Should you be able to count on your partner for motivation &

Options
Eileen_U
Eileen_U Posts: 5
in Motivation and Support
I don't know if you read Yoni Freedhoff's blog (Canadian obesity doc), but I found a recent post of his pretty interesting: http://www.weightymatters.ca/2012/01/help-with-research-plea-spousal.html

Basically, there's this grad student who is interested in learning more about the experiences of people whose partners aren't exactly poster children for supportive cheerleaders. Some of the questions on here really got me thinking... How is the quality of my weight loss affected by my hubby? Should he be the one I lean on or should I leave him out of it and not expect him to really support me? Then there were some quesitons about the quality of our relationship and our acceptance of each other. Good info to think about, really. (FYI, the survey didn't take that long & she gives a charity donation for each person - oh and I might win $100 gift card.)

What's in it for him if I quit now (so many things...I stop making him eat healthier meals with me, I start buying junk food again, I stop waking him up at 6am when I head to the gym--basically, life goes back to the way it was before I decided it was time to do something about my weight). So, the survey called it "partner undermining" but a lot of what I get is probably better termed "grumbling". Now, should I have a chat with DH about this - oh, and not to mention the random gifts of chocolate cake? Yes, I think so. I just want him to understand why this is important to me.

So, in answer to my own question, "Should you be able to count on your partner for motivation & support?", my answer is a resounding, YES! Well, make that a Yes, but if he/she doesn't support you, then reiterate your reasons for becoming healthier, stick with it, and find your support elsewhere. Grumbling or not! :smile:

Replies

  • Eileen_U
    Eileen_U Posts: 5
    Options
    Hey, I found the actual link to the grad student survey: http://surveys.clarku.edu/Survey.aspx?s=aab073a40aa64a55a2ad7a0f72c7ea0a

    Need to be over 18, on a wt loss program for 5 wks, in a relationship for 2 yrs, & feel "undermined" by your partner sometimes.
  • lilfurson
    lilfurson Posts: 190
    Options
    My ex-wife used to be extremely negative about me trying to lose weight. She would constantly tell me that I wouldn't be able to do it. I think your partner should support you 100% and do whatever they can to help you. I know it's tough if you both aren't doing the same thing / eating the same thing but they can still help support you and motivate you.
  • Stompp
    Stompp Posts: 216
    Options
    My ex-wife...

    That says a lot. But yes, at the very least they shouldn't be negative, and at best, fully supportive... As long as you've fully explained why, and they don't think you're losing weight to find someone new...
  • Eileen_U
    Eileen_U Posts: 5
    Options
    I want lilfurson's 100% support, but I'll take Stompp's "at the very least they shouldn't be negative". The jealousy thread is really there, right? Sometimes they do think you're losing weight to find someone new. Probably because almost everyone I know that's ever left someone went on a diet beforehand and really toned down before moving on.
  • Aerohead21
    Aerohead21 Posts: 333 Member
    Options
    Granted this isn't my SO, but my mother is incredibly unsupportive and when I called her out on it she managed to turn it around on me like she was the victim and even went so far as to start a Facebook war over it. Now I just don't talk with her about it. It frustrates me so much that I am doing this so that not only am I healthier, my 2 year old son can start on the right foot, and she goes further than undermining: she sabotages! And my son at 2 years of age isn't capable of understanding the true nature of this passive aggressive game. Naturally he wants the french fries.
  • kittyinaz
    kittyinaz Posts: 300 Member
    Options
    I can't count on my partner for help. I have to either eat separately from him or cook for the both of us. So right now, I every meal but dinner without him and dinner I make when he gets home. Luckily he's pretty starving when he gets home so he'll pretty much eat anything I make unless it has tofu in it ;)

    But I think that weight loss is something you do for YOU and if you can't count on JUST yourself for support you will fail. Extra support is awesome, but you need to have the willpower for you to do it yourself. Just my opinion.

Categories