Sabotage

SenoraMacias

Do any of you have people in your life who seemingly are trying to sabotage your efforts? Encouraging you to indulge in a treat because "you deserve it!", or telling you to skip the gym because "you really need to give your body a rest!".

I find this kind of annoying. Why do I deserve to eat crap that will undo what I'm trying so hard to accomplish? What do you say to these types of comments?

jjpe

My husband does this all the time......finally my 16 year old daughter started giving him a hard time about it. He's slowing getting better about it .

JoolieW68

Fortunately I don't have that issue. Everyone in my life has been very encouraging. And if they aren't....they aren't part of my life.

cryingangel

This hasn't happened to me yet (this time around), but I'm anticipating it... if that makes any sense.
I know that I have tried to lose before and had a friend(who no longer is a friend) start telling me I looked fine the way I was and that I didn't need to give up our drinking nights, etc etc.
All in all I say it was because she couldn't get past the thought that if I somehow bettered myself for MYSELF, it would make her feel like a lesser person.
I believe that there are people in our lives who make it a habit of trying to dishearten our successes.

I'm taking this one day at a time, and the only person who can mess this up for me is ME. If someone wants to throw some fake positivity at me for the way I am now, to stay the way I am now, I'm not going to listen to them. If someone wants to insist I am doing something completely wrong, I will get rid of them. I'm not going to surround myself with negative people anymore.

I'm on my road to success and not one person is going to stop me, no matter what they say.

Just lose the negativity!!

TiffanyW1014

My husband does this all the time......finally my 16 year old daughter started giving him a hard time about it. He's slowing getting better about it .

I have the same propblem.. He said he loves me the way I am and he doesn't understand why I am trying so hard to "change". I am doing this for ME but you would think it would benefit him also. I'm stronger and healthier and feel better. I am still at it in hopes that one day he will understand.I often wonder if he thinks I'm doing this to leave him!!! But I'm not!

Yellowstonegirl

When I go on a diet, I intentionally don't talk about it because I have a friend that sabotages. But we eat out together often and she can tell when I'm watching what I eat. She then insists on buying me treats and gets offended if i don't indulge with her. I've even had her shove half cookies in my hand saying she can't eat it all...BULL!

When this friend goes on a diet she says it's for health reasons but when I go on a diet she implies that it is vanity motivated. Well yes, I would like to look better but mostly I just want to feel better.

Misery really does love company.

cryingangel

Misery really does love company.

^^^^^ This is what I was trying to say!!

SuperSnoopy

My wife says it to me a lot. I think its because she canot loose the weight like I have. She has thyroid problems and I understand that having that can cause havoc with your weight.

LabRat529

Most people have better things to do with their lives then sabotage your diet. Really. They aren't thinking 'let's ruin so-and-so's attempts to be healthy'. They aren't thinking at all. They're the typical American and they associate good food with fun and happiness. We've been doing the emo-food game since we were babies. Crying? Here, have a bottle. Birthday? Let's celebrate with dinner, cake and ice cream. Christmas? Goodies all month long!

It's counterproductive to cry SABOTAGE!!!! JEALOUSY!!!! any time someone offers you food. 99.9% of the time, you're dead wrong and they're just offering you something yummy without any thought behind it than "hey, this is delicious and I should share".

Why is it counterproductive? Because it causes you to have bad feelings for someone who's not trying to hurt you at all, and because it allows you to blame someone else for YOUR problems. Show some personal responsibility. You and you alone can sabotage your diet.

I'm sure I'll be labeled 'negative' and what not for this post... but I hope you spend 5 seconds to think about what I've had to say anyway. You'll be happier in the long run if you stop trying to blame others for your problems.

AprilOneFourFour

I have a friend who is TERRIBLE for doing this. I have asked her not to do it but she continues regardless. If she comes to my house with it (chocolate, cookies, cake) I slip it back into her bag when she's not looking. SHE can eat it. We love each other very much, but sometimes female relationships are complicated too. I suppose if I lose the weight that I've been wanted to shed for a long time, she will feel that she should have done one / some of the things she's wanted to do for a long time.

