Mean, ugly response when posting?
Options
JulieF11
Posts: 387 Member
To anyone who has reached out, posted, and gotten a hurtful response: Please don't let a mean comment stand in the way of your success. You are worth too much! Just note that some people may have good intentions and poor communication skills, they may be a know-it-all, a mean person, or they may just be a miserable being hoping to look and feel superior. Don't let them stop you from being all that you can be.
To anyone who has posted when angry, or when passionate about the post containing incorrect info, or when you feel the writer is faulted in their reasoning, and you can't type fast enough....please read on:
We go thru stages in life. Thank heavens! What we think today influences how we view things tomorrow. For instance...
My stages of losing over 100 pounds:
1st: Motivated to lose weight, not interested in getting healthy other than losing. Ate unhealthy foods, but a heck of a lot less of them. At this stage I was easily "wounded" since I was at my most insecure.
2nd: Learned healthy foods were "satisfying". Learned to like them too.
3rd: Felt better and realized the type of foods I eat affect my body more than I thought. Learned to like exercise too.
4th: Went crazy with "clean" foods and "exercise" . Drove family nuts with my expanding knowledge base of healthy foods and nutritional supplements, etc... Participated in triathlons, charity sporting events, etc... Became a know-it-all and wanted to share what I knew more than listen and support others, especially if they didn't share my goals.
5th: Became aware of, and started to strive for, balance in my life. Exercise moderately, almost every day, much more active in everyday lifestyle, eat healthy, but sneak in a sweet or fried item here and there.
We are all different and have different goals. How we ant to achieve them, may not be for all of us, but may be all they can do for now. For some, like me, moderation is key. For others extreme exercise or all clean foods is paramount (me just a few months ago), and for others losing weight is their only goal, so cutting down the amount of fries they eat, or going from regular to diet soda is all they are capable of changing right now.
Wherever we are in our thought process, I think it's important to be a positive support to each other. Hurtful comments, or comments that may make someone feel you look down on them may sway them into leaving MFP, or feel bad about themselves and want to binge! You may trigger them to fail. MFP is such a valuable tool... I'd hate for that to happen. Remember, we are all struggling to make this work in our lives, where we are right now. You may not understand why someone is eating Fat Free Whipped Cream, or (2) 2-Liters of Diet soda each day, or tracking their playing guitar as calories burned. Is your goal to prove your way of thinking is better, or that you know more, or that their poor choices in eating are suddenly "your" responsibility? Don't fool yourself into thinking you just want to be helpful. Re-read your posts and see if you post in a caring, thoughtful, and respectful manner. The chances you'll convince them they are worth the time, effort and investment to think like you, is less likely if you make them feel bad about themselves.
If you are interested in helping motivate others... Call out the people who write mean things and let them know their comment(s) could have come across as hurtful. It's possible they meant well, and can re-phrase their post. If they are a bully, they may have no idea their comments are seen as mean. They just get off on the power of feeling superior. Let's take that power right back and shed light on their poor choice in words.
Perhaps write something like this :
quote them and add:
The above comments may or may not be supported by most MFP users, but in case they came across as harsh, please know that most of us on MFP are supportive and would like to help you regardless.
@ _______________ - Please consider stating your thoughts, ideas and/or suggestions in a more supportive manner.
To anyone who has posted when angry, or when passionate about the post containing incorrect info, or when you feel the writer is faulted in their reasoning, and you can't type fast enough....please read on:
We go thru stages in life. Thank heavens! What we think today influences how we view things tomorrow. For instance...
My stages of losing over 100 pounds:
1st: Motivated to lose weight, not interested in getting healthy other than losing. Ate unhealthy foods, but a heck of a lot less of them. At this stage I was easily "wounded" since I was at my most insecure.
2nd: Learned healthy foods were "satisfying". Learned to like them too.
3rd: Felt better and realized the type of foods I eat affect my body more than I thought. Learned to like exercise too.
4th: Went crazy with "clean" foods and "exercise" . Drove family nuts with my expanding knowledge base of healthy foods and nutritional supplements, etc... Participated in triathlons, charity sporting events, etc... Became a know-it-all and wanted to share what I knew more than listen and support others, especially if they didn't share my goals.
