How do you handle a comment like this?

econut2000

Also...to put other people in a more positive light...sometimes people just think those who have lost weight look so tiny compared to where they used to be, that they actually are suprised/confused where it would come from. Generally people aren't trying to be mean or hurtful..at least that I've had experience with.

I totally agree!! I had lost 60lbs (it only brought me down to 120 lbs at 5' tall) about 10 years back and people were surprised when I had lost the initial 20lbs - they didn't even think I had that much to lose. My mother would tell me I was too thin at the time, but I don't think she was jealous or trying to sabotage. She legitimately had NEVER seen me at that weight before as an adult so I think it was just a shock. Just thank people for their concern and change the subject if you are uncomfortable but take it as a compliment - people think you were smaller than you were Good luck on your continuing journey!

Happy_Taco

Theres a tumblr blog called "reasons to be fit" check it out - there are all kinds of reasons on there with motivating pictures. Maybe one of them jumps at you as a response. I think it's a mix: people don't want to be mean and say you should lose weight, but they can't handle when someone is changing before their eyes. Pretty soon, you'll get comments like: you look great! then, "can you help me too??". Hang in there!

kaleber

I'd make comments about *needing* to lose about 50 lbs......and hardly anyone agreed with me...
in fact, they said "no way do you need to lose that much weight."

When someone states they usually need to lose weight, I try not to offend. Maybe thats what these people were doing. People sometimes expect that you want to hear, "No way do you need to lose that much weight."

When people feel that you are losing too much weight, they may be right, but sometimes it is out of jealousy. I had that comment today, but from someone I talk about dieting and exercise with.

You will get different opinions and comments depending on your relationship with them. If those that are not on a diet or not exercising with you then maybe you should not include them in your conversations, they just feed negative energy towards your goal. Remember do what is best for you.

Sidesteal

You could thank them and then ask them if it's your turn to make a comment about their body.

CourteneyLove

I always blamed it on my physician -- "my doctor isn't happy with where I am."

This might be the best response

AlexPflug

Hi,
I took a quick look at your photos on your profile and you look so healthy and fit! I don't see why anyone would tell you that you're "wasting away." It's possible that they are intimidated or jealous by your success. Just do what is best for you and be healthy. That's all this is really about. Keep up with the good work!

AlexPflug

By the way, I started out weighing 223. Whenever I said I need to lose 60 pounds, people always argued with me saying if I lost that much I would look sickly.... That only puts me at 163, which for my height I believe is still a little high, but a lot better than now. So, I kind of understand where you're coming from.

onefitdiva

Are the people telling you this all women? I ask because I get this too but never once has a man said to me I look too thin they offer compliments where the people telling me I'm "scary skinny"...... or "wasting away" or "are you sick??"..... they have always come from a woman and usually ones who could benefit from a bit of exercise. It used to really bother me until a friend who is alway right to the point said..... "wow... you did some great work transforming yourself this year, amazing!".... that was a woman. I told her about the other comments she told me to "consider the source" and followed with "geesh....freaking haters" Shake it off OP, and no worries, people can be mean when your heavy or thin. If you are happy and healthy it's all good.

questionablemethods

You could thank them and then ask them if it's your turn to make a comment about their body.

Ooo! I like this one!

azesbaugh

just gotta laugh. I would prbably laugh and say something like, "I wish!" and then move on. Changing the subject is always a good strategy.

Jeff92se

Most people don't want others looking better than them so they will encourage you to go back to your heavier/unhealthier ways.

Hellbent_Heidi

I hear these all the time and I just smile and say "oh, thanks, I'm still working on toning up and getting stronger" (this is a lie because I still want to lose 5-10 more), but it shuts them up. I suspect its meant as a compliment most of the time, or people just aren't used to seeing you this thin and in their eyes, its too much loss (when in reality, its not).

JoolieW68

I hear those plus "Hey skinny minnie!"

I'm far from 'skinny'....but I have lost a lot of weight, so I just smile and move on.

Captain_Tightpants

I think like any comment from people who care about you, it should be considered carefully.

Doesn't matter what you look like to yourself in a mirror, are you a healthy, medically recommended weight and BMI for your age and height?

Here's the current CDC BMI guidelines:
http://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/assessing/

If you are, then you can inform the naysayers so and happily carry on maintaining. But if their saying it coincides with you actually being UNDER the recommended healthy weight and BMI for your age and height then you might want to consider taking their concerns more seriously.

Jeff92se

If they tell you "you're too skinny", then say "you're too fat"

AudgePaudge

I'm really beginning to hate and resent these comments!! A part of me just thinks they're jealous, but I really don't want to think that they're capable of being that way. I guess just tell them you are doing this for you and not them. If you wanted these snide comments you would ask!

lackofnames3

AS if suddenly losing the amount of weight you want gives us the excuse to go back to eating more again and not exercising! Someone once told me.."YOu can't change how other people are or what they say..but you CAN change how you react to them"...No one wants to hurt the "fat girls" feelings..People can see Im overweight and look my weight! They are just trying to be nice and not hurt our feelings but when we get thinner they think they can just open their mouth and say whatever they want! Good for you for taking control of your health..you do what makes you happy..sometimes we have to try to not be sheepish in our desires.. Put your foot down and they should leave you alone. I had to tell one person that my body and weight was not something we could talk about!

mammafrog

I think that's perfect

"You didn't have the nerve to tell me I was too fat then, you don't have the right to tell me I'm too thin now"

LOVE THIS

zoominzozo

It depends who says these comments.

I tend to find if it's a work colleague I can dismiss it entirely (they're always on diets and it doesn't make a difference) but if it's a family member I'd take hede. My family always have my back.

