A Spouse that Doesn't Get it

doornumber03

this isn't about him changing, it's about you changing. You should not expect him to give up all the "bad foods" just because you want to. We can't control everyone around us, we can only control ourselves.

vim_n_vigor

I need to lose weight, so does my husband.

I want to lose weight now. He doesn't really care.

I choose what I eat. I choose my activity level.

He never has once held me down and forced oreos into my mouth.

I am sabotaged every day - by myself. It isn't my husband's, child's, co-workers, friends, etc. job to ensure that I only have access to the things that will ensure success. If you can't stand watching him eat those foods, leave the room, find something that will give you success. He should be able to remain comfortable in his own home. Now if he is eating them and taunting you with them - look what you are missing out on, or mmmm, this is the best ever, then he is acting like an *kitten*. Aside from that though, your weight, your issue. No one elses.

kluvit

I'm doing this for me and won't ask my husband to give up any of our favorite foods. However, because I know he's likely to grab fried chicken or pizza for dinner, I eat healthier/smaller portions for lunch and breakfast to save calories for dinner. Then I choose my portion size, 1 leg or wing with small portions of sides. By watching the quantity, I often have enough calories remaining to join him for a slice of Angel Food cake or small ice cream cone for dessert. But if I don't, it's usually because I chose to eat out for lunch, so I simply say "no thanks."

MrsCon40

This is your choice, not his. You need to learn that your lifestyle decision includes living with food that you don't care to eat.

He doesn't need to get on board with anything. You said he's supportive - and that is all that he needs to be. The rest is you. If you are demanding that he also change you are just setting yourself up with a handy excuse to fail that involves blaming it on him.

stormieweather

I dunno. I found that I had to get my partner on board with me.

Part of it is that I don't want my children eating junk, processed crap and chemicals. And since I do the grocery shopping...it's a matter of principle to not bring that tempting, but unhealthy, stuff into my home. If he's away from home and wants to do whatever...that's totally his choice and his health. Although, he is obese and diabetic and very badly needs to lose weight, that is on him to do so. I'm not his mommy. On the other hand, I AM my children's mommy and they DO need to learn to eat right. So we had to sit down and decide together that we were going to stick to wholesome, natural foods in our home. We don't do fast food or sodas or much in the way of processed foods. I compromise by making pizza from scratch, buying uncured pepperoni, etc., and substituting healthier, organic versions of their favorites. Yes, it's more work for me...but this helps keep everyone satisfied. Spouse gets hamburgers (homemade from scratch), bacon and eggs (turkey bacon and eggbeaters), pizza (homemade), etc. I don't monitor what he does away from home (lunches and nights out with the guys). We do eat out once or twice a month (sit-down restaurants) and don't stress what we're eating. But we are a family, none of us function in a vacuum, so we have to work as a team to accomplish our goals as a family. I don't want my kids to end up with diabetes, obesity, high cholesterol, heart disease, etc. So it is the adult's responsibility to teach by example.

killagb

He is jealous and sabotaging you. :drinker:

rml_16

He is jealous and sabotaging you. :drinker:

I think this should take the place of "42" as the go-to answer to every question here. :smokin:

WarriorMom2012

Damn, tricked again by the title...:grumble:

**kicks rocks** People need to stop titillating me with suggestive titles!:mad:

infamousmk

I'm not reading anything any one else has posted ... all I can say is that you gotta do this for you, by you, and if your husband isn't on board, then you can avert your eyes. It's not his job to change your habits, and it's not fair to him to have to completely change his life for you if he doesn't need to lose weight.

My fiancee has cookies and milk every night before bed. He also keeps a huge jar of mini candy bars to snack on. He's reasonably fit, and has an extremely physical job, and these things fit in to his diet.... I have the self respect and resolve to not eat any milk and cookies or candy bars when they're not appropriate for my daily caloric needs.

lisakyle_11

he actually doesn't have to get it -- this is your thing, your decision to do for yourself. it does HELP if he gets it, but it's not a necessity. my husband totally doesn't get it... he is like the 'Jeckle and Hyde' of eating preferences (sometimes he wants/eats mostly junk and other times he aims for super healthy food). he could benefit from being mindful with his eating (as he is not slim and actually would be healthier if he were to lose), but i can't and won't make him buy into this. it wouldn't work anyway.

good luck and stay focused on your goals for You.

TundraTed

I hate to tell you this, your husband has to be the one to make the lifestyle change. As much as you want him to, he has to decide to do it.

My wife is not at all supportive of my lifestyle changes. She does eat some of the meals I cook and I try to be make things that I know she will like that still meet my goals, but she still eats/buys food I don't eat. Often times in front of me. That is her choice. My choice is to not eat the Sugar cookies and to have chicken and veggies for dinner. She can have the Mac and Cheese with her dinner.

