I just get so mad!

LaSutopia

I totally need to rant right now to let off some steam so if you are not in the mood for it please leave cause I don't want any mean comments...and mind you there is a difference in being mean and disagreeing or telling me what I need to hear. You can tell me anything even if it is hard to hear IF you do it in kindness and not harsh uncaring meanness....anyway......So I am trying to better myself and my eating habits and do the same for my husband and kids. I have not been doing this long, just about half a year. I have lost 47 lbs and have already come a long way in making better choices. I know that the way I have decided to do things might not be 100% the best way or necessary, but it is the best for me right now. I am not starving my self or depriving myself of all the things I like. I was raised with all kinds of bad food and the lifestyle that you can eat whatever you want whenever you want. Also with the idea that kids "deserve" treats, sugar filled treats and that if you don't give it to them you are depriving them or being mean. So I never learned portion control or healthy eating habits. Now I am trying to learn and better myself and undo all that mess with myself and it is HARD! I don't want that for my kids at all. I have decided to limit if not totally avoid sugary treats and junk food with them. I don't buy cookies and candy and junk for the house. I don't see why you would give a child chocolate milk if they enjoy and will drink regular milk. There is no benefit in that people just do it cause it taste good. But we are not supposed to eat things just cause they taste good. Well the problem is my grandmother. She raised me and taught me all the bad habits I have now and she is trying to do it with my kids. She fussed at me today cause I did not get my son chocolate milk and cookies. Wanted to know why I am depriving him and that I am going over board with all this diet and no sugar crap. She said that! It is not that I don't let them have sugar....I just say no to most ADDED sugar. Why eat cookies when he love love loves apples and other fruit....They have all the sugar he needs in them and its good sugar!!! She brings tons over all the time and gives it to him when he is there cause it makes her feel good cause he likes it OF COURSE HE FREEKIN LIKES IT! ITS SUGAR! So when he sees her he asks for it and thinks I am being mean for not giving it to him. SHe will let him not eat his dinner and then give him icecream...I just wanna scream and cry everytime I have to talk to her about it cause she gets mad at me and treats me like I am doing something terribly wrong! She is stubborn and bull headed to the max and you CAN NOT tell her she is wrong. So its just an argument and then she asks me if it is that time of month for me cause Im being difficult or moody....I am trying not to have a falling out with her and ruin our relationship by telling her that she just can not bring it here and if she does I will throw it away and if she tries to give it to my kids at her house they won't be allowed over anymore....I really really want to avoid the **** that would cause but I don't know what else it is gonna take....anyone else have this problem and what do you do?

LaSutopia

Just to add...I do give my kids cookies and dessert type things every once in a while. But it does not stay in the house and they do not get it instead of meals. They have bday cakes and I even get him a hamburger from Mcdonalds sometimes even though I try to avoid the frys....I am trying to teach him to control himself and to know the difference between good food and unhealthy food and what happens if you eat to much. So when he grows up he can make good choices but not totally flip out when faced with hard situations.

Swanson83

I have a grandmother-in-law who is similar to your grandmother. The more you eat the happier you are and the more sweets and snacks it is twice a good. She is so wonderful to my girls so I don't fuss too much about it. When my oldest (who is 9) was a baby/todller I hated going there because she wanted to fill her full of ice cream and cookies and chips and didn't care about the main meals. We live about 2 hours away from her so we don't see her as often as we do other grandparents so once to two times a year that we go there I let me kids have a night of fun with grandma. It took me 9 years and her losing her husband for me to let the strings on my kids loosen up a bit.
It is hard! I agree. I am lucky enough that she doesn't complain too much about us changing our diets.
Hang in there it sucks...but you've us to vent on. I hope it helped.

mama1229

I dont' know how often you visit her or she visits you, but if it is only on occasion I would say let her have her way and let the kids indulge as a "once in a while" treat. As kids gets older they will tend to lean toward the healthier eating habits that have been bestowed upon them anyway. For the sake of all parties involved I would just let her spoil them. If this is an everyday or every other day thing that is a different story.

