Mentally Adjusting to Being Smaller

fishernd

How do you adjust mentally when you become smaller? I have lost nearly 30 pounds but I still feel as heavy as I did when I started this journey in January. I have another 45 to go but I'm worried that I'll always feel like "that fat girl" at the party.

How have those of you who have lost a lot of weight cope with this? Or do you not feel this way at all?

fishernd

How do you adjust mentally when you become smaller? I have lost nearly 30 pounds but I still feel as heavy as I did when I started this journey in January. I have another 45 to go but I'm worried that I'll always feel like "that fat girl" at the party.

How have those of you who have lost a lot of weight cope with this? Or do you not feel this way at all?

Losing_It

I have days where I feel like I'm still 50 pounds heavier...they are coming less often now. I have no idea how to make that part go away, just wanted you to know that most of us do it.:flowerforyou:

ma9321

I'm soooo with you!!!! I went out last weekend with my friends. They're all younger than me and thinner (well, used to be) I felt like I was the biggest girl there. They sent me pictures from that night and I look so much thinner than they did. I was shocked!
I walk around and still feel VERY huge and sometimes ugly. I know I have to work on myself mentally/emotionally.

pixiestick

I've lost 24lbs and I know what you mean--I don't think that there is a magic number, because it ultimately comes down to retraining your own self to see yourself in a new way.

I have the similar issues to what you are describing, and I was told to do activities which bring me into contact with myself in a really positive way. Like yoga or belly-dancing.

It's a long climb and I still think of myself as fat... but I also don't cringe anymore when I see my own reflection in the mirrors at the gym, so I have to trust that I'm headed in the right direction.

keishigomu

Oh, I'm so with you! I'm almost exactly the same! I still have a lot to go, but despite being in clothes sizes I only dreamed of for most of my life, I just can't see how much weight I've lost still. Not only that, but I was honestly much more confident about my looks before. I'm only now just starting to readjust... but still not really. My friends think I'm crazy, because I look so much better now, to which I think "uh, was there something wrong with me before?" -_- It's amazing, isn't it?

fishernd

I have the similar issues to what you are describing, and I was told to do activities which bring me into contact with myself in a really positive way. Like yoga or belly-dancing.

I like that idea -- I've never done Yoga before and I might take that up once this session of bootcamp ends. Maybe that will help. Thanks everyone! It's nice to know I'm not alone in this feeling :0)

:flowerforyou:

LuckyLeprechaun

I keep getting surprised at the same pair of pants that now fit me. Everytime I go to put them on, and they fit, I get a little shock, and then I go - Oh Yeah, these fit now!

It will just take time to readjust our thinking

kak1018

I think it is still a work in progress I still find myself looking at clothing that is 4 sizes too big, and then I get anxious when I grab the correct size for fear it won't fit. I like the yoga, belly dancing idea, that is great.

I keep a before photo out on my fridge as a reminder of how far I have come, that helps keep me focused.

CasperO

I don't think it ever completely goes away. When I was a small child I was very heavy, and I was picked on and made fun of and I learned to just look at my shoes and be quiet and I thought of myself as less "cool/cute/hot/attractive/popular" than the other kids.

When I hit 14 puberty attacked me with both barrels. I grew into my weight and developed a great bone structure and hit the gym and wound up looking pretty decent. I've talked with old classmates (I didn't have a lot of "friends") who say "Man, you were a little hottie back in school,,,". Even my teenage daughter looks at my old pics and says wow Dad,,, you were cute!

I had no idea. I still "looked at my shoes and be quiet and I thought of myself as less "cool/cute/hot/attractive/popular" than the other kids". Self esteem wasn't high, still isn't. I'm clawing my way back semi-attractiveness now, but I just know that inside I'll always be the fat kid.

Tattoos and scars really are different things - and lots of us have several of each, some of which you can see. It gets better, but I doubt it ever completely goes away.

((Boo hoo hoo,,, sorry, whining over, Hehehe))

fishernd

** bump **

Marla64

You know-- check yourself out in the mirror as often as you can. Seriously-- I'll turn sideways every time I walk by a mirror and can't believe how much less of me there is. My kids laugh at me, but it's motivating since I will no doubt always think of myself as fat.