5th: Became aware of, and started to strive for, balance in my life. Exercise moderately, almost every day, much more active in everyday lifestyle, eat healthy, but sneak in a sweet or fried item here and there.
We are all different and have different goals. How we ant to achieve them, may not be for all of us, but may be all they can do for now. For some, like me, moderation is key. For others extreme exercise or all clean foods is paramount (me just a few months ago), and for others losing weight is their only goal, so cutting down the amount of fries they eat, or going from regular to diet soda is all they are capable of changing right now.
Wherever we are in our thought process, I think it's important to be a positive support to each other. Hurtful comments, or comments that may make someone feel you look down on them may sway them into leaving MFP, or feel bad about themselves and want to binge! You may trigger them to fail. MFP is such a valuable tool... I'd hate for that to happen. Remember, we are all struggling to make this work in our lives, where we are right now. You may not understand why someone is eating Fat Free Whipped Cream, or (2) 2-Liters of Diet soda each day, or tracking their playing guitar as calories burned. Is your goal to prove your way of thinking is better, or that you know more, or that their poor choices in eating are suddenly "your" responsibility? Don't fool yourself into thinking you just want to be helpful. Re-read your posts and see if you post in a caring, thoughtful, and respectful manner. The chances you'll convince them they are worth the time, effort and investment to think like you, is less likely if you make them feel bad about themselves.
If you are interested in helping motivate others... Call out the people who write mean things and let them know their comment(s) could have come across as hurtful. It's possible they meant well, and can re-phrase their post. If they are a bully, they may have no idea their comments are seen as mean. They just get off on the power of feeling superior. Let's take that power right back and shed light on their poor choice in words.
Perhaps write something like this :
quote them and add:
The above comments may or may not be supported by most MFP users, but in case they came across as harsh, please know that most of us on MFP are supportive and would like to help you regardless.
@ _______________ - Please consider stating your thoughts, ideas and/or suggestions in a more supportive manner.
0
Replies
-
Nice post Julie. You really illustrated beautifully the stages to your weight loss. I see commonalities with mine, too. Well put and a good reminder. It gets tedious at times perhaps but I think all of us didn't know where to turn on that one day we started searching for help and trying to do the right thing for ourselves. Many posts and people have been helpful to me here. And yes, met and ignored for the most part a few jerks, too. It takes all kinds. You are a great friend! = D
Susan xo0 -
Love the end bit, cute idea. Well done on your loss, too.0
-
Love the end bit, cute idea. Well done on your loss, too.
Excellent posting! Your fitness chronology rings true with me. Sounds like Kubler-Ross stages for weight loss/fitness. Thank you for writing this.0 -
Really excellent, well thought out post. Nicely done!0
-
...Your fitness chronology rings true with me. Sounds like Kubler-Ross stages for weight loss/fitness. Thank you for writing this.
Thank you for your compliment about being an excellent post. I'm trying to find what steps you are referring to... so I googled Kubler Ross and could only find 5 grief stages:
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.
Are those the ones you are referring to?
Thanks!0 -
Nice post Julie.. maybe some people don't mean to be hurfull. maybe they are jealous, or don't really know how to compliment other people.0
-
...Your fitness chronology rings true with me. Sounds like Kubler-Ross stages for weight loss/fitness. Thank you for writing this.
Thank you for your compliment about being an excellent post. I'm trying to find what steps you are referring to... so I googled Kubler Ross and could only find 5 grief stages:
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.
Are those the ones you are referring to?
Thanks!
Yes. I'm sorry. I was a psychology major back when those grief stages were widely talked about. They were a progression of emotions/reactions to grief, but also applied to loss in life. What struck me about the stages you presented here were that they were probably common, and part of the process for a lot of us. Much in the same way we might have a common experience accepting loss which is universal.
I was awkwardly paying you a big compliment, since at least in psychology circles, Kubler-Ross's work is huge, and she is held in extremely high regard for pointing out something novel (at the time--this was the 1970's, I believe).0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 392.1K Introduce Yourself
- 43.6K Getting Started
- 259.9K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.7K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 403 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.8K Motivation and Support
- 7.9K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.4K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 998 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.4K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions