Locus of control & not believing the science

gurgaveed

I think a lot of my problem with weight loss is mental. I don't mean that in the classic sense of that I eat because I use it as a crutch for emotional problems - I don't. In fact, when I'm sad, I tend to eat less than usual, I lose my appetite. I mean that I have a hard time believing the advice out there about weight loss and therefore don't believe it's as much in my control as other people seem to. Most people seem to view weight loss as an issue of taking control over their willpower, but I just don't feel that way, and therefore it's hard for me to clutch at that as a motivator because I can't help feeling that it's all pointless and it won't work, no matter what I do.

For me, even willpower doesn't seem to be enough. I have been on the calorie-counting plan before and it just doesn't seem to work for me as well as it's 'supposed to', even when I have been following it religiously. It's not ignorance, because since I was a teenager, my mother has always kept up with all the latest nutrition information and passed it on to me. My sister is a nutritionist and sports trainer. I have enough information, I know what I'm 'supposed to' eat and what sort of exercise I'm 'supposed to' do. I also work in science, and therefore have a grasp on what the various studies and statistics out there mean. I also, unfortunately, know how badly science can be flawed, and how it all needs to be taken with a big grain of salt.

I have thyroid issues, which isn't meant as an excuse, but I also don't believe doctors and science have figured out how to reliably control those for everyone. I tried to talk to my doctor about maybe trying out Armour brand because I'd heard it worked for some people when the synthetic stuff didn't, and was told that they didn't give that out in the UK, because they have the 'proper stuff' - i.e., the synthetic thyroxine stuff that doesn't seem to be doing ANYTHING for me. I am not expecting it to be a miracle cure, but I was hoping that it would at least mean that when I DID put in the effort, I'd see some results. But I haven't.

It's not a matter of not giving it time either. I have followed the calorie-counting plan for 20 weeks, measured and weighed everything, logged everything, wore my HRM at the gym so I knew how much I was burning. And nothing. I'd lose a couple pounds one week and back it would come the next week. It was a see-saw of 2lb at a time every week. Finally I gave up, and I ballooned. About all I seem capable of hoping for with calorie counting is that I halt the upward creep (or in my case, leap). I never seem able to actually lose anything. Given that I'm already huge, that's a depressing thought. All I can hope is to remain my current state of huge forever, as long as I religiously weigh all my food and deprive myself forever. What a life. Yeah, I know that sounds like whiney excuses, but I keep seeing everyone else talking about how they started counting calories and suddenly all this weight dropped off, and then it tapered off and they lost a lb or two at a time. Fine. But they had that initial drop that must be so motivating. I don't get that. I get no weight loss, or a couple lbs that make me dare hope for a second, and then the next week it's back on. It's enough to make me want to just give up entirely. On everything. Because I'm damed if I don't, and I'm damned if I do. Everyone who looks at me thinks I'm a lazy, gluttonous sloth anyway, so I might as well be one - a lot more pleasant than trying and trying and getting nowhere, and still getting the dirty, judgmental looks from everyone.

I know this is a downer of a post, sorry, but that's really my main problem. How do I fight this pervading sense of hopelessness and cynicism and lack of a feeling of control over my own body?

rosied915

I'm going to refer you to a WONDERFUL author named Geneen Roth and her books on the emotional side of eating.

Look her up on Amazon. I have "When Food is Love", "Women, Food, & God" (these 2 were the best FOR ME), also "Why Weight? A Guide to Ending Compulsive Eating" and "Breaking Free from Emotional Eating".

You will come to learn that food has nothing to do with it.

Good Luck and feel better soon!