Not used to unwanted male attention..

Myrtlemama4

So in the midst of my journey, I do get alot of positive feedback from everyone, about my weightloss. But now that I am walking around in non baggy clothes and some confidence, I am getting some male attention as well. How do you handle it, especially if you were overweight your whole adult life, and it makes me feel kinda uncomfortable.

pornstarzombie

I wish I could help. I get a lot of male attention, but I am completely and so utterly oblivious to it. And when I do realize it, it usually is so blatant it definitely makes me uncomfortable. Hopefully some other people can help us.

JTick

I'm right there with you! I actually broke up with the guy I was seeing because I couldn't understand how someone could actually like how I look. Made me very uncomfortable. So I'll take any advice you get!

reneeileen

If it is blatantly disrespectful I will address it. This line has worked very well for me:

Have I done something to disrespect you? Please, do not disrespect me.

It totally takes the dude off guard and it helps me feel more in control of the situation. Mind you, I have only done this in situations where I feel physically safe. I would not approach someone that made me feel like my safety was threatened.

ActorGirl1476

The best thing to do is to try and not look like you are uncomfortable. I find that when men see that looking makes you uncomfortable, they for some reason enjoy to do it more. For the longest time I would wear baggy clothes and hoodies with the hood up because otherwise I was harassed walking down the streets (I live in Brooklyn, and spend most of my time in manhattan--the huge population ups your chance of being hollered at. lol)

But lately I've realized that I can't dress in frumpy clothes just because guys have oogly eyes. I have to dress the way I want to,

I think honestly, be flattered realize you deserve their attention and try not to let it bother you otherwise. Hope that helped,

Carl01

It is hard to address without more specifics,if it is something clearly over the line such as stalking,making crude gestures or physical contact then it isn`t just attention it is a threat and needs to be handled as best as the situation allows.

If it is a glance or someone turning to look at you then understand it is a natural reaction and not intended as anything but admiring.
Look at it as a genuine compliment and feel happy the hard work is paying off.

For the lady that broke up with a guy because she didn`t think anyone could like how she looked I am afraid that is a bit too involved an issue for a casual comment here to be of much good.
Please seek out real life support and counseling so you can get your life back,you deserve it because what you see and believe is simply not true.:flowerforyou:

skarr28

This was actually the main reason I didn't want to lose weight at first. I really, really do NOT like being flirted with (it tends to make me feel... hunted:frown: ). When I'm thin, it happens a lot. Makes me uncomfortable and I don't like it (unless I'm the... huntress haha).

I've found that men tend to miss hints (subtleties are lost on most). So, I usually just say I gotta go and walk away :embarassed: lol, or if the guy's a real creep, I just ignore him completely, eyes straight ahead (never down) or get out of there if I can (I once told this one creepy persistant "she's the one" former acquaintance that I had a boyfriend, it worked for a while... til he found out I was really single. Now I'm thinking of making up a husband so he'll back off forever :laugh: kidding, ignoring him completely is working so far).

But, really, if it's general flirting, just smile, be polite and excuse yourself from the situation. If it's creepy, leery, and makes you wanna call security :laugh: then leave the area. Make no eye contct once you leave. If he persists. You can tell him to piss off.

ActorGirl1476

This was actually the main reason I didn't want to lose weight at first. I really, really do NOT like being flirted with (it tends to make me feel... hunted:frown: ). When I'm thin, it happens a lot. Makes me uncomfortable and I don't like it (unless I'm the... huntress haha).

I've found that men tend to miss hints (subtleties are lost on most). So, I usually just say I gotta go and walk away :embarassed: lol, or if the guy's a real creep, I just ignore him completely, eyes straight ahead (never down) or get out of there if I can (I once told this one creepy persistant "she's the one" former acquaintance that I had a boyfriend, it worked for a while... til he found out I was really single. Now I'm thinking of making up a husband so he'll back off forever :laugh: kidding, ignoring him completely is working so far).

But, really, if it's general flirting, just smile, be polite and excuse yourself from the situation. If it's creepy, leery, and makes you wanna call security :laugh: then leave the area. Make no eye contct once you leave. If he persists. You can tell him to piss off.

hahaha! I always "have a boyfriend" lol

Also, your post made me think of something that's an issue for me... Which is probably going to make me sound like a lunatic. But I handle men hitting on me who I do not find attractive at all with some amount of grace. However, if I actually like a guy or think he's even the slightest bit cute, I am rude to him, avoid him or get myself as quickly out of the situation as possible. Any thoughts anyone?

Carl01

This was actually the main reason I didn't want to lose weight at first. I really, really do NOT like being flirted with (it tends to make me feel... hunted:frown: ). When I'm thin, it happens a lot. Makes me uncomfortable and I don't like it (unless I'm the... huntress haha).

