How do you handle a comment like this?

Elizabeth_C34

Unfortunately, I think most Americans have a distorted sense of what is a "healthy" weight. I found this out when I was in Europe last year and was the heaviest person I saw by at least 40-50 lbs. My BMI is 29 (borderline obese) and my family thinks I'm skinny because everyone around them is overweight/obese.

Just keep working toward your goals and enjoy yourself. They will come around to the new you eventually.

sammielealea

I agree that you just need to let these comments "roll off your back" . . . . There is a lot of people in this world that don't understand what healthy is, or what healthy looks like. You know your body . . . Be proud of your accomplishments and the skin you're in!

jeni_Giedd

Hmmm...jealousy makes people say strange things. My BMI says I'm obese, yet I see people my size that are way bigger, so if I'm obese what are they? I think our society first labels people overweight and unhealthy pretty quickly. Secondly, I think that those of us who are doing something about becoming more healthy know our own bodies and our limits. Third, make some silly comment like, " I know I'll never get to where I was when I was twenty, but I need to be healthy so I can live another twenty or forty, or sixty!"

gods_gal

But I find these comments very hurtful.
Seriously, where were all these people when I was OVERweight, and my health was in jeopardy then?

I still have quite a ways to go so I haven't run into this yet. If I was a more direct person I would say the above to them. Where were you when I was quite unhealthy? But, I probably would never say that to anyone and would just say thanks for their advice or whatever. I am starting to realize that people do get jealous of you for losing, as hard as that is for me to comprehend. Congrats on all your hard work so far!! :flowerforyou:

Lucia_Armstrong1973

Also...to put other people in a more positive light...sometimes people just think those who have lost weight look so tiny compared to where they used to be, that they actually are suprised/confused where it would come from. Generally people aren't trying to be mean or hurtful..at least that I've had experience with.

Although I agree that most people (in my experience) are not trying to be insulting or hurtful, it does sabotage your efforts sometimes. There will be some who are jealous, and probably it'll be those who are closest to us. I think more than anything they are trying to gain control over you, because they are confused and uncertain about the new you. They don't quite know how the new you is going to act towards them---will your personality change because your appearance has changed?---so they try to control the situation and you by saying these kinds of things, or worse yet by actively trying to sabotage you with food, or by keeping you from exercising.

When this happened to me with my sister, I told her that just because I lost weight didn't mean I thought I was better than her, or would change in my attitude toward her. I would just be eating more healthfully, and unavailable at times because I was taking care of myself. Then I invited her to join me. After that she became one of my biggest supporters!

Tenoreo90

When I was 16, I went from 145 to 125 due to my ADD medication causing me to eat less. I was WELL within my healthy range (5'1...was told by my doctor to 'aim for 117') and yet still had people telling me I had lost too much, that they were 'worried', etc. I think it's honestly just the whole new haircut thing...even if it looks better, you're still not used to it yet. Think about it, a person that's always been thin, you don't think about it that much, but if a larger person becomes thin, it's like WHAA? SHE GOT TINY! It's all about comparison. As long as you're in a healthy range, just brush it off and take it as a compliment! You lost so much it's SHOCKING!

kezzie888

I have found when i lost weight previously people like to see you look good but not TOO good! You are most likely making them feel uncomfortable with their own weight issues now so they are trying to sabotage you in your efforts! ignore them!

Yanicka1

i blame my doctor. He sais that it would be ok for me to lose up to 10 more pounds. But really i do not talk about my weight.

Cathleenr

i get a mix of statements like this from a couple of people i see about once every few weeks, like my MIL. last time i saw her she said "Oh, you lost those little cheeks!!!!" LOL
Yea ma'am, i did.
seriously, when people tell me i am "so skinny" or "so thin" i correct them gently: "I am not skinny, i am lean. there is a difference" and i smile. and sometimes flex something at them

merrieannie

It seems to be human nature to comment on weight loss. Since you will never know if comments are intended as a compliment, are rooted in jealousy, or are simply based on a distorted view of healthy vs. unhealthy, I find that the best approach is to dismiss these types of statements immediately. Reaffirm your commitment to a healthy lifestyle and move on. Keep in mind that some people are insensitive or misinformed. If the comments persist, address the person directly and ask that they cease and desist discussing your weight loss or eating habits.

"Healthy weight" is very subjective. What some see as too thin, others see as not thin enough. All that really matters is that you are healthy and happy with yourself!

econut2000

Also...to put other people in a more positive light...sometimes people just think those who have lost weight look so tiny compared to where they used to be, that they actually are suprised/confused where it would come from. Generally people aren't trying to be mean or hurtful..at least that I've had experience with.

I totally agree!! I had lost 60lbs (it only brought me down to 120 lbs at 5' tall) about 10 years back and people were surprised when I had lost the initial 20lbs - they didn't even think I had that much to lose. My mother would tell me I was too thin at the time, but I don't think she was jealous or trying to sabotage. She legitimately had NEVER seen me at that weight before as an adult so I think it was just a shock. Just thank people for their concern and change the subject if you are uncomfortable but take it as a compliment - people think you were smaller than you were Good luck on your continuing journey!

Happy_Taco

Theres a tumblr blog called "reasons to be fit" check it out - there are all kinds of reasons on there with motivating pictures. Maybe one of them jumps at you as a response. I think it's a mix: people don't want to be mean and say you should lose weight, but they can't handle when someone is changing before their eyes. Pretty soon, you'll get comments like: you look great! then, "can you help me too??". Hang in there!

kaleber

I'd make comments about *needing* to lose about 50 lbs......and hardly anyone agreed with me...
in fact, they said "no way do you need to lose that much weight."

When someone states they usually need to lose weight, I try not to offend. Maybe thats what these people were doing. People sometimes expect that you want to hear, "No way do you need to lose that much weight."

When people feel that you are losing too much weight, they may be right, but sometimes it is out of jealousy. I had that comment today, but from someone I talk about dieting and exercise with.

You will get different opinions and comments depending on your relationship with them. If those that are not on a diet or not exercising with you then maybe you should not include them in your conversations, they just feed negative energy towards your goal. Remember do what is best for you.

Sidesteal

You could thank them and then ask them if it's your turn to make a comment about their body.

CourteneyLove

I always blamed it on my physician -- "my doctor isn't happy with where I am."

This might be the best response

AlexPflug

Hi,
I took a quick look at your photos on your profile and you look so healthy and fit! I don't see why anyone would tell you that you're "wasting away." It's possible that they are intimidated or jealous by your success. Just do what is best for you and be healthy. That's all this is really about. Keep up with the good work!

AlexPflug

By the way, I started out weighing 223. Whenever I said I need to lose 60 pounds, people always argued with me saying if I lost that much I would look sickly.... That only puts me at 163, which for my height I believe is still a little high, but a lot better than now. So, I kind of understand where you're coming from.

onefitdiva

Are the people telling you this all women? I ask because I get this too but never once has a man said to me I look too thin they offer compliments where the people telling me I'm "scary skinny"...... or "wasting away" or "are you sick??"..... they have always come from a woman and usually ones who could benefit from a bit of exercise. It used to really bother me until a friend who is alway right to the point said..... "wow... you did some great work transforming yourself this year, amazing!".... that was a woman. I told her about the other comments she told me to "consider the source" and followed with "geesh....freaking haters" Shake it off OP, and no worries, people can be mean when your heavy or thin. If you are happy and healthy it's all good.

questionablemethods

You could thank them and then ask them if it's your turn to make a comment about their body.

Ooo! I like this one!

azesbaugh

just gotta laugh. I would prbably laugh and say something like, "I wish!" and then move on. Changing the subject is always a good strategy.