RenaPink11

I had a similiar problem with my mom. She would let my kids skip dinner or "take one more bite of this" and then hand over a bowl of ice cream. YOU are the mom. Not everyone will agree with how raise your kids, but guess what, they're YOUR kids. You aren't depriving them, they don't need it to live. Is it nice to get? of course it is. I let my kids have things every now and then, in moderation. I had to end up blowing a fuse at my mom to get her to understand. They get this grandparent syndrome to where they don't think they have to listen because they are the grandma. I had to get my mom to understand, it was also respect. Good Luck

LaSutopia

It is at least once a week...but she also bring bags of junk to my house so it is here a lot more than they actually see her.

ShapeUpSidney

Not to be mean, but it's really difficult to read your post as you've written it. Could you put in some formatting to make it a little easier on us?

RenaPink11

I had a similiar problem with my mom. She would let my kids skip dinner or "take one more bite of this" and then hand over a bowl of ice cream. YOU are the mom. Not everyone will agree with how raise your kids, but guess what, they're YOUR kids. You aren't depriving them, they don't need it to live. Is it nice to get? of course it is. I let my kids have things every now and then, in moderation. I had to end up blowing a fuse at my mom to get her to understand. They get this grandparent syndrome to where they don't think they have to listen because they are the grandma. I had to get my mom to understand, it was also respect. Good Luck

and my kids were with my mom daily....

HolleeERL

I dont' know how often you visit her or she visits you, but if it is only on occasion I would say let her have her way and let the kids indulge as a "once in a while" treat. As kids gets older they will tend to lean toward the healthier eating habits that have been bestowed upon them anyway. For the sake of all parties involved I would just let her spoil them. If this is an everyday or every other day thing that is a different story.

EXACTLY what I was going to say. I'll second THIS!

HolleeERL

It is at least once a week...but she also bring bags of junk to my house so it is here a lot more than they actually see her.

Throw it away as soon as she leaves.

tig_ol_bitties

Your the mother now, it's time for YOU to put your foot down. Tell her that this is YOUR child and you will raise them how YOU see fit. If she has a problem with that, then give her an ultimatum...she can no longer see her grandchild(ren) until she accepts how you choose to raise them.

reddcat

I have the same issue with my mother-in-law. It is a very tricky and sensitive issue to overcome/deal with. She buys those colored drinks.....you know the ones.. they are like neon blue and red in little containers that look like barrels (can't remember their name). I try very hard not to give my son anything with artificial dyes (especially red dye crap). We have had back-and-forth about giving him too much sugar and extra crap. My son's favorite food is broccoli. If he will eat broccoli.....why give him nasty crap??? She feels it is the grandmother's job to spoil him.........which apparently means poison him in my book. I feel your pain.

techigirl78

I would agree with the other comments that it should be fine if it is only once and awhile. If her leaving food makes you upset, just say that you are fine with her treating the kids outside of the house, but would really like to not have her bring stuff to leave. That would seem like a good compromise.

ladyfox1979

Move to another state. Just kidding

I completely agree with you not giving them junk food or anything that is not healthy. I started my kids from birth to eat healthy food. My 9 year old loves her veggies and fruit. She gets excited when we get ice cream or go to a fast food restaurant. This keeps things in perspective.

Tell your grandma to butt out and last time you checked she was done raising her kids.

danigirl1011

Wow...that stinks! I am soooo glad you are trying to teach your kids healthy eating and don't want them to experience being over weight or not having self control with food. My sister has seen my 30 years of weight struggle and it has inspired her to limit the foods she feeds her children so they never have to experience it. Kudos to you for that and for getting healthy yourself.

