Adulthood????

Phoenix1401

Well I have a strange problem and I wonder if anyone can relate to this. I was bullied and tormented back in school (grade school,middle school,HS) I was bullied because I was the "smart" kids and I spoke, dressed and act differently and my faith was different as well. So now that we're adults I find it VERY strange that these bullies want to be my friend (on Facebook and real life) I asked one of them "why? You made my life a living hell back then!" and they said "Oh...I dont remember that! we friends back then!" <<<< That...that right there struck something in me....its called anger...and its very rare for me to feel anger and want revenge. Can anybody relate to this? Am I the only one? Do they really want to be my friend or they want something? (I dont trust as far as I can throw them) oh here's the funny part! One of them want "holler at me and go see a movie" ha!

_binary_jester_

You need to move on (I know, easy for me to say). But there nothing wrong with denying someone's FR. I think FR's and relationship statuses are annoying anyway. Why get butt hurt if someone denies your request?

BrettPGH

I was bullied too and when I get FB friend requests from them it just blows my mind. That's how clueless and self centered bullies are. They don't fully realize that you didn't enjoy being tortured as much as they enjoyed inflicting it.

Tell 'em to pound sand, or worse. You owe them nothing.

billsica

Hate to say it. You just got to move on. I have fb friends and talk to people that I didn't in high school.
No one really realizes. I just know I am the better person. Its amazing how toned down people get once out of high school.

So just be the better human than they are... which you are.

messyinthekitchen

Yeah there's no need to hold on to this still it's not worth making you upset. But there is no reason you have to be their friend. They were nasty people and have never proved to you otherwise. I find most people on facebook add you so they can snoop into your life. I wouldn't add them. If you weren't friends then there's no reason for it.

EmCarroll1990

Here's the thing, in school (elementary, highschool) people are cruel. Then as adults, they change - well most do. Try to put it behind you, as you're an adult as well, and move on. Give them a chance, if they screw up, then delete them.

Thomasm198

I was bullied too and when I get FB friend requests from them it just blows my mind. That's how clueless and self centered bullies are. They don't fully realize that you didn't enjoy being tortured as much as they enjoyed inflicting it.

Tell 'em to pound sand, or worse. You owe them nothing.

I would pretty much agree with this.

You don't have to accept a friend request from them. You pick who you want to be friends with.

Phoenix1401

The adult thing is to move on but it's so hard to do it. I see that karma is working on them they're 21 and some have kids. But idk its just anger and I want to say something or idk lol

eayal002

Well I have a strange problem and I wonder if anyone can relate to this. I was bullied and tormented back in school (grade school,middle school,HS) I was bullied because I was the "smart" kids and I spoke, dressed and act differently and my faith was different as well. So now that we're adults I find it VERY strange that these bullies want to be my friend (on Facebook and real life) I asked one of them "why? You made my life a living hell back then!" and they said "Oh...I dont remember that! we friends back then!" <<<< That...that right there struck something in me....its called anger...and its very rare for me to feel anger and want revenge. Can anybody relate to this? Am I the only one? Do they really want to be my friend or they want something? (I dont trust as far as I can throw them) oh here's the funny part! One of them want "holler at me and go see a movie" ha!

I would tell you this if you were my sister, daughter, cousin ect, people grow up and sometimes they are not the same person they were back in school but I don't know this person has changed. It sounds like you are still hurting from their torment and it can be something, one of the most difficult things to get over. For good or bad they have in a small part have shaped somewhat who you are now.

here's my red flag on their part that this person hasn't changed,
I asked one of them "why? You made my life a living hell back then!" and they said "Oh...I dont remember that! we friends back then!"
To me they didn't see anything wrong with it, don't care or just are to selfish to see outside of themselves so my advice is ignore and move on. Make friends who treat you like you want to be treated and are support. I don't think they changed yet and might never will.

_binary_jester_

The adult thing is to move on but it's so hard to do it. I see that karma is working on them they're 21 and some have kids. But idk its just anger and I want to say something or idk lol

It is definitely harder to be the bigger person (no pun intended). But as your username means, you can rise out of the ashes from your childhood experiences.

