mental support!

running_mom

I am going through a rough divorce. The husband has decided to leave me. He said it wasn't working out. It's not like we were dating for 2 months. We were married for 8 years (almost 13 all together) and have 2 kids. I admit to putting the children before him and that is a huge problem I have to work on. But when things got tough he bailed on me. He never wanted to talk things through or work together.

He was abusive both physically and emotionally. He had a horrible childhood and that's the reason I chose to stay with him. I wanted him to get help and I wanted to show him that no matter what I would be there. I know no matter what no one should ever put their hands on another. But at times I think it's my fault for not stopping it earlier. Maybe the marriage could have been saved. I also think that he has someone else already. There have been times even when we were married that I thought that. Partly because of my gut instinct and partly because of what I hear from other people.

After years of begging and bringing up him needing help, he has decided to get it for his anger issues. I told him that I would support him and do whatever it takes to get through it. But, I feel like I have to take care of myself now. He destroyed me with the things he did to me. I don't want to go back on my word. Especially because of the kids. They need to have a happy and healthy dad. The truth is if he told me that he wanted to change and work on things as a family I would give him chance after chance. But, that trust is broken and I don't know if it could ever be regained.

What do you think? Should I still try and be his rock even though he pushed me away? Or should I just give up and call it a day? Focus on myself and the kids and try to find someone who will not hurt me anymore

NicolCook

I am sorry that I have no advice for you. I am truly sorry that you have had to go through all of this. It is really hard when 2 people do not love each other the same. You do truly deserve to be treated better, and don't you put one ounce of blame on yourself for ANYTHING that he did to you!!
Maybe support him from a distance until he is able to prove himself.
You have to do what is best for the health and safety of your children. Physically and mentally....

secostley

Suggest separating and have him work on his "issues" from a distance. Trust is a time tested principle and if he TRULY has changed, you need to see that demonstrated for a considerable amount of time before you expose yourself again to him or the children.

Then, the both of you get into some kind of counseling. Abuse of any kind is no joke. A spouse should not be a welcome mat for the other to wipe their feet on. Right now, what I'm reading is "lip service" from him. He needs to kick it up a notch. Get help, get counseling, and show a demonstratable change in his ways for a good while.