Eating disorder relapse. Help?

kittyninja

I really need some help right now. Please don't judge me for what I'm about to say- we all have our issues.
I developed anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating disorders starting early in 2009 (I switched back and forth between those, but it was most often bulimia). The counselors I've talked to and research I've done suggest that I got eating disorders because of a combination of trauma in my childhood, my dysfunctional family, my perfectionist personality and anxiety. I "recovered" on my own with the help of counseling and personal growth during the summer of 2011, when a lot of things in my life changed positively. From then until a week ago, I did not binge and purge at all. After a few months of "normal eating" throughout last summer, I decided to start eating healthy and working out again, because my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and I wanted to feel healthier. I maintained this healthy lifestyle, getting progressively healthier and happier and fitter until just a week ago. After a very emotional session with my counselor and a week or so of arguing with my boyfriend, I went home, binged, and purged. On average since then, I've binged and purged once every day (some days I've done it twice, some days none, so that's the average). I think the main causes of this relapse are that session with my counselor- she made me recognize some painful truths, arguing with my boyfriend, stress from school, and lack of support from friends and family. My boyfriend and I stopped fighting between ourselves a few days ago, but now I'm stuck in the middle of huge fights between him and his family. I don't go to see my counselor for another week, but I need help NOW. I can't keep hurting myself like this, and I don't want to have an eating disorder again. I want to go back to my healthy lifestyle and happiness.
Does anyone have some advice for me? Any advice on how to cope with my life, stress, and emotions without binging and purging? Distracting myself won't work, because my bad feelings will still be there if I ignore them. Someone please help me

paulamarsden

do you have the samaritans or anything like that in the USA?

you need to talk to someone NOW. does your counsellor not have a contact number or emergency session you could do?

Carrot1971

Honey, can you call your therapist? Tell her its an emergency. I'm sure she will be able to talk to you over the phone.

I've delt with depression for most of the last 10 years of my life. During many, many counseling sessions my therapist told me depression never really goes away. But the way you handle has to change. Recognize it...embrace it...acknowledge it...and the make a conscience decision to let it go and get on with your life. I would imagine your ED is much like depression...it'll always have a hold of you. Like any addiction the urges will always be there. Acknowledge it and then talk to yourself rationally. Remind yourself the harm you are doing to your body. Remind yourself you ARE worth fighting for...you ARE worth LOVING!

I'm so sorry, dear. I really hope this helps a bit. But, try to call your therapist!! Good luck! I will say a prayer for you.

NewTeena

If you call your counsellor's office and tell the receptionist you are in crisis, they will usually accomodate you. If they can't, they might be able to help you find someone who can.

amyy902

hay sweetie, im in pretty much the same posiition as you, iim recovering from anorexia, and am currently in a good cycle. it is really hard and the amount of **** that goes along with it is enough prssure for anyone to have to cope with. i have hadd 'food issues' since i was 6 years old, so i understand completely if you ever want to talk about it to someone who can say they understand then im here......

just keep strong, its hard, i have been up to eating about 500cals a day since christmas which to most sounds not much but to me its a big deal....... i find eating little and often helps me in a physical sense because i dont become overcome with the thought.

i have good support - a good boyfriend who helps me! but the psyc side of our ilness is something thats very personal and is differnt in every single person who has this.....

kittyninja

I would call her, but I don't want to bother her or interrupt her work if she's busy.. I only have her office number, no emergency contact.

amyy902

you wont be bothering her, 1. its her job 2. its your health..... you have clearly made some amazing progress, and the fact you cotact them as your going into a bad phase is just another step to beating this.....

garnet1483

If there's absolutely no way to see your counselor or a crisis counselor in the meantime, try these things.

First, start your day with a pep talk. Tell yourself that you are strong, and capable, and you are going to actively strive to be healthy. It sounds so lame, but it can really help you start your day. Take a few deep breaths, center yourself, and just relax. If you know any yoga, practice it. Otherwise, just take a peaceful moment to boost yourself first thing.

Second, journal. Keep a small pad and pencil with you, and when you start to feel anxious or on edge or helpless, write down what you're feeling. If you can, think about what caused you to feel that way, and write that down, too. That's a huge step. If you think you can take another step, try to think about WHY you're feeling that way. Then take ten seconds, breathe slowly and deeply, and think of something calming. Sip some water. Try to take a break from the thing that's causing your anxiety, and use that break to regroup.

Third, do you know anything about self-guided meditation? This is a super, super basic rudimentary way of doing it if you don't. First, make sure you have about 20 or so minutes of uninterrupted quiet time. Sit or lay down comfortably. You can put music on. Really easy visualization: picture your body. Feel all the stress and negative feelings, and picture that as a dark cloud inside your body. Very, very slowly, breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, and picture that dark cloud flowing out of your fingertips and toes, and the breath you're breathing out. Picture breathing in golden light that's replacing the dark. Slow is the key. Start from the top or the bottom (usually toes or fingers) and picture that golden light taking the place of the dark. Geez, I feel calmer just typing it out... When you're done, and take your time--make sure you can feel the stress and tension leaving your body--continue to stay comfortable for a few minutes. Enjoy the peace.

Fourth, and finally, in the morning, plan out what you're absolutely going to eat during the day. Plan 5-6 small meals that are going to make you feel full, but not uncomfortable. And then stick to that schedule.


This is the most helpful information I ever received from the combined efforts of three different therapists and counselors for varying issues dealing with both food and general anxiety. It's nothing you have to do, but it's things that I've done, and that make me feel better/help me stay on track. And none of it can really hurt you. Good luck. You'll be in my thoughts.

NewTeena

I would call her, but I don't want to bother her or interrupt her work if she's busy.. I only have her office number, no emergency contact.

I understand that kind of thinking, you don't want to be a bother because right about now you are thinking that maybe you're making a bigger deal of this than it really is. That kind of thinking hurts you more than it does you good. I lived like that for 10 years. You are in crisis, and you are important. Call her.