FitJoani

its HARD AS HECK seeing yourself as a littler person. I used to make cracks bout my fat behind even at a size 6 cause it was a defense mechanism when i was in the 200 club(I make a joke before anyone else could) and that was hard to break from. Im getting used to it

CasperO

its HARD AS HECK seeing yourself as a littler person. I used to make cracks bout my fat behind even at a size 6 cause it was a defense mechanism when i was in the 200 club(I make a joke before anyone else could) and that was hard to break from. Im getting used to it

You know what I'm talking about, thanks. And BTW, you rock :happy:

alf1163

It gets easier with time. I am now to the point that when I go shopping I don't even get close to the med and lg sizes as I did when I first lost most of the weight. Today I went to Express and I knew I could wear s and xs clothes but the girl that was helping me kept trying to give me sizes m and lg. I guess people also see me larger than I actually am and that does not help at all!!!! I do get satisfaction when I come out of the dressing room wearing a smaller size and they realize they made a mistake. :noway: :laugh: You will soon embrace your smaller body. :flowerforyou:

sportygal

I lost 32 lbs and I am disturbed that people are paying attention to me. Gosh! It's not like I won the Nobel Peace Prize! So, because I was big.....people ignored me!? It is frustrating. If they notice an improvement, that's one thing....but to start treating me nicer....that is wrong!
Health is the goal, not looks. That's just my opinion!

Marla64

I lost 32 lbs and I am disturbed that people are paying attention to me. Gosh! It's not like I won the Nobel Peace Prize! So, because I was big.....people ignored me!? It is frustrating. If they notice an improvement, that's one thing....but to start treating me nicer....that is wrong!
Health is the goal, not looks. That's just my opinion!

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth-- people being nice is a good thing. They don't want something from you, maybe they respect you more because you're doing something really good for yourself-- I never get this complaint. People being nice to you is a good thing. What's your beef?

maybe it's just me-- but I never get this-- ???

amycakes812

I am having the same issues. It is good to know I am not alone in this! From my chest up, I can see a huge difference, but anything below that, I still see me 55 pounds ago. This basiaclly makes me feel like I am living in one of those mirrors in a fun house! :laugh:
All kidding aside, I know I have lost a lot of weight, I know I am in the smallest size I think I have ever worn, and I know I am in the best shape of my life, but I am having a hell of a time reconciling all that with my new body vs. the old me.
Because of the body perception issues, I have my husband and a few very close friends on strict orders to tell me if I lose too much. Hopefully one day we can all wake up and see the progress we have made and not feel like "the fat kid" anymore.

sportygal

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth-- people being nice is a good thing. They don't want something from you, maybe they respect you more because you're doing something really good for yourself-- I never get this complaint. People being nice to you is a good thing. What's your beef?

maybe it's just me-- but I never get this-- ???
[/quote]

People assume that I've always been fat and lazy. Well I've had injuries over the years that have set me back. I've always been athletic and even now, at they gym, there are times when I'm running circles around people that are much "thinner" than me.
I appreciate compliments, but when people say, oh you should wear makeup more since you are looking better...that irks me. People telling me, oh, you've lost weight, you'll get more dates. It's irritating! People should be nice to one another because of the great inner qualities they have, not because of the outer shell! I'm doing this to be healthy and feel good, not to fit in a certain size or be a certain weight.
It is an adjustment for me, I'll give you that, since I'm not used to the attention. But I think the reason most of my friends are guys is that many woman focus on the shallow, unimportant things. I'm not saying that's you, but I just don't like that LOOKS represents success. I rather someone see me crank out some pullups and say WOW she's doing great rather than oohh your looking better!

adopt4

I don't think it ever completely goes away. When I was a small child I was very heavy, and I was picked on and made fun of and I learned to just look at my shoes and be quiet and I thought of myself as less "cool/cute/hot/attractive/popular" than the other kids.

When I hit 14 puberty attacked me with both barrels. I grew into my weight and developed a great bone structure and hit the gym and wound up looking pretty decent. I've talked with old classmates (I didn't have a lot of "friends") who say "Man, you were a little hottie back in school,,,". Even my teenage daughter looks at my old pics and says wow Dad,,, you were cute!

I had no idea. I still "looked at my shoes and be quiet and I thought of myself as less "cool/cute/hot/attractive/popular" than the other kids". Self esteem wasn't high, still isn't. I'm clawing my way back semi-attractiveness now, but I just know that inside I'll always be the fat kid.

Tattoos and scars really are different things - and lots of us have several of each, some of which you can see. It gets better, but I doubt it ever completely goes away.

((Boo hoo hoo,,, sorry, whining over, Hehehe))

This is so true. I was always told I was really fat - looking at my high school photos, I'm going, you think THAT was fat? I swear my body image didn't change at all when I'm over 100 pounds more than that, and I wasn't skinny, just healthy, in high school.

To answer the original question, you do need to work on your self-image/body image. It will not magically change just because you lost weight. I had facial reconstructive surgery years ago and it totally changed how I look because it changed the bone structure of my face. My own family didn't recognize me, the change was that big. I had some pics taken at glamor shots and put them up around my apartment so I could see myself in my new face. I couldn't look in a mirror because it wasn't "me" but putting the pictures up and seeing them all the time got me used to my new face, and my thinking eventually adjusted where I feel like it's "me" now. I can't even see the difference in my face when I compare pictures from before and after, both are just "me". That's what worked for me, and I imagine when I finally lose all this weight I might have to do something similar to get used to my new body and adjust my body image.

