Morbid subject...

DawnInOhio

I haven't really talked about this until now. My husband is very sick, could be dying. He is usually underweight anyway. But in the past 6 weeks, he got pneumonia (sp) that is why I haven't been around. He is 6'3" and usually goes about 190#. But since the sickness he is down to (gasp) 159. He now has an infection that is in his blood. He will not be admitted to the hospital, because he thinks he will never get out. So that is why I havent been here for a month. I quit taking care of myself and dedicated myself to him. Well, the past few days I decided I wasn't going to stop taking care of me, and take care of both of us. So when I went shopping for the week, I bought him cases of ensure, high protein meats, high cal. foods and I bought the things that I usually buy for myself while I'm eating healthy or trying to lose weight...and 75% of the bill was on my low fat yogurts, my soy milk, LC cheese, sugar free jello, fresh veggies, bottled water, etc. You all know what I mean..how costly it is to try to live the "diet" lifestyle. I felt so selfish that my husband is lying up in that bed starving to death, and I'm spending 3.99 on laughing cow cheese??? It's just time to get back to basics for me. No more fad foods, I'm lucky that I'm healthy and actually have to turn to gimmick products that prey on us that want to lose weight. I just feel like such a hypocrite, it costs me 75% more on our GROCERY bill to eat less??? What the H is wrong with that?????
I'm just very upset right now, but I hope you all see the message at hand, they are getting rich off of us with all the diet and healthy foods...maybe I'm just too emotional to make sense right now, but I knew what was up when I looked at that grocery bill.
I could really use all of your prayers right now, which I usually would never ask for, but the man in the picture in my profile is a ghost of what he looked like then, he's lost 50 pounds since that pic. He is like a skeleton with skin, and im so scared, and embarrassed that I have to log on to track my calories when he can't eat enough to stay alive.
I thank you for reading this...and I don't want any replies, I just want you to think about how we are so lucky to have the choice to be fat or thin....we have a choice...

DawnInOhio

I haven't really talked about this until now. My husband is very sick, could be dying. He is usually underweight anyway. But in the past 6 weeks, he got pneumonia (sp) that is why I haven't been around. He is 6'3" and usually goes about 190#. But since the sickness he is down to (gasp) 159. He now has an infection that is in his blood. He will not be admitted to the hospital, because he thinks he will never get out. So that is why I havent been here for a month. I quit taking care of myself and dedicated myself to him. Well, the past few days I decided I wasn't going to stop taking care of me, and take care of both of us. So when I went shopping for the week, I bought him cases of ensure, high protein meats, high cal. foods and I bought the things that I usually buy for myself while I'm eating healthy or trying to lose weight...and 75% of the bill was on my low fat yogurts, my soy milk, LC cheese, sugar free jello, fresh veggies, bottled water, etc. You all know what I mean..how costly it is to try to live the "diet" lifestyle. I felt so selfish that my husband is lying up in that bed starving to death, and I'm spending 3.99 on laughing cow cheese??? It's just time to get back to basics for me. No more fad foods, I'm lucky that I'm healthy and actually have to turn to gimmick products that prey on us that want to lose weight. I just feel like such a hypocrite, it costs me 75% more on our GROCERY bill to eat less??? What the H is wrong with that?????
I'm just very upset right now, but I hope you all see the message at hand, they are getting rich off of us with all the diet and healthy foods...maybe I'm just too emotional to make sense right now, but I knew what was up when I looked at that grocery bill.
I could really use all of your prayers right now, which I usually would never ask for, but the man in the picture in my profile is a ghost of what he looked like then, he's lost 50 pounds since that pic. He is like a skeleton with skin, and im so scared, and embarrassed that I have to log on to track my calories when he can't eat enough to stay alive.
I thank you for reading this...and I don't want any replies, I just want you to think about how we are so lucky to have the choice to be fat or thin....we have a choice...

molsongirl

Oh man, I'm so sorry, I'm praying for you.

Georg

We'll be keeping you in our thoughts & prayers.
Take care of yourself.

eriny

praying for you

czarina127

my prayers are with you. I lost my cousin this fall and I watched her go from a jolly younger version of me to that skeleton you mentioned. She fought against her weight her whole life until she got sick then was just trying to keep it on. I have no clue the pain you go through everyday but I hope my thoughts and prayers can take some of your burden.
As for the food, when I started eating healthy my grocery bill doubled. It's amazing that food that's less processed with less ingredients cost more. I am planting a garden, you do not have time for that.

Good luck I hope your time with your husband is filled with love and peace.