With Family I'll always remember when I was little (10/11yrs) my mum telling me that if I kept spending my dinner money on snacks she'd have to make me cut back in other areas (looking back I was an overweight kid) If my mum said she thought I was looking too thin I'd take her advice and probably see a doctor to make sure I was a healthy weight.

I think it depends on who it is and their motives but if your confident you're healthy then it's water off a ducks back.

elliemaemollyann

I just lost 1lb and already getting comments like " your face is going to get to thin" or " your already thin where are you going to lose it" Okay people.... It's like this, were damned if we do and damned if we don't . Losing weight and looking good comes from within us not the critics that don't want to get off the couch and get thier own self in shape. Mine is medical but it's about feeling good as well... So if you look good flaunt it and give them the hand :0) Everyone on this web site needs to be commended for your hard work. Keep on moving everyone...

"Jelousy is the root of all evil"

KyleB65

I have had this type of feedback from friends and relatives as well.

I have two thoughts:

1. In North America, 50% of people are to some degree overweight. Because of this I do not think that many people know what is a good weight/size for themselves or the people they know. So, some versions of these comments are most likely well meaning people who do not know better and are gauging size based upon how you, we, I looked before we lost any weight.

* Subset to #1 - I also feel that once a person sees a certain amount of success. People who are not trying to make any changes feel threatened and make derogatory comments for the purpose of making themselves feel better.

2. Where I go with my weight loss is completely up to me. Just like I never took anyone's advice about dieting when I was over weight and over eating. I seek no one's input on my goals/directions now that I am trying to make a change in my life. I do not hold any bad feelings towards those who make insensitive or inane comments. Basically, I smile, thank them for their concern and go on about my day. For me, what I think is possible today is completely different from what I thought was possible last year at this time. Who knows what will possible next year?

If you are working towards a goal and you are seeing success. Congrats!! YOU have done the work and it is YOU who will reap the rewards.

Best of luck for your journey.

0PhAtDaDdY

"You're wasting away to nothing..."
"Be careful, you don't want to lose TOO much..."
"You're not STILL on a diet, are you? You're thin enough...."

1. GREAT I'm glad you noticed.
2. Yes I DO!
3. Yes I'm still on it...

Fayve

A few people have said this already, but in my opinion, the best thing to do is to fib about your goals a little. Nobody else sees the number on the bathroom scale, so it's pretty easy to say "I'm really not trying to lose any more weight, thanks!" or "I'm just focusing on toning now".

LadyOfOceanBreeze

"You're wasting away to nothing..."
"Be careful, you don't want to lose TOO much..."
"You're not STILL on a diet, are you? You're thin enough...."


I'm no where CLOSE to looking like I'm UNDERweight- in fact, I decided to go into maintenance mode,
rather than lose another 10 pounds-
because I didn't want to lose anymore- and I'm very comfortable where I'm at now.

But I find these comments very hurtful.
Seriously, where were all these people when I was OVERweight, and my health was in jeopardy then?
I'd make comments about *needing* to lose about 50 lbs......and hardly anyone agreed with me...
in fact, they said "no way do you need to lose that much weight."
Sorry, I did.
And I did.

And I don't think I look gaunt or unhealthy....

Just need some advice.

yes, I totally understand, there's a woman at my work who does this.

every time she sees me it's another crass remark about how, "horribly thin"

I look and how I had better, "start eating".....

and this is even after I turned her on to this amazing website!

at one point she even told me she

had signed up, hmmmmm...I wonder???? some folks!!!!:huh:

6heatherb6

bump

amandavictoria80

Good post. My mom does this to me CONSTANTLY! So frustrating!

SergeantSunshine_reused

I actually get this all the time. At home and on mfp
I am still 15 pounds away from being underweight, but continue to cut so that I can see my abs

It bothers me a lot more than I admit to really

teriojo

I would not thank them for their comment. I would simply ignore it and talk about something else. It may take a few times, but sooner or later they will get the message.

reharvrun

"You're wasting away to nothing..."
"Be careful, you don't want to lose TOO much..."
"You're not STILL on a diet, are you? You're thin enough...."


I'm no where CLOSE to looking like I'm UNDERweight- in fact, I decided to go into maintenance mode,
rather than lose another 10 pounds-
because I didn't want to lose anymore- and I'm very comfortable where I'm at now.

But I find these comments very hurtful.
Seriously, where were all these people when I was OVERweight, and my health was in jeopardy then?
I'd make comments about *needing* to lose about 50 lbs......and hardly anyone agreed with me...
in fact, they said "no way do you need to lose that much weight."
Sorry, I did.
And I did.

And I don't think I look gaunt or unhealthy....

Just need some advice.

I have ran into this exact same thing!!! I am 5 ft 6 in and weighed 183 and now I am at 139. I have lost almost 45lbs which for some ppl is a shock if they haven't seen me in a while. I also do a ton of toning exercises so I am sure that my 45lbs gone may look like more gone. However, I know my body and I know I am not underweight or too thin. I feel very happy where I am but if I feel the need to take off another 5lbs I will. I think after all is said and done it's prob a shock factor to some. They are happy for you but don't know exactly how to express it. I have an idea for these ppl. Just say, " you look great". and be done.

JennieAL

I would either ignore them until they get the point and shut up, or tell them it's none of their concern. It's about your health & your choice for your body. NOT what they think about it.

And if it's the same person saying similar things just to wind you up, and it's being said out of jealousy or something... I'd just quickly and to the point let them know you won't tolerate that anymore. Tell them to mind their own business, that you have things under control and that you're happy with your choice.