A Spouse that Doesn't Get it

mallory3411

Like some other posters have said already, this is something YOU are choosing to do. YOU have decided that YOU want to better YOURSELF and change YOUR lifestyle. If he doesn't have a problem with weight why does HE need to change things?

I understand that it can be difficult being in a house with someone who can and will eat everything you used to eat however just because YOU have decided to do this HE shouldn't have to change his ways.

My soon to be husband doesn't have an issue with his weight. He is free to eat whatever it is that he wants. I am the one that does the cooking so at dinner time I make the food so it is healthy however he gets more of whatever it is that I make. He can choose to add things to his meal or have dessert after. He can sit down with a beer and chips later on if he wants - I choose not to have any. If I do want some I make sure I have the calories to do so. Our only deal is that if he decides he wants chips, chocolate etc that he put it up where I can't reach it.. he's still free to eat it whenever he wants though.

In my opinion, you can't expect those around you to change their lives because you have decided to change yours. Personally I believe that if his ways are being made an issue by you, he will eventually grow to be angry and resentful. If he doesn't need and choose to change things no one should expect otherwise.

Articeluvsmemphis

it takes time, he may or may not adopt the lifestyle you have, so just continue being a good example, and continue your learning process, and see where that lands you. my brother still buys pizza, and I LOVE PIZZA, but it's up to me if I eat it or not, poor guy can't be punished because I've changed, lol. sidenote: I WILL EAT THE PIZZA, then log it, haha. be modest in what you expect of him, and eventually you all will find common ground

Babs540

I hear ya. Lots of us understand that having junk in the house is a hard temptation and it would certainly be helpful if certain OTHERS didn't place those delicious looking cookies in front of us. I'm in the same boat as you. But my husband will never be able to adapt to the change that i've taken on and I can't expect him to. He has to make the choice to eat the things that will make him healthy (or not) just as we need to find our inner strength not to have a snip, here and there, of the junk foods that have contributed to our weight gain and having to diet in the first place. The best thing we can do is muster up the courage to convince ourselves that what he eats isn't what we need to eat and we just simply know better. We need to take care of ourselves, mind & body. And i believe that the mental temptations we face are one of the first most hurdles we need to overcome. Hang in there, most of us are all in the same situation.

healthythymes

Oh my goodness, you sound like me. Difference is, my husband needs to loose too. I find I'm ok during the week, but weekends, he likes his goodies and we go out to eat at least 3 times a week. I'm so going to try to get thru this week and weekend. I want to feel good in my bathing suit this summer. We can do it!!

happinessawaits

Honestly, if his weight isn't an issue for him he should not have to change to accommodate you. The change that needs to happen is within yourself. You've got to learn how to live and eat around people who don't share your goals. I know it's hard but it's not fair to expect him to not eat what he wants to eat in his own home.

^^this

tig_ol_bitties

If you are the one that needs to lose weight, why do you expect him to change, too? That's really selfish and unfair. It's about you, not him.

Hellbent_Heidi

I agree with the others...you can only change YOURSELF, and maybe hope that by leading with a good example, he will join you eventually.

After waiting months for him to be ready, I just finally decided to quit smoking (today is day one) even though my husband says he "isn't ready" to quit right now. I'm hoping he will change his mind when he sees me succeeding and saving tons of money, and will encourage him to do it, but I also had to accept that this is MY next step in a lifestyle change, and I can only control what I put in my body every day...not anyone else.

Dtho5159

Mine doesn't get it because he has never had a weight issue. He is on the small side and never has had to worry about what he eats. He does try to be supportive but its hard for him.

debsgallery

I started this healthy eating for me, not my partner. He sometimes feels bad about eating what I don't want (not what I can't have, I changed my attitude and it's what I don't WANT) but that's his choice, not mine. He sometimes gets upset that I ask him to weigh my food or measure the servings (he does all the cooking). When he cooks something high calorie, I have a small amount of it ( usually 1/4 to 1/2 cup) and then load up on salads or veggies. We keep a big bowl of salad greens (several diff. kinds of lettuce, and other green low calorie foods in the fridge and I just dish those out and eat less of what he makes that is bad.

floweringcurrant

I think some other people gave some really sound advice in saying that this lifestyle change is about you and not anyone else. That is something each and every one of us will have to learn over time - that we cannot control or try to take responsibility for anyone else's food choices, and vice versa, we are generally solely responsible for our own food choices, too.

