Help motivating husband!

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littletiger97
littletiger97 Posts: 49 Member
in Motivation and Support
I need some help trying to motivate my husband to get in shape. He has been saying for months now that he wants to lose weight. Everytime I start to work out, I ask him to join me. Instead of doing Just Dance I have offered for us to do Wii Sports, but he would rather lay on the cough and read! I think I am starting to irritate him though. The other day he said "Yes, I want to lose weight. You do things your way and let me do them mine!" But he still hasn't done anything. He's had a gym membership since last summer before we got married and has only gone a handful of times and there is a Bow Flex in our bedroom collecting dust? Any ideas?
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Replies

  • DarrellHodge
    DarrellHodge Posts: 71
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    Too easy; Cut him off and in about three days he'll be a workout monster.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,119 Member
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    Just keep doing your own thing.

    He's going to have to do it when he is ready. Bugging him will only lead to arguments and may even cause him to dig in and refuse - just because!

    Be patient. Stay active. Eventually he'll want to join in. Find some interesting outdoor activities. I don't like indoor exercise either, especially electronic games.
  • RyLaneB
    RyLaneB Posts: 60 Member
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    I convinced my husband to let me create an account on MFP for him, as a way to be supportive of me. I promised him if he did not like it he could delete it and move on. For 8 days I logged everything he ate, his water, his exercise...by the afternoon of the 9th day he sat down and logged his own lunch and snack. Now, he is so intent on his logging we got him an Ipod so he can log n the go (he's a sheriff's deputy, crazy hours!). He is down 8 lbs and still going! Exercise is hit or miss on his days on duty ( although you would be surprised how many calories he burned on a call to help catch a dog killing local alpacas!), but the calorie deficit and the awareness of what he is putting in his mouth is making a difference and that has inspired him to keep going! :smile:
  • shiseido_faerie
    shiseido_faerie Posts: 771 Member
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    Mine is the same way, don't worry, it gets better.

    We started out with ME logging everything he ate...or told me he ate. Well that wasn't working, so I stopped doing it because he needed to be accountable himself. At the beginning of December I started logging for myself again and showed him the site, once he found out he could put an app on his phone he was really into it, and now it's like a game for him to try to keep all of his numbers within their set amounts. He has lost nearly 10lbs since then, and has yet to exercise. I exercise and try to get him to do it with me but he's just not into it right now, he assures me that if he can just drop a little more weight he will do it because he'll be motivated, I believe him, so for now we're both doing our own thing. Your husband just has to want it for himself too, when he sees that his way isn't working, he'll come around.
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
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    You can't. Just keep doing your own thing, and when he sees your success, maybe that will inspire him to join you. In the meantime, you can only motivate someone who really wants to be motivated. Give him time and hopefully he'll get there.
  • ilbcnuz
    ilbcnuz Posts: 48 Member
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    I'm stil struggling with this myself, but it's very slowly getting better. Find activities he might enjoy. We've recently started roller skating after 30 years of not being on wheels. LOL We had a blast and it's a killer workout. We also walk the dogs occasionally. Sometimes he'll go bowling. He's even done Wii bowling a few times. I figure something is better than nothing and eventually he'll want to do these things on his own, I hope : )
  • H_Factor
    H_Factor Posts: 1,722 Member
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    You can't. Just keep doing your own thing, and when he sees your success, maybe that will inspire him to join you. In the meantime, you can only motivate someone who really wants to be motivated. Give him time and hopefully he'll get there.

    ^^ THIS ^^

    I used to be in your husband's shoes. For a LONG time, I knew I needed to lose weight and get healthier. For a LONG time, my wife, mother and grandmother told me that they were concerned about my health and wanted me to lose weight. I knew they meant well, but truthfully, it all came across as nagging....and nagging doesn't motivate (even when the intention is to motivate). My wife started her journey in late 2009 and wanted me to join with her. I did not. I was not ready. I saw how she made great progress and reached her goal in about 6 months. I cheered her on and supported her, but I never joined her. I tried for a couple of months in 2010, but I wasn't mentally ready (and when I had a few bad days and my wife nagged me about them, that was enough for me to dump the journey and gain the weight back). I was finally ready near the end of 2010 and I started this journey on Jan. 23, 2011. I am glad that I did...but it had to be my choice.