I know it is hard, but you are doing this for you. He will have to decide to do it for him.

Carlamere84

My husband eats junk around me too, however I don't consider him unsupportive. It's my choice to get healthy, not his. If he want to continue to eat junk, so be it. It's ultimatly my decision to eat good, and nobody elses.

stuffinmuffin

It can be tough watching someone gorge on all the foods that you would like to eat but over the course of this lifestyle change you're going to have many times where this will happen, whether it's a partner or at work or out with friends. It all depends how much you want to do this as to how you stick with this.

Like some other people have mentioned you can make changes that don't make you feel like you're missing out so much. I'll do things such as make a big salad to have with a meal to compensate for my smaller portion. I'll pick the skin off a roast chicken or have a jacket potato instead of roast potatoes. I'll make up some low cal desserts or just make sure there is fruit and low calorie snack options. He'll eat a bacon sandwich, I'll make myself an omelette....I've never felt like I've missed out.

It does help when people support you and I was fortunate in that my boyfriend supports my new habits but is also grateful I don't force him to change his. x

AlbertPooHoles

Have you checked the texts on his phone yet? If he isn't supporting you, than he may be messing around.

Mad_Dog_Muscle

Honestly, if his weight isn't an issue for him he should not have to change to accommodate you. The change that needs to happen is within yourself. You've got to learn how to live and eat around people who don't share your goals. I know it's hard but it's not fair to expect him to not eat what he wants to eat in his own home.

^^^^ THIS^^^^^

Keegansmum6

I have to agre with Lisakyle here,My fiance also needs to lose weight,how ever I am not forcing this "diet" on him,We both did this together back in may and did very well up untill the holidays,I do believe that when he is READY he will get back into things,since he did say he feels so much better about him self when he works out and eats right

fiberartist219

He doesn't have to get it. Do what you're going to do, whether or not he's on board. If he's eating potato chips in front of you, just get used to it, because there will be times that your coworkers, or friends, or neighbors will be eating something that you can't eat in the same quantities that they do, but you'll still have to be present. My cube neighbor at work eats cheese curls every single day, and I have to still work while I hear her crunching on them. It's not a big deal. Everyone is free to decide for themselves how they want to live. Your husband can eat whatever he wants and have whatever food he wants in the house. It's up to you to not put it in your mouth.

Also, you will want to reassure him that you still love him if you're thinner and you still care about him even if you don't eat the same foods that he wants to heat. He might not take your efforts seriously if you've tried all the fad diets in the past, but don't let that bring you down. You don't need his permission to do what is healthy. Just keep up the good work and after a few months he will realize that you are being serious about this and he will get on board as he starts seeing the fruits of your labor.

In the mean time, find some friends who ARE supportive. Go to lunch once in awhile with someone else who is eating healthy. Find a workout buddy. Lurk around on MFP all day long if you want to. It sounds like you need some support in this, and if you can't get it from your hubby, you can still get it somewhere.

JDMPWR

I understand how men do not want to change because well, we are MEN but in certain instances you need to keep an open mind and support the one you love.

Men can be stubborn, myself included but if it's for the benefit of the relationship and the person you love you should learn to stop being a stubborn A-hole for a minute.

I am sure you do all kinda stuff for him. Time to give a little bit back.......SMH

In the same respect you have to want the change for you, unless he is asking for it then that's one thing but if you want it to better yourself then you have to hold yourself accountable for the change, not anyone else otherwise you are just using that person as a scapegoat for your situation.

onedayillbamilf

Honestly, if his weight isn't an issue for him he should not have to change to accommodate you. The change that needs to happen is within yourself. You've got to learn how to live and eat around people who don't share your goals. I know it's hard but it's not fair to expect him to not eat what he wants to eat in his own home.

^^This. If I had one of them there husband things, this is how I would feel about it.

KBrenOH

It's definitely difficult. My husband thinks that my attempt to lose weight is a personal affront to him. It's led to a lot of fights lately and we never fought before. I wish I knew what to tell you.

a personal affront to him because YOU decided to be healthier? Would love to hear the logic on that one...


My husband has accommodated me to a certain degree but I can't really expect him to full embrace something that he hasn't yet decided to do for himself (despite how much he needs to).
Do this for yourself, use us for the support and just keep reminding yourself that it's YOUR life change, not his.

ErinNichole76

glad I'm not alone. I often have very negative thoughts toward my husband as I try to lose weight. And to keep from going overboard with my thoughts I'll stop there for now. The old stick-figure slim quick commercials describe my situation almost perfectly.

killagb

glad I'm not alone. I often have very negative thoughts toward my husband as I try to lose weight. And to keep from vomiting at the mouth I'll just stop there for now. The old stick-figure slim quick commercials describe my situation almost perfectly.

