body bashing

jazzalea

WOWZA....... talk about someone in denial about their own self confidence....... look at what you said.....

'To be honest whilst I know I'm not ugly or disgusting (haha big headed aren't I xD) I am disappointed with my weight and with how it makes me look, someone can post about how they felt gross at my weight and it won't upset me or make me feel like rubbish since I can understand their sentiment. "

you understand them feeling like rubbish at your weight because??? are you rubbish at your weight? so anyone at that weight is rubbish?

"No matter what weight they are, were or want to be everyone works just as hard as each other (okay that's a lie I should write everyone works as hard as they can since I can guarantee I won't get up at 4am to exercise like some people I know because I'm too lazy to do that, instead I'll try to squeeze in a workout, so I do the best I can but I know there are people out there whose best is 10x better then mine haha)"

You know you're lazy and that others work 10x harder than you do?

"I for one definitely won't be holding back how I feel once I reach my goal weight, even though I know I could potentially upset people since my starting weight is their goal weight. I would hope that people would take into account my happiness and be happy for me instead of criticizing me for saying that I was fat at their goal weight when I'm 7inches shorter then them."

who did I criticize? and why are you being defensive about being 7 inches shorter than everyone else..... and why do you have to reach a goal weight before you can feel good about taking control of your life? I've got 30 odd pounds to go.... what if I never get there? Do I really have to wait to hit THAT number before I can celebrate? you're sending me mixed messages here..... I have to be proud now...... but you're gonna wait till you get there???



"OP you titled this topic "body bashing" I'm not sure if that was to just get people's attention so they click on it (since lets face it 50% more people - at least - will click on a title like that, then will click on the title "in my opinion") or whether it was because you consider people posting about being fat/gross/ugly at a certain weight is body bashing people who are that weight. Personally whilst you're not body bashing I think you're people bashing which is just as bad (and I don't consider people celebrating their success any type of bashing of anyone's body except their own one, and if they feel negative towards their old body then that's their business not mine)."

I titled this topic "body bashing" because I thought " ask a simple question and see how much trouble you can cause" would be too obvious....

OR because I wondered at what point do we.... as the people who have lived in these bodies of all shapes and sizes for all of these years stop seeing them as gross and disgusting and something to be ashamed of... and simply tired bodies that want to be healthy and need to be repaired.... nothing gross about it.....If we continue to call ourselves fat and disgusting.... or point back to a weight that "we" consider fat and disgusting....how can we ever expect the skinnies to stop?

Okay I was being nice to you beforehand by apologizing at the end (nice it's the only bit you didn't quote haha) for sounding harsh but never mind. Here goes:

1) I never said I felt rubbish at my weight. Read it again:
"someone can post about how they felt gross at my weight and it won't upset me or make me feel like rubbish since I can understand their sentiment."
I said someone can post about feeling gross at my current weight and it WON'T upset me OR make me feel like rubbish, as in I don't feel like rubbish and nothing people say will make me feel that way.

2) I never said I was lazy, I said I was too lazy (as in too tired, worn out, whatever) to get up at 4am to exercise whilst other people do that willingly, everyone works as hard as they can to get where they are but some peoples best is 10x better then mine. It's just like my best cooking attempt could be 20x better then my friends best cooking attempt, doesn't mean neither of us tried or are too lazy just means some people are better at certain things then other people. I'm not good at getting up at 4am and then functioning the rest of the day so I'm not going to get up at 4am. Once again please read what I write instead of copy and pasting it.

3) You criticized people who celebrate reaching their goal weight or any weight that wasn't their current since it is "body bashing". And I'm not being defensive about being 7 inches shorter, I don't know how much shorter then people on here I am, or how much taller for that matter I was using an example, you know that thing where you substitute an unknown factor with a string of words to try to make it clearer for other people to understand you. I quite frankly don't care if you ever lose your last 30lbs, it's not my business but if you were to post a topic in success stories celebrating it I wouldn't comment on it going "oh you're skinnier then me thanks for making me feel like rubbish" I would congratulate you. I didn't say I had to feel bad about myself until I reached my goal weight, I was saying how when I did reach it I would celebrate by posting on here and not worrying about insulting someone who was bigger then me. You can celebrate any time you want, I celebrate when I hit my goal weights or just general goals (yes that's right weights, as in I have more then 1 goal weight, plural). And you said you "have to be proud now" ... Have to? As in you can't not be proud? Sounds like you aren't proud of yourself if you see it as you have to be proud not you are proud.

