Am I being overly sensitive or do I have a reason to be mad?

Logansmom2011

Wow, you guys really make its easy for someone to want to post anything on here.I do over analyze,but its not like I'm sitting at home crying over this and making it my main focus,it was a question.Its been going on for 5 months ,but when its a regular thing it gets annoying so thats why I asked if I was being overly sensitive.The ones that find enjoyment in picking people apart and attacking them,grow up.I was just venting,there is more to the story,like I said general narrative.Some of them I used to be good friends with and I now just view them as acquaintances because we don't interact like "friends" do anymore.As for the calorie post,it was giving an example! Get of your high horses and stop being judgemental!I will continue to lose weight and live my life whether they are friends with me or not,just was annoyed by the constant questions when you can easily just look at my mfp profile and see,there are many ways to make your stuff private so all the comments of them not feeling comfortable blah blah blah.I'm over it,not a big deal.

steffiejoe

People ask for help and advice yet are not looking for a friend just yet. Maybe they are not ready for friendship or maybe they just need help with nothig expected in return. Helping others is kind but people should not have to become your friend because you helped them. It is hard for people to ask for help sometimes and it is nice that you help them. Let the fact that you are helping people be enough for you and keep helping out of the kindness of your heart not because you expect them to become your friend because you helped them. Help people, boost your self-esteem by knowing that what you do is helping someone else live a longer life. Help to help and that will make you fell rally good about yourself. Be proud of helping someone else, it is truely a wonderful thing you are doing and I'm sure some of their family are glad you are helping. Remember your help my be saving someones life. Please keep helping people fo rnothing in return.

Thanks for this post. I really needed to hear this because I have been ugly and not helped someone due to an issue similar to the OP's post. You are right I need to keep helping. I have to stop thinking I'm being used .

TourThePast

As you ask, yes you're definitely being WAY too over sensitive about this.

They might like the anonymity of MFP. I don't have any IRL friends here, because my eating/dieting/exercise habits feel very personal. If one of my closest friends joined MFP, I probably wouldn't tell them my username, because I like the freedom of being an unknown.

Me too, that's why there are no photos of my face on here, nor do I use my real name.

Whether or not you are friends or merely acquaintances in real life, it's perfectly understandable that they don't want the embarrassment of someone they might be seeing face to face knowing exactly how fat they are, and you knowing exactly how much of a pig they made of themselves the other day.

They owe you nothing, you have no "right" to expect them to add you as a friend, or even to be your friend in real life. Maybe they've simply moved on.

And... I'm not saying this to be mean, but to give you something to ponder... Maybe the sort of things you're saying in this thread are the sort of things that have made them choose to move on. Friends who enjoy "drama" and get into the whole "If she liked me, she's do XYZ" thing are the sort of people I tend to edge away from socially.

baypathgradLyns

I guess my questions would be (if this hasn't already been covered, if I missed someone mentioning it, I apologize):

(this is what I would ask myself anyways)

1) Maybe they didn't see my post on FB? I know that I rarely go on FB (so I miss a LOT of posts), so I am not sure how much time these people spend on there? --EDIT (Ok, scratch that question)

2) (if they did see my post on FB) Maybe they are very new to MFP and haven't figured out how to find other members yet? --EDIT (Ok, scratch that question too, as you said its been 5 months)

(EDIT) 3) Maybe they are on MFP but don't want to add friends, thinking they just want to feel out MFP for a while first? My fiance said if he ever joins MFP, he is not going to add friends, he is just going to log his stuff, etc. as he thinks everything else can be too time consuming

Maybe one or some of them will see this message board post....

If they saw your post, and they don't want to friend you on here for some silly reason, and they are mainly acquaintances, I wouldn't waste your time trying to friend them on here. I overanalyze everything, so I would probably be a bit hurt at first, but then be like OH WELL....and move on...If you feel like they are all about just taking your suggestions and advice on FB, you don't need to respond to their questions if you don't feel like it

Logansmom2011

As you ask, yes you're definitely being WAY too over sensitive about this.

They might like the anonymity of MFP. I don't have any IRL friends here, because my eating/dieting/exercise habits feel very personal. If one of my closest friends joined MFP, I probably wouldn't tell them my username, because I like the freedom of being an unknown.

Me too, that's why there are no photos of my face on here, nor do I use my real name.

Whether or not you are friends or merely acquaintances in real life, it's perfectly understandable that they don't want the embarrassment of someone they might be seeing face to face knowing exactly how fat they are, and you knowing exactly how much of a pig they made of themselves the other day.

They owe you nothing, you have no "right" to expect them to add you as a friend, or even to be your friend in real life. Maybe they've simply moved on.

And... I'm not saying this to be mean, but to give you something to ponder... Maybe the sort of things you're saying in this thread are the sort of things that have made them choose to move on. Friends who enjoy "drama" and get into the whole "If she liked me, she's do XYZ" thing are the sort of people I tend to edge away from socially.