Where else do you vomit from?

cmeade20

If he doesn't have a problem with his weight than he's definately not going to give up junk food....I wouldn't. However what I do is buy/cook/bake the bad foods I have no desire to eat. For example I don't like lasagna so I can make a whole pan of that and not even consider touching it and then I can make mself a healthy dinner for myself that I will enjoy.Or I'm not a pastry person so I could buy all kinds of Hostess or Entenmanns foods and never touch them. That seems to keep everyone happy in my life

SweetProgression

I have the same issue but worse because his weight actually effects his health otherwise I wouldn't expect him to change. Also he brings stuff FOR ME like he's trying to make me gain. Meanwhile he's bought most of my fitness stuff. It's so confusing to me. I came to the idea today that if I don't eat it he won't keep buying it. His issue isn eating though. Anyway I say look at it as a test of your strength. People die from weight issues so if he doesn't wise up I won't be the crying widow. I'll be in the gym in a whole different zip code.

kittyneutron

My hubby needs to lose weight, but we are both on our own journey. What he eats doesn't affect me. although I do get a little cranky when he pops open an ice cold Coke!

I am responsible for my own decisions. He keeps all his treats up in his office and doesn't taunt me with it. He will also eat whatever I prepare for dinner. That said, the things he likes to eat (lots of salty snacks) I just don't get excited over. I have a sweet tooth.

I just feel that I personally would not want to listen to comments on what I eat or how I eat or how I live. We accept each other for who we are, and if he wants to use his money to buy himself treats that is his choice. Forcing him or nagging him doesn't help. That said, if it is really extreme I might say, "Oh, come on, you don't need that extra scoop of ice cream" or something similar. He is really happy for me when I try to lose weight and always encourages me but we are both very headstrong and like our independence, so this is what works for us. Only he can make the decision to make a change in his life-I can't do that for him, and the same applies to me.

I'm really sorry to hear that so many people are struggling with this issue, though. I have had boyfriends before that were not as supportive or encouraging and know how much it hurts. It can't be easy.

KMSForLife

Approach it from a health issue and not a weight-loss issue. Talk to him about wanting the both of you to be healthier for yourselves and your children. Talk about setting a good example for your children.

My husband is very supportive because he can tell the difference in his body when he eats crap and when he eats foods that are good for him. I do most of the shopping and the cooking, so we eat healthy meals and we do not buy a lot of junk food. It's better for the whole family and the focus is health - not weight.

FlyByJuly

The situation calls for will-power, dedication and determination on your part. My husband is 6'7" and super-thin. I work full-time, he doesn't work. It was always so easy in the past for me to eat whatever he made for dinner. I'd come home tired, and he'd either have dinner already on the table, or be in the process of cooking it. And everything he cooks is either pan-fried or deep-fried. Delicious, of course, but so bad. About 5 years ago, I decided it was time for me to change. I stopped eating his cooking, changing my entire way of eating. I lost 50 lbs in about 5 months. Just from changing my diet. He always has bags of chips in the cupboard, ice cream in the freezer, and a pack of cookies in the cupboard, or a newly filled cookie jar, as he loves to bake cookies. He lives on junk food. Seriously, the only healthy thing he eats is corn. We rarely eat the same thing any more. I'm not going to say that I don't have a cookie now and then, or the occasional chip or two. And I'll admit to enjoying his most-awesome chicken strips from time to time. But it's knowing that I can have these things once in a while, rather than having them be completely off-limits, that keeps me from pulling up a chair and sitting down and digging in with him when I come home tired. The way I look at it...it's knowing what I want, how badly I want it, and knowing what it takes to achieve it. I wish you luck. You can do it. Make it happen!

bcattoes

If you are the one that needs to lose weight, why do you expect him to change, too? That's really selfish and unfair. It's about you, not him.

Expecting him to change by be unrealistic, but why is it selfish to want your spouse to eat healthy?

nikki1anna

thanks for posting this.

So I asked my husband how much I should lose by March 30th, (he doesn't understand why it takes so long to lose weight). He said a moderate estimate of 1 pound a day, like 30 lbs a month, 20 if you're being generous. I said really hon? and he's like yeah, because a pound is just 2,100 calories.

rolls eyes!

LinBin2012

I saw a similar post once and a member had some good advice. He said that this is a lifestyle you are choosing to make. If your husband/friend/roomate doesn't want or need to lose weight they shouldn't be forced to eat what you eat or to avoid thier favorite foods. I am in the same boat as you and my husband brings bad food in the house all the time. We need to learn that these kind of temptations will always be around us and we have to learn to stay strong and make healthy alternative choices. Once night my husband brought home stuff for root beer floats. I passed and instead made a low fat pb&j english muffin with tea. As time goes on, it will get easier and easier. Best of luck to you!

i agree with him not needing to change.

"He is having a hard time not eating junk food in front of me all the time"
maybe YOU are having the hard time with junk food near ???