Wedding Ettiquette Advice Needed

Options
24

Replies

  • 11Jayme11
    11Jayme11 Posts: 194 Member
    Options
    Better yet.. Invite your niece and nephew and no your brother or his wife! :wink:
  • Legally_Natural
    Legally_Natural Posts: 101 Member
    Options
    Invite those that you want to share your day with. Don't invite the drama..

    Perfectly said!
  • AbsolutelyAnnie
    AbsolutelyAnnie Posts: 2,695 Member
    Options
    Hi! How old are all the children involved, including the ones who are not related to your brother and his wife? I promise you that you do not want "little" children (babies or toddlers) at your wedding reception, especially if it is going to go late. Honestly, I would strongly encourage you to make this an adult-only event with the possible exception being older teens (16 and older) who are related to you or your husband to be, not the children of guests. Of course if your brother's family is all over 16 you have not handled the issue. With such a small venue you really do have to keep your guest list tight.

    If there were no extra drama (and few families don't have it, btw) would you invite the kids?

    Also, get his wife's name so you can properly address the interior envelope with both their names. Brother & Guest would be too, too snarky.
  • MochaMixAZ
    MochaMixAZ Posts: 844 Member
    Options
    Better yet.. Invite your niece and nephew and no your brother or his wife! :wink:

    I LOVE this idea. The devil in me actually considered inviting his ex-wife and the kids - and leaving him out. It's the kids I care about.

    As for have I attempted a reconcile - yes. On many occassions. Many, many occassions. Even sought out professional help to mediate. I'm by no means an angel, but I don't think I painted the scale of my dislike. If I said he was a known cheater, IRS-evader, suspected abuser, alcoholic - I would be diminishing the situation. Not that it makes a difference. I have zero desire to sustain a relationship with him, except for the sake of my nieces and nephews. It's painful to say suffer the children for the sins of their father, but in the case - it's true.
  • MochaMixAZ
    MochaMixAZ Posts: 844 Member
    Options
    Afraid I can't tell you the age of her kids. I literally know nothing about them except what I googled about her. (Ha!) His kids are 14, 12, and 6.

    My fiance's family is traveling across the country to come, including his sister and her children that I adore. I like the idea of adults only, but I like the idea of having the kids that I really care for present.

    I do appreciate all the opinions, so keep them coming!! No matter what I decide, I'm arming myself to explain my decisions!
    Hi! How old are all the children involved, including the ones who are not related to your brother and his wife? I promise you that you do not want "little" children (babies or toddlers) at your wedding reception, especially if it is going to go late. Honestly, I would strongly encourage you to make this an adult-only event with the possible exception being older teens (16 and older) who are related to you or your husband to be, not the children of guests. Of course if your brother's family is all over 16 you have not handled the issue. With such a small venue you really do have to keep your guest list tight.

    If there were no extra drama (and few families don't have it, btw) would you invite the kids?

    Also, get his wife's name so you can properly address the interior envelope with both their names. Brother & Guest would be too, too snarky.
  • angelams1019
    angelams1019 Posts: 1,102 Member
    Options
    I have four brothers, and I don't have a relationship with two of them for various reasons, and I probably wouldn't invite them to my wedding because when we're around each other, its awkward and its fake, and I don't want that kind of energy at my wedding. That being said, if I were to invite them, I would invite the kids as well, only because the kids because the kids didn't do anything wrong. Its not fair to punish them for issues I have with my brothers.
  • 11Jayme11
    11Jayme11 Posts: 194 Member
    Options
    Better yet.. Invite your niece and nephew and no your brother or his wife! :wink:

    I LOVE this idea. The devil in me actually considered inviting his ex-wife and the kids - and leaving him out. It's the kids I care about.

    As for have I attempted a reconcile - yes. On many occassions. Many, many occassions. Even sought out professional help to mediate. I'm by no means an angel, but I don't think I painted the scale of my dislike. If I said he was a known cheater, IRS-evader, suspected abuser, alcoholic - I would be diminishing the situation. Not that it makes a difference. I have zero desire to sustain a relationship with him, except for the sake of my nieces and nephews. It's painful to say suffer the children for the sins of their father, but in the case - it's true.

    DO IT!! :happy:
  • Sherbog
    Sherbog Posts: 1,072 Member
    Options
    I believe a wedding is so that that you can celebrate with friends and family that care about and support you. I read your post twice. Why are you inviting brother and family?
  • sjtreely
    sjtreely Posts: 1,014 Member
    Options
    Roll the dice .... perhaps he'll schedule his next wedding on your date, too. Problem solved.

    Ok ... as other posters have stated, it's proper wedding etiquette to invite all or no children. With that being said, it's your day. You have the right to buck etiquette. However, just because you have the right to do something doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.