Because you live together and are partners I think it is reasonable to have a discussion about this kind of thing, but I would go about it in a certain type of way. Instead of scrutinizing his food choices, I would focus on your own. I liked someone else's suggestion about figuring out what you have a really hard time with and the things that you can learn to handle having around.That way you could say "I respect your food choices and I also am trying to improve my diet for _____ reasons, these particular foods are really hard for me to have around the house, do you think there might be a way we can both support each other?" But be considerate and compromising. It is important to realize that you are the only person that can essentially take responsibility for your food choices and nobody, especially no adult, should be required to change their lifestyle because of that.

doornumber03

this isn't about him changing, it's about you changing. You should not expect him to give up all the "bad foods" just because you want to. We can't control everyone around us, we can only control ourselves.

vim_n_vigor

I need to lose weight, so does my husband.

I want to lose weight now. He doesn't really care.

I choose what I eat. I choose my activity level.

He never has once held me down and forced oreos into my mouth.

I am sabotaged every day - by myself. It isn't my husband's, child's, co-workers, friends, etc. job to ensure that I only have access to the things that will ensure success. If you can't stand watching him eat those foods, leave the room, find something that will give you success. He should be able to remain comfortable in his own home. Now if he is eating them and taunting you with them - look what you are missing out on, or mmmm, this is the best ever, then he is acting like an *kitten*. Aside from that though, your weight, your issue. No one elses.

kluvit

I'm doing this for me and won't ask my husband to give up any of our favorite foods. However, because I know he's likely to grab fried chicken or pizza for dinner, I eat healthier/smaller portions for lunch and breakfast to save calories for dinner. Then I choose my portion size, 1 leg or wing with small portions of sides. By watching the quantity, I often have enough calories remaining to join him for a slice of Angel Food cake or small ice cream cone for dessert. But if I don't, it's usually because I chose to eat out for lunch, so I simply say "no thanks."

MrsCon40

This is your choice, not his. You need to learn that your lifestyle decision includes living with food that you don't care to eat.

He doesn't need to get on board with anything. You said he's supportive - and that is all that he needs to be. The rest is you. If you are demanding that he also change you are just setting yourself up with a handy excuse to fail that involves blaming it on him.

stormieweather

I dunno. I found that I had to get my partner on board with me.

Part of it is that I don't want my children eating junk, processed crap and chemicals. And since I do the grocery shopping...it's a matter of principle to not bring that tempting, but unhealthy, stuff into my home. If he's away from home and wants to do whatever...that's totally his choice and his health. Although, he is obese and diabetic and very badly needs to lose weight, that is on him to do so. I'm not his mommy. On the other hand, I AM my children's mommy and they DO need to learn to eat right. So we had to sit down and decide together that we were going to stick to wholesome, natural foods in our home. We don't do fast food or sodas or much in the way of processed foods. I compromise by making pizza from scratch, buying uncured pepperoni, etc., and substituting healthier, organic versions of their favorites. Yes, it's more work for me...but this helps keep everyone satisfied. Spouse gets hamburgers (homemade from scratch), bacon and eggs (turkey bacon and eggbeaters), pizza (homemade), etc. I don't monitor what he does away from home (lunches and nights out with the guys). We do eat out once or twice a month (sit-down restaurants) and don't stress what we're eating. But we are a family, none of us function in a vacuum, so we have to work as a team to accomplish our goals as a family. I don't want my kids to end up with diabetes, obesity, high cholesterol, heart disease, etc. So it is the adult's responsibility to teach by example.

killagb

He is jealous and sabotaging you. :drinker:

rml_16

He is jealous and sabotaging you. :drinker:

I think this should take the place of "42" as the go-to answer to every question here. :smokin:

WarriorMom2012

Damn, tricked again by the title...:grumble:

**kicks rocks** People need to stop titillating me with suggestive titles!:mad:

infamousmk

I'm not reading anything any one else has posted ... all I can say is that you gotta do this for you, by you, and if your husband isn't on board, then you can avert your eyes. It's not his job to change your habits, and it's not fair to him to have to completely change his life for you if he doesn't need to lose weight.

My fiancee has cookies and milk every night before bed. He also keeps a huge jar of mini candy bars to snack on. He's reasonably fit, and has an extremely physical job, and these things fit in to his diet.... I have the self respect and resolve to not eat any milk and cookies or candy bars when they're not appropriate for my daily caloric needs.

lisakyle_11

he actually doesn't have to get it -- this is your thing, your decision to do for yourself. it does HELP if he gets it, but it's not a necessity. my husband totally doesn't get it... he is like the 'Jeckle and Hyde' of eating preferences (sometimes he wants/eats mostly junk and other times he aims for super healthy food). he could benefit from being mindful with his eating (as he is not slim and actually would be healthier if he were to lose), but i can't and won't make him buy into this. it wouldn't work anyway.

good luck and stay focused on your goals for You.