Advice or Experience - Has Anyone Ever Used Alli?

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violetness
violetness Posts: 131 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Hey guys -

I am not a believer in diet pills, but I have heard a lot about Alli, and since it is not making claims to lose 30 pounds in 30 days or anything radical, they say 1 pound for every 2 you lose naturally, I was wondering if anyone has ever tried it or has had any success with it? All input is welcome.

Thanks!
Ness
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Replies

  • jfluchere
    jfluchere Posts: 346 Member
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    I'm sure if u search there are posts about this. I think you are better off with diet changes.
  • usafbeach
    usafbeach Posts: 147 Member
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    My understanding of it is that it somehow blocks your body from digesting some of the fat you intake. How it does this isn't important to me. BUT, you eat fat, and if your body doesn't absorb it, then where does it go? You crap it out. If you fail to follow the strict low-fat diet this drug requires, the stories you read online say that you end up crapping yourself. :-/

    I'll stick to diet and exercise.
  • astrampe
    astrampe Posts: 2,169 Member
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    Alli is a new over-the-counter weight-loss pill which, predictably enough, has proven to be a massive best-seller from the moment it became available. The drug, manufactured by GlaxoSmithKline, reportedly works by blocking the absorption of excess fats by the body. And folks are waddling, not walking, to their local drug stores for a chance to get started on the Alli "program."

    As is the case with most drugs, Alli comes with a risk of certain side effects. Or, as they're known on the company website, treatment effects.

    A person is reportedly limited to 15 grams of fat per meal, and if they go over (or even if they don't), there's a significant chance they'll find themselves out behind a shopping center somewhere, crying and clutching a wad of horrifyingly soiled underwear, searching for a place to ditch it.

    As best as I can tell, anyway...

    Since a lot of this stuff is couched in language that is technically truthful, but very carefully worded, I've taken it upon myself to go through the list of side (treatment) effects and warnings, and translate it all into layman's terms.

    I'm no scientist or doctor, and don't pretend to have any special knowledge. I'm just a person who's fairly good with words and reading between the lines... The highlighted phrases below are direct quotes from the Alli website, with my translations in between.


    Undigested fat cannot be absorbed and passes through the body naturally. The excess fat is not harmful. In fact, you may recognize it in the toilet as something that looks like the oil on top of a pizza.

    Here the drug makers are trying to soothe the nerves of the skeptical fatty, by speaking their language. Pizza is something fatties understand, and a big part of the reason they’re interested in Alli to begin with. Pizza is good, pizza is reassuring… even when it’s flowing from your *kitten* like molten lava.

    The website mentions seeing the undigested fat in a toilet, but that’s clearly a best case scenario. You might also see it on the tops of your shoes, across the hood of a car, or way up the shower curtain, near the loops.

    The fat passes out of your body, so you may have bowel changes, known as treatment effects.

    Bowel changes. Notice how they phrase that? It means stuff will be happening the likes of which you could never have imagined. It’ll be like a daily Dean Koontz novel inside your underwear.

    You may get:

    gas with oily spotting

    You’ll be farting Wesson oil straight through your Dockers…

    loose stools

    and having violent chipped beef explosions...

    more frequent stools that may be hard to control

    all the time, with a sphincter that can no longer be counted as a friend.

    Eating a low-fat diet lowers the chance of these bowel changes. Limit fat intake in your meals to an average of 15 grams.

    The McDonald’s Big Mac has 34 grams of fat, and the Burger King Whopper has 40. Eat either of these while taking Alli, and you’ll very likely be transformed into a diarrhea cannon.

    Learning how to manage treatment effects is an important part of being successful with alli. Here's how to take control:

    Start trimming fat from your diet now, even before you begin taking alli. Then pick a day to begin taking alli, such as a weekend day so you can stay close to home if you experience a treatment effect. Make the timing work for you. If you're getting ready to travel or attend a social event, hold off on starting with alli until the event is over

    Blowing liquid feces down a row of bridesmaids, for instance, could be viewed negatively in certain circles. Further, an unexpected bout of the power-squirts while riding “The Bullet” at the county fair might not ingratiate you with your friends. Or anyone on the fairway. Or the folks in the parking lot walking to their cars.

    While no one likes experiencing treatment effects, they might help you think twice about eating questionable fat content. If you think of it like that, alli can act like a security guard for your late-night cravings

    You see, when you think about it, ****ting yourself is actually a positive.

    You can't "save fat grams" from lunch and "spend them" at dinner. Spread your daily fat gram allowance of 15 grams on average per meal over the whole day

    Cheating can lead to embarrassment, tears, and the introduction of a frantically constructed toilet paper crack-wedge in the bathroom of an Applebee's. It’s simply not worth it.

    You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it's probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work

    Until you get the hang of it, you should probably take along a rolling suitcase full of brown clothes everywhere you go, while taking Alli. Luckily, however, turd-colored clothing is in this season; turd is the new vomit.

