What changed?!

censu67

I did great last year losing weight, lost 60lbs from Feb till Sept. Then I started to stumble a bit. But overall stayed within a 5-10 range from Sept till Nov, which I was OK with. Then xmas quickly approached and I knew I was going to spend xmas alone for the first time. The stress of it got to me so much I did the unthinkable, I tried to eat any sugary product almost faster than they can produce it. From Dec 2nd/3rd till xmas day I gained over 1 pound PER DAY! I was like an addict. Each day I promised myself I'd eat the junk I had in the house today and start fresh tomorrow. Yet tomorrow came and my resolve disappeared again. It was so bad, a few days before xmas I was in Costco and bought a 4lb tub of brownies and a large container of cookies and eat them all within 2 days. Nuts, absolutely nuts. Worst part was my inner voice was fighting with me to stop. But I just kept going back from another hit.

Dec 25th arrives, I wake up and wouldn't you know, I'm still alive and I've survived. Sure I had no cards or presents or even anyone to share it with, but I had my health (although I'd tried hard to hurt it), I had my 2 dogs, who are about as excited about xmas as I was and overall I had much to be thankful for, but was busy feeling sorry for myself so didn't see what I had but rather focused on what I didn't have.

I got out of bed, went into the kitchen and made coffee and boom, it was like a light went off. I opened up the trash can and threw away all the junk I still had left and didn't miss it. I weighed myself and almost cried. I couldn't believe it. How is it possible to gain so much in such a short period of time. I thought I'd be up 10-12, maybe 15, but 35. I didn't think it was humanly possible.

Anyway, since xmas my eating has been reasonably under control. I've had the occasional cheat, but that's normal living. However, getting back into exercise and healthy eating has been hard.

I called a friend and asked her back for the book that helped me get started. I started to re-read it last night and boom, instantly my head seems to be back in the game. Yesterday I walked the dogs for 1.5 miles and jogged for 0.5 (which is nuts, in Sept I was running 3-5 miles 3 times a week) and even then had to stop twice. But I was out there freezing my butt off. Tonight I started p90x and OMG, it's like I'm starting from the absolute beginning.

It's hard for me to write this publicly, but I'm hoping it will help others and ultimately help me. I don't know what changed and I don't know what it is that allows you to one day be good and one day be not so good, but there you have it. I'm still very much a work in progress.

Sometimes it's really hard living alone in this country and even harder to ask for help. But I guess this is my way of asking for help by offering to help others. If I can help you in some way, please just ask or friend me. I don't have all the answers, far from it, but I'm trying.

Oh and next year, should I be alone, I'm going to sign up for food kitchen or hospital volunteer work. This year allowed me to take stock of what was important and unfortunately it took me a whole month to get thru my own fog

Look forward to chatting with you all.

Mike aka memro