Coping with more male attention

79green

Bet it makes you feel fantastic though doesn't it. Theres nothing wrong with a little flirting, just don't act on it. Enjoy it thats what i say x

MaximalLife

Hi all! I have lost about 20 lbs so far, but now guys are paying more attention to me. It feels kind of weird, especially since I'm married. I love my husband and no matter what I weigh or what he weighs I'll always be attracted to him. I just don't know how to deal with guys flirting with me. Any suggestions?

That's nature.
Losing fat makes you more attractive, and guys come on to you, because of our procreative instinct.
Like the song says "...we ain't nothing but mammals" - :drinker:

Just take it as a compliment, and always know that you have options if the chips are down.
It's good to have options.

emergencytennis

I KNOW THIS MAY SOUND CONCEITED, BUT IT IS THE HONEST TRUTH. I am not an egotistical brat, I actually have very low self esteem. With that said..........

I honestly understand what you are saying OP. Especially if you have spent many years socially awkward and suffering from low self esteem from the weight. It's not "normal" to notice people are actually looking at you and making eye contact. It's a struggle I have been having as well. I also will mention my husband in any conversation. My husband is deployed and my kids are in school during the day, so I am usually shopping/exercising/college alone. I also live overseas on a military base, so there are lots of single marines and soldiers. I honestly have stopped making eye contact with men. It just feels wrong to catch them looking at my body, or them trying to start a conversation. I am hoping that over time I can get used to it and be happy or proud about it. Maybe if my husband were here, I wouldn't notice or care if a man was paying attention to me.

I think this stems from the insecurity. In similar situations I have felt uncomfortable as I worried what my husband would think. I would hate the thought that he might be bothered if he could hear the conversation I was having.

Short story, be polite, be honest, pretend your mother is sitting next to you and let that guide the conversation, and be grateful, because this problem is going away faster than you think.

olymp1a

If I saw a girl and said "Wow, you're beautiful," and she said "Thanks, I'm married" I'd think it more than a bit odd. That comes off as sooo conceited, "Every male that's nice to me only wants to sleep with me so I'll cut them off at the pass."

So I guess it depends on the kind of attention and what they say. If it's a compliment - take it and say thanks. If it's "can I get your number" or an obvious line, then bring up the husband.

Couldn't agree more! Well said!

cookc04

Well - my experience - the other way. When I talk to men - just to chat, they feel obliged to mention their Wife/Girlfriend. Honestly most of the time I am not even thinking that way I'm just a chatty , friendly sort of person.
So I think just don't flirt with them back, few guys will take it further if you obviously aren't interested.
If they then come on strong - simply tell them you aren't interested as you are happily married. The media these days makes out that cheating is normal - so unless you mention that you are happily married they will continue to persue.

But enjoy the looks and the cat whistles - really it's one of the reasons you've been trying to lose - for people to think your hubby is even a luckier guy than they already thought.

morenita71

interesting - I think it's fine to flirt but also agree one shouldn't presume someone wants more just because they talk to you. I do beleive men and women can be just good friends! I think being charming can be misread as flirting if with opposite sex (assuming you're straight) . I have to say I have been getting attention and can be uncomfortable with it in particular scenarios (I'm 40 and teach 18yr olds - weird when they look you up and down...). On the other hand it could be because you're holding yourself differently. A couple of my good (straight) male friends have said they are not so superficial it's not a question of fewer pounds for them it's that when you lose weight you can appear more confident in yourself which is more attractive than being overly self-conscious. I think this is possibly true - I wear more fitted clothes etc...

Elf_Princess1210

When he approaches you take your water bottle and spray him while shouting "DOWN BOY!"



If he is very persistent then beat him with a stick!

I just spit my tea out after reading that one!!!!

madC6

If I saw a girl and said "Wow, you're beautiful," and she said "Thanks, I'm married" I'd think it more than a bit odd. That comes off as sooo conceited, "Every male that's nice to me only wants to sleep with me so I'll cut them off at the pass."

So I guess it depends on the kind of attention and what they say. If it's a compliment - take it and say thanks. If it's "can I get your number" or an obvious line, then bring up the husband.

Agreed. It is quite the catch-22 these days. I was speaking to a woman the other day and said that I liked her shirt and she awkwardly worked in her boyfriend almost immediately in the response. It came across extremely strange and forced so I dropped what my next line was going to be in the conversation. "My wife would like it so I was wondering what store you bought it at".

On the flip side I just bought a new Corvette and see women looking at, and or complemeting it, whenever I take it out of the garage. I just want them to be prepared to be immediately maced from here on out because I know what they are REALLY thinking. < - See, sounds strange doesn't it!!