just have to blow off some steam

supermom1114

My husband is going to Iraq, he leaves to report in to hist duty station tomorrow. We have a 4 1/2 month old who keeps me busy all day at home and then 3 or 4 nights a week my parents watch him and I work part time, not for need of money but just.. i guess to have extra... dunno... my parents really think I should be working and going to school and stay at home with the baby during the day... ugh... so yea I'm taking two online classes as well, one of which Im straight up failing because I havent found the time or the motivation to keep up with the hours of self teaching and reading and assignments and the other I'm doing fine in. Anyways, I'm really debating not taking classes next semester but that will screw up my financial aid loans and I'll have to start paying them back within 6 months, and I'm also debating quitting my job.... I dunno, it just feels like, if my parents are going to volunteer to watch my son for 3-4 hours before he falls asleep while I'm at work 3-4 times a week why cant I invest that time into something I love and I want to do? I dont get where my parents think I'm supposed to get all this time to do school work with a baby to take care of all day, any break I get I just want to sleep or just rest and read a magazine or get online for a bit... I dont want to have to go from taking care of baby to rushing to do homework during his naps, which he only takes two during the day now to then going to work at night and getting home at say 1030-11 on those nights and then waking up for the night feeding and then waking up early with the baby to start it all over again... how am I supposed to keep up? And that leaves me stuck feeling bad if I ask them to watch him on the nights I dont work so I can go to the gym... and in all of this I'm not finding the time to eat right and to get to cook (I love cooking) ..... and on top of all of that I'm trying to fight off the depression I can feel settling in from my husband leaving again... hes been home for 10 days and we went to the bahamas for a quick honeymoon before he actually leaves for Iraq and now we're back and my mom watched my son while we were gone and she got all this cleaning done around the house somehow.... I dont know how she did it, unless my son just warped in the past couple of days he usually has to be played with or entertained in some way, you cant just leave him in his bouncer for more than 30 min alone for him to enterain himself, ugh I dunno... I feel like I got showed up by a 50+ year old on how to better take care of my son and get the housework done at the same time, I just cant seem to do it.... right now my son is sleeping and my husband is packing and I could get up and do more homework but I'm just so depressed inside and I dont even care about school in the first place, I dont know what I want to get my degree in and so theres just no motivation there, and I love being home with my son and cooking and I'm ok with doing the laundry and cleaning when someone else is there to help out with my son but ugh whens its just me I JUST WANT SLEEP!!! Or to be alone for 20 min and do something just for me unfortunately I dont have any hobbies that I can just go to to help destress me except the gym but that takes making arrangements with my parents to watch Ayden and I feel like such a horrible mom for wanting my son to sleep longer so I dont have to entertain him sometimes??? I love playing with him and stuff its just right around 4 or 5 in the afternoon I just count down the minutes til someone else is going to be home to take him so I can get a break, thats probably his longest stretch of being awake from about 130 or 2 until he goes to bed around 9 or 10 and I find it SUCH a hassle to go out with a baby cuz he'll inevitable end up crying and everyone looks at you like ur annoying them if you can figure out whats wrong and make the crying stop.... and sometimes I get sad because hubbies gone and I jsut want to sit down and cry and take a nap and I can cuz Aydens awake and wants to play, what age do they start playing on their own already?!?!?


sorry I feel like such a bad mom and a bad person for not wanting to finish out my college degree and Im worried and sad about my husband leaving and I hate my job and my boss is an idiot... I know life could be worse but right now it really does seem to suck.. if this is adulthood, man, life sucks

