OT teens *rolls eyes*

jackeh

i have a 13 y/o almost 14 who thinks she is the coolest thing on the face of this planet. She is pretty and popular but..... she doesnt want to be at school... yup she is way too cool for school!!! How do you make them want to be there? She is failing a bunch of classes and has the "what ever"(roll eyes here) attitide!!! She has a learning disability (dyslexia) so i understand she struggles a little and the answers just dont come easy like they do her friends but i want her to succeed!!! and the way she is going she is gonna do the same grade over and over....

jsut looking for some ideas to make her want to be there and to get her to put a little more effort in...

jackeh

i have a 13 y/o almost 14 who thinks she is the coolest thing on the face of this planet. She is pretty and popular but..... she doesnt want to be at school... yup she is way too cool for school!!! How do you make them want to be there? She is failing a bunch of classes and has the "what ever"(roll eyes here) attitide!!! She has a learning disability (dyslexia) so i understand she struggles a little and the answers just dont come easy like they do her friends but i want her to succeed!!! and the way she is going she is gonna do the same grade over and over....

jsut looking for some ideas to make her want to be there and to get her to put a little more effort in...

havingitall

Not sure...but when you find the cure let me know. I have a 16 year old who is not doing her best and has attitude too!

memaw66

It's hard at that age because they aren't able to "pick" thier classes yet (electives). Just keep telling her to hold on until she can actually pick her own classes and remind her that all of her friends are going to continue on while she is left behind if she doesn't get it in gear. I had the same problem with my daughter who was also dyslexic (msp). She ended up dropping out for 2 years(because she kept running away and getting into trouble) and finally graduated high school when she was 20! She so regrets that now! Tell her it's not forever even though it feels like it at times, it feels that way for the parents too, the kids just don't realize it!!! Sorry I didn't have more to tell you. Hang tough!!!

Memaw

LuckyLeprechaun

my kid knows that if he isn't bringing home his best grades he will have no social life at all. no phone, no friends, no going anywhere, no video games, no fun. for him, his best grades=A's, so even if he brings home a B, we're like- what is this? he has a healthy fear of pissing off his dad, so he stays on top of it.

pipinana

LOL, I remember those days.... I don't think there is anything you can do to make them 'want' to go to school.... Who does, really?

The important thing is that she HAS to go.... Not her choice, so she's just going to have to 'deal with it'....

I don't have kids, but I KNOW, that anything my mom said to try to make me want to go to school, just made me want to hate it more.... Try empathizing with her, let her know you know how she feels, and it's OK to feel like that, but it doesn't stop the fact that she needs to learn, needs to grow in her social skills.... You know?

Or just threaten to home school... That should do it! :laugh: :laugh:

joonieB

Oh I wish I had the answers! I could have written this post myself, only mine is a boy. Not dyslexic but has a vague learning disability (way back in kindie they tested him and for three years he qualified for an ILP but then tested out--it was some language processing issues as i remember) and even when he really tries we are looking at C's. Now he has decided he wants to be popular--and admits to us that that is his only focus at school. I have been looking into homeschooling him for eigth grade and the thought completely horrifies him. Me too, actually. But like you, I just want him to do his best so he has got a chance at college and a decent career. He got into a fight at school on Thursday (my birthday, actually) and punched a kid in the jaw, breaking his own hand. So it's probably going to be homeschool!

Don't you just want to take your kid and shake her by the shoulders? I can't believe that my 13 year old makes choices that are way stupider than my 3 year old.

Time for tough love?

LightenUp_Caro

Bascially I was that kid.

I HATED SCHOOL more than anyone I knew. I didn't care because I knew that no matter what I did in high school, i just restarted in college and it totally didn't seem worth it to me (I'm kind of glad I did actually...but I digress) .

I'm a musician...the academic structure of my prep school just wasn't my thing. Basically I gave up and decided to just coast through school, doing as little as possible while still being able to graduate.

I only did ANYTHING because I didn't want to lengthen my stay in school.

Remind her thats what happens.

BUT, now I'm a senior in college and I have a 3.5 gpa and I love school.
things can change.

joonieB

Oh, and the cell phone--gone 4 months ago. Every day after school he is home within 20 minutes of the final bell and then no phone calls to friends (and doesn't get to hang out with them either!). His life is totally boring and he complains about how strict we are, and our response is always "Start turning in all your work at school and doing better on tests and CLASS PARTICIPATION (attitude doesn't begin to cover it) and you can have some fun back." That was over a month ago and still no improvement.

Teens! I wanna scream......

jackeh

Oh, and the cell phone--gone 4 months ago. Every day after school he is home within 20 minutes of the final bell and then no phone calls to friends (and doesn't get to hang out with them either!). His life is totally boring and he complains about how strict we are, and our response is always "Start turning in all your work at school and doing better on tests and CLASS PARTICIPATION (attitude doesn't begin to cover it) and you can have some fun back." That was over a month ago and still no improvement.

Teens! I wanna scream......

see thats part of my problem too... no punishment is worth it to her... what ever(roll eyes lol) ill sit at home with you and be a miserable teenager and all that just because its more fun to make you miserable than it is to do the work lol

sunflower8926

I am a home-schooling mom, so I am pretty biased, but older grades in school are pretty much a joke. School at this age is geared toward employment, and usually not quality employment.