    Is there any room in the budget to hire an off-site baby sitter for all the kids for the duration of the reception?
  • deeharley
    deeharley Posts: 1,208 Member
    Options
    Better yet.. Invite your niece and nephew and no your brother or his wife! :wink:

    ^^This. :devil:
  • ChunkyFunkyMonkey
    ChunkyFunkyMonkey Posts: 23
    Options
    It is YOUR WEDDING, if you feel bad not inviting them then invite them, however if you feel like you HAVE to do it because it is the proper ettiquette NOT because you WANT to then don't.
    It might be good it might be bad it might cause all kinds of friction in the family, but in the end it is YOUR and YOUR FIANCEE's day.
    Have you talked to your fiancee about it?
  • DBiddle69
    DBiddle69 Posts: 682 Member
    Options
    Only thing I will say about this situation is remember the kids did not ask for the situation they are in. My opinion is if you invite his kids you need to invite her kids or you could cause issues for the kids.
  • MochaMixAZ
    MochaMixAZ Posts: 844 Member
    Options
    He thinks I'm nuts for even considering inviting any of them.

    It is YOUR WEDDING, if you feel bad not inviting them then invite them, however if you feel like you HAVE to do it because it is the proper ettiquette NOT because you WANT to then don't.
    It might be good it might be bad it might cause all kinds of friction in the family, but in the end it is YOUR and YOUR FIANCEE's day.
    Have you talked to your fiancee about it?
  • ahjenny
    ahjenny Posts: 293 Member
    Options
    When is the wedding? Do you have enough time to have a family dinner with your brother's new family and you and your fiance? That could help determine if you want to invite your brother and whether you want to invite his wife and kids. I would say that if you invite one kid (or two, or three), you should invite them all. Don't make the start of your relationship with the others be a bad one. Maybe you'll get lucky and he won't go (and maybe he'll send the kids who want to go, blood or step).

    ETA: Good luck and congrats on your upcoming wedding. :)
  • mel70
    mel70 Posts: 1
    Options
    Life's short...too short to surround yourself with people who don't bring joy to your life.
  • mommyoverboard
    mommyoverboard Posts: 105
    Options
    Nothing wrong with an adult only wedding - its very common and not only that you can google how to word it correctly - as not to offend. I wouldn't worry too much, from the way it sounds, I'd be surprised if he even shows up... even if he RSVPs.
  • Erindipitous
    Erindipitous Posts: 1,234 Member
    Options
    If I was in your situation, I would NOT invite your brother.. Not after all of that, and what you haven't even told us. You should have supportive people around who you WANT to have there. Invite the kids if you want them to be present.. But don't feel obligated to shell out the money for your brother and his never-met wife if it's going to negatively affect your day.

    Just my thought.
  • xMedullaOblongatax
    xMedullaOblongatax Posts: 136
    Options
    I have been planning my own wedding and I have read up on the ettiquette on these situations.

    1) Don't invite the asshat, even if he is your brother. If he is present, then he may do something rude. He may be your family, but it's YOUR day. Make it clear to your family that your brother and yourself do not get along, you do not wish to make concessions, it's your decision and you're sticking by it. You wish to have a drama-free wedding, and you have experience in him causing problems for you. You do not have to go into details, but ask that they respect your wishes.
    1a) If you do invite him, then hire an usher or ask a very reliable and professional-acting friend to be an usher. The usher will help guide people to their seats, show guests to the restroom, show the guest book and also deal with problem-people. If you ask a friend or family member to be the usher and they have had no experience doing that before, make sure they understand the ettiquette and procedures of that position very well. A desirable usher is polite, knowledgeable, courteous, and if necessary, firm. If a problem develops, the usher should endeavor to keep things low-key.
    2) Invite all of the kids or don't invite them. It is rude to invite only some of them. It may seem awkward not to invite kids, but it's okay not to. There actually is an ettiquette about kid-free weddings: have your wedding and reception in the evening and at night, and add on the invitations that the late time of the event may not be appropriate for children, and that it's "grown-ups" only. You can hire someone as a baby-sitter who is on-site in another room if you think there will be a lot of drama over this... if someone RSVP's and decides to "invite" a bunch of kids, have your usher respectfully guide them to the babysitter, who will take the load off of mom and dad's hands!

    If you invite your brother and he acts like a gigantic douche-grenade, then know that he will look more embarrassing that you will ever feel.

    I'm still siding on keep him out of your perfect day!
  • agugino
    agugino Posts: 119
    Options
    I say, it's your day. Invite who you want. I see nothing wrong with inviting your nieces and nephews, but why should you invite kids that you don't even know their ages. And honestly, the kids have never even met you, why would they be hurt that they weren't included. If I were a kid, I really wouldn't want to go to some ladies wedding that I have never even met.
  • pretynwite
    pretynwite Posts: 1
    Options
    Include his children in the wedding party itself, then invite the others because you never know you could be establishing a great relationship with them as well. Open your heart to family give the new wife at least one chance.

Categories