supermom1114

My husband is going to Iraq, he leaves to report in to hist duty station tomorrow. We have a 4 1/2 month old who keeps me busy all day at home and then 3 or 4 nights a week my parents watch him and I work part time, not for need of money but just.. i guess to have extra... dunno... my parents really think I should be working and going to school and stay at home with the baby during the day... ugh... so yea I'm taking two online classes as well, one of which Im straight up failing because I havent found the time or the motivation to keep up with the hours of self teaching and reading and assignments and the other I'm doing fine in. Anyways, I'm really debating not taking classes next semester but that will screw up my financial aid loans and I'll have to start paying them back within 6 months, and I'm also debating quitting my job.... I dunno, it just feels like, if my parents are going to volunteer to watch my son for 3-4 hours before he falls asleep while I'm at work 3-4 times a week why cant I invest that time into something I love and I want to do? I dont get where my parents think I'm supposed to get all this time to do school work with a baby to take care of all day, any break I get I just want to sleep or just rest and read a magazine or get online for a bit... I dont want to have to go from taking care of baby to rushing to do homework during his naps, which he only takes two during the day now to then going to work at night and getting home at say 1030-11 on those nights and then waking up for the night feeding and then waking up early with the baby to start it all over again... how am I supposed to keep up? And that leaves me stuck feeling bad if I ask them to watch him on the nights I dont work so I can go to the gym... and in all of this I'm not finding the time to eat right and to get to cook (I love cooking) ..... and on top of all of that I'm trying to fight off the depression I can feel settling in from my husband leaving again... hes been home for 10 days and we went to the bahamas for a quick honeymoon before he actually leaves for Iraq and now we're back and my mom watched my son while we were gone and she got all this cleaning done around the house somehow.... I dont know how she did it, unless my son just warped in the past couple of days he usually has to be played with or entertained in some way, you cant just leave him in his bouncer for more than 30 min alone for him to enterain himself, ugh I dunno... I feel like I got showed up by a 50+ year old on how to better take care of my son and get the housework done at the same time, I just cant seem to do it.... right now my son is sleeping and my husband is packing and I could get up and do more homework but I'm just so depressed inside and I dont even care about school in the first place, I dont know what I want to get my degree in and so theres just no motivation there, and I love being home with my son and cooking and I'm ok with doing the laundry and cleaning when someone else is there to help out with my son but ugh whens its just me I JUST WANT SLEEP!!! Or to be alone for 20 min and do something just for me unfortunately I dont have any hobbies that I can just go to to help destress me except the gym but that takes making arrangements with my parents to watch Ayden and I feel like such a horrible mom for wanting my son to sleep longer so I dont have to entertain him sometimes??? I love playing with him and stuff its just right around 4 or 5 in the afternoon I just count down the minutes til someone else is going to be home to take him so I can get a break, thats probably his longest stretch of being awake from about 130 or 2 until he goes to bed around 9 or 10 and I find it SUCH a hassle to go out with a baby cuz he'll inevitable end up crying and everyone looks at you like ur annoying them if you can figure out whats wrong and make the crying stop.... and sometimes I get sad because hubbies gone and I jsut want to sit down and cry and take a nap and I can cuz Aydens awake and wants to play, what age do they start playing on their own already?!?!?


sorry I feel like such a bad mom and a bad person for not wanting to finish out my college degree and Im worried and sad about my husband leaving and I hate my job and my boss is an idiot... I know life could be worse but right now it really does seem to suck.. if this is adulthood, man, life sucks

LuckyLeprechaun

I'm glad you got that all out.

Now, step back and remember these things:

you have a husband who loves you
you have a baby who is in good health, with a grandparent support system who will help
you have the ability to go to school
you can choose to work or not
you are healthy and working towards being healthier

adulthood is far harder than childhood, but the pleasures are far more intense as well. it's a tradeoff, all those responsibilities are paid back by all those wonderful moments.

of course you are stressed out, with hubby on his way to Iraq, that is to be expected.

Like my Mom always reminds me, this too shall pass.
:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

hushmonkey1234

honey you are so young! dont feel bad for needing a break. I was 19 when I got married the first time and had my children fairly young. I felt like a horrible mother because I was so tired. I was depressed because my exhusband was horrible and I had to go to school as well.

