Breakup Advice from BB.Com Misc
1. No contact rule: When you first break up, I feel this is a must. Delete the phone number, delete the facebook, get rid of any of her friends which may lead you to snooping on her. This is the hardest part of the process in my opinion and there will be times of weakness where you will grab for the phone, stay strong.
2. Out of sight, out of mind: Delete any photos of you together, any gifts she may have bought you, just anything that reminds you of her. If they are important items you can get away with packing them into a box and sticking them somewhere you will never look, or even give it to a friend to hold onto.
3. DO NOT stay friends: This applies just after the break up, when you still have feelings for her. You will not be able to get over her if you are around her or talking to her. She will just use you as an emotional tampon and use the friendship as a way of checking up on you. When your feelings for her have completely dissipated, then you can THINK of becoming friends, but this is usually after quite a few months depending on the seriousness of the relationship.
4. Listen to your gut: In my LTR I knew when we were done, yet I held on for comfort reasons. You become so accustomed to them being there, you do not want to lose them. To save yourself the pain later down the track, end it when you know it is over. Be true to yourself.
5. Be around people: Breaking up is one of the most stressful times in a persons life, you need people around you for emotional support. Disregard all that alpha, beta stuff from the misc and be true to your own feelings. It is OK to feel like crap for a while, just surround yourself with people who care for you and will listen to you.
6. Accept it is over: She is not coming back, and even if she does because she thinks she has made a mistake, do not take her back. You will know it is done but want that comfort to return, it may in the short term but I guarantee you will be left feeling worse then before if you choose this route.
7. Time heals all: When you first break up you think that she was the one, you will never find somebody like her. In reality you will be thinking this about every girl you are with from here on out. Once the emotions have time to settle, you will realise her downfalls and pick things which you didn't like about her. Everyone always moves on and is happy, all it takes is time, don't rush it.
8. Avoid alcohol: I know many people drown their sorrows in alcohol, but it is actually a depressant and you will find that you end up feeling worse then when you started. So try and avoid drinking your issues away.
9. Be aware of her games: Your ex will most likely monkey branch onto someone else, as females have a bit of an issue with being alone, they are always seeking male validation. This is where the out of sight, out of mind principle pays off. Do not stalk her facebook, delete facebook altogether if you have to, as when you see this you will most likely be crushed. But remember, she will eventually have to deal with what has happened and go through the same emotional torment you are now. This is usually when she realises that her new guy is just a replacement and comes crawling back to you. DO NOT BUDGE!
10. Avoid the revenge mentality: No matter how bad the break up was, regardless if she cheated or whatever, try and avoid doing things for revenge. By all means focus on improving yourself, but do it for YOU, not so you can show her how you have improved. This revenge mentality makes the feelings last a lot longer as you are binding yourself to her, without even realising.
11. Accept the emotions you will feel: In the time immediately after a break up, you will be swamped with different emotions. You will miss her like crazy, you will feel like you messed up, you will feel angry at her, angry at yourself etc etc. Take these emotions and turn them into something positive, in this case in the gym. Use the rage, use the hatred, spur yourself. These emotions will pass, just give it time.
12. Talk to other girls: Creating new friendships with the opposite sex after the break up can take your mind off things, but be careful in how you approach it. I personally don't feel it is a good idea to go out with the mentality, bang everything in sight, as it can set you up for failure. Just enjoy the company.
13. It is all hormones: It may seem cold, but all you are feeling is due to hormones. Love is literally like a drug, the act of validation from a person you have an emotional connection with releases what are known as "feel good" hormones (I wont bore you with the science). When you break up, you no longer get this "fix", this is why you become desperate to get her back, you are going through relapse. You have to fight it, like you would drug or alcohol addiction, this is why we delete the numbers and facebook. Keeping her contact details within reach is like an alcoholic keeping drinks lined up in-front of them. We all know how it will end.
14. Dating outside strict religions does not work: If you are thinking of committing to a girl who has a strict family who is adamant she dates within her religion/race, do not go there. In the beginning the excitement of going behind her parents back will excite her, this fades, and both of you will feel quite guilty. The relationship is destined to end.
15. There are only ever 2 options: When you begin to date someone, there is only ever 2 options. You will either 1. get married (not likely) or 2. break up (very likely). Just remember this when entering a relationship, can you honestly see yourself living with her for the rest of your life? I didn't think so.
Thanks to _Roidz_ from the Misc on bb.com for this informative post
2. Out of sight, out of mind: Delete any photos of you together, any gifts she may have bought you, just anything that reminds you of her. If they are important items you can get away with packing them into a box and sticking them somewhere you will never look, or even give it to a friend to hold onto.