Mom_To_5

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your hubby.

Phoenix_Rising

(((Dawn)))
I'll say prayers dear.

aprilvet

My heart goes out to you. Please take care of yourself.

And, yes, you're right about the hypocrasy of spending more to eat less.

hmo4

take care, thinking of you both.

Dedicated

I'm am so sorry that you are going through this. I am actually in tears right now... I can't imagine watching my husband die. My mother-in-law is dying of stage 4 lung cancer, but since we live 7 hours away we aren't there to see her go through it all. It makes me so sad because I know we should make the effort to visit whenever we can, but we haven't, and I think mostly because we don't want to face the inevitable.
I know this must be incredibly hard, but do not feel guilty about taking care of yourself. You NEED to take care of yourself and I'm sure your husband wants you to. Please let me know if you ever need to talk. ((HUGS))

Teria

My prayers go out.

stillkristi

You know what, its not morbid - its part of life. You are doing an amazing job! It must be terrifying and feel so frustrating, and yet, so sad, all at the same time. I hope you know we all would like to be able to do something, and yet, all we have to offer is our love, our support, and our prayers. Know you are not alone in this! MFP is amazing, because no matter when you check in, someone is up, here and ready to talk to. Stay in touch with us!

indianagranny

You both will be in my prayers.

12by311

Dawn, I'm so sorry.

You sound a lot like me, feeling guilty for things that you really shouldn't. My mom battled cancer for 8 months. I was there to watch her wither away and it's a horrible thing to have to watch someone you love become this shell of a person that they used to be. I deal with guilt every single day that my mom went through chemo and radiation. I really think she didn't want to, but did because of me. I wish I could go back in time, a year ago to be exact.

I started praying for you this morning after reading your post. I hope you feel strength for the rest of the day and here on out. God bless.

DawnInOhio

thanks for all your kind words, he seems better today, but it's just a day...we are in for the fight of our lives so I dont think I'll be around for a while...please keep praying for him, we need all the help we can get..your are all such nice people, I wish we could all be together at his bed side

ivykivy

I will be praying for you also.

kitty82

First of all, I will keep y'all in my prayers. I just wanted to say that I completely understand the point you're making also. I have felt so guilty before for buying the extra things for myself to eat healthy when we're hurting so bad for money. Most of the things though that are diet...especially those little 100 calorie packs are just exactly the same product just portioned and they're making so much extra money off of them!! :noway:

rlw911

Dawn, I can feel your frustration coming through the words of your post. Please remember that you need to take care of yourself, in order to take care of your husband. My heart goes out to you.

It IS frustrating that it costs us more to eat better. And that's part of what's making all of us in this country so overweight. It's cheaper to eat junk, than it is to eat what's good for you. Sad, but true.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband as you deal with this struggle in your life. I'm pretty new around hear, but I've been around long enough to know we're hear if you need to talk or vent.

adopt4

Don't know when you'll be back to read this.. But I think in times like these we need "something" to lash out about. Just don't lash out at YOURSELF. Yes it costs more to eat healthy, and produce costs more than potato chips... and yes, I think it's wrong. But don't feel guilty because you are trying to take care of yourself. You need to take care of yourself, now more than ever, so that you can be strong for him. Yes, this could be the end, and he's made his choice by not going into the hospital. Yet you aren't lashing out at him because you'd feel bad if you did. He made his choice, and so all you can do is do your best, be by his side, offer him love and support... and take care of yourself.

You know on airplanes how they tell you to put the mask over your own face before putting it over the face of your child? That's because you'll do no good for your child if you pass out... same principle here.

Phoenix_Rising

You know on airplanes how they tell you to put the mask over your own face before putting it over the face of your child? That's because you'll do no good for your child if you pass out... same principle here.

Excellent point made in an excellent fashion.
Take care of yourself so you are able to take care of him.
Sending more positive vibes y'all's way today.

csnealey

So sorry to hear about your husband. I know what you mean about the "losing wt. and looking like a skeleton". My mother is very sick and she has lost so much wt. She went from 140 to 100.7 in a matter of months. I will definitely be praying for you and your family. Please continue to take care of yourself because your husband needs you well to take care of him.

My prayers are with you.

And remember:
I can do all things through Christ, which strengtheneth me. Phillippians 4:13

GIBride01

Prayers coming your way..and like the other posters said, you can't do a good job taking care of your husband if you are coming apart at the seams. I have worked with cancer patients for years, and the physical pain the ill person is suffering is matched by the emotional pain their loved ones are feeling. If you aren't already, talk to someone about all of this. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your loved one.