I quit school and stayed at home with my kids for about 5 years. By then I had been married for 7 years and didnt want to get out of bed. This is also were I gained most of my weight too.
Finally I got divorsed and went back to school and work. I am remarried and so much happier.

I guess the point is though having a baby, working, school, and your husband deployed is impossibly hard on any woman and you shouldnt feel bad about it.

What online school are you using? I am using University of Pheonix and I love it. It is one class at a time and each is only 5 weeks long. It does take some self disapline but they are very understanding about working parenting adults.

If you dont have to work, I would say take a break concentrate on school and your baby. Don't let anyone tell you that you are less of a person for doing what you need to do.


I hate having a dirty home but I have to admit I was so tired when my kids where little that sometimes things just had to be ignored. My niece has a husband in the service and she says that her house gets messy sometimes too, depression from having him gone so much takes a toll on your energy and focusing on your children is the best way to make it through. I hope that you feel better and you are in my prayers. Feel free to vent any time.

ktthegr8

Please find someone to talk to about all of this. If you're not ready to get your degree, don't worry about it right now. You have a lot on your plate and that seems to be stressing you out and causing you grief and guilt and you don't need that. You need to focus on yourself and your baby. Talk to your mom and tell her how she is making you feel. She might not even be aware that she is doing it. Don't feel bad, she's had at least 18 years more experience than you do at this mom thing. You'll figure it out. Don't beat yourself up. Good luck!:flowerforyou:

sonjavon

OK.... deep breath sweetie. This is the part of motherhood that nobody tells you about... the guilt. We do our fellow sisters such a disservice by talking about all the wonderful parts of motherhood and failing to talk about the guilt. We, as women are torn in so many different directions and we feel bad when we aren't perfect in everything. I was a single mom from the time I got pregnant until my son was 5... I understand.

Make a list of your priorities... then allot your time accordingly. It was so nice of your mom to clean your house. I know if made you feel terrible - but she didn't mean to make you feel that way - she was trying to help. Is she able to more efficiently take care of a baby, clean the house, build a house and wash the car? Yeah - probably... she's had a longer period of time to learn to do it!

It sounds to me like you have too much on your plate. If you don't need to work... don't. Remember to take time for you... you CANNOT, I repeat CANNOT be a good mommy if you are not taking care of yourself. If school is too much for you right now... then take some time off... make a decision of WHEN you will go back...

The best advice that I can possibly give you is this... cherish your baby. Spend time with your baby, enjoy your baby and spend as much time with him as you can. Time is fleeting... his baby years will be gone in a flash and you want to know that you enjoyed them.

Talk to your husband about how you're feeling and make a decision together. Remember - you're married now and the two of you need to make decisions together. Hopefully mom and dad will support you in those decisions - but if not, that's ok. Your job now is to make the best decisions possible for your family. If that means taking some time off and spending time with your child... then that's what's most important. Sleep deprivation is a terrible thing -and from the sounds of it - you need some rest.

Dave198lbs

blowing off steam is a good thing

keiko

Your name says supermom. But really there is no such thing. Yes there are women who have kids, work, go to school..... But not all of us have to do it all at once. I was a stay home mom most of the time. I went to school for two years. Then worked off & on only when we needed the money. Many times we could only afford one car. Renting rather than owning a house. But I got to do what I wanted most, be home with my kids. I even stayed home through high school and don't regret it. There have been many days that my DD came home and was so glad I was here to talk to. My youngest graduation high school last year. She tried college, went one semester and had no idea what she wanted to be so she is now working. I am going to go to school in the fall. I'm 49 so you can always go later. I have a friend who did a nursing degree at 50. She to chose to stay home with her kids.

This is your life, your marriage and your baby. I know your husband is leaving and that is a whole other stress to add to all the stress you have. Maybe in the next few months you both can talk through email & letters and see what it is you both want. If you want to be a stay home mom it's ok.

It's also ok that as a stay home mom you get a sitter whether that be your parents or someone else to go to the gym. You are allowed to take care of yourself and part of that is exercise and healthy eating.