I am one to shy away from drama,therefore is the reason I have not said anything to them about it and asked on here to get a consensus of if I was just being sensitive.There was no need for you or the others to make comments towards my character as a person.I don't expect anything from them,just simply annoyed of the constant questions.I made a group so us all could share tips and etc,if they don't want to join fine,but don't constantly keep asking me stuff others times when I specifically made a group for such reason.I am a giver that doesn't expect anything in return,just saying if you want to know things,there is a simple way to find out!

A simple yes you are being sensitive or no your not would suffice,not I wouldn't want to associate with you either from the way you talk in your post and such.Thanks for the non judgmental responses,to the others why even post ?

TourThePast

A simple yes you are being sensitive or no your not would suffice,not I wouldn't want to associate with you either from the way you talk in your post and such.Thanks for the non judgmental responses,to the others why even post ?

Why? Because you might not have any idea how off-putting and destructive all this sort of over-thinking can be to your friendships, and because you are obviously troubled by the fact that people who used to be your friends are now putting distance between you.

What you have just said is that you are prepared to help them, but you're annoyed at their constant questions, though you will help them if they join your group.

While you claim "I am a giver that doesn't expect anything in return" that's not strictly the case is it? You want them to tell you their user names on here, you want them to friend you on here and you want them to join your group.

My rule is to either give unconditionally, or not at all. YMMV.

fbmandy55

I understand where you are coming from because my brain basically works the same way. I'm constantly being told I'm overly sensitive and over analytical.

Someone earlier had mentioned (and I'm parphrasing) that you should communicate like an adult with these people and ask why they haven't friended you. Well it is my opinion that these women are not acting like adults because they are not saying something to the effect of "I want to keep my progress personal" or "I'm not ready to share this with everyone".

You are a good person for sharing the secrets of your success. If they don't want to be MFP friends, then it is their loss. You can share your tips with them, or next time they ask for advice on what your doing say, "just the usual". Now I don't know all the things they are asking you, but if one of these women asks you why you think something is working for you and not them a simple reply is, "everybody is different and needs to find their own niche". Or you can flat out ignore their questions. You have to do what you feel comfortable with.

To the other people posting on here, you are being a little harsh. A simple question was asked and SOME of you have turned it into something much more then what it is and are being a little judgemental. Did you even think that the woman who started this post was also just trying to vent a little frustration and wanted a little support from us.

This!!!

I have friends on here that I've added to my facebook. I've had friends on facebook that won't add me on here, stick with it for two weeks and fail. Their loss!

tigersword

A simple yes you are being sensitive or no your not would suffice,not I wouldn't want to associate with you either from the way you talk in your post and such.Thanks for the non judgmental responses,to the others why even post ?

If you don't want to know the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question. Nobody is being judgmental, you're, again, being way over sensitive.

Silverkittycat

Your original post -

I started my weightloss journey August 2011 when my son was 5 months old.I was 250 when I gave birth and 220.6 on the day I finally was fed up with being overweight and started on this long road to a healthy, fit life.Well, along this journey I have posted pics,posts about my workouts,calories burned during a workout and etc on Facebook. I had several other new moms comment on my post asking me how I'm losing weight,what I'm doing and what advice I could give them. I gave them the link to myfitnesspal and told them to add me if they decided to join and I would gladly support them in every way.Well,the ones that I told about MFP have not added me,but I have found out from their posts that they are actually now members of MFP. I posted the other night about burning 722 calories doing circuit training with the Biggest Loser Calorie Knockout DVD.This one particular girl that always asks me workout questions and now has MFP but has never added me asked me what circuit training was.The next night she put a post about burning 780 calories walking on her treadmill.Mind you she has never put a post like that before and I'm like is she trying to compete with me or is it just a coincidence?I decided today since I was seeing so many moms posting about wanting to lose weight and just starting to workout that I would start a group on facebook for us to post pics,share workouts,recipes,advice and etc and added the ones I thought would be interested.I feel like I probably just wasted my time doing this because noone has posted or showed any interest.I don't know if I'm just being juvenile or if I have reason to be irritated or upset.These women never talk to me otherwise unless they see me post something about my weightloss or workouts and then they want to ask questions and want to know what I'm doing.It just seems like I'm good enough to talk to for your own personal gain because you see I'm bettering myself and losing weight,but I'm not good enough to be "real friends" with.I've even suggested that the other SAHM meet once or twice a week to eat lunch and go walking at the park for exercise and if anyone was interested to message me,NOTHING!If ya'll say I'm just being overly sensitive then I guess I am,if not then darn it I'm not being nice anymore and they can just watch me get fit and sexy and figure it all out on their own!

and now you're asking "why even post?" to those that don't agree with you?

