"you never truly recover from an eating disorder"...

jenifer7teen

I have now encountered quite a number of posts addressing eating disorders and was just thinking what a shame it is that so many people believe that it is a permenant identity to be "eating disordered/anorexic/etc".

Even my own therapist (years ago) and many books i have read suggest this sort of deterministic attitude: "you will struggle the rest of your life"... "you never really get over it". Think about how addicting smoking is... yet when i quit i wasnt told that i should constantly fear relapse, or permanently identify myself as a smoker. i am a non-smoker (for 1 year). And every month that goes by i am more sure smoking will never consume me again. Yet i am supposed to believe that there is a little demoness named anorexia who will eternally possess my soul, keeping me hostage no matter how many years of health i enjoy?!

I think it is a shame so many people seem to beleive this eating disorder will dominate them in the future just like it does now, and that the constant battle they face now will not yeild a true and lasting victory.

Recovery is possible... with deep effort, lots of support, and time. You can be free. The belief that this is a life long illness is one of the reasons so many remain in chains. There is research that a terminal prognosis (which is in error) of a physical illness can actually CAUSE that person to die, or die sooner. How much more true must this be for mental illness?

k1mcat

Thank you for this post. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

swellen

I think part of the issue is, with things like smoking or drinking or whatever, you can permanently stop those behaviours. You can't just stop eating though, so we're constantly confronted with the thing that was a key part of the ED. And constantly having to make choices that won't lead back there. It would be like a chain smoker deciding to stop smoking, but being told they need three cigarettes a day (but ONLY three) in order to survive. That would make the decision to stop chain-smoking a LOT harder.

Yes, recovery is possible. I'm on that road myself and I have to believe that recovery is possible. But I'm also well aware that I have to make food and exercise choices every single day. I can't just move on from my ED and pretend it never happened.

Canadien

I love this post.

ishallnotwant

I believe that ED is a type of addiction. After a few years of extreme restriction, my body was left in some pretty bad shape. It's been a couple of years since I went into recovery, and when I try to eat healthfully I still struggle with trying to keep my cals up high enough. I may not go as low as I used to, but it's a fine line to walk. I still have the nagging thoughts that I could be losing so much faster, I can't eat this many cals, I need to have more self-discipline and go lower on my daily food intake, etc. I do think in some ways it can be something that stays with us-we may not still be in the middle of it, but the old thoughts can be persistent. Kind of like when someone goes to an AA meeting and identifies themselves as an alcoholic, even though they don't drink anymore.

I am really glad I found MFP because a lot of the people on here are really outspoken about going too low-cal. They may use the term "starvation mode" very loosely, but I know that if I restrict for a day or two i'd probably have someone on my list say something to me. It helps keep me in check, whereas when I do this alone and privately i'm much more likely to go lower and lower cal. It may start with one or two days under a thousand and then just go lower and lower from there and then i'm back to square one. On the other hand, on the days when my heart is bothering me (a heart problem I have as a result of eating too few cals for too long) they will also have compassion when my food journal has 990 cals and I explain that it was difficult to eat because I wasn't feeling well. MFP gives me a good balance.

jenifer7teen

I think part of the issue is, with things like smoking or drinking or whatever, you can permanently stop those behaviours. You can't just stop eating though, so we're constantly confronted with the thing that was a key part of the ED. And constantly having to make choices that won't lead back there. It would be like a chain smoker deciding to stop smoking, but being told they need three cigarettes a day (but ONLY three) in order to survive. That would make the decision to stop chain-smoking a LOT harder.

Yes, recovery is possible. I'm on that road myself and I have to believe that recovery is possible. But I'm also well aware that I have to make food and exercise choices every single day. I can't just move on from my ED and pretend it never happened.

These are very good points... and i am not trying to minimize the fact that some people will not make a full recovery and will have the endless struggle. Also, it took me almost ten years to arrive at what i would define as true recovery. But ten years is not FOREVER. i guess i just think at some point we (who have been at some point diagnosed with an eating disorder) have to recognize that most "normal people" have days they feel fat or insecure, or don't eat much because they feel deppressed, or go run a bunch of miles because they feel guilty for how much they ate. Not many woman have a PERFECT relationship with their body or food, and sometimes looking at these little moments or weakness and feeling like we are on the verge of relapse--- that doubt in ourselves disables and disempowers. I like to believe that the 90% of the time where i feel strong, secure, and hopeful is where my identity lies--- not in those dark or disordered throughts that we all face from time to time. I actually believe NOW that i have found a healthier relationship with my body and self than people who have never faced a disorder. It forced me to confront much deeper issues and form a more solid identity than i could have had. Sure, i gained some extra weight from a lot of drinking and now i am 'dieting' again... but when i look in the mirror i believe i am beautiful even if i never lose a pound. That to me is health. And i just want to encourage those who are struggling now... there ARE many of us who have moved on from a disorder in the past, and been able to pursue the healthiest and most fullfilling versions of our lives. And we have left that f***ed up disorder behind!

PS. I'd be happy to be "friends" with anyone who is struggling, as long as they are actively seeking recovery.

calliope_music

love love love this!