3. DO NOT stay friends: This applies just after the break up, when you still have feelings for her. You will not be able to get over her if you are around her or talking to her. She will just use you as an emotional tampon and use the friendship as a way of checking up on you. When your feelings for her have completely dissipated, then you can THINK of becoming friends, but this is usually after quite a few months depending on the seriousness of the relationship.
4. Listen to your gut: In my LTR I knew when we were done, yet I held on for comfort reasons. You become so accustomed to them being there, you do not want to lose them. To save yourself the pain later down the track, end it when you know it is over. Be true to yourself.
5. Be around people: Breaking up is one of the most stressful times in a persons life, you need people around you for emotional support. Disregard all that alpha, beta stuff from the misc and be true to your own feelings. It is OK to feel like crap for a while, just surround yourself with people who care for you and will listen to you.
6. Accept it is over: She is not coming back, and even if she does because she thinks she has made a mistake, do not take her back. You will know it is done but want that comfort to return, it may in the short term but I guarantee you will be left feeling worse then before if you choose this route.
7. Time heals all: When you first break up you think that she was the one, you will never find somebody like her. In reality you will be thinking this about every girl you are with from here on out. Once the emotions have time to settle, you will realise her downfalls and pick things which you didn't like about her. Everyone always moves on and is happy, all it takes is time, don't rush it.
8. Avoid alcohol: I know many people drown their sorrows in alcohol, but it is actually a depressant and you will find that you end up feeling worse then when you started. So try and avoid drinking your issues away.
9. Be aware of her games: Your ex will most likely monkey branch onto someone else, as females have a bit of an issue with being alone, they are always seeking male validation. This is where the out of sight, out of mind principle pays off. Do not stalk her facebook, delete facebook altogether if you have to, as when you see this you will most likely be crushed. But remember, she will eventually have to deal with what has happened and go through the same emotional torment you are now. This is usually when she realises that her new guy is just a replacement and comes crawling back to you. DO NOT BUDGE!
10. Avoid the revenge mentality: No matter how bad the break up was, regardless if she cheated or whatever, try and avoid doing things for revenge. By all means focus on improving yourself, but do it for YOU, not so you can show her how you have improved. This revenge mentality makes the feelings last a lot longer as you are binding yourself to her, without even realising.
11. Accept the emotions you will feel: In the time immediately after a break up, you will be swamped with different emotions. You will miss her like crazy, you will feel like you messed up, you will feel angry at her, angry at yourself etc etc. Take these emotions and turn them into something positive, in this case in the gym. Use the rage, use the hatred, spur yourself. These emotions will pass, just give it time.
12. Talk to other girls: Creating new friendships with the opposite sex after the break up can take your mind off things, but be careful in how you approach it. I personally don't feel it is a good idea to go out with the mentality, bang everything in sight, as it can set you up for failure. Just enjoy the company.
13. It is all hormones: It may seem cold, but all you are feeling is due to hormones. Love is literally like a drug, the act of validation from a person you have an emotional connection with releases what are known as "feel good" hormones (I wont bore you with the science). When you break up, you no longer get this "fix", this is why you become desperate to get her back, you are going through relapse. You have to fight it, like you would drug or alcohol addiction, this is why we delete the numbers and facebook. Keeping her contact details within reach is like an alcoholic keeping drinks lined up in-front of them. We all know how it will end.
14. Dating outside strict religions does not work: If you are thinking of committing to a girl who has a strict family who is adamant she dates within her religion/race, do not go there. In the beginning the excitement of going behind her parents back will excite her, this fades, and both of you will feel quite guilty. The relationship is destined to end.
15. There are only ever 2 options: When you begin to date someone, there is only ever 2 options. You will either 1. get married (not likely) or 2. break up (very likely). Just remember this when entering a relationship, can you honestly see yourself living with her for the rest of your life? I didn't think so.
Thanks to _Roidz_ from the Misc on bb.com for this informative post
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Replies
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:flowerforyou:0
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I think this is probably valid advice in general but given the perspective it was written from it may not go over very well.0
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I don't think you have to delete someone from your life just because of a break up. I write down why we broke up and I keep that note in my wallet for a while. If I feel the urge to try to re-initiate the relationship, I read that note.
The best way to get over a relationship is to introduce something new in your life to fill the time you would have spent with them. Take a new fitness class, spend time learning something new, or do volunteer work. You'll meet new people and can look forward to moving on.
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