Mensa Invitational - anyone need a few laughs?
Just got this via e-mail and it gave me quite a few giggles, and some of these totally reminded me of MFP - I won't say which ones. 
Hope it makes you giggle too.
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The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration(n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an *kitten*.
3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, fortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of having sex.
7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido : All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan, in the form of a mosquito, gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men
Hope it makes you giggle too.**************************************************************************************************************************************
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration(n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an *kitten*.
3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, fortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of having sex.
7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido : All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan, in the form of a mosquito, gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men
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Replies
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Those are all great, thanks for sharing!!
JM0 -
I adore you!!!! This is hilarious....and I so needed a good giggle today... not even a giggle I was laughing out loud!!! :laugh: :laugh:
I really like #2......I know a few.0 -
OMG are you right that some of these fit right on here!!!:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0
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Fantastic! Thanks for the laugh xo
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
:laugh:0 -
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
New Chit-Chat motto? "Welcome to the Sarchasm"0 -
Thanks for the laugh! Awesome!0
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Those are great! :laugh:0
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:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0
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Definetly original .0
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That's made my day! Lol!
Have to admit that I fall into the gulf of sarchasm. Hahaha. Or should I not admit that? Lol!0 -
I think when George W. Bush speaks he refers to this list for catch phrases.0
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Perfect!0
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:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Love it!0
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Thnx for the laugh :laugh: , I needed it today0
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love it0
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3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
These are all funny but this one makes me laugh because half of the people who get a refund don't even PAY ANY INCOME TAX to begin with.0 -
BEST THREAD EVER. FOR REALZ0
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LMAO!! I needed that! Thank you!!0
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14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
This explains so much about my work place.0 -
I posted this yesterday. No love...0
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I am definitely adding some of those words to my daily vocabulary!0
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:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: awesome. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0
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Strong work NDB1. Thanks for sharing!!0
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I posted this yesterday. No love...
Sorry. Everybody loves Ro! Even though she's a huge NDB.0 -
I posted this yesterday. No love...
Sorry. Everybody loves Ro! Even though she's a huge NDB.
EVERYBODY loves brown chicken brown cooooow...and I am personally sending as much love as G will allow.
And Milo, I love you too...but you don't call ANYONE "huge" on MFP! LOL0 -
Fantastic Ro, v awesome. I'm going to steal it 0
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