I would say maybe make a compromise with her? Since she is over every week why not tell her the last week of every month she can bring a treat to share with the kids. But, let her know it will be this one time and one time per month only if she wants to continue to see the kids frequently. After all she is the grandma, and should be able to spoil them. The difference is not all the time! And they are your kids so she should be willing to respect any wishes you have in regards to them.

dirtbikegirl5

It may sound harsh because she is a grandmother, but these are your children, not hers. I don't speak to my mother anymore, but when I did and when she lived near me, there would be all kinds of junk brought to my home. I also have an ex-H and he does the same thing with the kids. They eat right for 2 weeks and then on his weekend, they eat a pile of grease and junk. Everytime they come home sick to their stomachs. My ex-H's mom is the same way. She used to give my children stuff they could not digest. I told her over and over again until one day she did it again and I told her that she could not see the kids anymore until she straightened up. She now gets to see them only when the ex has them and she is not to be alone with them.
You are right and she is wrong. It may give her a little thrill to give your children a bunch of sugar when she comes over, but I would guess that she won't be staying up with them when they are wired, won't be paying the dental bill and won't have to deal with your child when he/she is throwing up because she gave them junk.

Mera_Mera

You should rant. These are your children and you are their mother. You want them to know the difference between junk food and healthy food. All you are doing is expanding their life expectancy. If she doesn't like it, throw in the facts about children obesity and the factors behind it. Maybe she'll understand that you only want what's best for your kids. I wish you the best of luck!

thepetiterunner

This sounds a lot like an issue with boundaries - you are frustrated because you are trying to set boundaries for your kids and yourself and she is not respecting them.

You have a few choices:
1. Set firmer boundaries with her on what you will allow and things you don't allow her to do with your kids (i.e. giving them treats, etc). This requires you to be consistent in your actions and to be able to accept whatever reactions/criticisms/etc she may dish out in response.
2. You can choose to accept that she won't change and find a way to deal with it after she's left (i.e. throwing stuff she gives them away, etc).
3. You can cut her off entirely and not let her see the kids.

However, in any of these, I think it best that you don't fall into her baiting - the remarks about "taking things too far" or "being that time of the month". it's hard not to respond to such petty, immature things as they're clearly said to upset you, but reacting and giving into her and letting her affect you so much doesn't make it harder on HER, it makes it harder on YOU.

You don't need to explain, justify or defend the choices you are making for yourself OR your kids. This is your life, and your children to take care of. The sooner you stop giving her the space to offer her opinion or her foods, the happier you'll be, I think.

Best of luck!

LaSutopia

I have the same issue with my mother-in-law. It is a very tricky and sensitive issue to overcome/deal with. She buys those colored drinks.....you know the ones.. they are like neon blue and red in little containers that look like barrels (can't remember their name). I try very hard not to give my son anything with artificial dyes (especially red dye crap). We have had back-and-forth about giving him too much sugar and extra crap. My son's favorite food is broccoli. If he will eat broccoli.....why give him nasty crap??? She feels it is the grandmother's job to spoil him.........which apparently means poison him in my book. I feel your pain.

oh my god I feel ya! I grew up with those drinks to! Yea I don't understand why spoiling them has become stuff them with junk food...to me spoiling is just showering with love and attention...if you want to buy stuff for them by toys and not food...and YES! If they eat healthy feed and really like it WHY do you have to give them sugar sugar sugar....I feel ya. My grandma told me that "Ice cream is good for you it has milk in it" WHAT!!! I then asked her "so I poor you a bowl of rat poison and milk will you eat it?"!!! I don't get how they can say "its good for you" just cause ONE of the ingredients is a healthy one BY IT SELF!

LaSutopia

Move to another state. Just kidding

No kidding! LOL I have thought about it

shedoos

I was raised the same way, and had the same problem with my parents (whom I love dearly). They watched my daughter at least once a week while I was at work and given the magnitude of what they were doing for me, I felt as though my decision was either accept their help (and their faults) or put my foot down and make other arrangements for my daughter. I was afraid it would come down to my daughter feeling like she would have to lie to me about food, which was definitely not a lesson I wanted to teach her.

I compromised: I didn't complain with the "treats" they gave her - as long as nothing came home to my house, and she was given healthy, complete meals first (which they always did anyway). My daughter is now a teen and completely understands healthy eating, and also understands that those "treats" were something she shared with her grandparents. Kind of like me remembering the joy of baking cookies with my mother.

What your kids learn at home is most important. If you can find it in your heart to be comfortable with a compromise, than do that. If not, then you'll have to put your foot down and be ready for a possible ultimatum with your grandmother. IMHO, it's more confusing for the kids to see the tension about food then to have treats from grandmom...