I've found that men tend to miss hints (subtleties are lost on most). So, I usually just say I gotta go and walk away :embarassed: lol, or if the guy's a real creep, I just ignore him completely, eyes straight ahead (never down) or get out of there if I can (I once told this one creepy persistant "she's the one" former acquaintance that I had a boyfriend, it worked for a while... til he found out I was really single. Now I'm thinking of making up a husband so he'll back off forever :laugh: kidding, ignoring him completely is working so far).

But, really, if it's general flirting, just smile, be polite and excuse yourself from the situation. If it's creepy, leery, and makes you wanna call security :laugh: then leave the area. Make no eye contct once you leave. If he persists. You can tell him to piss off.

hahaha! I always "have a boyfriend" lol

Also, your post made me think of something that's an issue for me... Which is probably going to make me sound like a lunatic. But I handle men hitting on me who I do not find attractive at all with some amount of grace. However, if I actually like a guy or think he's even the slightest bit cute, I am rude to him, avoid him or get myself as quickly out of the situation as possible. Any thoughts anyone?

It sounds like you are afraid (not sure that is the right word) of finding happiness that somehow you don`t feel you deserve so will ultimately lose.
I can`t make you feel different if so but again it really isn`t the truth of things.

Myrtlemama4

Well I had a coworker say wow, your looking amazing.! like omg wow!!..I was like, um relax..lol .and just this past week, he was so flustered talking to me.....way weird Then another coworker texting me asking to meet me for drinks and insisting we go to lunch to catch up. Um, ya, he knows I am married, have children..why would I do that? WHen I asked him why is he asking out of the blue , he got defensive . Um, ya, I do not talk to you, and you saw me in December and saw my transformation. Now your blowing up my phone? I may be married but I am not stupid.

It was one thing I assumed guys were staring at me because I was overweight, and I was okay with that. I am by no means at my goal, and I have alot of work to do, but is it going to get worse as I get smaller?

reneeileen

If it is a glance or someone turning to look at you then understand it is a natural reaction and not intended as anything but admiring.
Look at it as a genuine compliment and feel happy the hard work is paying off.

Such a good point. I think it is easy to think of the really uncomfortable situations where a guy is being a creep but this is also a real situation. I think in this situation it is best to just take it as it comes. It's very similar to being able to accept a compliment. It takes time and it feels awkward but there are lots of awkward feelings that accompany the great accomplishment of losing weight. You just have to keep working on feeling good about yourself as you are.

leanmachinedream

I say work it, but I love getting hit on.

_Kate_P

I know what you mean! But for me, my boyfriend takes care of that:blushing: But before him, I'd just ignore him and keep walking (unless of course he was hot, then I'd just play along)

porcelain_doll

I lived in Mexico for about 4 months. For the first 3 days, I thought it was funny to get whistled and hollered at everywhere I went. Then I started getting annoyed, and then I realized I would have to put up with it for the whole time I was there. It was inevitable in my case (blonde woman in Mexico). All I could really do was ignore it. Nothing bad ever happened to me, except I did get flashed twice.

Johnnyswife

So in the midst of my journey, I do get alot of positive feedback from everyone, about my weightloss. But now that I am walking around in non baggy clothes and some confidence, I am getting some male attention as well. How do you handle it, especially if you were overweight your whole adult life, and it makes me feel kinda uncomfortable.

If they are being creepy about it than ignore them. If its just a passing glance of admiration, I love those!! lol

MUByM

I've had a lot of male attention but I figured it was my weight. Then my husband told me that he observes when guys stare and they are staring at my booty. I didn't believe until I recently was walking to the park and had some guys yell at me "let me get to know that *kitten* better". I ignored it and they said it again so I started walking faster. Mind you I was with my son pushing his stroller. That really scared me and I don't really walk to the park as often anymore. I've also had a lot of my husbands family make comments about my booty and about my "babyface". Speaking of babyface, one of his uncles was hitting on me when I was pregnant and he started calling babyface. I was like oh hell no do not leave me alone with him. Anyways, I get frustrated with it because I think its disrespectful. I am married yet they keep opening their mouths. I think it is just best to ignore it.

chrischinchilla

As a guy? Let me help out my brethren and tell you that if he's cute, and kind, sleep with him!

As for the others...well, I've never been the others (because they piss me off) and so I don't know what women do to get rid of them. I guess look 'em in the eye and tell them to back off.