4) So you wanted to create trouble with this topic? Bit childish. And you were the one pointing out how people posting about how they felt gross at 250lbs was insulting and demotivating for people who were aiming for that weight. You were asking people to put down other people who have worked hard to get where they are now just because they were honest about how being overweight made them feel. I see nothing wrong with being disappointed with how you used to look, because no one should ever be proud of being unhealthy, but when you are healthy you should be proud, and a lot of people take time to get that round their heads since they are used to being unhealthy so their mentality towards themselves has to change. And what do you mean "how can we ever expect the skinnies to stop?" ... What does that mean? Who are these skinnies should I put out a police report and have my bedroom guarded since I'm overweight?!

This time I wont apologize for coming across rude, I know I did this time and I'm not sorry for it since you are rude and for someone who is meant to be a mature adult you certainly do like acting like a child who dropped their ice-cream on the floor.

Edit: I'll do you a favour, by comparing you to a child who drops their ice-cream on the floor I mean the fact that the second someone disagrees with what you said you say they're misunderstanding you or something along those lines and yet you don't care to explain how they are misunderstanding you, much like a child when they drop their ice-cream, it's anyone's fault but their own yet they can't say whose/what's fault it is.

yup ... issues :flowerforyou:

kristelpoole

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LorinaLynn

It all boils down to this: No matter what one weighs, there's going to be someone, somewhere, who isn't satisfied with being that weight.

We're all different and we're all unique. We all carry weight differently, and even the same person will carry the same weight differently in different times of his or her life.

It's silly to judge oneself by the standards of others, and even sillier to judge others for having standards different from one's own.

jazzalea

I'm really not having a go at you but you have to admit the tone of your post has negative connotations.

If you have no self esteem issues that is great for you.

I don't understand if it is not a self esteem issue why you are bothered. As another poster said you have done amazingly well and should see any successful comment from other mfp (whether the journey is similar to or different from your own) as a positive.

In answer to the little question buried amongst you initial complex post.

NO I do not get discouraged. The people on here amaze me with how hard they work and there are many ways to measure their success. So what if they have lost more than me or are thinner than me.

The reason for my post is sympathy I suppose.... while I am secure with myself diet/lifestyle now and I personally have always been a strong person, I feel sympathy for other people who may NOT be as strong and I wondered if I was alone in my thinking.


........does anyone get discouraged when people post a comment about a certain weight being ok to be considered "gross"?

I don't know how else to reword this.

I am not personally offended......

I can only see from my own view point and asked, without intending any malice if anyone ELSE was offended or discouraged by
seeing other people who are also struggling with their weight making comments that are disparaging..... we all do it and I wondered if anyone was bothered by it.... where is the harm in what I've asked?

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jazzalea

to the OP,

I do feel a little twinge of, um... not shame or anything, but it does make me think of how others see me. It doesn't make ME feel bad about my self, because i still feel proud of my accomplishments, but... i guess its just like when i read stories in magazines or web articles and they are about weight loss and they say "i knew i hit rock bottom when i BALLOONED up to 215." I started at 337 and when i read a statement where 215 is rock bottom, it makes me feel discouraged. I still feel proud of what i have done because a article isn't my life, or the people who love me or essentially important things. But it still messes with my head. Not for more than a minute or two, but in that minute i feel like my weight loss that i have struggled with for a long time is so mammoth and if 215 is so bad than i must be off the charts... but then i turn the page and its all gone. Also i agree that its all a personal journey and for some 170 is the biggest they have been and that matters a great deal. But it takes me to this small place in the darkest parts of my head that say "How gross would they think I am?" But that again is not an obsessive or overwhelming thought, its just a second, and then its gone.

And that's what I was wondering about..... everyone else has run off on this rant about my insecurities and blah blah blah and all I wanted to know was if other people ever felt discouraged when they saw comments like yuck or gross when they have struggled to GET to that weight and it might be the best they can ever do.... I wasn't looking for advice or support just for OTHER people's opinions on THAT subject.....

