person, but for one reason or another this comment / attitude just upset me, and I couldn't figure out why.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
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    No guy with an ounce of instinct for self-preservation is going to say "Honey, looks like you're putting on a little weight. Why don't we get into some kind of weight loss program?"

    We're not stupid.

    Just because we give you a dumb look when you ask, "Does this make me look fat?" doesn't mean we didn't understand the question.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I don't see anything wrong with what he said. *shrug*
  • TimWilkinson101
    TimWilkinson101 Posts: 163 Member
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    Oh and while I remember, I was engaged to a woman who was happy with how I was (hence being engaged) and then got the gym bug in a serious way (5 times a week). She wanted me to go with her so we could "share that time". I didn't want to go to the gym 5 times a week to be honest.

    I used to go once upon a time quite a lot, but that person wasn't me then. I was happy to go now and then when I wanted to, but she was insistent that I went everytime she did. It got a bit much when I was coming home from a busy day wiped out and she'd be telling me to hurry up and get changed as "we" were late for circuits. I also got a bit fed up that after I got their (under protest) she'd then criticise me and the way I was doing the exercises in front of people. I spent 16 years in the RAF and still she thought I was doing pressups wrong!

    So bear that in mind. The guy might not want to go to the gym.. or not as much as you'd like.
  • Roni_M
    Roni_M Posts: 717 Member
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    I love men...they are such simple creatures (and I honestly do not mean that in a bad or derogatory way). They just don't feel the need to over analyze every thing we say (where we tend to try to find the underlying meaning in everything they say). Give them a problem that we need solved and they are all over it. Just straight up tell him your want to workout x times a week at the gym and need him to do it with you to keep you on track. Worked when i asked my hubby to walk with me...but be ready for it! For most if they are fixing something they go at it 150%. My walks were hard, fast and an hour is better than a half hour in his mind! He then geared me up with an HRM, ankle weights, walking shoes, etc. I love him to death for his problem solving skills!! =)
  • Chairless
    Chairless Posts: 588 Member
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    I love men...they are such simple creatures (and I honestly do not mean that in a bad or derogatory way). They just don't feel the need to over analyze every thing we say (where we tend to try to find the underlying meaning in everything they say). Give them a problem that we need solved and they are all over it. Just straight up tell him your want to workout x times a week at the gym and need him to do it with you to keep you on track. Worked when i asked my hubby to walk with me...but be ready for it! For most if they are fixing something they go at it 150%. My walks were hard, fast and an hour is better than a half hour in his mind! He then geared me up with an HRM, ankle weights, walking shoes, etc. I love him to death for his problem solving skills!! =)

    Can it be true? someone who understands us.
  • Roni_M
    Roni_M Posts: 717 Member
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    I love men...they are such simple creatures (and I honestly do not mean that in a bad or derogatory way). They just don't feel the need to over analyze every thing we say (where we tend to try to find the underlying meaning in everything they say). Give them a problem that we need solved and they are all over it. Just straight up tell him your want to workout x times a week at the gym and need him to do it with you to keep you on track. Worked when i asked my hubby to walk with me...but be ready for it! For most if they are fixing something they go at it 150%. My walks were hard, fast and an hour is better than a half hour in his mind! He then geared me up with an HRM, ankle weights, walking shoes, etc. I love him to death for his problem solving skills!! =)

    Can it be true? someone who understands us.

    Yes, but it took me many years to figure it out. I also learned that the cranky mutterings at the end of a long work day have absolutely nothing to do with me and asking what's wrong is just like poking an angry bear and generally fixed by a steak dinner! LOL

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