AngelsDream4Peace

I sadly, have never wanted the attention from anyone, I would really for the most part, prefer to go unnoticed. I guess, my solution at this point and keep in mind I was 200 lbs and my clothes were still baggy, however now that I am down 63 at my last weigh in 137 I am still wearing the same shirts, I had to change the pants, that is not really a choice when you get pants by children and animals. Leaned that the hard way, I hope some day I will feel comfortable with less giant clothes, but until then that is the answer for how I deal with it. And way to go on you journey you are doing awesome, so if you got it and you can flaunt it and don't mind do it, I say take it as a huge compliment other wise I still hide so I don't have any other answers. and good luck, you look great

charlesb22

If there's someone that's in close contact with me (someones creepy housemate or a work colleague) that is making it clear they're angling for more, I just act very blokey and matey, and for the special ones who can't take the hint I pull out the story about the time I had to take an iron supplement that turned my poo green. That gets rid of them!

It is really hard when you go out and someone who is under the influence of peer group/alcohol/drugs is very persistent and nasty - if you're polite they think you're interested, if you ignore or avoid them they can get aggressive. The number of times I've been called a *****, slut or lesbian because I made it clear I wasn't interested...as if those are the worst things anyone can ever be!

Just try to stay friendly but disinterested ie dont get in a conversation - just go find you friends or go to the bathroom to get away, never accept drinks or anything else from them, and if you're really scared then get help from others- friends, bystanders, bartenders etc.

Also don't let any catcalls or whistles or anything shouted from a car get to you - sometimes people are just idiots and it's never personal to you. Don't give it a second thought.

machinegunkate

This was actually the main reason I didn't want to lose weight at first. I really, really do NOT like being flirted with (it tends to make me feel... hunted:frown: ). When I'm thin, it happens a lot. Makes me uncomfortable and I don't like it (unless I'm the... huntress haha).

I can completely relate to this feeling. Hubby kidded around with me the other day that I can expect some extra male attention soon due to the weight-loss, and I opened up to him that sometimes I wonder if that unwanted male attention is part of the reason I gained the weight in the first place (subconsciously). I have always felt extremely uncomfortable with it. Having social anxiety doesn't help the matter either I suppose o.o.

I distinctly remember feeling glad a few times that I wasn't the girl getting howled at from a car full of guys or just getting stared down by men as I walk past - glad to be the fat ignored girl!

This is obviously something I'm going to have to learn to deal with as the weight drops.

turlykerd1

wear t-shirts claiming to have contracted std's or ..... glue root vegetables to your forehead

both worked for me

BeautyFromPain

bump

rheiah

Same thing here. For me it's not necessarily because of the weight I've lost but of the self confidence I've gained. I'm feeling so much more comfortable in my own body and that seems to have attracted quite a bit of attention.

As I'm currently single (and have been for a while) it's not like I don't want any attention at all but the sudden rush (from nothing to being hit on constantly) is very overwhelming and confusing.

Cytherea

I totally know how you feel! I'm totally oblivious to everything, my husband has to point out when someone is looking at me, but when they come up to me and says things I'm a mess. When they are blatant and compliment me, I turn bright red and get all flustered and can't speak and trip over myself. Mind you, I'm happily married and not at all interested, but I've *never* gotten attention like this and I literally do not know how to react. My husband thinks it is cute and loves it when I tell him about people who flirt with me because it strokes his ego and makes him all proud to be my husband, which makes me smile. But oh man, so many awkward moments...

Though I have been followed down the street by a creeper in a car who was trying to get me into his pick up. I was like noooooo... running away.... he kept following me and I totally freaked out. Luckily, the light turned and I was able to get across the cross walk so he couldn't follow me anymore. My husband does NOT like me walking down the street to the store anymore because of that. But it is so silly to drive a total of three miles round trip when I could walk and get that extra exercise in!!

JTick

For the lady that broke up with a guy because she didn`t think anyone could like how she looked I am afraid that is a bit too involved an issue for a casual comment here to be of much good.
Please seek out real life support and counseling so you can get your life back,you deserve it because what you see and believe is simply not true.:flowerforyou:

Yes, I agree, and spent a year in counseling to deal with this issue and others. However, that doesn't mean it's completely gone. Granted, there were other reasons to end the relationship, but I found out very quickly I need to be able to love myself before I can be in a relationship. It wasn't fair to him.

Carl01

For the lady that broke up with a guy because she didn`t think anyone could like how she looked I am afraid that is a bit too involved an issue for a casual comment here to be of much good.
Please seek out real life support and counseling so you can get your life back,you deserve it because what you see and believe is simply not true.:flowerforyou:

Yes, I agree, and spent a year in counseling to deal with this issue and others. However, that doesn't mean it's completely gone. Granted, there were other reasons to end the relationship, but I found out very quickly I need to be able to love myself before I can be in a relationship. It wasn't fair to him.

Maybe it isn`t gone but you are working on it and talking openly here about the situation.
It sounds like you have started to love yourself and maybe aren`t even realizing it yet.

Just accept the honest word of a person who does happen to be a guy but you will never likely meet...you are an attractive lady,that is a reality so embrace it.