Marla64

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth-- people being nice is a good thing. They don't want something from you, maybe they respect you more because you're doing something really good for yourself-- I never get this complaint. People being nice to you is a good thing. What's your beef?

maybe it's just me-- but I never get this-- ???


People assume that I've always been fat and lazy. Well I've had injuries over the years that have set me back. I've always been athletic and even now, at they gym, there are times when I'm running circles around people that are much "thinner" than me.
I appreciate compliments, but when people say, oh you should wear makeup more since you are looking better...that irks me. People telling me, oh, you've lost weight, you'll get more dates. It's irritating! People should be nice to one another because of the great inner qualities they have, not because of the outer shell! I'm doing this to be healthy and feel good, not to fit in a certain size or be a certain weight.
It is an adjustment for me, I'll give you that, since I'm not used to the attention. But I think the reason most of my friends are guys is that many woman focus on the shallow, unimportant things. I'm not saying that's you, but I just don't like that LOOKS represents success. I rather someone see me crank out some pullups and say WOW she's doing great rather than oohh your looking better!

[/quote]

Well, now you're talking about people just being stupid-- people say stupid things all the time, whether you're fat or thin-- that's not going to change.

It's the way it is-- people see outside before they see inside. It's nice when there's a great combination of both, and if one has to choose one or the other it's wise to choose the great inside-- but it doesn't work that way.

Again, I think focusing on the irritation caused by stupid people is going to shoot you in the foot-- you're doing this for you, anyway-- right? Worry not what idiotic things people will say, nor how much attention you're getting for doing good for your body. I'm guessing you DO look better doing your pullups-- so what's the beef? Whether someone says, hey you're doing great, or you're looking better-- both are no doubt true. I'm sure you may get more dates 32 pounds lighter, and no doubt more as you continue to lose-- it's the way it is. Maybe not the way it should be, but how it is. Railing against it isn't going to help you.

Do your part-- treat people as you would like them to treat you, work hard on improving yourself, continue to do good for you body and soul, and let the rest of the crap roll off your back. People mean well, generally speaking, when they say their stupid things-- they're just-- well, to be redundant, stupid.

Have a great day--

hiddensecant

I remember seeing this show on a woman who lost some 400 pounds. She talked about moments like these in which she'll ask "well, what if I can't fit?". It was great, she went on her first plane ride and was so shocked she could fit in the bathroom.

I'm sure the next time I go shopping I'll see something great and be unsure if it will fit .. and then have to look for a smaller size because it's too big, hehe.

LuckyLeprechaun

I lost 32 lbs and I am disturbed that people are paying attention to me. Gosh! It's not like I won the Nobel Peace Prize! So, because I was big.....people ignored me!? It is frustrating. If they notice an improvement, that's one thing....but to start treating me nicer....that is wrong!
Health is the goal, not looks. That's just my opinion!

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth-- people being nice is a good thing. They don't want something from you, maybe they respect you more because you're doing something really good for yourself-- I never get this complaint. People being nice to you is a good thing. What's your beef?

maybe it's just me-- but I never get this-- ???

I get it. When someone changes how they treat you, because of how you now look, you get the distinct feeling that their opinion of you is (and always has been) entirely superficial. I have some co-workers who were always real nice to me when I was the fattest teacher in the school, but now they are giving me the cold shoulder. It doesn't ruin my day, but it is a little disheartening to see that they were never really being genuine with me, they were just happy with me as "the fat one." Even now that my hubby feels more amorous, it's hard for me, cuz there's a voice in my head that says "Oh, so NOW I'm good enough?" I know it isn't entirely logical, but I do understand those feelings.

fishernd

Bump!

farmgirlh

I am working on this too. I am getting there but slowly. It is hard, and I think it just takes time. When I need a reminder of how far I have come I take out the one pair of pants that I kept and put them on. Then I put on my "hot jeans" just to see the difference. I have to keep reminding myself that I am not the chubby mom anymore. Good luck

kerrilucko

it takes a long time...

I still reach for the XL sizes when I'm shopping sometimes, just by instinct... I wear a size Medium now but it's hard to think that way.

chulie

I just had a similar conversation in the success thread!hahahaha... It is hard...like I said there, go shopping, when you put on an xl and they slide off and you go down to a medium....it really starts to sink in!

Sarandipity

It is hard when you have lived for years as a bigger person. I have lost almost 30 lbs and I still don't really see much of a difference. I have a lot left to lose though. I was trying clothes on the other day to see what I can alter/shrink and I put on a pair of pants that were tight before Christmas. I look like I am playing dress-up they are so big now. They are at least 3 inches too long and the button doesn't stay done up they are so loose. I think mentally I come back to the reality that I am still 6 lbs away from where I was 2 years ago and that wasn't tiny either. I get that I am fitting clothes that have been hidden away in my closet for the last few years, but I don't see myself physically as smaller. In time I hope it comes easier.