    If co-workers ask about it, there is no shame in telling the truth. You might be surprised how understanding folks can be if you simply say, “I dress like this to conceal the poop that's constantly soaking through the seat of my pants.”

    You may not usually get gassy, but it's a possibility when you take alli. The bathroom is really the best place to go when that happens

    Showboating is not recommended.

    You can use a food journal to recognize what foods can lead to treatment effects. For example, writing down what you eat may help you learn that marinara sauce is a better option than Alfredo sauce

    In addition to a handcart full of extra pants designed to camouflage your anal leakage, it might also be a good idea to carry a schematic and information wheel, so you don't repeat past mistakes and have a treatment effect halfway up your back.

    I hope this information has proven to be valuable.

    jeff Kay’s first novel, Crossroads Road, is available now at Amazon, the Kindle Store, and NOOKBooks.
  • astrampe
    astrampe Posts: 2,169 Member
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    For a more scientific (but not as funny!:laugh: ) review of Alli, read this: http://www.naturalnews.com/019387.html
    I would not try it even if they pay me....
  • violetness
    violetness Posts: 131 Member
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    OMG - I was literally laughing out loud from reading these. I think I will pass on the Alli. I don't want to have explosive diarrhea all over the hood of my car. Thanks!
  • Indygirl6
    Indygirl6 Posts: 29
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    OMG! Great post! I found myself grimacing in disgust and laughing out loud the next moment....thanks for some comedic therapy before I head to the gym! And thankful to not have ever fallen victim to any weight loss hype or having to construct toilet paper crack-wedges in Applebee's! Have a great day!
  • rosied915
    rosied915 Posts: 799 Member
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    OH MY GOD!!! This was hilarious....talk about "Rolling on the floor laughing my *kitten* off".....unfortunately it's the truth.

    To the OP: Don't, just don't!!
  • violetness
    violetness Posts: 131 Member
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    No kidding - NO. FREAKY. POOP. :D
  • bluestarlight19
    bluestarlight19 Posts: 419 Member
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    O...m..G! I had to stop readin half way through that! I am at work and trying to hold the laughter in so hard, I had tears coming out and my ribs are aching! I'm bumping this so I can read the rest at home without getting glares and strange looks from my coworkers.
  • lilqtbear
    lilqtbear Posts: 2 Member
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    Yep that about sums it up..lol

    BUT from personal experience..
    I did take it for about a month myself till I was "over it" I didn't have uncontrolled loose stools but that greasy "pizza grease" stuff...true fact...ick...but only if I ate too much fat
    AND my best friend took it for a year....she took double the dose (bad bad bad bad) convinced herself that was the original "RX" dose before it became over the counter. She took it for about a year, she did lose more than 60lbs and got down to 118 the lowest in her adult life...but that was with diet and working out 2x daily...she would NOT recomend it still...says she wouldn't be surprised to see one of those commercials that pop up later suing company..she still had stomach cramps for a year afterwards and gained over half the weight back when she got off it
    we are now doing this journey together just diet and exercise...no fad pill
  • wendyc122005
    wendyc122005 Posts: 123
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    bump - have to save for later to share with others! Hilarious!
  • lorib75
    lorib75 Posts: 490 Member
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    to ASTRAMPE - you have to friend all of us now that we know how funny you are!!! OMG I thought I was going to have a "treatment effect" while reading that!!
    Thanks for the comic relief!:laugh:
  • tig_ol_bitties
    tig_ol_bitties Posts: 561 Member
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    Go buy a regular taco from taco bell. Pour contents of shell/tortilla into the paper wrap it came in. THAT is what your undies are going to look like after taking this.


    Enjoy!
  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
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    I've been gluten intolerant long enough to know that I don't need to take a pill that will give me the runs if I eat the wrong thing.
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
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    A radio DJ I used to listen to had a girlfriend on it. At night she would leak "pizza grease" onto the bed sheets.
  • DixiedoesMFP
    DixiedoesMFP Posts: 935 Member
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    A coworker used Alli. The bathroom is about 20 feet from my desk. Alli is EVIL. Please don't do it.
  • onedayillbamilf
    onedayillbamilf Posts: 662 Member
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    I would stock up on Depends and Air Freshener if you do try it.
  • tbskipp
    tbskipp Posts: 184 Member
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    ASTRAMPE - I officially need to re-do my make up after reading your post. Tears streaming down my face from laughing soooo hard. Freakin hilarious.

    "No showboating." LOL!!!!! LMFAO!!!!! :laugh:

    Side note: My husband took Zenical several years ago - the prescription version before Alli became available OTC. He will agree with all you wrote about the 'treatment effects'. He decided it was less torture for him to eat salads and hit the gym on a daily basis.

    Thanks for the laugh.
  • fitbyforty723
    fitbyforty723 Posts: 3
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    I'm at work and people are staring at me because I couldn't stop laughing!! But he speaks the truth. I have tried Alli. I still have 80% of the pills still in the bottle.
  • Debadoo2018
    Debadoo2018 Posts: 38 Member
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    I, too, am at work and laughing hysterically at my desk. Hilarious!

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