How to motivate your friends to start losing weight?

aquitania

Hi everybody,

i need some advice on the right approach to a friend of mine.

She is the nicest person alive, and i love her very much, but the truth is, she has got to lose some weight, she is huge. I don't know how much does she weighs, but i would say well beyond 300. She is also an opera singer, just as i am, and we both live and try to push our careers in Germany, where opera isn't only about how you sing, but even more about how you look. Since i know that oh so well, i have begun my journey, and i love it to eat healthy, to exercise, to lose weight, ah, everything about it!

How does someone approach another person on this issue? I think she is very unhappy because of her looks, and would so much like to show her the benefits of a healthy life, without being rude...

I would appreciate your suggestions!

:-)

koosdel

You go first.

Contrarian

Let it occur to her. There is no good way to bring this up to someone.

runnercheryl

I say leave her to it. She knows she's big. She might not care, or she might care and be dealing with it in her own way, but don't get involved unless she asks.

hiker282

If it was me, I'd just invite her to go do active things with you. If she's as big as you say, they'd be simple things like walks, or maybe an easy bike ride. I wouldn't bring up the fact that you think she needs to lose weight at all. Just try to get her moving more. Or if you go to a restaurant, suggest something good and healthy.

Weight loss is something that a person has to want for themselves. You can't force anybody into it, and it doesn't help to get them defensive.

brittanidigby

No one is going to lose weight until their ready. :S

Cal28

You can't. It has to be a realisation she come to on her own.
You could invite her to come to something with you (a gym class etc) but don't make it about weight more that it was fun etc and would she like to come next time you go? Just dont push it if she says no. x

Blugal1

I figure there is no good way. I have been overweight for quite a while (it wasn't as bad when I was 20 as I thought.... but it was worse the last 3 years than I'd admit).

I know I did not take kindly to people discussing or even mentioning my weight to me.

The only thing I would do, is take someone up on an invitation to do some fun exercise, as long as I knew I would be able to keep up with them (and they wouldn't make me feel awful by leaving me behind, for instance).

I have a friend in the same position as the original post on this thread - I cannot think of any activity we could do together, so instead I invite her to go to the movies sometimes, and only bring some healthy snacks. At least we are still getting the social time in.

lilsassymom

I don't think there really is a way to approach it without sounding rude...

SHE has to be ready for a change. Maybe she will want to change when she sees your progress and she will ask you about it---then you can show her "the ropes.":flowerforyou:

JeSuisPrest

You can't. Motivation comes from within. She will do it when she is ready and only then.

jerber160

I'm not sure you can help. for me I had the advantage of stumbling on MFP just when a good friend realized she had to do something.... our stars aligned.....and we're both sticking to it....it's so much easier with a friend, but other friends who have seen our progress and start out just aren't ready....

agentscully514

set an example of yourself. Beyond that, stay out of her business.

cramernh

set an example of yourself. Beyond that, stay out of her business.

Exactly... its not for you or anyone else to tell her about this... only she can make that decision on her own.

LabRat529

I've been the recipient of people trying to motivate me to lose weight.

Sometimes, it causes bad feelings. Sometimes, it's okay, it makes me feel loved. It depends on your approach.

But I have never, ever, ever lost weight because somebody else wanted me to.

Your friend will lose weight when your friend wants to lose weight badly enough and not before then.

mommosskinny

My best suggestion is also to go first. When she sees your success she may voluntarily ask you what are you doing. But she might not -- each of us has to be ready to change before change can occur.

bjfmade

Lead by example and ask if she wants to go on a walk occasionally. See if she knows any good web sites to make healthy meals, etc.

lovinbeinold

Don't say a thing to her. Just concentrate on your own body. I was fat for a long time. I never, ever welcomed intrusions like what you are talking about. I know you don't mean it intrusive, but that's how it feels when someone says something. The fact is, she does know she's fat. If she wants to know how you are doing it, she'll ask. If she does that, then tell her how you do it, and don't make it personal to her. She has to decide.

In my lifetime a few well meaning people tried to help me like you want to help your friend. Believe me, I did not welcome such help. I am now at the point that I'll share if I feel like it, but beyond that, it is none of their business.

Just let it go and don't think about her weight. Love your friend as she is, no matter how that is.

aquitania

WOW, so many answers, you guys are awesome!!! :-)

Actually, as i read your answers, i suddenly remember myself. I also new that i NEED to lose weight, but somehow i never did. And then one day it just occured to me, and i really, really wanted to do it, and now i'm doing it the right way.
Everybody used to tell me how i should lose weight, bla bla bla, i knew that, but i don't know, it didn't came from me...

I mean, i don't think that i'm better because i'm doing it now, it's just that i see how much it changed me, and how much i enjoy this whole journey, and i was just thinking of a way to maybe try to help her.

We're doing this opera together, and she really doesn't look pretty on the stage. She can only wear this huge night gown, and it just makes me sad, i wish she would do something for it.

But, i'll still keep trying somehow, and i won't be rude, i promise! :-)

Guardien

Koosdel and Contrarian have the right idea. Everybody needs to have, as my wife put it, their "ah-ha" moment. It's the time when one realizes something. As Koos said with going first, your friend may have her moment and follow your example. There is also the approach of talking to her about starting you journey, and ask for her to help support you in your endeavor. By asking for her support, you are not exactly saying that she needs to lose weight, and you're not quite asking that she do it with you. If she agrees to encourage and support you, she may have her moment. It may be when you ask, or it may not be until she notices your progress.
I don't know if you get the American show "Biggest Loser" over in Deutschland, but in season 11 one of the contestants was an opera singer from New York. She talked about how her roles were determined by her size. She was always a supporting role since the starring roles would be for thinner singers. Think about watching it online. Maybe have an episode going when your friend comes over. You could say "Check this out! An opera singer from New York is on this show." It's a soft approach that just might work.
Good luck on this adventure, and best of luck with your friend.