Twenty Lines to Make you smile

ttoombs
ttoombs Posts: 220 Member
edited September 19 in Chit-Chat
1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he
was God and I didn't...
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5 .. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6.. Any woman can have the body of a 21-year old…as long as she buys him a few drinks first.

7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
8.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
9.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
10.. Procrastinate Now!
11.. Men are always whining about how we are suffocating them… personally I think if you hear them whining is because you are not pressing hard enough the pillow.

12.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
13.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
14.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
15..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
16.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
17…I keep hitting 'escape' but I am still here
18.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three
thousand times the memory.
19.. Ever notice how people who tell you to calm down… are the ones who got you mad in the first place.



20.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on...

Replies

  • ttoombs
    ttoombs Posts: 220 Member
    1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he
    was God and I didn't...
    2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
    3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
    4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
    5 .. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
    6.. Any woman can have the body of a 21-year old…as long as she buys him a few drinks first.

    7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
    8.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
    9.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
    10.. Procrastinate Now!
    11.. Men are always whining about how we are suffocating them… personally I think if you hear them whining is because you are not pressing hard enough the pillow.

    12.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
    13.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
    14.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
    15..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
    16.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
    17…I keep hitting 'escape' but I am still here
    18.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three
    thousand times the memory.
    19.. Ever notice how people who tell you to calm down… are the ones who got you mad in the first place.



    20.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on...
  • heather0mc
    heather0mc Posts: 4,656 Member
    1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he
    was God and I didn't...
    2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
    3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
    4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
    5 .. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
    6.. Any woman can have the body of a 21-year old…as long as she buys him a few drinks first.

    7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
    8.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
    9.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
    10.. Procrastinate Now!
    11.. Men are always whining about how we are suffocating them… personally I think if you hear them whining is because you are not pressing hard enough the pillow.

    12.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
    13.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
    14.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
    15..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
    16.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
    17…I keep hitting 'escape' but I am still here
    18.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three
    thousand times the memory.
    19.. Ever notice how people who tell you to calm down… are the ones who got you mad in the first place.



    20.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on...

    hehe - i always love #20!
  • tashjs21
    tashjs21 Posts: 4,584 Member
    11.. Men are always whining about how we are suffocating them… personally I think if you hear them whining is because you are not pressing hard enough the pillow.





    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • Thanks, I needed that today
  • number 19 made me laugh out loud !!!
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member


    17…I keep hitting 'escape' but I am still here

    :laugh: :laugh: They're all funny but that one cracked me up! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • valw97
    valw97 Posts: 80 Member
    Never realized until I read #19 just how true it is! :laugh:
    Thanks for the laugh!
  • Redneckwoman
    Redneckwoman Posts: 668 Member
    :glasses: :laugh: :noway: :bigsmile::glasses: :noway: :bigsmile:
  • Dave198lbs
    Dave198lbs Posts: 8,810 Member
    excellent
    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • rachmj526
    rachmj526 Posts: 82 Member
    very funny! :laugh:
  • mnichol
    mnichol Posts: 642
    All very good!!! Thanks!!!:laugh:
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    Haha I say #5 all the time! I also love #3. :devil:
  • BxMom
    BxMom Posts: 363
    Thanks for the laugh and to that I add the below

    Slinkiny.jpg
  • Tangy1966
    Tangy1966 Posts: 50 Member
    Very funny...I can relate to all of them...thanks for the chuckle!!!
  • vraehn
    vraehn Posts: 1,008
    Love the humor--needed a laugh today!
  • NotSurprised
    NotSurprised Posts: 8,083 Member
    Live, Love, Laugh or is it Love, laugh, Live or pssssss. hahahahahha Oh Yeah!
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