Do you have a family readiness group you can be a part of and get some support while your husband is deployed. There is also info on the on the myarmyonesource.com site. Family programs, services. There is an area for National Guard, it is not just Army.
I don't know if you have been able to take advantage of any kind of premob counseling. There is help out there to help you deal with the stress of deployment. I know alittle of what you are going through because my husband went in 2006. But I was older, I only had one child left at home and she was 16 and very easy at that point.
I also want to add that if you are part of a church let them know if you need help. They won't know if you don't ask. I knew I had people I could call if I needed anything. Don't be afraid to ask.

Thank you to your husband for serving our country but a big hug and thank you to you. You are serving in ways that many don't see or recognize.

And know that anytime during his deployment you can come and blow off steam.

expressbug

Hi,

I have been were you are right now not to long ago. I am a single mom to a now 4 year old. It is very hard I'm not going to lie to you but your parents are partly right. Let me tell you a story.

March 2006 I did the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I told my BABY DADDY that I was moving 600 miles away because he was verbally abusive, he didn't help around the house, didn't contribute financially and so on so forth.

I move from Southwest Florida to North Georgia. The only things that I could bring fit into my old Aerostar van and a pull uhaul trailer. I moved in with my parents so that I could save money. My son was just over a year old at the time. I thought that it would be easy to find a job, but turned out that it took me till June to find a job that would pay any money. Between June and Feb I saved as much money as I could. In Feb I bought my first house. and then months later in Dec I bought my first car. My son and I now live in our own house and drive a dependable car. Somewhere in there I went back to college.

This whole time my parents told me I didn't have enough money to buy a house. I didn't have enough time to go back to school and do well. (I have a 4.0) and am 5 classes away from having a degree.

So now I'm still a single mom, have a 4 year old boy whom very much requires alot of attention, a full time 40 hour a week job, I'm takeing 6 credit hours toward my degree, I have a part time ebay business, my son takes karate once a week.

My whole point of the story is your parents know you can do it and yes everyone needs a break but don't stop doing something that in the long run will make you life much better. As your child grows and doesn't need certain things anymore, they do need other things.

I have also learned that baby's especially will not learn to entertain themselves until they have too. I had to learn that it is okay for them to cry because that is how they learn.

You can do everything but you have to do it your way. Maybe you should think about part time day care in your area and then you won't have to depend on you parents when they aren't available and it will give you the free quiet time to do homework and have bath.

I hope this makes you feel a little better.

ktthegr8

I love this site!! Everyone is so wonderful and insightful! I didn't even start this thread!:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

GIBride01

Ok, not only is it NOT a bad thing for you to want a break from your son, its officially makes you normal. My son was 3 months old when my husband left, hubby has been in the Army active duty for 20 years this summer. I caught a load of flack from my family, husbands family etc for putting my son in daycare 3 days a week while I worked. I got the 'Can't you stay at home' thing alot.. My job was a break from home, home was a break from my job. And once in a while I would put my son in daycare for a few hours on my day off and take a nap, get a massage....something. And yes I felt guilty each and every time I did it. But I needed it. I would not have been worth a damn to my son if I hadn't had those breaks.

Let me tell you something I have learned after doing the military wife thing for a while and the military mom thing for a year and a half. You ultimately need to look out for you and your son. If that means quitting school for a year and using a babysitter 2 x week to go to the gym, do it. Student loans can be put in a hardship foreberance real quickly. If it helps your sanity to use grandma so you can go home and clean the house and cook a few meals for the week uninterrupted, do it. You are the one living your life, not your family, not your friends...you. So YOU do what is right for YOU, despite what others say, think or feel. Your being depressed, exhausted and frayed at the edges does not make you a good mother, you need to take care of yourself in order to take care of your son. I am 34, and there were times I had to sit in the corner after my son went to sleep and just have a good cry, I can't imagine doing it at 19. Take a moment when your son is napping and really think about what will help you the most, then do it. I hope that helps....