    For you, keep rocking your own journey. I'm sure your husband sees your good work and will be supportive of your journey (in his own way). When he's ready, he will start his own journey. I would stop asking him, though, because I think that will only prolong his decision to start.
  • littletiger97
    littletiger97 Posts: 49 Member
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    I totally understand what all of you are saying and I know that he has to do it on his own. The thing is...I married a nerd! LOL He isn't very outdoorsy but then again neither am I. I never have been! But the thing is, he's lost tons of weight before on his own. We weren't together then but I know he can do it and so does he. I've been trying to cook healthier but he doesn't think he can lose by eating regular food. Last time he lost, he ate nothing but lean cuisines, etc and only consumed 1200 cal a day and did the Bow Flex workout. I have tried to get him to join this site and I told him that "Yes" he can lose weight eating regular food, he just has to watch his portions. We have both gained since we met. I've gained about 30 lbs and he's easily gained 60 lbs. He weighs more now than he ever has according to him, but he refuses to get on the scale! I have begged him to weigh himself so he at least knows where he stands. But he won't. I think his health is also being seriously affected. He never used to snore but since he has gained all this weight, he snores constantly and very loudly! It's a rare occurance that we can both sleep in the same bed. He either sleeps on the couch so he doesn't wake me, or I end up moving to the couch because he has. It's incredibly frustrating and I know he feels horrible about it. I guess I will just try to lead by example, which is very hard for me to do because I am struggling as well! Thanks for your support and input!
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
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    Hang in there, and when he DOES decide to join you in this, I'm sure he'll be glad to have such a supportive wife!
  • Sharisunshine
    Sharisunshine Posts: 41 Member
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    I totally understand what all of you are saying and I know that he has to do it on his own. The thing is...I married a nerd! LOL He isn't very outdoorsy but then again neither am I. I never have been! But the thing is, he's lost tons of weight before on his own. We weren't together then but I know he can do it and so does he. I've been trying to cook healthier but he doesn't think he can lose by eating regular food. Last time he lost, he ate nothing but lean cuisines, etc and only consumed 1200 cal a day and did the Bow Flex workout. I have tried to get him to join this site and I told him that "Yes" he can lose weight eating regular food, he just has to watch his portions. We have both gained since we met. I've gained about 30 lbs and he's easily gained 60 lbs. He weighs more now than he ever has according to him, but he refuses to get on the scale! I have begged him to weigh himself so he at least knows where he stands. But he won't. I think his health is also being seriously affected. He never used to snore but since he has gained all this weight, he snores constantly and very loudly! It's a rare occurance that we can both sleep in the same bed. He either sleeps on the couch so he doesn't wake me, or I end up moving to the couch because he has. It's incredibly frustrating and I know he feels horrible about it. I guess I will just try to lead by example, which is very hard for me to do because I am struggling as well! Thanks for your support and input!
  • Sharisunshine
    Sharisunshine Posts: 41 Member
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    I totally get the snoring thing. Sounds just like me and my husband! Best of luck to the both of you.
  • H_Factor
    H_Factor Posts: 1,722 Member
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    just keep cooking healthy meals and giving him reasonable portions.

    as for the scale and denial...I wouldn't touch that scale when I was at/near my heaviest. However, I lived in a state of denial that I was only meaty and not fat. Near the end of 2010, I admitted to myself that I was fat and that helped me get on the journey. One day when your husband sees himself in the mirror, he will come to grips with reality and want to do something about it....or at least that's the hope.
  • TDGee
    TDGee Posts: 2,209 Member
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    Keep nagging him, because that ALWAYS works.
  • MissyJessy
    MissyJessy Posts: 1,279 Member
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    I convinced my husband to let me create an account on MFP for him, as a way to be supportive of me. I promised him if he did not like it he could delete it and move on. For 8 days I logged everything he ate, his water, his exercise...by the afternoon of the 9th day he sat down and logged his own lunch and snack. Now, he is so intent on his logging we got him an Ipod so he can log n the go (he's a sheriff's deputy, crazy hours!). He is down 8 lbs and still going! Exercise is hit or miss on his days on duty ( although you would be surprised how many calories he burned on a call to help catch a dog killing local alpacas!), but the calorie deficit and the awareness of what he is putting in his mouth is making a difference and that has inspired him to keep going! :smile:

    HA HA I hate alpacas!!
  • MissyJessy
    MissyJessy Posts: 1,279 Member
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    give him time he will join your shortly. As he starts to see your progress he will feel more and more insecure about himself and not want to be left behind in the journey. Dont worry be patient and give him time.
    My husbands like a little kid if i bug him to do it he digs his heels in and refuses but if i let him figure it out on his own he feels like a genious and is more proud of himself

    men are so simple sometimes :P (JK)
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
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    Thats the problem, all the begging and nagging you do, you are continuing to make it more of a problem for him. You cannot get him to do anything.. it will always have to be his choice and something he does on his own.

    Im glad we had some men post some replies.. its good to have the male perspective validate the very thing: the more nagging and pushing and begging, you end up just making things worse for them.

    OP: Just like you made the choice for yourself.... whether youre struggling or not is not the point.... your husband has to choose for himself...

    good luck
  • justle
    justle Posts: 275 Member
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    you know i've been having the same problem with my husband i started getting fit in 2010 and its only NOW that he really is doing anything about it, i really did have to step back and let him get to this stage by himself and he did, its just taken him a long tme.

    i think also he looks at me all slim now (well slimmer) and wants the same, i think he's looking thinking "i dont wanna be the fat guy with the slim girl"

    heres hoping this new drive of his wont trail off...

    just keep motivating yourself, dont nag and let him get there himself, when he sees you do it yourself and get close to your target i bet he'll want to jump on the bandwagon, when he does just plow him with encouragement and pride :)
  • MissyJessy
    MissyJessy Posts: 1,279 Member
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    give him time he will join your shortly. As he starts to see your progress he will feel more and more insecure about himself and not want to be left behind in the journey. Dont worry be patient and give him time.
    My husbands like a little kid if i bug him to do it he digs his heels in and refuses but if i let him figure it out on his own he feels like a genious and is more proud of himself

    men are so simple sometimes :P (JK)

    Simple we are... Not surprisingly, life appears less complicated that way, until our spouses chime in and confuse the heck out of it... Lol!


    teehee and here i thought i might offend someone with being honest lol :flowerforyou:
  • iplayoutside19
    iplayoutside19 Posts: 2,304 Member
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    I echo what eveyone else has said. HE has to own it, not you.
  • littletiger97
    littletiger97 Posts: 49 Member
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    I understand I can't do it for him. I'm not really trying to, just trying to be encouraging. On another note, what am I supposed to do if he's talking to me about it. Just ignore it? I don't want to be a nag like so many of you think I am! Just today at lunch when I talked to him, he was telling me how horrible he felt, that his pants were too tight and he was thinking about buying some more. I know he needs to do this on his own terms, but how would you suggest responding to him when he's complaining to me? He mentioned going to the gym since he still has a little time left on his year membership and I reminded him of the Bow Flex at home. But I don't want to push him. Now I'm cofused! LOL

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