Public education was intially founded by manufacturing giants such as FORD, in partnership with governments who recieved their financial support. The manufacturing industry needed laborers - people with "functional" skills, but not enough of an education to revolt against menial labor. In other words, public schooling was initiated for the masses, in order to produce a pliable work force who could perform routine and menial tasks. (Someone's got to fill your gas tank!)

Of course, the upper crust would continue to send their children to private schools, where they would continue to produce the upper crust - doctors, lawyers, politicians, etc.

I completely sympathize with teens who feel that school is a joke, because, in large part, it is. I would recommend that teens who are searching for something more meaningful be allowed to finish school via correspondence or homeschooling, while they go out and get a menial job. That is usually enough to make them want more from life, and motivate them toward a better education.

For more info on the public school system, look up John Taylor Gatto, author of "Dumbing Us Down."

wilted6orchid

Bascially I was that kid.

I HATED SCHOOL more than anyone I knew. I didn't care because I knew that no matter what I did in high school, i just restarted in college and it totally didn't seem worth it to me (I'm kind of glad I did actually...but I digress) .

I'm a musician...the academic structure of my prep school just wasn't my thing. Basically I gave up and decided to just coast through school, doing as little as possible while still being able to graduate.

I only did ANYTHING because I didn't want to lengthen my stay in school.

Remind her thats what happens.

BUT, now I'm a senior in college and I have a 3.5 gpa and I love school.
things can change.

This was me too! I am also a musician. I have to admit that I almost didn't graduate on time, and Summer School after graduation was a motivating force in my life. I did not want to go back after my friends were all gone.

I have to tell you I did great in college. When I was working a job and struggling to make ends meet. Nothing like obstacles to get the hustle in your step.

The only thing is the regret, which comes with age and experience. The things I wish I had paid attention to and learned well enough to pursue other things in my is a strong force as well.

I hope all goes well for both of you.:blushing:

chulie

I grew up with "those parents" basically i would get A's in like English and stuff...and would BARELY pass like..math..i HATED math and it never made sense to me. My parents would ALWAYS overlook my stellar A's and only focus on the negative...let me tell you, it made me one miserable child and I grew up thinking nothing I ever did was good enough for them. I think back on how I saw my parents.

As Im older, I see WHY they did it...but I'll never forget that utter dissapointment that they could care less about my A's (i realize thats not true, that it wasnt that they didnt care, but in my eyes..thats exactly what I THOUGHT) and only focus on what was not my strong point. I will NEVER do that to my child. I know kids are difficult but, hang in there and maybe instead of always yelling, focus on some of the good stuff she's doing. Like if she helps with the dishes or is nice to a sibling or something. Sometimes we think teens should be treated like adults, they arent adults yet, they are still trying to find their way between two distinct roles, adulthood and childhood. Sometimes they need to be treated like adults and sometimes they need to be treated like children.

My mom was always really good, she saw my nack for writing and being creative and she encouraged that, but I always felt like I was letting my dad down no matter how hard I tried. Im just sharing this story because I know as parents it's so easy to want to kill your teens. I was such a brat hahahaah...but it was my mom being so supportive that I remember the most and I respect her for that and want to be just like her when I grow up. Just remember that some kids have natural abilities and some just have weak areas. Maybe ask if she needs help, or is she struggling or can you do anything to help them? it's amazing what talking to kids can accomplish. And for the record. I have a great job and fully support myself and am a fully functioning adult and never rely on parents for anything....so if I can survive...any kid can!hahha

mommared53

I'm at a loss. I had problems with my son when he was in junior high and high school. He's very bright but just wouldn't turn his homework in and he also had an attitude. He had to repeat 8th grade and in high school didn't have enough credits to graduate. He finally dropped out and joined Job Corps and got his GED. He aced it! Now he's 22 and he says that if he had it to do over again, he would have definitely worked harder in school and turned his homework in. Good luck to you. :flowerforyou:

hmo4

I think a lot of the problem is the Dyslexia. My girl friend has 2 who had speech and reading issues, and have failed, skip, the girl hangs out with the wrong type of kids, etc. My friend is like you. She cries, doesn't know what to do anymore, has tried Therapists, Resource, etc. She used to help them with homework, but they are now in Grade 11 and 12. The girl in Gr. 11 didn't get all her credits-only Herpes. The one in Gr. 12 will have to do 1 more year to hopefully finish. She used to bribe them with $$ for good marks, etc. I believe it has all stemmed back from the beginning with the speech, hard time reading, etc. They are NOT stupid! (only make bad decisions!). I don't know what you can do, sorry, just make sure this isn't her future! How?:huh: :brokenheart: :flowerforyou:

Mickie17

Does your school have an AVID program? It turned my son around BIG TIME!!!!!!!!! It's an amazing program, and I use a lot of the same techniques with my own students...(of course my son doesn't look at me as a teacher, he looks at me as his mom who doesn't know anything...so it took this program to get him motivated)!

jackeh

AVID program? not sure what that is....
The things that she does have in place for her at the school are an individual education plan, peer support program ( thats where the kids from her school come and help her with stuff... her school is grade 7-12 so the older kids help her out) and she has the resource teacher, who draggs her out of class and helps her with tests and stuff (she does oral tests)