SenoraMacias

Yikes! Just trying to find some kind ways to get around people who aren't very supportive... Should have known better than to post in the forum. It always turns nasty.

cryingangel

Well regardless,I say ignore them or tell them like it is.

Something in a neutral tone at first and then maybe more harsh. I always start out nice but it's repetitive attempts to get you to eat something you don't want or pushing something, be stern about what your doing and your goals. Whomever is not listening, will get the hint eventually.

CrisN99

I choose to think of it in a different light. I think they are just expressing to you that they like you as you are- and whats so bad about that?

I have people telling me everyday how to do my job better, raise my son better and even had someone make suggestions on the items in my grocery cart ... I can not control what others do or say. I CAN control how I react and I choose to react in a positive way.

We can do this!

LabRat529

I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I was perhaps too harsh. I still stand by what I said- it's unlikely anyone is intentionally trying to sabotage your diet and they likely are being less than supportive out of ignorance. Quite likely, they think they're being very supportive and encouraging.

How do you get around them? Well... first, I suggest giving them the benefit of the doubt... and second... try a "Thank you, but I'm really trying hard to lose weight and I find that I can't just indulge a little bit. My self control is not that good yet, but I do really appreciate your concern."

It works every time with my roommate (although sometimes I DO indulge... and it makes her feel good that I've accepted her kindness).

cmriverside

Most people have good intentions. Don't spend your life thinking people are out to get you.

They are most likely just being polite.

You control what goes in your mouth.

A polite "no, thank you" is all that is necessary. Say it over and over if you have to.

hummingbird71

Yes...sigh...unfortunately! And sad to say my husband disappointed me just the other day. I began the 30 day shred on Sat Jan 21st. On Sunday once I was finished he asked me, why are you doing this? I was puzzled by the question since he knows I am doing the MFP and walking, hell he is even watching his calories, not exercising but still... anyways I told him I had read good results from others and saw pics of how this really toned up others. So I wanted to try it, plus its an extral exercise for me and helps build my muscles. Well other things were said, major fight between us because he was telling me that this DVD will be just like all the others that I have tried and failed. That I may stay with it for a month or so and then what... duh 30 day shred... in my mind that is a month. I said I move on to something else that's what. He said oh so the lastes FAD that outs there, that is what you move onto? I told him what difference does it make as to WHAT I move to as long as I CONTINUE to exercise and such. Basically after all was done and said he was concerned that I had "an image" set in my head that once I completed this 30 day shred that I would look like. I told him no that was not it- that I have been at a "stand-still" on my weight now since before Christmas and I NEEDED A CHANGE. Needed to ADD something to my daily walking, that I had read lots of good results with this program and wanted to try it. I told him it was something to shock my body back into dropping pounds again. If I loose inches and weight from this then thats a plus (and how can you not if you watch your cal intake and do this ever night?). He just really got me discourged and ALMOST got me to the point where I didn't want to exercise AROUND HIM!! But at this point I don't care, NO ONE, I MEAN NO ONE is going to discourge me that much! My 30 day shred program continues and if he doesn't understand the reason WHY am doing it then so be it...

natalieg0307

Luckily, my kids and husband are very supportive of me. I do have several friends though that question my choices when we go out to eat. "Oh, you are so thin, you can have dessert." "Is that the ONLY thing you're getting?" So I get a soup and a salad instead of a burger and fries. So I don't get dessert at the restaurant.....I may have a candy bar later in the day. My choice. I may be thin....but I don't need all the extra fat and sodium in my body. I wish they'd join MFP and see what junk they are putting into their bodies.

pdworkman

My hubby still offers me foods that I am allergic to. It isn't because he is sabotaging me or trying to kill me, it's just because he is enjoying something, and forgets that I can't have it.

Likewise, when he says I should stop exercising and come cuddle, he isn't trying to sabotage my workout any more than when he tells me I should leave the dishes for later (and they *never* get themselves done later!) and relax.

Just thank them for being good friends or for the offer, keep a smile on your face, and keep taking care of yourself.

Pam