LorinaLynn

The reason for my post is sympathy I suppose.... while I am secure with myself diet/lifestyle now and I personally have always been a strong person, I feel sympathy for other people who may NOT be as strong and I wondered if I was alone in my thinking.


........does anyone get discouraged when people post a comment about a certain weight being ok to be considered "gross"?

I don't know how else to reword this.

Maybe as a motivational post about how you DON'T get discouraged by it, because we're all on our own paths? Use your self esteem to boost others?

My weight has increased recently thanks to an injury. I could start a thread, "Does anyone get discouraged when the number on the scale goes up?" Or "Does it frost anyone's buns when people burn a ton of calories when you can't exercise?" But instead, I say that I don't get upset by it, because I know that it's most likely temporary fluctuations, and even if I did gain for real, once my injury is healed and I can exercise like I want again, it'll come right off. The first two comments are rants, the other is motivation.

jenlb99

The issue you're really facing here is that YOU have poor feelings about yourself. You see yourself as still not good enough even after the work you've done. So the comments other people make get to you because they trigger your poor feelings. Once you start to fix the issues you have with the way you see yourself, what other people have to say will be of little consequence to you. They're talking about the feelings they have about themselves, not you.

Don't make this healthy lifestyle you're adopting strictly physical. Get inside of your head and get some workouts in there as well. Good luck.

OP, Sunkisses nailed it with her post.

If you were truly confident within yourself and with your body, you wouldn't find those posts and photos discouraging, you'd find them quite motivating. Every single one of us has body issues of some sort, even the rock-hard people you see on here.

You lost 80 fricking pounds -- that is a HUGE reason to be proud of yourself. You're well on your way to being exactly where you want to be, so keep it going. No one intends to offend others, it's more pride in themselves...and it hints at THEIR body issues. We don't leave our negative thought patterns in the past (with the weight we've dropped) unless we do the mental and spiritual work as well. None of their comments have anything to do with you or anyone else.

StatutoryGrape

From the way your post was worded, OP, I can see why people got the idea that you're insecure. (For example, saying "does anyone else get discouraged when..." implies that you, too, are upset.)

FWIW, I couldn't care less what other people's goal weights are, if they're lower than mine, if someone thinks 140 lbs. is "disgusting," etc. It does bother me, however, when people act like I have no right to be dissatisfied with my body because I'm smaller than they are. (Not targeting that last sentence at you, btw--it's just something I've noticed a lot.) I think it's irrational to get upset and think, "If that girl who weighs ____ thinks she's fat and I weigh ___, I must really be a fatass." Why should someone else's insecurities offend you? As others have said in this thread, when people think they look "gross" at a certain weight, it speaks to THEIR insecurities and does not, in any way, reflect negatively upon you.

I just don't get why people get upset about this kind of thing, I guess. If I saw a girl who thought she was too heavy at 120, I, at 140, would not assume that she thought I was a fatass--just that she was unhappy with the way SHE looked.

jazzalea

HAH! It's funny because it's true. And to answer the OP's question, no I do not. Weight is just a number, and everyone has a different definition of success. I myself am quite large, but no I don't get discouraged or offended or whatever when someone posts how their starting weight is the same as my goal weight and how distasteful they find that now. Like I said, it's just a number. Do this for yourself, not to compare yourself to others. I look forward to the day when I can post my own success story!

Thanks for the input! Good for you for being strong

jazzalea

so mostly what I've learned here is that with the exception of myself who is in denial and one other person who admits to feeling a tiny "twinge' of something that might resemble shame when she see's a comment similar to the example I offered

no one on this site has any self esteem problems, everyone has control of their issues and has a PLAN,
and nothing shakes their confidence no matter what

except maybe a forum topic about whether or not any one could be insecure or offended by anything anyone said



oh and also that I need to have my next forum topic checked over by a lawyer and ethics committee before I post to be sure that I am not offending anyone


Thanks folks...

catcrazy

I've locked this as it looks to be getting a little heated.

I get what you are saying OP but most of us with weight to lose reached a point where we felt "gross" (or whatever other word you want to use) Some of those were at a weight that I was more than happy with, a weight I maintained easily for 20 years of my life so while I do get what you are saying there really is not much you or anyone else can do about it. We cannot censor users descriptions of themselves, its how they feel. If you feel happy at a weight that they do not then don't worry about it. Don't worry about the wording they use to describe themselves...thats about them, not you.