Upset – I look like being pregnant…

MsFat2Fit

I went to the gym today. Really enjoyed the bootcamp style exercise class. After the class two Arab ladies (mother and daughter) came to me and the mother touched my belly!!! She assumed that I was pregnant… at least I was confident enough to say that I’m just fat; not pregnant…

I also suffer from PCOS and that explains the tummy fat partially. But the thing is also that I’d love to have babies and be pregnant.

Maybe the comment was just very innocent but that really hurt. Maybe again some cultural differences?!?

ColCul

That happenned to me countless times before I lost my weight. It was always women who did it. You would think they would know better. One woman was even a Weight Watcher's counsellor, you would really think she should have known better.

daisydieter

Oh gosh... I can totally see why this hurt on a whole other level given the PCOS. Hang in there. And I'm sure it was just a cultural mistake.

blondeboms

Its happened to me many times. Usually at work when ive put on a few lbs, i carry all my weight in my belly and i hate it. The pregnant comment haunts me more than any other, its hard to shake off but i try to forget about it.

SueGremlin

I can't believe people actually DO that.

Dave198lbs

Oh gosh... I can totally see why this hurt on a whole other level given the PCOS. Hang in there. And I'm sure it was just a cultural mistake.

sorry that happened to you but it wasnt a cultural mistake. same thint happened to a friend by several american women.

Twinsmama75

It's happened to me too (before I ever had babies and weighed maybe 150?) I was working and a little old lady said "Oh, you're getting big!" I said, oh...I'm not pregnant. She insisted I was! LOL I cried the whole way home. The next time I saw her she said "Are you SURE you're not pregnant?" COME ON!! Of course I was sure!!!

Super painful, I still remember it vividly 11 years later!

AdAstra47

Been there for years, I understand! It can be brutal. I am tall, as well as big in the belly, so I have often had to shop in the maternity section just to find shirts & tunics that would fit me. Sometimes people would notice that I have no wedding ring, and that made them more hesitant to say something, but yeah, that hurts. If it's a complete stranger in a store or something, I just smile and nod and thank them for their concern. No point in making *them* feel bad, too. If it's someone I might run into again, I cheerfully say "Nope, I'm just fat," and then they get flustered & it's horribly awkward, but me being matter-of-fact about it helps. If I pretend it doesn't matter, we move on & forget it. Never mind that I would go home that night & cry. It's not like I can ever forget that I'm fat, but being reminded that everyone else can see how fat I am is not pleasant. And the fact that I'll probably never have children or be pregnant for real is another twisty emotional knife.

I try to give people credit for intention, though. I much prefer the concerned women who want to congratulate me on my non-existent pregnancy. They're a lot better than the jerks who think I take up too much room in a store aisle or theater seat and assume that I got this way by being a lazy slob and have no problem with telling me what a loser they think I am.

All I can say is, take comfort in the fact that you're taking positive steps to fix the problem. You're here on MFP, you're working at it, and someday you'll reach your goals and never have to worry about people like that again.

Cheryl943

I would have said something sarcastic and mean like "Yes, the abortion didn't work" or something like that. I too had this happen and I secretly wished I was so I had an excuse. Very hurtful. I'm sorry they did that to you. I guess chalk it up to insensitivity and move on.

SueGremlin

My feminist side bristles at this because basically, by touching your belly and making comments about what is going on in your uterus, it is basically saying that a woman's uterus is public domain.

That just makes me stabby. Why on EARTH would a stranger feel that it's anyone's business but your own? Would they make the same comment about what might or night not be lurking in your colon?

Ugh.

CrazyDaisysMommy

I wouldn't consider it cultural necessarily. I've lived in the Middle East and I would be asked questions daily that I considered personal, like when am I getting married and don't I think I'm getting too old to keep waiting to have children? :indifferent: Although it was never asked in malice, rather out of general concern for my happiness. I think what happened to you is more a case of foot in mouth disease. I get it all the time here in the States. I actually use it to my advantage because I often get seats offered to me on the crowded metro during my afternoon commute. If I have to suffer with the indignity of being thought to be pregnant then I'm going to do it seated comfortably.:laugh:

MsFat2Fit

Thanks for the encouraging comments!!! Really sometimes I should think about the situations on the other way around, that’s a very good tip!

I know other women are the worst ones commenting; there’s one older lady at the office who don’t have any children but is always staring my tummy… at least she has been polite enough not to touch!!!

Elleinnz

Oh my goodness - I learnt the hard way a few years back - I was at a dinner party and asked the guy sitting next to me when his wife was due........ooops she was not pregnant!! Since that day I NEVER say anything - even if the person is clearly nine months pregnant...

tnorth82

yep, I have PCOS too and often get comments I look like Im expecting. The irony is (at the moment) Im infertile! Thats why Im here, make myself well and combat the condition...

I would have been horrified if ANYONEtouched my tummy, though, what an invasion of personal space!

louiseei

This has happened to me quite a few times, both before and after having my daughter, and I wasn't big, a UK 12 probably, but because I have small breasts and a poor posture, my stomach can stick out if I don't make an effort to stand up straight. I've had it from ather mum at the school gate, a cleaner at work, even a man who came round to see us double glazing! Needless to say I didn't buy from him. The mad thing is it's often me who gets embarrassed and laughs it off, or make a joke to make them feel better, when actually it's plain rude and inside I'm really quite upset.
I had it from the other side to, I really nearly asked my hairdresser if she was pg a while ago, and thought, I'll just wait until,I'm sure before I ask. A year later she's still the same shape, so obviously not!

bond009

I'm so sorry. I've had the same thing happen to me too. I swear it's one of the most hurtful things ever! I suffered with infertility for years so I know that adds so much to the hurt you are feeling. Hang in there and know you aren't alone.