Emotional Sabotage

sunfyrejade

I am not sure of a better term for it, but I feel like I am emotionally sabotaging myself and I'm not even sure why.

I started at 289 pounds, lost 80, ended up getting divorced for many reasons (one being my smaller size), put 20 pounds back on and now struggling to get moving again.

It's not a lack of knowledge and the "brain" based part of this journey, but I can't for the life of me kickstart myself into moving down again.

Has anyone suffered through this? Anyone have ideas how I can identify and tackle my underlying problem(s) and move forward?

Thanks!!

kmozymoz

I hope I don't offend you, but seeing a counselor was one of the best things I ever did for myself in terms of getting my weight under control. I saw one for three years really regularly, and she helped me identify a lot of the things that were causing me to turn to food and not feel motivated to workout. Might be something to look into?

LiquidSugarr

Hmm I've never really heard of it like that. I'm the opposite. I work my butt off, and in my head I always think that I'm never going to make my goals. So I usually end up stressing about everything I eat and how much I burn.

Hairdog

I don't know what is holding you up but when you find out let me know. Start thinning about being thiner, not the whole thing but maybe 2 or 3 pounds at at time. Grieve for the chaos in your life, but be strong and move forward, leave one day to cheating but not everyday. sometimes the cheating kick starts the loss, if you don't overdue it.

Qarol

I think, if anyone can sabotage us, it's our own selves. If there really are underlying problems you're dealing with, a therapist can only help the situation.

kellyyjean

Remember how good you felt about being healthy and losing 80lbs. That would definitely inspire me. That is quite an accomplishment. Do it for yourself and no one else.

cassmonster

I am doing the same thing! I started at 240lbs, got down to 175, and since October (my husband had surgery, and my routines changed), I have gained 15 pounds. You would think with my pants being tight etc, I could motivate myself. Nope,,I still feel like Im out of control, and like you said, its not from lack of knowledge!!! I need to get back on track, and find myself wanting to give up at times!!! I have a masters in counseling degree, and am always trying to take a step back and look at myself......we could be in this boat together.....!

inatay7

I feel for you. This is what happens to me I think. Though I am absolutely determined to get on top of it.

ShrinkRapt451

Could it be that working on weight loss is WORK and takes energy.... and you're tired?

Or that one of the reasons you got divorced was because you got smaller, and you now feel uncomfortable when you think about being smaller still? (Would it be a fair guess that you got accused of infidelity, incorrectly?)

Or that you're feeling (rationally or not) like you failed somehow because your marriage ended?

I honestly don't know, and you do NOT have to answer these questions in a public forum, just tossing out theories. Any one of these could be the underlying reason that you aren't getting back on the wagon. It could be something else entirely. But for some reason, your brain knows what's good for you and you aren't doing it. Which means that the real barrier is emotional, and the emotional brain is currently in the driver's seat.

My advice is the same as the first person to respond: consider therapy. Work on getting your emotional brain back into balance with your rational brain. (You can do this without therapy, but it's a lot harder.) Maintain your weight (stop the gain cycle) until you feel like you have the energy and motivation to get back to the work of losing.

And good luck!

MaximalLife

Have been there!
I can't relate to your specific situation, but YES!
If you're the queen of self-sabotage, I'm your King - ruling over the land of Melancholy....:embarassed:

You know what to do, just get moving.
To see this through, look deep inside and answer for yourself:
Why do I want to be fit?
And attach great pleasure to that as you set this goal.

And then answer for yourself this:
Why don't I want to be fat?
Attach great pain to all the reasons you do not want to be fat.

Few people can actually do this which is why most people fail.
This is the key to internal motivation.

Come on in!
The water's just fine....:bigsmile:

chachita7

Concentrate of the fact that your mental, emotional, and physical health are a huge part of being happy.

10% of life we cannot control, the other 90% completely depends on how we allow that 10% affect us - you are in complete control of that 90% and it is this 90% that will make you or break you. No matter what the circumstances, situations you can choose to face it with a good attitude and be successful for yourself.

I get really depressed at time, haven't for a while, but when I do - everything goes down the drain. My destressor of choice is fast fatty foods. I have found the joy of loving myself as noone in this world can - by taking care of myself.

Maddi_InBetweenDays

I hope I don't offend you, but seeing a counselor was one of the best things I ever did for myself in terms of getting my weight under control. I saw one for three years really regularly, and she helped me identify a lot of the things that were causing me to turn to food and not feel motivated to workout. Might be something to look into?

I came here to say something similar. I started working with a counselor, not necessarily about my weight and food, but getting those issues out and having someone to talk to about them keeps you from turning to food in times of anxiety and depression.

Also there is a huge mental and emotional component to weight loss and changing your lifestyle. In essences you are changing who you are, and if you don't recognized how your emotions change along with it and how you react to them and the outside world. It sounds like you have a lot going on outside of your weight loss, so it may be really helpful to talk with someone.

And know you are not alone. I think we are all guilty of emotion sabotage from time to time.

sexycheesemonkey

I suffered from this, and the only thing that managed to pull me out...well I had to do it. Food is a very BIG part of our lives, and many people wont admit that it becomes a comfort at some point. So when stress hits, it's easy to just grab whatever is at hand (regardless of if it's healthy or not) and chow down to make the hurt go away. Kick starting yourself has to be done by you, unfortunately there's nothing anyone can say that will make you do better, because words are words and can easily be blocked and/or twisted. But, you know what the problem is, all you have to do now is put one foot in front of the other and proceed with fixing it.

sunfyrejade

I'm not offended at the therapy idea, I already have an appointment with a counselor next week :laugh: . I am pretty sure I can identify most of my problems the trick is moving past it and moving forward. I guess what gets me is I'm usually so good at surmounting obstacles and getting around problems that I feel frustrated with NOT being able to fix this one on my own....

Thanks everyone!

kmozymoz

You have ALL the power to fix it on your own! But buddies have helped me a lot a lot a lot in terms of getting going. I started swimming with a friend and it kickstarted my motivation, and now I've found a few others to go with. It helps me tenfold to have people who I confirm plans with, because I'm a person who absolutely hates canceling plans I've made with friends. So! I'm sure you've heard that before, but it might help a little.

Elizabeth_C34

You gotta want it badly to make this work. If you're not ready, that's okay. Just take your time and do it when you feel like you're ready.

knelson422

I self sabotage as well. I think I am afraid of succeeding at this part of my life. What happens next when I lose those last 15 to 20 pounds? Also, I look at my parents marriage and my dad had several affairs. I know there is a fear in me that if I look that much better that I might make some of the same choices he did- which ruined my family as a kid. I know this is inside my head, but now I am determined to lose the last part. I keep telling myself that I am not him, hoping to discontinue this self sabotaging behavior. I really think a lot of us that struggle with it are afraid of the "what now" issue. Good luck. We can do this. It is important to take care of ourselves on the inside. I am so sorry to hear about the issues you are facing. Hang in there.