I posted this guy - :indifferent: because I chose not to say what Tigersword said earlier. What is it you want? You're obviously looking for something. Pats on the head for introducing them to MFP? Thanks? A gold star? Should we agree with you and say that your friend burned more calories because she was just jealous/competitive/whatever ?


Try doing something for others without expecting something in return.

lizziebeth1028

Sorry but I do think you're being a bit over sensitive. These are casual acquaintances that you have only met once or twice. You have no obligation to them, they have no obligation to you. Unfriend them or hide them on FB and forget about them. There are so many friendly, supportive, and interactive people on MFP to be friends with. Don't focus your energy on these FB that you really don't know that well...it's negative and counterproductive. Look towards making new friendships!

Logansmom2011

Your original post -

I started my weightloss journey August 2011 when my son was 5 months old.I was 250 when I gave birth and 220.6 on the day I finally was fed up with being overweight and started on this long road to a healthy, fit life.Well, along this journey I have posted pics,posts about my workouts,calories burned during a workout and etc on Facebook. I had several other new moms comment on my post asking me how I'm losing weight,what I'm doing and what advice I could give them. I gave them the link to myfitnesspal and told them to add me if they decided to join and I would gladly support them in every way.Well,the ones that I told about MFP have not added me,but I have found out from their posts that they are actually now members of MFP. I posted the other night about burning 722 calories doing circuit training with the Biggest Loser Calorie Knockout DVD.This one particular girl that always asks me workout questions and now has MFP but has never added me asked me what circuit training was.The next night she put a post about burning 780 calories walking on her treadmill.Mind you she has never put a post like that before and I'm like is she trying to compete with me or is it just a coincidence?I decided today since I was seeing so many moms posting about wanting to lose weight and just starting to workout that I would start a group on facebook for us to post pics,share workouts,recipes,advice and etc and added the ones I thought would be interested.I feel like I probably just wasted my time doing this because noone has posted or showed any interest.I don't know if I'm just being juvenile or if I have reason to be irritated or upset.These women never talk to me otherwise unless they see me post something about my weightloss or workouts and then they want to ask questions and want to know what I'm doing.It just seems like I'm good enough to talk to for your own personal gain because you see I'm bettering myself and losing weight,but I'm not good enough to be "real friends" with.I've even suggested that the other SAHM meet once or twice a week to eat lunch and go walking at the park for exercise and if anyone was interested to message me,NOTHING!If ya'll say I'm just being overly sensitive then I guess I am,if not then darn it I'm not being nice anymore and they can just watch me get fit and sexy and figure it all out on their own!

and now you're asking "why even post?" to those that don't agree with you?

I posted this guy - :indifferent: because I chose not to say what Tigersword said earlier. What is it you want? You're obviously looking for something. Pats on the head for introducing them to MFP? Thanks? A gold star? Should we agree with you and say that your friend burned more calories because she was just jealous/competitive/whatever ?


Try doing something for others without expecting something in return.

there is a way of disagreeing and going beyond that and "namecalling".I was talking about the ones that pretty much just said,"I wouldn't want to associate with you either" and the likes of that.I can be sensitive and over analyze deny that,I mean I'm a stay at home mom,which means its you and a baby all day,with plenty of time to overthink!I welcomed the idea of being told I was overly sensitive,which is why I asked.

rml_16

Logan, you keep insisting this isn't that important to you, but your behavior says different.

unclefran1

You now what? This journey is for you and you alone. You have nothing to prove to anyone you know in your day to day life and certainly not to people you only cyber-know. Help out whomever asks cause it sounds like that is the type of person you are and don't expect anything back. There is way too much drama in the world. Let go of the anger, the hurt, and the question...(why don't they want to be my friend). It is hard enough to go through this journey with issues. Play with your beautiful baby and enjoy being a Mom. thaty is the MOST important relationship you will ever have!

Persevere230

I could write a book about how much I hate Facebook. Get off that thing and stay here. FB distorts reality and people try to "one up" each other all the time in there. FB is pure evil :devil:

melaniecheeks

Yes, you're being over-sensitive.

And think twice about asking a question on the internet if you're going to feel got at by people posting comments that might upset you.

cjsnurse

Over sensitive, I am sure you have plenty of others who bring joy to your life, this is a support sytem...people look for what they need...we are all at different stages, some can give some can't. :indifferent:

MinnieInMaine

You have no way of knowing why they have acted the way they have unless you speak to them directly. Since you're not willing to do that, you must ignore all the assumptions and bad feelings about why they haven't friended you on here and why they're now posting their accomplishments and just be supportive.

Two of my favorite philosophies:
"you can attract more flies with honey than with vinegar"
"kill 'em with kindness"

Either way, they mean, be nice to everyone even if you don't feel like it, be nice and pleasant to people and you'll always come out better in the end. Let go of the bitterness and anxiety - you're only going to give yourself an ulcer.