Wow...that sounded corny even typing it.

sandy729

I know exactly how you feel. I grew up in a small town in Texas and I was called "the wetback's" daughter for many years since my father was from Mexico. As a child I never understood it and my parents always taught me never to be ashamed of who I am. I signed up on FB 2 years ago and it amazed me how many of these people would send me FRs. I still remember the taunts and I still remember how much they hurt. Even though I remember the hurt, I have let go of the anger for my sake. Some kids can be cruel and grow out of it and some don't. I chose not to add them as friends because I don't want to know what kind of adults they have become.

Secret_Agent_007

I'll help you plot your revenge. This is going to require a part of my cunning .... no ... ALL of my cunning! :bigsmile:

Jules0336

Here's the thing, in school (elementary, highschool) people are cruel. Then as adults, they change - well most do. Try to put it behind you, as you're an adult as well, and move on. Give them a chance, if they screw up, then delete them.

I agree, people change. I am sure some of them look back at things they said/did and feel horrible about it.

EmCarroll1990

The adult thing is to move on but it's so hard to do it. I see that karma is working on them they're 21 and some have kids. But idk its just anger and I want to say something or idk lol

It's definitely hard, I used to get made fun of for my forehead, and boy did they make fun of me! Called me "five head", hell one day a kid walked around with a bucket on his head claiming to be me. Now, I find it slightly humorous, or maybe that's just a front, either way, I've moved on. It's hard, but you'll feel better if you can ignore them or find peace.

netchik

I sympathize with your situation, I had the same problem with facebook, but I chose to accept almost all those requests, and have decided to get to know those people afresh, and in turn let them get to know me. And do you know what? Some of them are good friends now. And some who I was great friends with in high school are now "unfriended" because we are so different, politically / ethically / faith or whatever and it's uncomfortable. Take it as it comes, but do what you feel comfortable with.

I would like to highlight your poor choice of words though - how is "Karma" responsible for these people having children? You talk about the hurt of being bullied (words are cruel) but haven't considered your off the cuff remark cuts incredibly deeply for some of us who cannot conceive.

I highlight that because if you consider that you don't know me, and your statement seemed quite reasonable to you, think about how those kids didn't know you, and their words hurt you. Bullying is a complex subject. Facebook gives you all the chance to start afresh, if that is what you want. Good luck!

Phoenix1401

Having kids at 21 in my opinion is very young just because of the responsibility and stuff. I take care of kids and love them like my own but I believe people my age should enjoy single life before a responsibility of a childs life is in their hands.

hellokathy

Here's the thing, in school (elementary, highschool) people are cruel. Then as adults, they change - well most do. Try to put it behind you, as you're an adult as well, and move on. Give them a chance, if they screw up, then delete them.

I was gonna say this but then read that they actually think you were friends back then. Then they can't have changed much if they didn't even realize what was going on and still don't know.

I'd deny the request and move on.

netchik

Well see, this is my point. You've said something which is your honest opinion, and it's not wrong. It's what you believe.

Others who are more mature or ready for a family at 21, and may consider that children being "bad karma" is an insensitive statement. There will be a lot of people that disagree with you. They aren't wrong either - they are also entitled to their opinions.

All I'm saying is that words mean different things to different people, at different ages. If you're comfortable with it, these facebook relationships could develop into friendships. The fact that you've brought this issue to a forum to discuss leads me to believe you're at least considering friending them, otherwise you'd have just declined their request.

I'm just trying to say you could take a chance on these people. Consider them new friends, and get to know them accordingly. You may be pleasantly surprised.

BeeElMarvin

I find that a lot, that many don't even realize they were percieved as bullies at the time. Strange

TheRoadDog

My 40 year reunion is coming up in 2012 and all of the sudden I have been contacted by over a dozen people from HS. I moved after graduation and never went back and I thought I was a pretty quiet unassuming guy in HS. Didn't think anybody would know me after all these years. Gettin all kinds of comments from them.
- "You cracked me up.'
-" Where'd all that red hair go"
-"I remember when..."
-"Remember when..."

The point is we all remember things differently. Teenagers are clueless anyways and have no idea sometimes the consequences of their actions or comments.

Let it go. Accept their friendship or don't, but don't carry all that crap around with you forever.

Phoenix1401

*sigh* I should let it go....maybe I should put all the energy of the anger and push into my workouts.
It's so hard to do it but I should :ohwell: